….. as evidenced by opening up a new thread and talking about dating.
Glutton, I tell you.
Success: everyone has a different definition of success. Marriage isn’t it for me. Success is not having to continue doing it because I’m dating a lovely person. Does success only come to those who enjoy it? Again, you have to define what success is.
Looks playing a factor: I am not classically beautiful. I do not have a classic basic beauty where everyone says “wow, she’s beautiful . I think I realize that within a certain subset of tastes, men are very attracted to me. I have a unique look and you either don’t like it or you love it. And sometimes it gets creepy. And I think the types I attract, I am generally not attracted to. Makes things weird.
Which brings me to the fact I haven’t been physically attracted to anyone in a while. Just so/so. Maybe 2 guys that I dated this year. Others weren’t so unattractive……. But only one or 2 made me like “dayyyuuummm” I was hoping the connection would make them more attractive to me, but the connection never came. But one of them was cute, not classify sexy, but we had a fire chemistry . He’s the one I wish could have worked .
i have the same sentiment as bttfly. All these creepy people . It’s not a matter of having a positive attitude or “nexting” them. It’s just becomes so cringe worthy after a while. I wouldn’t want to be groped or lewdly talked to by 99 men but 1 treats me like a lady.
Hiking guy is Another example. He’s been very forward about his interest in dating me and his attraction to me which he gathered from a little FB profile picture. It’s making me un easy as well. So maybe it’s not OLD. Just men in my age range trying to date? He appears to be in his 50’s. He’s not inappropriate , just very forward.
I am not in a place to feel comfortable around men with romantic interest. Honestly, this has never happened to me and I’m sad it has come here. I’m 41 and should not have to feel I have horny teenage boys after me .
I’m other news. I’m so busy with work, it’s not even funny. Healthcare is collapsing people. We are stretched to the max. I told my boss I was leaving a mere half hour early Wednesday for my 6 week post appointment and after putting in hours above and beyond she asks me “will you be available after if work needs to be done” WTF?!? I eat through my lunch and work late , yet I now a half hour? Blow me. Our case manager manager is out sick again for a while. I am everyone’s point person. If anyone has a question they ask me, and I’m happy to help. Someone needs to vent? They ask me and I listen. I go above and beyond. Even today, I took care of a very hard case that was getting discharged on the weekend. Took care of everything so it goes smoothly. The weekend covering case manager doesn’t know her stuff and she screws it all up trying to blame it on me. The doctor who’s patient it was came to me today and said it was ridiculous and he knew I took care of it and made sure that case manager didn’t bring it to the higher ups because he knew I did everything right. I’m tired. I also volunteered to work Saturday at my other job because I’m so hard up for cash. I have D but she’s ok with me working. I offered to take her to our favorite restaurant afterward ( and it’s cheap so I’m lucky) and she was happy.
Her friends mom took D and her friend for snowboarding lessons this weekend. So out of my child’s comfort zone. But she didn’t hate it! And it was $180 and the mom wouldn’t let me pay her…… she thanked me for all I do for her daughter . It’s too much really. So I’m just going to take them to a water park on Presidents’ Day to pay them back.
And what makes me happy these days. D has a C in biology and is not a C student. I told her this time I am studying with her ( she wouldn’t let me last time and that resulted in a D on her test) science is my jam. So we went to the gym together and after dinner we started studying for Thursday’s test. We had fun doing it and she actually said “wow, mom, that really helped, thank you” we will study tomorrow and she goes to her dads the night before her test and I told her to study with her dad. She said “ I don’t have to, I’ll study alone” I said “you want to study on together in FaceTime? ( just me and her, not her dad ) and she actually said yes! First she not for too long because I barely see my dad. I said we can study before he gets home from work. I have a feeling she’s going to ace this test.
I do believe I’m a catch. I don’t know what’s going wrong. But I don’t think it is on my end. I just attract creeps. I don’t know why being single and raising a child on my own was in the cards for me, but it was. And honestly, the only real pain I feel from all of this is the financial implications. Living in my state. Being Forced out on my own at 18 with nothing, I’ve never been in a good financial position. Even when I did all the right things. I’m just praying it improves when I sell my house and move in a. Few years. It will not be due to combined finances because I’m not living with anyone until my daughter is out of my house. The only person who can make this happen is me. And I’m hoping by 50 I am debt free and financially comfortable with the ability to travel. That’s my true goal
For what it is worth, G, my life took a HUGE change for the better just prior to my 45th birthday. The first few months of my 45th year were rough since I was dealing with the aftermath of my D, but once I got my own wheels lined out, so to speak, 45 and up were awesome. There are always exceptions to studies and I hope you are one of them.
Honestly, I was really looking forward to our tonight. And I’m kind of pissed he invited her without asking me if we had plans first. Of course she chose the family get together. And it just ends up making me more sad I never had the family to offer. Oh well. Just not meant for some people.
No friends available . So I’m watching this show on HBO max “my mom, your dad” where adult kids bring their middle aged parents to this house ( bachelor style) to find love. The twist is, the kids are in a house next door ( parents don’t know)and they watch it all on TV and “meddle” in their dates. Totally disturbing in the fact there 18+ kids have to watch their parents get all naughty. But it’s entertaining. And you can tell these kids really want their parents to find love.
I can’t help that most of them are very attractive and one woman would be considered “less attractive “ by societies standards. It’s hard watching the men not want her. That was not a good idea .
Anyways. Work wasn’t bad. Happy Saturday night to me
Ginger, sorry your D canceled her dinner date. Given all the money you saved taking an extra shift, and your plan was already to treat yourselves, I'd go ahead and treat yourself. After a long shift, I imagine relaxing to a nice meal and a walk or watching your TV will feel good. It may be too late to invite friends over, but consider calling or texting one. (:
Wow, really some great feedback from everyone. I have been taking it all in throughout the day. Been really reflecting and thinking it all through.
The Date: I can't say I found him physically attractive. I basically didn't find him unattractive. It's kind of weird, I attract a certain physical type which isn't really my physical type. Aside from that. I found the date ok because he gave off no creepy vibes like my most recent dates have. It was nice that it I didn't feel uncomfortable. I was comfortable.
I understand where everyone is coming form regarding chemistry and all of that. It could build. I may feel it on the second or 3rd date. I should give it a second date. ANd I actually would! But he doesn't want to! I can't make that part happen. He hasn't rejected me, but i am to versed at this. He isn't interested in another date. I haven't heard from him and he did the good bye hug, text me when you get home, I did, told him I had a fun time and I thanked him. He was brief and said " I just got home, I had fun too" that was it. He has no desire for a second date. ANd i couldn't care less.
I just have gone on so many first dates. They are all generally the same. Very superficial as they should be with strangers. I would never share a struggle or go deep with someone on the first date. Keep it light and fun. That's all you can do. It's just the same thing over and over. I also know my heart is not really in it with these people that i don't even know. That's why I know I would do so much better with a person I just met who started as a friend and something grew.
Hiking guy was too much. He would send like 5 follow up texts if I didn't answer right away. God no. No one has anyone to set me up with. One cowoker really wants me with her brother. But apparently he likes to break up with and get back together with his awful girlfriend. That's it. Not much prospect. I am not active on any OLD platforms. They were old matches. But I decided to delete my account all together today.
This brings me to my other issues and struggles. re: friends being the person who got your back. I have some decent friends. Some who i thought were my ride or dies really aren't. But I do have good friends. But lets be real. They have their kids, husbands, jobs, families. They give the support a partner gives to their partners. WOuld they be there for me in an emergency? Absolutely. But we know partners are your partner. I also cannot be vulnerable with anyone. Here and MY old IC . That was it. I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with anyone. Even my dad gives me all of this " I want you to tell me everything" but whenever i do, he immediately invalidates any feeling i have. The last guy I became vulnerable with was M and we all know how that turned out. People in my life come to me to be vulnerable to me. FOr me to listen and support. I don't think I am capable fo flipping the script. I have no brothers no sisters, no family I am close to. My cousin is [censored] me dry of everything emotionally, and I can't really be vulnerable with her.
In a nutshell, I am depressed. I have been struggling for so long thinking and hoping eventually things will get easier and they don't. I have worked very hard to try to make things easier and better for myself. To no real avail. I work hard, very hard, and i am broke. I lay up at night looking for a solution and right now the only one is to find more ways ot make money. I am stuck here, in this house in this state, with one income for at the very least 3.5 years. I do all the heavy lifting in parenting even though my ex and i get along. I am the problem solver, the motivator, the one on top of her school,her friends, her healthcare, her everything. My ex does none of that. He has no clue in what's going on in her life.
I was in the worst fog today. My brain was not processing at work today. I am usually very quick and on point. Not today. Not lately. I had to go grocery shopping after work on no energy, I cried in my driveway. D is having a bunch of friends come over tomorrow, 2 have never been over, and they are rich. She goes to a county school and I live in a pricey county. My house is a disaster because I haven't had time or energy. I am embarrassed to have these kids come to my tiny messy home. I am waking up at 5:30 am tomorrow to clean. I have no energy now. And then a nor easter is coming friday into saturday and i have only saturday off and i have to be out there every hour shoveling.
I have absolutely thought about going back to IC. But it is way to overwhelming to me. For one, finding someone in network and then finding the time to go . and then I get so overwhelmed at where to begin. To go through everything again. I don't know if I have the capacity to do it. To speak of how i got to where i am now.It's too much for me right now. But i know I should.
I feel like I cant keep going like this. But I also have no other options. That;s the worst part