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AndrewP, bttrfly
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#2927070 12/07/2021 3:54 AM
by bttrfly
bttrfly
Been a while since I posted on a thread of my own. There's been a lot going on, mostly with my mother. She had a very difficult time of it from mid-October until recently, then caught a cold that was going around the facility post Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, it really did a number on her, developed into pneumonia and she passed early Saturday.

I'm ok. I feel like I'm in that bubble between before her death and whatever will be after the services on Wednesday. I only had two hours of sleep Saturday - got home around 4:30, slept from a little after 5 until 7 or so, then up until 9 or 10. Slept ok Saturday night and last night. Weird dreams. I guess that's to be expected.

So many of her caregivers have told me how much she meant to them. She was definitely a favorite. She was a tiny little person with a big and beautiful personality. I gave her one of her Christmas presents on Thursday, a pair of soft pajamas in her favorite pink. She was wearing the top when she passed. I was with her. Unlike with Dad, I hadn't fallen asleep. When it was time I told her not to worry about me or my son, that we were going to be fine, and Dad was waiting, so it was time to go. Two breaths later she was gone.

This has been a grueling week, but I was able to spend a lot of time with her. She rallied for about a day and a half and we were able to say a lot of things to each other, as well as just enjoy each other and tell each other how much we loved each other. I'm very, very, very blessed and extremely grateful. On Tuesday night I started to get sick with her cold, but I stayed home on Wednesday and did some serious self care with vitamins, immune-boosting herbs, hot epsom salts baths with essential oils, bone broth soup (made it for mom and had some for me too), and a lot of fluids and sleep. Woke up 5am Thursday feeling better than I have in months. No, Mom did not have covid - she tested negative. Problem is her CHF really made it difficult for her to heal from the cold. My poor little Momma. I will miss her terribly, but I'm so glad her suffering is over. I was so lucky to have her. No regrets. That's a gift.

Yesterday and today busy with funeral arrangements, plus work - there were some things, like payroll, that had to be done. I'm off for the next three days for Bereavement leave. I need to focus on my family.

Son has been included as much as I can, but the bulk of this is on my shoulders. I felt that it was important to call the people who meant most to my mother, so I've spent all weekend on the phone. Only one ugly call with one cousin who started her negativity. I cut that off at the knees - "I really don't have time for this right now. I have a lot of calls to make." Kml - not the cousin you'd expect. She's actually been fine.

My ex-bil was called tonight at my son's request. He also started his crazy talk (he's def. "out there"), and I told him now wasn't the time. He didn't like that I refused to be monologed at so he hung up on me then proceeded to text me how I'd reminded him of his mother, said he was sorry my mom passed and he was available if I needed or wanted to talk. I texted back, "Nope, I'm all set, thanks" He said, "That's why I hung up." I said, "Exactly" He will be 49 in a few weeks. Guess the crazy still runs true in that family. Wish I could expunge those genes from my son. He texted back something about not wanting some argument to come between us. Give me a break, I'm so done with all of it. I'm relieved this happened actually, because I really don't want to continue this relationship any longer. I've done what I can to help him, way more than my exh has, but my mom was right when she told me that my problem is that I'm trying to save the world and it's not my job. I'm not interested in helping anyone who can't, won't or isn't capable of helping themselves any longer. It takes too much energy.

I scored a pink, light blue and yellow paisley tie for $9.99 at Marshall's for my son. There was a men's store three doors down that was selling ties for between $55-70, with a bogo free deal which I resisted. I've asked people to wear something pink to the service in honor of my mom, since she loved that color so much.

I have a bunch of photos on a flash drive to drop off with our funeral director tomorrow afternoon, and still have to finish the eulogy and clean the house. We're not doing a meal after the service. Covid is spiking here, but really I'm just too tired to deal with it now. I'd rather have a bbq next summer and have a celebration of her life with hopefully less Covidy times so everyone can feel comfortable together. The whole family is in complete agreement.

I must say that I've felt incredibly loved and supported by my cousins throughout this last week and a half. We've got a private thread going on IM as well as phone calls and texts to check on both me and my son. I'm also extremely grateful for my friends who have checked on me, sat with me and mom, baby sat me yesterday so I could stay on point with all the stuff I needed to do, etc. I'm really lucky, I know it and I don't take it for granted, not even a little bit.

Mom said, "Life is short. You need to LIVE." this, from a 95 year old. Worth listening to. Advice worth taking to heart.
Liked Replies
#2927085 Dec 7th a 02:34 PM
by kml
kml
I’m so sorry bttrfly , but glad you were able to be there with her when she passed. She had a long and good life. And she’s right! Life is short and we should get out there and live!

I’ll look for something pink to wear today in honor of your mom.
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#2927083 Dec 7th a 02:05 PM
by LH19
LH19
I am truly sorry and offer you my condolences on the passing of your mother.
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#2927082 Dec 7th a 02:03 PM
by Dawn70
Dawn70
Love and hugs, bttrfly! I'm so sorry for your loss, but hope you find peace in knowing your mom and dad are reunited and comfort in your memories. I will wear pink tomorrow, in honor of your beloved mother and the amazing, strong daughter she gifted this world. (((bttrfly)))
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#2927078 Dec 7th a 01:37 PM
by Eagle3
Eagle3
Good afternoon Butterfly,

My sincere condolences on the passing of your beloved mother.

In heart and thoughts
Today and forever

Her light shines
Until eternity

Lots of strength,

Eagle
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#2927076 Dec 7th a 12:37 PM
by DnJ
DnJ
Good Morning bttrfly

(((Hugs)))

My deepest condolences to you and your’s.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
When it was time I told her not to worry about me or my son, that we were going to be fine, and Dad was waiting, so it was time to go. Two breaths later she was gone.

That is beautiful.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
…I was able to spend a lot of time with her. She rallied for about a day and a half and we were able to say a lot of things to each other, as well as just enjoy each other and tell each other how much we loved each other. I'm very, very, very blessed and extremely grateful.

Most wonderful. Getting to talk to your Mom.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
Mom said, "Life is short. You need to LIVE." this, from a 95 year old. Worth listening to. Advice worth taking to heart.

A wise soul.


Love

D
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#2927668 Dec 23rd a 10:57 PM
by bttrfly
bttrfly
Hit send too soon. Have also contacted two animal sanctuaries. Have not heard back yet.

I think it's so important to me to save him because I felt so powerless for so long in my care of my mother. Just like I've felt with my son's struggles. Just like I felt when my exh went off the deep end.

Rough day today but I got through it. Really missing Mom a lot. Didn't realize until I was on the phone with a good friend that today is also the 5th anniversary of my D being final. In the 5 years I've moved three times, built a house, cared for my dad through a traumatic injury or two, then lost him, cared for mom through two traumatic injuries, now have lost her, and have done my best to help my son through a life threatening illness. I'm tired.

Mom wanted to know what I was going to do after she left. The answer is rest, for now. Just rest. And grieve in a healthy way.
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#2927706 Dec 25th a 11:04 AM
by bttrfly
bttrfly
Buon Natale peeps.
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#2927741 Dec 28th a 02:09 AM
by Ginger1
Ginger1
I love this. Appreciation is always the best gift. And you are certainly a woman to appreciate.

I made prime rib and apple pie too! And it sounds like a nice peaceful relaxing holiday for you both
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#2927764 Dec 29th a 06:58 PM
by 97Hope
97Hope
((((Bttrfly))) so I found a Pats t-shirt at goodwill and am currently wearing it in solidarity with you.
: )

I, too, enjoyed sitting on the couch watching movies. Rest is good!!

Thanks for the encouragement, sound like your S got some of those sweet traits from you.

xo
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#2927854 Jan 1st a 05:30 PM
by Ginger1
Ginger1
You explained that so well, Bfly. We can have compassion and understand peoples limitations, but it doesn’t excuse what was done. I think what many have a hard time with is thinking if we have compassion for those who hurt us, that means we excuse what was done. I will never excuse what my ex and his wife did. But I can have compassion for them and not want them to fail at life or have bad things happen to them or get joy from their lives sucking . I can be around them and be thankful for myself when my ex takes constant jabs at his wife that it isn’t me anymore. But I’m the same breath I seem to go in and defend her. Go figure.

And nope, it’s no linear. Some days I still get so angry. But it’s when I see the effect this has had on MY life. But it’s passing and few and far in between.
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