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bttrfly, devvo, job, Taz
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Original Post (Thread Starter)
#2926127 11/04/2021 12:35 PM
by AndrewP
AndrewP
Still a work in progress but I think after this thread that there'll be a shift towards growth and expansion rather than recovery.

Old Thread
Rebuilding and renewal - 7
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2923750#Post2923750
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by kml
kml
I think to the MLCer we are ALWAYS plan B. Now, as to what it might take for them to try to come back to PLan B - that varies a lot depending on the person and the situation. But if you were a good spouse, and have your act together, there's probably always a part of the WAS who thinks they could go back if things got bad enough in their own life.

Now, my ex couldn't possibly dig himself an economic hole big enough that he would need any financial stability from me (I think, anyway). And he could probably always use his money to attract another woman if his child bride were to dump him. And I'm pretty sure he knows I wouldn't have him back on a silver platter. So I don't expect that he would ever try to come back. That's not to say he might not have moments when he misses the things I brought to the relationship - I'm sure he must.

But if Andrew's ex were to get booted by her boyfriend/OM, and had run out of alimony dollars, and there's nice guy Andrew with his paid off house and his tidy habits - sure, I bet in her mind she flatters herself that she could always go back to him if she needed. But she doesn't know that ship has sailed. The users always think they can go back to using their previous victims. Because they were victims, right? They mostly haven't figured out that we're not chumps anymore.
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by kml
kml
It was half off!
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by Dawn70
Dawn70
I'm not terribly fond of candy corn by itself, but candy corn and salted peanuts together tastes very much like a Payday candy bar and those are yummy. wink
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by AndrewP
AndrewP
Originally Posted by kml
Quote
The hurt I felt was "my" hurt and are only tangentially related to her in that we were in the same marriage.

Were you, though? In the same marriage? I often think about the fact that the marriage I thought I was in was very different from the one my ex was in. I’ll take the one I was in any day.
Semantics. I choose to believe my own version of the past.

There were lots of rumours circulating around that I feel are irrelevant about past improper behaviour. I've also been told that she has a narrative that is at odds with available evidence. Where does the actual truth lie? Not really relevant to me.

For me and my peace of mind, I'm not wanting to re-write any history and accept my own narrative that she was a loyal and faithful wife up until she wasn't that one time. Which other than the last bit, was her narrative as well. Would I ever trust her again? No way on this good earth would I. Heck, I'm having trouble with the concept of every trusting "anyone", much less someone who was capable of doing what she did, in the manner she did it regardless of any pain endured or caused in the process.

For others who had to deal with a long-term pattern of abuse of whatever form, it's perhaps different. In my misfortune, I am much more fortunate than most. For the life I lead now, I have more freedom and fewer responsibilities than I would had my marriage continued. My non-existant sex life is only marginally off what it would have been if we'd stayed married too crazy
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by DnJ
DnJ
Hello Andrew

I saw an interesting meme too.

Two people talking about the new year. The one says, “I think 2022 is going to bring flowers”. The other person, “How can you sound so sure?”. Their reply, “Because that’s what I planted.”

It’s greenest where we water it. Nurture well.

Happy New Year.

D
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by Dawn70
Dawn70
Originally Posted by DnJ
Hello Andrew

I saw an interesting meme too.

Two people talking about the new year. The one says, “I think 2022 is going to bring flowers”. The other person, “How can you sound so sure?”. Their reply, “Because that’s what I planted.”

It’s greenest where we water it. Nurture well.

Happy New Year.

D

I just saw that exact meme posted by a dear friend who has a very positive outlook on life, so I'm rolling with it. wink
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by AndrewP
AndrewP
Originally Posted by kml
Also -Andrew I wouldn’t read anything into the name on the bath bomb, that’s just the daughter’s marketing tool. And take all the bath bomb baths you want - men who are secure in their sexuality don’t need to worry that a fragrant bath makes them unmasculine!
LOL - I can assure you that I don't take anything LH says as any sort of guide on how to conduct myself crazy Quite the opposite in fact.

Originally Posted by kml
Letting go is essential to healing. I’ve also noticed that, the more independent financially the LBS is, the faster they seem to heal - they still have to get over the love, but the need is not as great.
That's an interesting point. I've never thought of that before - probably because it's not my lived experience. I can certainly see that in some ways because the loss is of not only the emotional connection, but also practical things and expectations. From a practical point of view, I've certainly gained more than I lost. Emotionally I've gained too but that's because of the forced introspection and self-examination that was part of my process.
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