Thread Like Summary
AndrewP, bttrfly, Ginger1, wayfarer
Total Likes: 6
Original Post (Thread Starter)
by Traveler
Traveler
"Abusive childhood -> Divorcing wife after 10yrs due to her untreated postpartem depression -> Left by live-in GF of 3yrs who vented at me due to a neurodegenerative disease. I've had lows but also hiked, climbed, kayaked, traveled, and loved passionately.. plus my kids are great."

Last Thread ("Back with Ms. Sunshine")
American Horror Story, Season 3

---

Little to report.

Home - Still awaiting my rodent exclusion products for the garage, but with no more food or water sources, I'm not seeing any evidence of excursions. Incoming rain may change that. I have a house party tomorrow so superficial cleaning is again high on my list.

My S sent out Halloween invites to more friends. I had him put his clothes directly into the washer--it was his first time entering the garage in at least a year. He said it looked clean. He's worried about his friends seeing the backyard due to cobwebs. That's an easy problem to solve. (:

My D goofed in another school subject--groan. She left a project to the last minute. It looks like there is a second chance, it's just more work than a first chance.

My XW is on her way to depression again--she said coping with my D's struggles is too much. It's a shame as I've been impressed how she's ramped up. I may need to do some work helping her manage her emotions becomes I don't want her to crash again. She overreacts at minor bumps.

Ms. Sunshine has been drama-free the past few days. Yesterday, I began to feel this is "boring". That's how relationships should be, lol. She's making me dinner tonight.
Liked Replies
by Dawn70
Dawn70
I totally agree that we all have things that annoy our partners and that we find annoying about our partners. Sparky and I actually have this discussion frequently and I try to be aware of the things I do that annoy him so I can try not to do them. One thing popped immediately into my mind that I do and one that he does that we both find annoying in the other and we have talked about it.

For me, personally, (and I am NOT trying to speak for anyone else nor am I trying to put words in anyone's mouth), the reason the whole kabob and swimming thing would be a deal breaker to me if I were in CW's shoes is because of the way she handled them. Not that she simply had an issue with those things, but that she seemed to blow them way out of proportion and withhold affection after they occurred and just basically shame and ridicule him for them. If it had just been a passing comment about the fact that he ate the kabobs "wrong" or didn't know a particular swim stroke, that wouldn't have necessarily been a big deal. Like the kissing thing too...she tried to shame him for having a "fetish" when what it really came down to was that they just enjoyed different styles. Her reactions to his differences are just way over the top. Again, this is my personal opinion and CW clearly doesn't share it since he's continuing to see her and as you so bluntly pointed out a thread or so back he might not give a FF what I think. So be it, he has to do what works for him. He's not me and I am not him, so if it works for him, so be it.
2 members like this
by LH19
LH19
I hear you BF but they are deal breakers for you. Everybody's are different. Maybe he just needs better boundaries? It's clear he doesn't give a FF what anyone thinks (not just you Dawn lol) so maybe we should shift and accept he wants to let the "sunshine" in and help him establish better boundaries.
1 member likes this
by Dawn70
Dawn70
So, I have a question, CW, and it isn't even necessarily about Sunshine. I am not trying to be snarky or smart alecky, I just have a genuine curiosity. You have repeatedly described Sunshine as "loyal". She may well be the single most loyal person on the planet, I don't know and my question isn't necessarily about her specifically. I get wanting to find someone who is loyal because that is a biggie for me too, particularly in light of the fact that my XH cheated on me. Loyalty is key for me (along with a few other "big ticket" items, so to speak). How do you KNOW someone is loyal when you don't know them very well or are just getting to know them? I mean, I would describe Sparky as loyal now, but we have been together for just a few months shy of 4 years now. I would NOT have necessarily described him as loyal in our initial months of knowing each other, though, because that isn't something I would've necessarily known for myself yet. I mean, sure, he could TELL me he'd been loyal to any number of partners and even show me that he was loyal to say his parents, his daughters, certain friends, but I didn't really have a way of knowing his loyalty to me until we were really past the initial honeymoon phase. Does that make sense? I'm just curious how you judge that on the front end of a relationship.
1 member likes this
by bttrfly
bttrfly
no one can ever really know what's in the mind or heart of another. no one.

not one of our mutual friends ever thought my exh would cheat, yet he did. shall i define cheat? spending the night with OW a month before BD, does that count?

She admitted to that in the email she sent me last summer.

I defended him to the hilt. I had heated posts with Kml about how I know my husband and he would never do that blah blah blah.

NO ONE can EVER really know what's in the mind or heart of another.

I mean, I guess God knows, but He/She ain't telling...
1 member likes this
by Dawn70
Dawn70
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by Dawn70
if you don't address your childhood traumas, your adult romantic relationships will address them.
I believe this, or at least a big fat spotlight is shined on the issues. If not addressed, they may continually repeat.

Yes, repeated issues was kind of the underlying theme of what I was reading. It kind of bulleted it to that one statement and it just made sense to me. We have talked a lot about baggage and we all have that, but childhood trauma is a very different thing, at least in my opinion (which if I gave you $5 along with that would get you, maybe, a cup of coffee somewhere).
1 member likes this