Thread Like Summary
AndrewP, bttrfly, kas99, Traveler
Total Likes: 10
Original Post (Thread Starter)
#2924206 10/02/2021 5:58 PM
by kas99
kas99
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2924174#Post2924174

I don’t know if anyone is here today but I could use some encouraging words. I just found out I have to see him after 2 years of NC in 5 weeks which okay fine but today is my daughters 19th birthday and we’re throwing a good sized party. This party has been in the works for a month so I didn’t know about court. I’m feeling so blah and not in the mood for a party. My girls have everything under control but I’d really like to bring my mood up. He sent flowers and she didn’t care. He took D15 to therapy and all he did was whine about having to work 3 jobs. Thankfully the therapist didn’t buy it and gave him a huge guilt trip. Only reason he took her is because she begged him for months. He complained about having to spend $120 a month but easily spends $300 a month on alcohol.

Remind me I’m better off.
Liked Replies
#2926131 Nov 4th a 03:13 PM
by kas99
kas99
Bttrfly,

D19 has a gift for fashion and can put together these amazing outfits from thrift stores. I got her to help me and she put together a killer outfit for $8. I feel self conscious because it um fits. A while back I bought some expensive heels at an estate sale but I’ve never worn them. I just couldn’t pass up getting a pair of $120 shoes for $6.

See I can live well on very little. Stbxh is back in debt because he can’t stop spending.

3 hours until court. Music blasting while I try to find my inner strength.
2 members like this
#2926155 Nov 4th a 09:24 PM
by kas99
kas99
Originally Posted by kml
Same - by the time my divorce was done, I was just so happy it was over! Even though I never wanted the divorce, it felt great to be done and be free.

I’m thrilled!! I didn’t want the divorce but living with this black cloud over my head was awful. And the guy that won’t buy D16 a toothbrush isn’t a good guy.

A funny I got to sit and talk to this hot guy at court. Married 24 years, 2 college aged sons and wife walked out 2.5 years ago. She also wouldn’t take the fair deal he offered so he was there for the same reason as me.
2 members like this
#2925408 Oct 21st a 07:32 PM
by kas99
kas99
Quote
Oh, kas, I hope you don't blame yourself or your mom for your father's choice to become an alcoholic and end his own life. It does help me understand better why it seemed early on you expected your kids to pick a side in the divorce.

So you didn't take blame during your deposition?

Looking at my life now through the lens of my childhood has led to growth. I was afraid my kids would abandon me and my stbxh was fueling that by trying to take them away. I'm calm now even though he's still trying to turn them against me. I've learned to focus on the only thing I can control which is me. When I'm not fretting about court I'm at peace.
1 member likes this
#2926073 Nov 3rd a 04:31 PM
by kml
kml
It's not so much about how you look to your ex, as how you look to the judge. You want to look competent, put together - nothing at all like whatever ex wants to paint you as. Nothing like a hysterical woman or a depressed one. Business casual sounds like the right look - good fitting slacks and a sweater would be fine. (And if ex looks at you and thinks he's missing out, that's just a bonus).
1 member likes this
#2926083 Nov 3rd a 05:33 PM
by kas99
kas99
Originally Posted by kml
You can get nice clothes at the thrift store! If you have some nice pants, just either pick your best sweater OR go buy a $3 top at the thrift store that fits OR borrow something from a friend. Just something that looks reasonably put together and fits, not sloppy.

That's why I was asking what to wear. I may leave early from work and go thrift a blazer or something that fits. You'll laugh but there is a nice thrift store close to my work that is 50% off on Wednesday for seniors. They carded me when I asked for the discount. lol
1 member likes this
#2926152 Nov 4th a 08:50 PM
by kas99
kas99
I’m done!!!!! Only took 30 minutes and I didn’t have to look at him. He walked by and I looked away. He went in the court room while I waited outside.

Idiot agreed to the very fair offer I gave him 2.5 years ago. Why? Why do these people do this??? Let’s spend thousands of dollars to end up right where we started. Oh right it’s more fun to punish me.

Alimony stays the same but I got a small raise (shhhhh) so I’m good. I’m going to push to get him to pay half the kids insurance. It’s not much but every little bit helps. The big win was I got 50% of his pension!!!! I get half the payout and half of the cost of living increase too!!

I don’t have to go back to court!!!! My attorney is working on the paperwork now. Yay!!!

I thought I’d be sad but after 2.5 years I’m just ready for him to go away.
1 member likes this
#2926163 Nov 5th a 12:21 AM
by kas99
kas99
Originally Posted by kml
Did you get his number? wink

I wish. I wouldn’t have been that bold and I wasn’t there long enough to entice him to ask for mine.

He was the mirror image of me. Apparently those who do the work after divorce become people that just get it. He puts his kids first, has faith, peace, appreciates the little things and he’s single meaning he didn’t run out and date.

As I drove away I fantasized about how it would be a great how did you meet story. Lol
1 member likes this
#2926177 Nov 5th a 04:04 PM
by kas99
kas99
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by kas99
I wish. I wouldn’t have been that bold..
Next time. That would have made for a great "how did you meet story"! I was thinking about you and your killer $8 wardrobe when I booked a round-trip flight for $60. It's amazing how we make the things important to us work out almost no matter the available budget. Congratz! (:

When he first left I fretted so much over being alone and now I'm so over it. I'm happy alone, I enjoy my own company and at this point in my life the guy would have to be pretty special before I'd let him into my life.

With money I've discovered that I don't need near as much as I thought I did and yes it's amazing how you can make things work out.
1 member likes this