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AndrewP, bttrfly, pinn, Traveler
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Original Post (Thread Starter)
by Traveler
Traveler
"Long ago, in a galaxy far far away I was a WAS from a bad marriage. More recently, I was an LBS in a life partnership gone wrong. I'm trying to rebuild my life and be pickier about partners!"

Prior Thread -
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2923361

I decided to call her after lunch. We spoke for 30 minutes and I said I planned to work in the garden. Then I asked what she'd be up to? She said she hoped to spend time with me this afternoon?! I said I had my kids. She said she's feeling emotional and that's why she wanted to meet them so that wouldn't be an obstacle. I said I introduce people when I'm ready. I proposed meeting halfway or tomorrow morning but those didn't work for her for logistical reasons. I said I'm calling because I care about her, I want her to feel safe. What else might work? She pulled out her love languages book and said I could provide a token of my affection--like a craft project as a gift or act of service. She said when she's this invested she's usually seeing someone every day or every other day and it's hard spending a weekend together and then Wednesday it had been two days we'd been apart so she already had an attitude now it's been five days--why did I find time for a friend but not her today?! She said me taking 75 minutes to talk to her did comfort her though and now she's mostly okay. She said she's usually not this neurotic.. but that weekend together!

I get she's too needy and I need to extricate myself from the situation.
Liked Replies
by Traveler
Traveler
Thanks, Butterfly, I need that. I'm going to chill for 30 minutes then hop to it!

It used to be an amazing fruit/vegetable garden--but most were one-season plants. Not sure where my strawberries went?! My Plumeria and roses are in good shape.

Step 1 is the least fun--raking/sweeping leaves, cutting back overgrown plants, and weeding. At least it'll have a big impact. I have stone-lined areas for my plants. Step 2 is probably putting down cardboard and mulch outside those stone-lined areas.

Step 3. Hmm.. I could plant winter crops, but Halloween is so close, maybe simply putting pumpkins on those spots would make a nice scene for my son's party. (:
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by Valeska19
Valeska19
I'm gonna provide a little different feedback as there has been alot said about her.

CW - I'm sorry but it's childish to break up with someone via text. It's something teenage relationships do. Whether she has insecurities/toxic tendencies, or whatever - she deserved more than a text. So did you. It speaks to how you treat people in confrontation. It also made your words... meaningless...because your actions say something else. They were blaming and not very strong. What were you trying to achieve by saying all of that?? Change in her? Acknowledgement of your feelings?

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Thanks! Part of why I asked these, tonight is the first night she and I are both solo, and I thought her visiting was likely. She confirmed she'll stop by to drop my $750 item off at my doorstep. I feel a little anxious--she could ring the doorbell. I guess if she does I'll open and thank her, listen to anything she has to share, not let her in, and if she asks my thoughts tell her I still think this is best, but I think she's a wonderful person and I hope after a pause we'll find our way back to friends.

If you are so terrified to answer the door due to her response - that should tell your red flag gauge is off a lil. C'mon - no one hides crazy like that. If you are not terrified and are have some other reason as to why not to see her... then again... I go back to my childish comment.

Do you every ask yourself why you so willingly get on the rollercoaster? Why you pick the drama? It's a very clear pattern. There are ton of women out there who do not act like this... but then again... those women would also not accept a text as a way to approach confrontation.

I know you are working on yourself but what are you doing to stop this behavior on your end? It's easy to just blame Sunshine - but you are equally at fault here as well. I'm challenging you to dig deeper and to look at that.
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by Dawn70
Dawn70
Originally Posted by wayfarer
Sir, I'm going to need you to take your captain's hat off and let this go. Please for the love of all that is holy stop playing Capitan Save-a-ho. Broken women are not your responsibility to fix. Broken women are not capable of healthy happy relationships. Broken women don't need your compassion or pity, if they are broken they will need more than you have to give. You can not, and I can't emphasize this enough, help heal each other. Broken women need therapy. The same as any broken man.

Wayfarer wins the internet forever!
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by bttrfly
bttrfly
Originally Posted by CWarrior
I hear you about the possibility of her offering sex. "I couldn't now; I need time for my emotions to settle." It would be easier to be away, but I'm tired of acting out of fear or shame. I can handle this.
not saying you'd be acting out of fear or shame. Sometimes it's just better to not be available, period, especially for those who don't seem to be willing to accept limits. Strategic retreats are not cowardly. They are strategic, lol.
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by Ready2Change
Ready2Change
What boundary did you set? How will she test it? How do you enforcing it?

I am curious about the XXX number. Was it 2 days or 30 or 90....
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