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A Message from Michele
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bttrfly
Total Likes: 6
Original Post (Thread Starter)
by CWarrior
CWarrior
Long ago, in a galaxy far far away I was a WAS from a bad marriage. More recently, I was an LBS in a life partnership gone wrong. I'm trying to rebuild my life and be pickier about partners!

See: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2922226

Auto Recap--I have a check engine light and my mechanic said I needed an electrical mechanic.

Electrical Mechanic Visit #1 - He claimed he fixed a wiring short causing the light. I asked how he fixed it--did he replace the connector, wiring, or what? He said, "I just fixed the short." What does that mean? I see no wiring or electrical tape changes. The light returned the next day.

Electrical Mechanic Visit #2 - He said now a new code was appearing saying the sensor needed replacing. I said great, so the original code is cleared and there's a new one. He said yes. He said the part was $285. I said hmm.. I'd already replaced it and that part cost $70. He said ones from shops are often "uncalibrated" and installing it is "delicate". It's actually a really simple part requiring no calibration and it's easy to test or replace. I Googled and the OEM part is $120. I said I'd take care of it, but it's great he cleared a code. I asked what the new code was. He wouldn't share the code at first. I said the original code was Pxxx. He said yes, that's the code. Hmm. I may need to find yet another mechanic.

I'm a terrible patient, but I need an honest doctor.
Liked Replies
by CWarrior
CWarrior
Originally Posted by Butterfly
I have a different perspective. I think the entire evening was a waste of time because she's a game playing drama queen and deep down you know that, which is why you didn't go in for the kiss the two times she offered.
I concur. Whatever I'm doing "right" or "wrong"--whether I'm the more confusing one or she is--I'm not enjoying the dates. That's enough to discontinue.
1 member likes this
by Dawn70
Dawn70
As usual, bttrfly nails exactly what I was thinking. Dude, I'll be just as direct as bttrfly was, this chick is just not that into you and she's a game playing drama queen. I find myself again confused, though, after your responses to what LH said. She's laying in your lap, you're stroking her arms and hair, she's asking about sleeping patterns and saying she has a naughty side and you say I need to go? Then you feel rejected because she gave you little pecks instead of a romantic, deep kiss. Listen, I've been over this woman for awhile so I'm not sure why you keep going back for more, but that is certainly your choice. I'm not going to defend her actions, but there is the possibility that she feels every bit as rejected as you do and therefore is not terribly interested in deep passionate kisses until she gets a better handle on where you are. Now, having said that, I think you should run far and fast, but that is me. Here's where my confusion comes in, though. I totally agree with LH that the quiet evening slow-paced chat is exactly how you make this woman feel safe and comfortable, if that is your intention. Just because you prefer more activity doesn't mean that works for her. You seemed pretty set on being finished, then she basically talked you into another chance, and now you still don't seem super into it and now you have yet another date scheduled for tonight? WHY? You are already going in saying you won't enjoy the ALREADY PLANNED DATE unless there's some romance and clearly you are not on the same page with each other concerning said romance. You felt like last night was a waste of time, but you don't feel like the date you are already saying you won't like is a waste of time? I just don't get it.

It is ok to NOT want to date someone. All of this seems super forced to me. Like you are trying to make this woman fit into your world or your scheme just because she showed some sort of attention. The more things like this you post, the more I see shades of some of Andrew's adventures. Listen, I love Andrew and think he's a great guy and I feel like you are similar to him in many ways, but as I said to him many times, hold out for the one who sees YOUR WORTH rather than assuming their worth to you. You have SO much to offer....SO MUCH! Why waste any more time on this drama queen who is manipulative? You said she's already said "her feelings" wouldn't allow you to go back to your active friendship, so dude, LISTEN TO HER! She's not the only adventure partner out there for you and she's not the only woman you can date either. In the immortal words of Elsa from Frozen.....LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 member likes this
by pinn
pinn
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Originally Posted by kml
Quote
"The man is in charge of the sex and romance department".

What century are we in again???????
It's the Year of the Beleaguered Badger in the Century of the Rat (waves at any other Discworld fans)

I expect that CWarrior has figured out that the inconsistent advice he's been getting is because different people have different points of view. Some are big believers in "the Coach" and his systems for getting a girl to fall for you. Others aren't and have different priorities.

He has not been getting inconsistent advice... everyone has been telling him the same thing.
1 member likes this
by kml
kml
Bottom line - confidence is sexy. Manipulation is not.
1 member likes this
by Ready2Change
Ready2Change
Originally Posted by CWarrior
I'm realizing two things: (1) Ms Sunshine is probably (80%) not a match for me--her passionate/sexual needs may be much higher than her STBXH's 3x/10yr marriage but are lower than mine, (2) I'm part of the drama in my relationships and I need to stop.
Put her into friend zone. I love KLM statement :"We are not a good match". Go date multiple women. Keep sifting. Go read NMMN again. Do not settle.
1 member likes this
by wayfarer
wayfarer
Originally Posted by DonH
NO NO NO. That is NOT what Wafer is saying nor the rest of us. We are saying word for word STOP DATING SUNSHINE. What part of that do you not want to hear or even react to. We are all saying this. Why are you not hearing it? Beyond that half of us or more are saying you should not be dating ANYONE right now. Why are you not hearing us? Do you have to take our advice? Absolutely not. But to ignore it, not even consider it, let alone not even acknowledging it is rude at the least and honestly just wasting everyone’s time.

Do you even want our help and input? Many have writen detailed posts yet you are hell bent on continuing with her and think it’s all about how to handle different kissing styles. Not one person has suggested continuing this with sunshine. Not one - or if they have I missed it and please correct me. This is crazy.

We will never agree politically but we are very much seeing eye to eye on this and that should tell you something CW.

I genuinely don't understand why you can't seem to get on board. Why would you string this woman along? This isn't just crazy it's cruel. If you don't think it's going to work out stop wasting her time and yours.

Please, please understand what I'm saying. I'm saying stop dating. Get your house and life in order. Stop with the adventures, and women, and anything else that isn't bringing money and stability to your children, and do nothing but get your house and life in order. Even at my most depressed can't shower, barely leaving my bed unless it was necessary, isolating, deep depression my kids always had clean, clothes, they always had food to eat, fresh fruits and veggies, snacks, meals they could make or meals I would actually make. You couldn't see the top of my desk, dinning room table, or my dresser, but they had plates and cups

Listen, here's just one tip. It's not great for the environment, but it's what needs to be done. As long as the dishwasher is broken paper and plastics only. Buy paper plates, paper bowls. Plastic cups and plastic cutlery. And get a sharpie. Mark the cups with names and dates so the kids don't use 50 in a day and so you know they can be tossed after 24 hours. Then all you have are pots and pans from cooking One, two max 3 dishes per day to wash.

Second make a path to the washer and dryer. Make sure it's safe and well lit just from the house to the laundry. That's it. Show your kids how everything works. Help them clean all their clothes. And after that they're on their own, you're job is to make sure they can do the job.

This is not ok CW. This is not ok for you. It's not ok for your kids. It's not shameful. It's not wrong. But this is unhealthy and you need to mitigate it now. Nothing else should matter other than what I said above. If it isn't contributing money or stability to your household it all goes on the backburner until you get your life together. Adventures should be your reward system. Not your avoidance technique.
1 member likes this
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