So many newcomers feel like if they are nice to their spouse they can win them back.

This isn't something you can "nice" away.

He has to go through his process, whatever that is and however long that takes.

You, the LBS, have to also go through your own process.

Start going through your process by focusing on yourself and your own next steps, completely separate from your H.

There is much to learn in the MLC thread. I applaud you for reading the wise words found there.