Hi E, I think the kindest and most generous thing you can do for all concerned (your children, yourself and your exh) is to remain your most fiercely compassionate self. Mach is correct about judgment being a huge fear.
If you both decide to piece, from what I've read that's the toughest road yet. Westo, Jack3Beans, LABug are three people who pieced. I know that if you want to go that route, you will have to dig deeper than you ever have before for patience.
Best to still keep the focus on yourself and your kids while remaining compassionate.
