hey BL. I have no magic words, sadly. First, I want you to know I think you're doing a fantastic job as a single dad. This is a tough time of year, for many reasons.
Kids go through phases. I think it's a good idea to talk to someone re the meltdowns. exFIL is another story. Perhaps you could invite him out for coffee and have a man to man talk with him, using your mutual concern for the well being of the kids as your starting point.
I read his answer differently ... a lot of room for improvement in answer to your question of how HE was doing. telling you he isn't doing very well, from my interpretation.
BL, I'm going to suggest something that might be hard: dig deeper for some compassion for exFIL. Think about your daughter. Imagine her as an adult, married to a great guy, with a beautiful family, and she blows it all up. How would you feel? Heartbroken? Disappointed in her? Ashamed of her behavior? Questioning what you could have done differently as a parent? Devastated and worried for your grandchildren?
I think you and exFIL might find your way. It's Christmas. There's magic to this season of hope, love and compassion. Think about it my friend.
