marching, I admittedly only skimmed your OP, I will go back and read it in depth at some point.

But here is my initial response:

You guys have been through a lot. Maybe it is an MLC, maybe it isn't. I know we LBS like to get to a diagnosis because then we can find a fix. At least that is our thinking. The problem is that there is no "fix". Especially if it is an MLC. MLCs can last decades. They can last the rest of a person's life.

But you found the forum and that is good, because now you can focus on yourself. The best advice I received in my own situation was to remove my focus form her and what she was saying and doing, and focus on me. And DBing gave me things to focus on: getting a life, going out and recapturing who I was and who I wanted to be. 180ing and self-improvements, becoming the best version of myself that I could be. Becoming a person only a fool would leave! And finally emotionally detaching, learning to detach my emotions and responses from her words and actions.

Those are difficult at first, but the beauty of them even when you aren't good at them, is it gives you something to focus on! Rather than focusing on him and what he is doing and whether it is a MLC or not, focus on those three DBing efforts.

All the other advice you've been getting is good too. And falls into one of those three broad categories. For instance, exercising is both GAL and self-improving.

Use this as an opportunity to move your life forward. He'll either come around and want to be part of that, or he won't.