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We have been married 15 years. Two kids D10 and S12. I was in a situation where I knew things were not great, but I thought no news was good news. This included a sexless marriage since D10 was born. Things got complicated and we just both avoided the situation I’m the blame for my part of it. About month and a half ago she told me she was done not attracted to me and didn’t love me. I’ve heard she wasn’t happy off and on for the entire marriage but this one I could tell was bad or worse. Two weeks ago she had talked to an attorney and wanted to know how I wanted to proceed. I told her I needed some time after panicking and telling her I didn’t want a divorce. Today we talked again she still wants to proceed we talked big picture. . basically gonna let her keep moving on this. I’m working on GAL reading DB and parenting books. Walking daily. Detaching myself. Took me a lot to write this lot more to say but this is what I got for now.
Dats000, it sounds like you already have an idea of how to proceed. GAL is great. Keep reading DB. Keep working on you and becoming the best version of yourself you can. And detachment will help a lot!
I know this feels terrible and like the end of the world. But it isn't. You gave enough details to make it obvious that you were not happy in this marriage either. Sexless marriage since D10 was born? Wow, that is a longtime. I was in a SSM myself for a longtime. Longest we went was 1 1/2 years and that was awful. 10 years is a long time. So you need to start thinking about what you want. And what a new marriage (with her or someone else) needs to look like for you to be happy and fulfilled. This is important. Because if you do not do this then you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes and find yourself in this same situation again in the future, no matter how this one turns out.
Finally, take a deep breath. Try to calm down. Try to relax a bit. THe last month and a half was probably a whirlwind. Not eating well, not sleeping well. You have to start taking care of yourself so you can be there for your kids.
Please do not stop posting. We want to help and support!
