Mike - use this time to really think about what your core values are - the values that mean the most to you, that define you. When I did that it became really clear what did and didn't fit in my world. It will help, I promise.
I thought I had done that. My big issue now, I think, is being stuck in limbo. I understand she is having a hard time with whatever is going on in her head. I guess I'm not doing a good job of detaching. I get frustrated thinking she is still deciding between me and the OM. I sometimes think she will never to a point of wanting to reconcile without leaving again and seeing what it will be like without me. I think if she leaves again, I will be done. Seems like a no-win situation. I know I need to just keep on trucking like I have been the last week or so, guess I just needed to vent.
Maybe try and think about it this way...
And this ties into what I asked you earlier....
IF you truly understand that she has a lot swarming around in her noggin....
Then you add the pressure (unspoken or not, she knows ) that you are tying YOUR future and happiness to HER choice...
It really is a no-win situation that has been created for both of you.......by you
Dude, she has no clue who she is right now, let alone knowing what she wants, or what the future looks like for her.
So maybe go back to what I asked you earlier.......
She is trying to figure it all out....
But you get to do that too...
The Mike that got lost in the marriage ???
Find him, and be the Lighthouse home for her....
The Lighthouse knows what it is, and what it's qualities are. It doesn't try to be anything that it's not, and it sits there, quietly and patiently waiting for you to need it....
Yet when you are sitting in your rowboat, naked and lost, after catching those 3 perch, it's light guides you home....
Be that for her right now, and try not to predict future feelings and actions....
