Mach1,

I will be the first one to admit that when I came here in January of 2000, I wasn't the best DBer around. I made a lot of mistakes. However, I read every book, website, spoke to therapists and people who had experienced their own MLCs over the years. Once I had a better understanding ow what was going on, I let go, let God have him because I knew that there was nothing I could do for him. We all learn at our own pace how to navigate the MLC journey. Each person needs to find the right balance and not second guess themselves. We make mistakes too, but we learn from those mistakes and do the hard work to improve ourselves and our lives.

It sure has been a strange trip. It is a trip that I wasn't invited to travel with him, but I was still sucked into his drama many times over. The divorce helped me get that monkey off my back and move forward knowing I didn't have to worry about his debt, demands and threats any longer. I was free of the drama and could say "no" at any time and not look in the rearview mirror.

How did his apology make me feel? To be honest, I was madder than an old wet hen because I have moved so far away from that part of the past and didn't want to get sucked back into that type of drama again, especially with the holidays coming up. He was always a great one for popping in around birthdays, holidays and special events and this time, I nipped the drama in the bud because he is no longer a part of my life and I think he now knows that it is completely over an there is no going back to any type of relationship that we once shared. Now, after a month, I honestly just feel sorry for him. He lost a lot.

As for the apology, I honestly do not know what to make of it. He's apologized in the past, around 2005, for the things that he did while he lived with me, but it was not a sincere apology because in the next breath, he was asking for quite a few things from the home, which I used and still use today. Things I knew he didn't need in an apartment. Instead of taking hand lotion, soap, pencils, pens and crazy little things, he should have put forth the effort and took the things that he was looking for 3 years after the divorce. I am very much on my toes when it comes to his games and that is why I was direct in asking him what he wanted.

Time will eventually reveal what is up with him. He may not pop out of the rabbit hole again for another 5 years.

I do hope that this thread will help others understand that you have to take care of yourselves and leave the MLCers in God's hands. You can beg, plead, promise them you'll change, etc., and no matter what you do, it will never be enough for them. They will come up with another list of things because they truly do not know what they want because they are depressed and nothing seems to make them happy.

Keep the focus on you and your family...during this journey, that is the most important thing. I promise you that one day, you will smile again, listen to your favorite radio station, enjoy life again and all the wonderful things that you use to love to do. It all takes time...but you are the keeper of your time...not the MLCer.