So today would have been my 9th wedding anniversary.
I had no idea. I honestly didn't even realize. Perhaps that shows more detachment/progress? This afternoon my mom texted both me directly and our family text group about thinking of me, sadness, and a healing heart, but she'll send out quotes, prayers, and thoughts from time to time somewhat randomly so today's significance did not even register with me until a little later she texted again explicitly referencing the date and it clicked.
I didn't really feel sad or depressed. More annoyed that my mom would raise the topic with me and get me sidetracked on the topic when it hadn't even been on my radar. But I know she's hurting deeply in this process as well - not only seeing her son hurt and betrayed, but losing someone she thought was a close friend as well in my ExW - plus she obviously sent the messages out of love.
I do not long for ExW or pine for her at this point. Who knows, but my guess is if we didn't have kids I wouldn't have communicated with her for a year and a half now, maybe two. I do miss the partner and nuclear family, and I do still have anger over the betrayal and the impact to the kids. It would certainly be easier not to have to drop them off at her place and know OM2 is influencing their lives. But then if we hadn't had kids I'd miss out on S7 and D3. So how can I wish it didn't happen?
Some interesting tidbits over the past week since returning from vacation, but nothing of major significance...
Friends of mine mentioned they had an appointment with a former coworker of ExW and have other mutual friends and she mentioned ExW no longer works there but helps out occasionally teaching. Gave the impression she's still part of the team, but it's my understanding from people that would know that the team voted her off the unit and she got stuck in an undesirable assignment and was encouraged to look elsewhere. It's odd because this woman is a devoted Christian married with five girls and reached out to encourage me to work on the marriage even while ExW was having the affair...and I know they even hooked up in her office. I just brushed off my friends' "update" and didn't get into any of these details with them.
My mom had an appointment with a different former coworker who told her OM2 has gotten into trouble yet again for improper relations at work and may finally get fired this time. And I know my ExW wasn't the first time. This person claims she left that unit to get away from the "cesspool", that she knew ExW and warned her about this guy and saw her "downfall" coming. She asked my mom if she had ever seen him and said he's a scumbag and ugly and don't understand why women get with him, and that the whole unit hope he gets fired. Anyway, I told my mom I don't know what to say, that it doesn't matter now anyway, ExW is living with OM2 for a long time regardless, and that we have to look forward and not back. My mom said she just told me because "she didn't want to keep secrets; full disclosure"
So who knows. I'm in no way seeking this info out. Maybe I should be more explicit with folks I'd prefer not to know this stuff, but it is a little sensitive with my mom because she then might not be sure what she "should" tell me (e.g., kids info).
Also, for those of you who remember my awkward silent walk down the hall post-parent/teacher conference last school year. Last week we had a parent orientation at D3's preschool and we ended up sitting close to each other to share the pamphlet (one per family) and discussing plans and then afterwards talking logistics for the Fall and I ended up sharing a few videos from vacation. Part of me felt wrong or dirty interacting nicely with ExW who would betray me and breakup our family and do some of the most awful things you could do for a spouse, but again going back to the kids I suppose it's best for them we have cordial / friendly interactions when the situation calls for it.
Finally, last drop off S7 saw boys playing baseball at one of her neighbors' house and ask her if he could run over and play. D3 asked if she could too, but ExW told her the boys were playing but they could hang out with OM2's nieces (also neighbors). It did make me a bit sad they're putting down roots over there. But it is good they're developing friendships and interacting social with kids their age. So again...it's good for the kids and dad has to get over his emotions of the divorce situation.
Anyway...that's my week leading up to what would've been my 9th anniversary. I like to think I'm crushing it as a dad and making progress on myself, hopefully processing through this whole situation and "new normal".
