Feelings, feelings, feelings, unfortunately I don’t have them under control these past 3 days.
You are doing perfectly fine my dear. One doesn’t control their feelings, one only influences them.
And…feelings are fleeting. Temporary. I bet you feel different (hopefully better) today than on the 7th when you posted.
Still, feelings are real. Valid. And a window into our present self and situation.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
I guess I think I’m doing better than I’m actually doing or it’s just because of the fact that the past few weeks have been really intense with the move, the new home, the interactions with EXH etc..and therefore I’m having a small setback.
Eagle, you are doing good. No guessing about that! Believe it!
Beliefs are slow to change. Sure, emotions will rise now and then, and cause one to question themselves and things around them. Then those feelings settle and thoughts and convictions reign again. Pretty understandable with the move, the new home, and XH.
By the way, setbacks are a good thing. The name is a bit misleading in my opinion, for being setback produces positive forward motion.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
Well, I know you will all say that I shouldn’t be dealing with the above, but I will honestly say that it is very difficult not to when your old H/W is coming to the surface again.
What would you think, from the above information what is going on? I'm posting this because I really had to get it out in the open.
I’m glad you share with us. It is good to get stuff out in the open.
XH’s path will proceed as it will. And things will be revealed in time. However, I understand the desire to know and question what is going on. So…
As you stated XH and OW2 unfriended each other two weeks ago. It is pretty obvious something is going on. True, a breakup seems a likely culprit. They could be attempting to take their relationship more underground, although that seems most odd since FIL just met her. Given the brief visit between FIL and the two of them, who knows how forthcoming XH was to the details of her and him. Which might be the cause of the unfriending between them; it was 7 days later when you noticed (snooped ) it, could have happened on day zero.
The tickets and visits to north country are odd as well. Could be a vacation. OW2 could have moved too. That would explain flowers being purchased in that region instead of as previous.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
I sent him a message to let him know I was glad to see the “old G” again these past weeks and that I’m sincerely happy that he is making progress in the positive direction. His answer: ”Thank you very much. So good to read this. I have to say that the improved relationship really pleases me. I just want to match well again with everyone and make the best of it.”
His words are nice. How are his actions?
Believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do.
XH/G is reaching out kids. And well it seems. He is good and cordial to you. And he still flies to country X.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
Help, what is going on???
It would seem, at times G is in control, and other times XH is. Emotionally mixed up being driven by feelings and passions and still some pains.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
Is he really coming out of the tunnel?
In my opinion, yes he is. And he dives back in as well.
For what it’s worth, I think he will eventually find his way to healed and whole. G/XH displays and speaks with a lucidity and acceptance of what is going on with himself, something my XW does not (yet).
The person that he will become is unknown. There are signs and headings he speaks about, and even displays (kids and such), which are positive indicators of forward progress. Still, it’s his path. And on his time.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
Is he happy because he has somebody new or simply still with her and the fact they defriended each other means nothing?
Interesting thought for you. The fact of them defriending does mean nothing. Consider, if there is an OW3, then OW2 now means nothing. The unfriending of her is nothing. If there isn’t an OW3, the unfriending of OW2 now means nothing. Affair partners are just a symptom.
This may be a significant event along his path, and likely is. However, OW2 and unfriending her on social media is barly a blip to him. People have meaning when they touch our beliefs. She is a band-aid for his feelings. Her fate was always to be likely discarded once her use was over. As harsh and horrible as that sounds, using another human to dull one’s own pain. Such is a crisis.
Is he happy? Eagle, he is not happy. Not yet. Happiness comes from within, and OW2 or OW3 is external.
Of course, his peeks out of the tunnel have moments of genuine happiness - long walks with kids - and are surely followed by shame and guilt, and crawling back in.
Awakening is slow too. Really slow. Like everything in this MLC process.
) it, could have happened on day zero.