to be crystal clear: what was destructive to my son was the fact that the many, many adults who knew about exh's affair did nothing to provide my son a safe place to talk about it.

that's on my exh, my son's godfather, my ex-MIL and her husband, and my exh's bff.

Not one of those people had any responsibility to insert themselves between me and my exh by telling me of his affair, and in fact, I'm glad they didn't.

What I cannot forgive today is their purposeful abandonment of my son when he really needed an adult to walk him through this.

if someone had told me, it would have forever changed my relationship with that person, and likely not for better.

the damage from their telling me to both our relationship and their relationship to exh would have created further collateral damage to our son.

the best of all worlds here is for big Daddyo to man up for little G's sake.