He didn't try to hug me or make physical contact with me at all.
Not surprising based on what we know about the situation.
Originally Posted by Newborn
He seems completely chill with me spending time with other people, including other men (talked about going to a guy friend's place the other day).
Any chance you brought that up purposefully to test or get a rise out of him?
Nah, it was accidental. We were talking about a kid's movie that took place in a vacation spot I planned for us and I said how the movie took place there so it was good we visited prior to the movie. He asked when I'd seen it and I said with my colleague/his daughter since it was odd for me to watch it (I'm deliberately avoiding kids movies since I know the kiddo will make me watch them ad nauseum in no time! Better call Saul for the meanwhile)
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by Newborn
I remember one time getting upset with how much effort he put into trips with them when he wouldn't for ours, and him saying "Well I'm willing to go with you places too." Another time he admitted "I would rather spend time with other people than you to be honest".
Maybe some of your LBS rose colored glasses coming off? Reminds me of Jason Segel in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" when he finds a new interest who treats him better and realizes Sarah only wanted him around to hold her purse and would completely ignore him at her premieres.
I think so. He's usually a really kind guy to everyone so the coldness toward me was super unusual and made me wonder why I'm such a horrible person to deserve that ire.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by Newborn
I know I sound like a broken record but why wouldnt' you fight for custody at all for the son that you didn't want but you love?
No clue on the custody front. As a father I can't relate to that at all. But lock it in while you can. You can always relax it and give more time later if he comes around.
Oh yeah. Everything's filed. I don't want to cause pain, both for the baby and for him. I don't like hurting people so no matter what I wouldn't cut the baby off from his dad, so if STBX wants to see him, he can call and let me know. That being said if he becomes toxic for my little guy (flaking on visitation, abusive, whatever) I'm fine with cutting off contact. My little man comes first always.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by Newborn
Why wouldn't you try to make a marriage work if there's love there?
His actions are pretty clear. He had a good afternoon spent with your baby, but has other priorities most of the time. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Good point. And no matter how crappy of a partner I may have been there's no excuse for not wanting to be a dad.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by Newborn
It really may be best for me to just not hang out with the STBX at all anymore.
If you can be completely detached and spend time together with your child, that's fine, but easier said than done - most can't. Space helps with detachment.
Yeah, I don't want to hold myself back from completely moving on.
Well, I was called tonight by my colleague who doesn't live here anymore but maybe will come back one day. He moved right when I went on maternity leave. To be completely honest I'm kind of catching feelings for him - we would spend hours hanging out at work or on the phone when he worked here. When stbx did BD#2 he spent a ton of time with me and was super kind. He even met my family and told them how amazing of a doctor I was, and he sent really cute, thoughtful gifts for the baby. we talked about dating apps as I've been kind of meh about mine. He talked about how it's difficult for both of us to date since we're both super alike and weird and it's hard to fit our personalities with these generic dating apps (just as an example: one time we were both covering the hospital and he had the operator overhead page me as a prank, so I had the nurses overhead page HIM during a crazy weekend to pretend to send a bunch of fake hospital transfers with really filthy names. I'm glad we got along so well with all the RNs so nobody wrote us up for this stuff). STBX wouldn't find this stuff that funny.
To be honest he and I are waaaaaaaaaay more alike than STBX and I - if I get cranky about something, he does too and vice versa, and we run medical decisions by each other and are almost always on the same page and agree. We just think the same way in a way I've never connected with someone else. But I think it's too early as yall have said and I don't want to try to get involved with anyone especially as I'm trying to get past everything. Also I don't even know if he'd be interested in me - I did complain about the exMIL being super toxic and I'm like...whyy did I bring in negativity. I don't know.
