Thank you for the differing views, I appreciate the responses! Agreed the kiddo is #1, and agreed it's also important to not put my life fully on pause. That being said I have no immediate plans to have men over to my place, not just for the safety of my baby and I, but also I don't feel the need to rush into anything. I'm pretty happy where we're at but I have the dating FOMO I guess. It's kind of like (and I acknowledge how foolish and petty this is) if ex can develop feelings for someone else enough to be like "i'm out" why can't I? Of course that's not fair to anyone in this but it does make me, I don't know, hope I could feel that way about someone else soon.
In regards to GAL and not just sitting around: Fortunately I have an awesome tribe of women, some of whom have also been divorced, and I've been able to rely on them for fun outside of work - we've taken the baby to a couple breweries, wineries, my friends' houses, restaurants, wherever. I also have a close male colleague who surprisingly had a WAW, he has a 3 year old, so the two of us hang out with our kiddos. (Not romantically!) I'm really lucky to have close friends at work and we're able to take breaks and go for coffee, lunch, etc. My family lives in another state but are also incredible and would fly down at the drop of a hat if I needed them to. I really want to acknowledge the amazing people in my life making me be much more stable/strong than I would be otherwise. I think I'll take up sailing lessons soon or scuba diving since those are bucket list items. Thanks again for the GAL advice, both on my thread and others' that I'd been reading for the past few years at this point.
The ex is here today actually since he hasn't seen the kiddo in a few weeks (COVID, also whatever else he does). He found an apartment, and while I know everything truly is real (divorce papers are in, lawyers are in, court date set, blah blah) it just feels so weird having the person who seems like pre-MLC fog husband here but it's not him, you know? Because this guy who's being nice and caring and loving time with our son still just walks out the door and has no plans to be a family again.
Then while he's here I can't help but to think - am I crazy? Clingy? Is everyone else on this board dealing with a WAW/WAH and I just 'can't let go'?
But then I look back at him being like "I don't want to be a father, I'm going to go on trips with my young friends, and try to hook up with 25 yr olds, and quit my job and become a personal trainer" and think ok maybe it's not all just in my head. Also the stuff he did while in the relationship - diminish me to not being as fun as his friends or not being as deep as him, accuse me of 'always thinking he would cheat on me' (which was never the case but he was falling into the EA at that time so obviously some projection), the abrupt change from kind/normal husband to cold shoulder/insulting/ditch me etc, maybe it's not just all in my head.
Who knows. But I'm like a ping pong ball, hoping he'll turn around to hoping i'll find someone else to thinking there IS noone else to thinking I don't want to be with him and then I want to be with him?
I know y'all talk about the roller coaster but I was hoping it'd get much better. Of course a few days ago my post was like "I don't miss him at all!", so maybe there is truth to that.
