Your explanation here of your comments on toughtimes180's is well thought out and reasoned. I read it over a few times and understand your perspective much better now. You're saying that because tt180 and his wife both agree the marriage is over and because of that it makes sense she would seek out sexual satisfaction because that was a significant complaint of hers for years. That does seem more reasonable and I get where you're coming from.
However, I wonder if you also could see things from my (and others') perspective on three points:
1) toughtimes180 has been back and forth on his thread regarding the issue of "being done" recently. Myself and others are not convinced he truly believes it deep down. If his W didn't go have an affair and could address his issues it seems like he wouldn't want the D. So I'm not sure they're "released of their vows" as you would put it.
Originally Posted by tt180
looking at International flights (to visit ex lover I suspect.
Originally Posted by Traveler
Makes sense? You're throwing in the towel. She deserves pursuing sexual satisfaction and happiness.
2) Hopefully you can understand how I (and multiple other posters) read this as "she's not happy so it's cool if she flies off to have an affair". Maybe there's context in this particular situation but not exactly something that would help a LBS struggling with his or her marriage and certainly something LBS's (most of whom has spouses who had affairs) would object to.
Originally Posted by Traveler
For me, if one spouse says they want out, and the other is unopposed, they are released from their vows.
3) Another way to read this is vows are meaningless. No one says "until death do us part...unless we both change our minds". Marriage is meant to be a lifetime commitment and traditionally the vows explicitly call out "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health". So this view does not exactly sound "pro-marriage" or in the vein of MWD Divorce Busting. It's reasonable for folks here to take objection to that comment/advice. It's also easy to understand that if this take on vows really is becoming the norm how the traditional concept of marriage is dead. To LH's point: "It's comments like this that solidify my stance that marriage is a joke."
Originally Posted by Traveler
I felt tt180's best options were to focus on his issues to save his marriage OR let go and each find their happy elsewhere. Marriage shouldn't be toxic indefinitely. He deserves to feel respected, to feel a deep connection. She deserves a sex life.
^Hard to disagree with this.
Anyway, you don't need to respond - I don't want to get into a debate about it either - just thought you'd like to know I appreciate your explanation and better understand your viewpoint, and also offer you better insight/explanation into my (and I think others') views on the matter.
