Sorry you're struggling. You're right, IHS can be emotionally draining.
Based on what I read from the start of your initial thread 3 years ago I'd bet you're going to A) get some relief once the separation happens and B) look back on this and realize how much happier you can be when not in this relationship. You've talked about being "neglectful" and her being "emotionally abusive" from the time you two started living together even before marriage (your words, not mine) and she's been open about planning her exit for 7 years now, more than half your relationship. Let go, find relief, and work towards making your life happy.
You're getting lots of good advice. A few notes I'll re-enforce from others' posts:
You can't control her; you can only control you. Reflect on this and truly understand it.
Your relationship with her family will not be the same. It just won't. You may not be at odds but you won't be as close. She's their daughter. It is what it is.
Do not move out. She can leave if she wants.
Drop the emotional talks; communicate anything important through email and run by an L.
I second LH's Peter Crone recommendation.
Arrange a schedule or agreement with STBXW about kid coverage.
Use all that time you're not responsible for the kids to GAL like crazy.
Hang in there. You'll get through this and realize much better life can be.
