I don't concern myself with his feelings or lack for me at all any more. Mostly what I focus on is my own process, because it's not about him - it's about me. Truly, do I think about my mom or dad not loving me any more because they're dead? No, it's about my grief, my feelings, my problem to deal with, right? The man I knew may as well be dead and buried. The pod-person who looks like him, sounds like him, but is someone else entirely is all that remains. That man is someone I want as little to do with as possible, yet the love I bore my husband still exists in some form or another, and it always will. Doesn't mean it will be the nexus of my life, just that it's a part of the fabric of who I am, the sum total of my experiences in this life.
I think it's important to stand up to bad behavior regardless of the person's gender who is throwing $h!t my way. I do notice that I'm more apt to go after the jugular of males faster than females, since BD, and that is worth exploring, with an eye towards deeper healing. I'm striving for equanimity, that is the path to the peace I seek, the peace we all deserve.
As for my 'friend' - man, I was still steamed about that yesterday, when I saw the photos of the proposed hood for my car - six dents in it, some glaring. Only positive is it was the correct color. I'm getting a new hood, car moving to the body shop, nose getting painted. I'm furious because this person used my friendship and trust to try to manipulate me into doing something that would benefit him at my expense. Oh, your car's a piece of $h!t anyway, because it will never win a prize at a car show (that I wouldn't go to - that's not my deal) ... so just throw anything on it, because you're not worth more than that anyway ... I'm sure that's not a conscious thought, but that's the end result. I was supposed to be at an event last night that he was at. I excused myself. I'm too angry to see him right now.
Here's the lesson: people show you who they are, every day, with words and more importantly actions. Pay attention. Not everyone is your friend. Keep your left hand in your pocket while extending your right hand to others. This is especially true for those here going through a divorce. Pay attention.
