Hi Ann. So sorry this is happening when you are in such a vulnerable position.

How do you act? Honestly, there is no good answer to that question because an answer would imply that how you act is going to be the thing that decides the outcome of your marriage. From what I have observed over the past four years of being in this community of people is that there is nothing you can really do to change what your H is doing. So my advice would be to try to act in a way that a year from now, regardless of the state of your marriage, you will be able to look back on how things went and be proud of how you conducted yourself.

When people talk about taking the focus off of your H, they mean to not make decisions for your wellbeing based on his behaviour or do things to try to manipulate him into coming back. That would most likely backfire on you. The reality is that, right now, he is gone and you can’t count on him for anything. Your H may be there for you when you need him, but he may not be so you shouldn’t plan for that. Do you have any friends or family members who can be there for the birth of your child and provide you with some support afterwards so you are not on your own?

Is your marriage really over? It is for now. No one knows the future. Your H is clearly conflicted though, so he will continue to give you mixed messages. Do not allow those messages to change the things you need to do for yourself. There is a saying on here that really applies to your situation… If your H is truly serious about wanting to come back, you will know it. If he isn’t serious about it, you will be confused. Another one that applies… believe nothing of what he says and only half of what he does. If you keep those two things in mind, you will be okay.

Keep posting. It does help over the long term to have people to talk to who have been in your shoes. Again…really sorry this is happening to you at such a stressful time. (((HUGS)))