I'm still (not so) patiently waiting to hear back from both jobs I applied for last Friday. Tomorrow, since I will have a little extra time, I'm going to apply for some more and see what happens. The mood and the news around here just keeps getting progressively more dismal and I would just like to find an out at this point. I know for sure 2 people in my department are now retiring and 4 more (not counting me) have put in job applications other places. That would be 7 people total (including me) if all of us who applied other places plus the 2 retiring leave. We have 11 people in our department. Sad.......................
I just don't have faith in anything the current admin says, though, so it is hard for me to not put myself out there and try to go elsewhere, even when I don't want to.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately with all of this going on and I came to the realization yesterday that I spend a lot of time in my life feeling responsible for taking care of everyone else. I feel guilty about spending my own money that I earn from my own paycheck for things that are just for me because I feel like I could be helping someone else with that money instead. So, I'm just not doing that anymore. I'm 52 freaking years old and I need to start putting myself first. This whole job stress is REALLY taking its toll on me to the point that I am not sleeping at all and it is bad. I know the physical pain I feel sometimes is just the stress of everything literally weighing me down and I just don't want to live like this anymore.
Our 20% (one day a week) furlough begins 2/28. Our boss has told us he doesn't care how we handle it as long as our students are not affected. Originally, I wanted to take one whole day, but the only day I can do that is Monday, because of some specific parts of my job. So, as is typical for me, I decided to do 2 half days to make sure I was available as much as possible for my department. It just hit me yesterday....why? It is best for me personally, for a variety of reasons, to do the one full day and I can easily do it Monday without affecting my job, so why did I even think about doing 2 half days to benefit everyone else? I want to talk to Sparky about it tonight, but I needed to sit with it first and think about it then I want his opinion before I talk to my boss.
I've decided that whole day is going to be about self care for me. It is also going to be about getting some specific tasks done around the house (and I consider that self care because it will make me feel productive to tackle some things that always get shuffled to the back burner). I need that whole day to feel like I'm accomplishing something.
My boss is understanding of my need to seek other employment but told me again yesterday how much he wants me to stay and how sad he will be if I go. I appreciate hearing that more than he can imagine and I have every confidence that he will advocate for me and everyone else in the department til his last breath, but at the same time, I HAVE to put my family and my needs first.
This whole mess is just not how I was hoping things would go in 2022. I guess it is what it is. Back to the grind to finish some paper work, then off to pick up some supplies for a lab activity. It is always something!
In case I forget to say it, I'm SO very grateful for Sparky standing by my side through all this. I know my family would be there for me if he weren't in the picture, but it is nice to have someone to go home to at the end of these crappy days and lean on when the sadness overwhelms me. Big changes ahead and hopefully good changes for me and Sparky.
