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DnJ phrased it better than I can (I copied the quote on my thread that includes this) but basically saying they owe you nothing for the damage they did. Holding someone accountable can look like no trust, loss of relationship, change of relationship, depending on the injustice done toward a person.
I hate what my XH did to the family, me and our future. I won't be in a relationship with him ever again. I will be polite, I no longer want him to suffer. I let it go. (let him off the hook). The accountability is - he does not have access to my heart or my life, to include my emotions.
He's free to make his choices without any interference with me (off the hook), and I don't share my life with him (accountability). I will be polite to him (off the hook), but I will not act like his wife (accountability). I choose how I respond to him. I might play mario kart with him, for my children's benefit (off the hook), but I don't have to (accountability). It's all my choice.
That's what it looks like for me, at any rate. I think we all have different boundaries, appropriately so.
Thanks Hope for painting the picture. Pretty much sums up where I’m at almost too a tee. The funny part is before this weekend if someone said “Do you forgive your ex?” I would have said “no”. I kinda always thought someone would actually have to ask for it for me to do it. Maybe I don’t and best on what I’ve read I guess I do. Have to say it doesn’t make me feel better or worse so there’s that. Definitely not playing Mario Kart though lol.