What do I do with her?

[LL44]

I let it go, of course, because I had no reason to suspect something was going on

Yup. Had 2 months of larger bills (not like the biggie) prior to the bomb, but he shook them off, and I had no reason to think otherwise. Of course, our bills were only accounting for peak hours, who knows how much they talked for free at night. I work 4pm-12m, so I am assuming they enjoyed many free chats while I was gone. He accuses me of 'denying' the A before he confessed, meaning I knew about it in my heart. I explained only once that I never thought he could be that person, so why would I think anything other than that.....

[Mike is Hurtin']

OK, so here's something for everyone to kick around ...

... shortly after the bomb on Sep 11, 07, W mentioned a particular musical group that will be coming to the area for a one-night concert. This is a group we had been meaning to see for years, and she asked if I was interested in going.

Being the lovesick puppy that I was at this point (probably no more than a week after the bomb), I said yes and happily shelled out $66 for a pair of tickets.

The concert is in two weeks. W hasn't mentioned it at all over the past month. I still have the two tickets (they were mailed to me and I have hung onto both of them), and I'm wondering if it's healthy to go out with her at this point? I paid for them and would certainly be within my rights to break the date ... I just don't know if it's right to keep pretending that we're good friends while she's still having some unquantifiable (but still very existent) affair with OG.

I'm very much in the "anger" stage right now, and feel a lot of resentment and disappointment towards her. I'm doing my best to not project this onto her (she's perceptive enough to know how I feel), since there's little to be gained from erupting.

Still, it feels like a rather pointed jab to get treated like this over the past two months, and then to reward her with a nice musical evening.

-- Mike

[LL44]

Do you like the group? Take a friend and go. If not, I would sell the tickets or give them away to someone. It doesn't seem like you want to spend time with her (your 'old' wife, yes, not this new one) at the moment and maybe a date isn't the right idea at the moment. Tough one. I'm interested to see what other people say.

[Mike is Hurtin']

lwb: Yes, I like this group. I was the one who introduced wife to folk music in the first place, and this is a group I would wholeheartedly go see on my own or with a friend.

(for those who are interested, it's the Wailin' Jennys - often heard on the NPR radio show "A Prairie Home Companion")

_Of course_ I want to spend time with my wife - that's too subconscious to deny. What I don't want to do is reward her repugnant behavior with such a big, sweet lollipop.

What I'm *not* going to do is pick up the phone and ask her if she still wants to go. _Of course_ she'll say yes (she's a big fan of this group) and of course she'll ask me to pick her up and maybe even buy her dinner.

Two Wailin' Jenny's tickets: $66
Half-decent dinner: $50
Gasoline to pick her up, drive to the concert, drive her home and return home myself: $14

A single cell-phone call to let her know that I don't have enough tickets for the three of us, and perhaps we should cancel our plans altogether: priceless.

-- Mike

[LL44]

Oh.My.Gosh. You are so funny!!!! I love it!!!

And yes, of course, in our minds, we want that perfect fun night with our old spouses. Not the tangled up yucky mess that is our lives now. I hear ya. Oh do I hear ya. Sometimes I'll stop in the middle of the day and say "Wow, this is my life".

[Mike is Hurtin']

Sometimes I'll stop in the middle of the day and say "Wow, this is my life".

*sigh* I had one of those moments this morning. I was thinking about how much I've lost in the past few months, and had a really hard time thinking about all the things waiting to be discovered. It's out there - I know it - but there's still a lot of moments during the day when it just seems like it's all over.

-- Mike

[LL44]

When you say things to be discovered, do you mean about the A? Or about life in general?

Take care, know you aren't alone, there are a heck of a lot of us that will support you.

[Mike is Hurtin']

When you say things to be discovered, do you mean about the A? Or about life in general?

All of the above.

I'm through with trying to learn more about the A and OG. As I said previously, I know enough about OG to know that he's not much of a man at all; certainly not someone I want in my social circle. As for the A itself - I already have a confession that there was a kiss, and ample evidence to suggest that there's still an emotional commitment. Knowing all the gory details won't make me feel any better about that.

No - what I meant was learning more about life. Not having a spouse makes you recognize all the things you had *with* a spouse - but it's also revealing to me all of the compromises I made, and all the things I gave up.

Take care, know you aren't alone, there are a heck of a lot of us that will support you.

Thanks. It sure is comforting to have a forum like this, full of people going through similar experiences.

-- Mike

[oh_guy]

Hey Mike....

I'm new here, but I'm in a similar situation - but different.

I feel for you. One key component with my situation are my kids.
And the other, is that my wife is staying at home.

You seem to be on the right track. Motivating yourself to better yourself.
It's so hard to hear that your W has an OM. When you hear it, you kinda shake your
head in disbelief.

Keep up doing things that YOU enjoy - Making you a better you!

I've just started this, and it's hard. It's hard to "find" the things you like to do - alone.

But I wish you the best of luck, and I'll keep my eye out for you... keep up with your progress.

All the best Mike.

[Mike is Hurtin']

But I wish you the best of luck, and I'll keep my eye out for you... keep up with your progress.

Thanks for your kind words. It means a lot.

-- Mike