This is so far an eight week story. Feels like 8 years though. I will try to remember all the salient
points, but my brain has been made of soft cheese over this period, so bound to miss something or get it
out of order.
So far, in reading the contributions, I am amazed about how similar the situations are to each other and
to mine. Some of them could have come directly from my pen. Also behaviour issues. Until I read here, I
was completely poleaxed by the "nice as pie" on one day, then the knife goes back in deeper with a twist
for good measure. At least I expect it now so am better prepared when it (always) happens. [EDIT] It just
did!
Over the last couple of years, the recession here in the UK has hit us hard, we had to close one of our
businesses due to high losses and also employee frauds knocked finances sideways. This came to a head in
about May of this year and I have been very down, trying to find a way out of the mess.
In June this year, W went away for a holiday with her family. I had the opportunity to go, but the
combination of her family, the destination, the cost and the fact that my business was going down, meant I
couldn't consider it. This did not go down well. We had a discussion about the fact that she had
contributed nothing to the household finances for some time and was told that her holiday was far more
important than paying the mortgage as she worked hard all year and needed her fortnight in the sun. She
goes away every year with her mother to somewhere exotic. This year, her holiday was a farce. Her mother
made it her business to fall out with everyone in the family except W who was stuck in the middle of it
all. She tried to peacemake but her mother was having none of it. In the midst of all this, I sent her a
text reply to her enquiry about how I was doing. I told her I wasn't sleeping well, the implication being
that I was missing her, but she took it as a personal attack to make her feel guilty about leaving me to
go away. This idea was strongly re-inforced by her mother who sent me a stroppy text after midnight saying
"Thanks for upsetting (W) and you do this to her every time she goes on holiday". I ignored it.
When she returned home, she was clearly under stress, but seemed to perk up. I was finding the financial
pressures difficult to cope with and so wanted to discuss how we could save some money. (W is quite
extravagant, no idea what a budget is). I carefully worked out how to broach the subject and asked her if
she would help me find a way to economise. At this, she blew up and informed me that she can't economise
any more, she is fed up of having no life and will not "spend the next few years living like this".
Then followed a couple of weeks of aggro. She went sulky, cut up the credit card she was given for
shopping and refused to acknowledge me. I tried to be upbeat and took over all the household jobs but she
went further into her sulk. In the end she said she wanted to seperate due to the way I treated her and
she would live in the spare room until she found somewhere to move to. I suggested maybe a stay with her
mother to get her mind cleared. (Bad move, her mother hates me with a passion). W said it would only be a
stepping stone, but went never the less.
After a couple of days, W said she would come round to talk. It was a bit of a rant at me about how I had
mistreated her. I was surprised when she took a phone call from her mother at 9PM. "She is ringing to
check if I was OK because if you had kidnapped me, she was going to call the Police". *stunned* At no time
in the years I have known her, have I even raised my voice, let alone made threats or done anything
remotely aggressive towards her.
We had a few meetings and phone calls over the next fortnight or so. It was our anniversary on the 24th
September and I went a bit mad, got her a dozen red roses and a necklace sent to her work place. That went
well I think, although she did say she was embarrassed because work colleagues wanted to know why I was
sending flowers when we were seperated. (Blew her "I am a victim" story up a little I suspect. I expected
a cold shoulder in return but on that Saturday, she came round with a sloppy card and a silly gift. That
made my day, to think there was something there.
The following Wednesday [See paragraph below about the "fertility test"), she had been round and I thought
we had started rebuilding. Then on the Thursday, she came screaming into the house accusing me of putting
the house on the market behind her back. I did no such thing, it was an error at the agency, but even a
phone call from them would not disuade her from the belief that I was going behind her back. She started
threatening solicitors and divorce etc despite my protestations of innocence. This really brought me to
my knees. On the Friday, I sent her a Skype message that if she couldn't trust me then there was little
point in carrying on, so I was gone. (She was online with Skype much of the time). Saturday came and I
was still in the depths, and I contacted a so called friend of mine who was also online. (I have caught
the two of them canoodling once and she has also been caught on a Skype video call to him, dancing naked.)
Anyway he tried to reason with her and she still wouldn't accept it, but at least came on to me with a
"thought we were done" comment.
The next event (the Wednesday referred to above)was a bit personal, but here goes. I had been asked by W a
couple of years ago, to go for a fertility test. She did one and got the all clear. I prevaricated a bit
and she let it slip. When all this blew up, I was determined to show her that Iwas listening to her and
understanding her point of view, so booked the test myself. I explained to her that it was impossible for
me (contrary to porn flick myths) for most men, including myself to provide a sample unaided. We also had
to provide the sample in a time window of between 48 hours and 7 days from the last (ahem - offering) so
she came around a week before To ML. Wonderful experience and I stupidly asked her to tell me she loved
me. She did but I asked her to look me in the eyes and say it, which she did. Then came that horrible Thursday about the house on the market.. The following Wednesday was the actual
test and she had agreed to arrive in the morning to assist. I asked her on the Sunday I think by text if
she was still coming and got "No I am not going down that road anymore, you will have to prove you can do
it on your own. (So no pressure there). I did try and got myself so upset that I was going to let her down
again. Eventually, I went to the Doctor and couldn't even speak without losing it, so wrote a note telling
them I need help NOW and I was considering throwing myself under a bus. The emergency doctor saw me and
was extremely good. He asked if he could see W too and I rang her and let him speak to her. She agreed to
come in for an appointment a couple of hours later and said she would pick me up from the house and take
me in. She arriven a temper which did subside a bit when we got there. We held hands during the
appointment and the doctor saw that "we had a connection that might be helped by counselling". She sort of
agreed to go but has not mentioned it since. Doctor put me on happy pills, much against my judgement, but
at that time, I didn't really have a great deal of that, so went along with it. When we got back, she
re-iterated the doctor's comment about me having catastrophe thinking and "I haven't mentioned Divorce
have I?"
Eventually that subsided and we had a few interactions over Skype and by text. I don't remember much of
them in my fog, but I do recall they were roller coaster jobs. She has been saying things about "just give
me time" quite a lot. Also things like "I have been hurting so much, it will take some time before I learn
to trust you again, could be 6 or 12 months" I love you but not in that way anymore, you have chipped it
all away until I think more of the cats that of you".
On the 1st October, she had rented a house. Amazing to me because on her wages, she would have needed
about double just to survive by my basic calculations, but it was done. At some point, she came round to
see me and I was informed that she would pick up her bed and other bits on that Saturday. She wanted 3 of
our 5 cats but would leave them a couple of weeks. One interesting thing she said was "Just because I am
taking my furniture and the cats, it doesn't mean I am walking away from you". (What?)
That night I was totally distraugt, coming home to a house stripped of her stuff, although she left the
unwanted tat behind of course.
Over the next couple of weeks, I had to listen to her tell me about how this new place was great and she
was buying all new furniture with a gift of a couple of thousand pounds from her mother (who wanted to
make sure it was comfortable enough for her not to want to come back). Then she tells me she is getting
broadband and a telephone put in. (18 month contract). I have asked he not to tell me things like that
because I find it hurtful. I told her I thought I was the insensitive one, but she seems to think I am
being silly. We have had a meeting about once a week so far and a couple of weeks ago she asked if we
could go to dinner. That was quite a nice evening and we cleared the air a bit more.
Since then she has dropped in for a couple of hours once a week and has been amicable. Then I started
looking at self help online. I paid $40 for a short "guaranteed results" ebook. Then got another one that
looked like more of the type of advice available here. On Monday Last week, I started to put it into
practice. When she rang (can't remember why) I told her that I understood how she couldn't trust me and
that I appreciate her reasons why she wouldn't come home etc. I made the point that the pressure will now
come off completely and she is free to do what she wants to, I will not even contact her. "But that isn't
what I want, I still want to be in touch with you".
I found Michelle's site and the DR book which I ordered around this time and read it through once.
Wednesday was a total 180 for me. One of the words of wisdom I gleaned from the ebook I got is that I
should see other women, not bed them, but enjoy their company. I had kept in touch with my W's girlfriend
(yes that sort of girlfriend), after W dropped her. This friend had formed a new relationship and this new
friend of hers, Knowing what I was going through had invited me out for a drink. Now this new friend in
the eyes of my W, would tick all of my boxes, moreso that anyone else, due to her "interests". So.....
Arranging the Wednesday, she said she would like dinner made for her so she would come straight from work.
I prepared the house by cleaning etc and put away all of her bits and pieces, took off my wedding ring and
left just one photo of her on the side. I changed out of my work clothing and put on cologne etc. When she arrived, I did not use any pet names, just her given name which is rare for me. I was light
hearted and humorous. I did not kiss her, hug her or anything else. When she sat down, I put myself at the
far end of the sofa. She put herself at the other end in typical protective body language. We had a chat
about odds and ends, nothing at all about the situation. She wanted to know what I had been up to, so gave
her a few answers and said "And last night I went out with (x). "Who is (X)?" You know... the new female
partner of your exgf. "Oh" was the response. When she got up to leave after a couple of hours, she put on
her coat and kissed me, I didn't respond. Then as we walked through the house, she did it again after a
comment from me about something flirty (Can't tell you in public!). I had a parcel for her that was near
the front door. Now expected behaviour is for her to take the parcel, open the car to load it, get in and
drive away. She loaded the car and came back to the door to kiss me again. I still didn't respond. She
then said "I will pop in Friday on my way from work and I will see you every night next week". Now Friday
arrives and no show. Par for the course, but expected to see her Monday. Got a text Monday about something
she had ordered that may come to the house. I responded "Of course, but I thought you were coming to see
me?" I got back, "been tired and busy sorry x". W was due to go to an appointment Wednesday morning to see
a specialist, so asked her by text if she would like me to go with her for support. Got the expected "no
thanks". That was Tuesday morning. Tuesday afternoon, her parcel turned up, so sent text about that and
got a phone call back. I asked her to do something for me.... "If you are coming to see me, will you
please not let me down, if you are coming, that's great and I can be here, but I need to know when I can
do my own thing. "Oh yes, I will do that, I will see you Friday". OK, how about your parcel? "Oh no hurry,
I will get it on Friday." Later, about 8PM, I get a text making an excuse to be in the area and said she would collect her parcel.
Rushed around getting changed etc and she turned up, staying for a couple of hours. This time when we
moved into another room, she came up and gave me a proper hug, unsolicited, then kissed me. I did drop my
guard a bit and said "I know you may not want to hear this, but I love you". Response? "I know, but just
give me time eh?"
I have spent Wednesday and Thursday evenings doing household things and trying to detach. I wound myself
up about the fact that neither she nor this so called friend were online either night, making me think
they had another secret liason, like the one they had on Sept 10th they think I know nothing about. Made a
real good job of the detaching last night too. After Wednesday was nice, I expected a kicking, just didn't
know what form it would take this time. However, my detachment exercise gave me some strength to cope with
it anyway. I was looking forward to seeing her, but not really believing that I would, so it came as no
surprise to get a text message on Friday morning saying " Can't come over tonight as I have been sent home
from work with a migraine". I just responded, OK, hope you feel better soon." Maybe it is genuine, she
does get them, but dashed my hopes again.
Just to fill in some background.. This so called friend of mine is a millionaire. I suspect he is
supporting W with money to survive in a place where he can see when he chooses. After a month of living
there, she will still not tell me where it is, only that it is "in the country".
So here I sit, 13:00 hrs on Friday, wondering again what I am doing, trying to save my marrige and show
her the way home.
I have done a fair bit of working on my self. I have been reading "How to win friends and influence
people". Also trying to smile and be atypically pleasant to people and listen to what they are saying. I
am told by W that I am selfish, inconsiderate, controlling, antisocial, my opinion is the only one that
matters and she can't have friends or relatives round because they all hate me due to the way I (don't)
interact with them. Came as some surprise to me, but I agree she is right about much of this. Over the
last two years I have become pre-occupied with the business and not really noticed her obvious withdrawal.
When she left, I set too showing her I was listening NOW and dealt with all the things she had been asking
me to do over the last couple of years. As would now seem to be expected, I got "Why now, too little too
late". The answer is that with the business failure, when you lose EVERYTHING, it makes you re-evaluate
what is important to you. My W is the most important thing to me and I would happily live in a tent as
long as I can be with her.
One other point to make is that about 6 months ago, she did tell me to get my apparent depression
discussed with the doctor as my mood was so poor. I didn't go, but I did hear her and brightened up and
started showing her love and affection, moreso that I had before, to show I cared. It would seem that this
On the Wednesday night, we were at the far ends of the sofa. As the evening progressed, there were small movements towards me. The body language started to change. First it was the arms uncrossed, then legs crossed the opposite way, towards me. Over the next hour, by moving, stretching or whatever, she got a little closer. Her legs came up to take up the space between us. A while after I mentioned (X), she turned sideways and put her head on the side and looked me in the eyes for about 10 seconds. I may be deluding myself, but I decided I could see love in her eyes. Well I can dream, can't I?
A little later, one of the cats wanted fussing and sat on my lap. W reached over to fuss the cat and tickle her under the chin, in doing so, W was brushing my hand. All co-incidence probably, but it at least strengthened my resolve to honour the committment I made to her when we married. Just because she has left me, she can't stop me loving her from the bottom of my heart.
I am on my own again tonight. For some reason she never wants to have contact with me over the weekends so I am back on the end of her string, waiting for her to tug on it again.
I had a rough night last night. Wasn't able to sleep and spent much of the night looking at posts on here. I thought I was doing better with the detachment, but maybe the disappointment of not seeing her Friday brought me down. The positive things she says and the financial situation she must be in, suggest it may only be a matter of time, but then the demon on my shoulder keeps arguing the point. The financial situation is what I find hardest to understand. Just on a quick calculation, without spending money on non essentials, she needs £578 a month on top of her wages, just to break even, so around £1280 a month. When she was home, because of credit card and loan payments, she was hard pressed to give me £300 a month after those were dealt with. My head is telling me that she is being subsidised by this so called friend, so he has a mistress away from home. I have some grounds for this because he has had one in his home town for a number of years. Really tears me apart to think it and I try not to.
I had almost decided to write her a "Dear Jane" and tell her all the things that she has ACTUALLY done to damage the relationship, which I have forgiven without question. The letter would be a final ultimatum of come home or leave me alone, but we all know what happens when you issue ultimatums.
I could do this, but after 8 weeks, is that really too soon? I think I know that I couldn't cope with the consequences of driving her away completely. I got out of bed and put my wedding ring back on last night. It helps sometimes just to spin it on my finger and remember why I married her. Christmas coming is going to be difficult, but I draw strength from some of the stories on here about people who have been through years of this and still standing by their committment to the marriage.
I know she will not be in touch today. Maybe I will get a text tomorrow and maybe she will drop by on Wednesday. As many of you are saying, each minute feels like a month and each day, a year.
(W) glad to see things working out for you, sounds like your happy making new life and friends , especialy female ones
Me: Been talking to the dance studio. I can just show up at 20:30, all informal and they do a mix of different styles.
W: so ive come to the concusion im no longer needed in your life so will stay away that way you can get on with your new life
Me: What makes you think that? I am only making friends and doing things to be busy, I would rather spend my time with you, but you seem not to want to. Not the way I want it to be at all.I am giving you the respect of knowing that I am taking what you say seriously. I have told you how I feel, but keeping on about it is pressure on you which isn't good for you. I promised to take all the pressure off which is what you wanted, but you are all I want. But I have to respect your wishes, if you feel you can't come home, then I have to accept that, but even so, I still have to be the man I was, the one you fell in love with.If I could wave a magic wand, I would have you home tonight and I would show you what you have been missing.My love for you is unconditional, remember that.
(W): you always seem to be around females, and that has always been a problem to me, and now you have added a new one to your list, (X) didnt you say, , so ive decided to call it a day, that way i cant get hurt anymore, last night you told me your life is good , so good luck to you thats all i can say, least your life has turned out better than mine, i can only wish you every success for the future
Me: Well if that is what you want, OK. How about really telling me how you feel and be let me understand. I do not want ANYONE but you, I made my vows until death do we part. I have no intention of being untrue to you and love you exclusively.(X) is just someone to chat with, she isn't interested in men in any respect! Talk to me about how you really feel deep inside and let me do the same. Then if you want to be my wife again, we can go forward in love and happiness. I only need you to say you will try your best, nothing else.
(W): theres nothing to understand, you have your life and it seems to be now better than when we were together, this just told me i was more of a hindrance when we were together, your making up for it now im gone youve made that qiute plain to me
Me: I understand how you feel, just remember that I am and have always been ready to make everything right for us, my ambition is to make you happy, if you will let me Would you rather I stayed in and stayed the wreck I had made myself? I think that me becoming the person I ought to be shows my love for you. I would rather do things with you than on my own It would be better to talk about things in person I think. It matters very much to me and I still want to save our marriage, beyond all else.
(W): i have my misserable life on my own, and im sure one day i may be happy again , in the mean time ,im finding it hard to deal with life in general and my own emotions, and i cant bear to hear you going on about how life is better now i have gone, ,life goes on and you have every right to now enjoy it, but isnt it a shame it took me to leave you, before you realised that there is a life out there, look at it from my point of view ,you did nothing with me in all the seven years of marraige and now ive left, you are living it up, took you seven years to do it now, and find out, you have had 18 years of my life and ive got nothing to show for it, you have taken my lfe way, and taken all my dreams with it , i just hope you dont do it to the next woman in your life, because you have ruined mine, and nothing you can do now would bring that back
Me: I would like you to talk to me I know that there is nothing I can do about the past, but I can change what happens today and tomorrow It might seem that I am "living it up" but I am filling in my lonely times, that's all
(W): lets just leave it for the solicitors to sort out, time to move on
Me: Nothing else has changed, I still love you and want you exclusively.It hurts me to hear you in such pain and I want to reach out and soothe that for you.
At this, she went offline and I got a text message about returning things she has of mine sometime.
So now what? I thought this was supposed to be working out and now it is all in pieces again.
I emailed a reply after spending an hour on composition.
(W), I have been thinking about all this and I believe that you are being unfair to me, although I do understand that you are hurting and maybe you don't realise how it wounds me too.
You left me at the lowest point of my life and got somewhere new to live, I had no choice in that, you told me about all your plans and what you were doing in the house and how lovely it was going to be with all your new furnishings etc. You took the cats away and said "Don't think this means I am walking away from you". I built up my hopes and dreams on little things you said like that. I didn't expect anything from you on our anniversary, but I was so delighted with the effort you made and the card you chose. I still read it every few days, thinking it came from your heart.
While that was going on, my life was in turmoil, I found it so hard to listen to someone I love so dearly making plans to live without me. It felt like every time I spoke to you, you enjoyed twisting the knife a little bit more. The result of that was my making a fool of myself at the doctor's. I didn't know how to deal with the pain I was experiencing and so tried to run away which wasn't very clever of me. Now I have regrown my backbone and am able to carry on, with you by preference, but if I have to, without you.
I have been thinking all through this of what I would like for the future and all my plans and dreams include you rather than exclude you. I haven't changed my mind at all, I still want us to be together and have a house in the country and try the IVF so that we can have a family. I am also regrowing the business so that we have the stability and income to allow us to live again. This effort is for US, not just me.
All through the time you have been away, you have asked "Just give me time" and "stop pressuring me". Both of these things I am doing for you, because I respect you and I had hoped might lead to you wanting to come home at some point, because I so desperately wanted that. However, it isn't about me is it? What you want and feel is more important to me.
You still have not told me where you are living, which I feel is very hurtful and I have to ask myself why not? What are you afraid of (W)? You know where I am and what I am doing.
Getting by life back was not something I have done to hurt your feelings, quite the reverse. Me being strong and confident means that I can be there for you and help you to get your confidence back if you ever wanted me to. I have found things to do and friends to do them with, a poor substitute for being with my wife, but the alternative is to sit around tearing my heart out. You made some very good points about my lack of outside interests and being anti-social and these are things I have been addressing for my own sake as well as the good of our relationship if we still have one.
I was not aware that you had a problem with my female friends. Maybe I didn't notice how you felt, but I had no interest and still have no interest in anyone but my wife, that I can promise you from the bottom of my heart. I trust you implicitly with your male friends and thought you trusted me in the same way. In fact I asked you if you would be true to me and you told me I had to trust you and of course I do.
I have been completely honest and open with you about going out with (X), rather than going out or sneaking around with someone behind your back which would quite rightly would have given cause for concern. I told you about (Y) and how proud I was to turn her down last year because I love you and could never betray your trust. Could you find it in your heart to trust me a little in return? I would happily walk away from anyone that bothered you, after all our marriage is far more important than any other friends.
This being in limbo isn't good for either of us. I am missing you greatly and wanting to be with you. You keep telling me that you don't know what you want even after two months of being away. Well I know what I want, but it seems I can't have it, so I have to accept that.
I would love it if you would tell me that you wanted to be together now and that you would put your whole hearted effort into making our marriage the way it ought to be. I promised you my total commitment in Sandhurst Church, I meant that for now and for always. It seems such a waste of both our lives to be torn apart like this, when we have the ability to make the sun shine again. Talk to me from the bottom of your heart and we can live and love again, together as I believe we were meant to be.
If you do still have a tiny spark of love, let it show and I will nurture it and make it grow back into the flame it should be, I promise.
All this is so one sided though because it seemed to be clear to me that you don't want me in your life, so what am I meant to do apart from try to rebuild my life? It isn't the way I want it to be, I wanted to be with you until the end of our days, not throwing it all away after seven short years.
I do understand why you felt driven to leave, it has made a big hole in my life, but it has shown me that I had to do something about how I was and this is what I am doing now. I wanted to be strong enough to hold you and support you when you need it, hold your hand and give you my total love and devotion. But also be strong enough to stand on my own two feet if you decided not to come home, because I don't want to end up in that state ever again.
The path home is here for you if you would have the courage and faith to take it, there will be no recriminations or bringing up the past from me, just total love and understanding. The only thing I am bringing forward is the lessons learned about how to listen to you and be there for you. It will take a large amount of trust from you, but if you take the chance, you will not regret it.
I have poured my heart out to you time and time again. It just seems to push you further away and I daresay this time will be no different. That is another reason why I agreed I would take all the pressure off and let you go, with the freedom to do what you want to do. I dare say there will be other things that I would like to tell you, but I will keep them to myself now and let you choose what you would like to do.
I hope I will still see you on Thursday but if not I will understand. Unless anything serious crops up, I will not bother you, but just know I am only at the end of a phone if you need me.
I hope you will remember some of the good times? There were plenty of them if you look back. We had our bad times, but the good were far greater. We can have the good time again, if you want them.
Response from (W). I wish this moderation was a bit faster, it is taking over three days so far!
there was never any men in my life , like you with females ,and there will never be again, as long as i live, as for the house, i had to borrow the money to sart again from mum , luckily for her she could help as rr died, and i said i would pay every penny back some how, ive never had to borrow money before. you think it was easy to do what i did, i didnt take anything from the house except the single bed i had, thats alot to show for 7 years marraige, i walked away with nothing, it hasnt been a bed of roses for me,and i still dont know how im going to manage, but like before i lived with you , i paid my bills some how even if it ment not eating properly, , i lost all my friends and none of them were male, and even now they have stayed away, so as you can see, not only am i alone and lonely, this is the life i chose to live , because i could no longer bare to live with you telling me what i can and cant do, and i couldnt inpose on mums life and as much as i love her i couldnt stay in that small house. i know you have been trying to make changes , but my head keeps telling me 18 years of not having got what i wanted out of life ,i would never get them in the future, this marraige was never about what i wanted, it was always about you and you had the final say, i cant take the risk of going through anymore, my heart no longer rules my head anymore as i never had that love back and the respect i should of had as a wife, if you took your wedding vows that serious you would never of treat me the way you did, i did everything a wife could do for her husband and more, but you wanted to treat me as a lodger. and a lodger was what i felt .
Me: I do understand that you feel that way. and I agree that you have not had the atention and love that you should have, I am so sorry for being so blind. That's why I realise that you can't come home and you could never trust me again. The changes I have made are for my self respect and for my ability to survive whatever gets thrown at me in future. I never intended things to turn out like this and I bitterly regret being so insensitive. I can't turn back the clock or change what happened before, I can only be the man I want to be now and for tomorrow. It is a shame you will not be with me but it is more important to me that you are happy.
(W)
i have made my bed and now i lie in it, i will never want another man in my life again, you have made me feel like this, i have to live the life now of never having a family, and live the rest of my life knowing i was kidding my self this is what would happen with you, but its all to late now, im the one with the messed up head, i should of listened to my dad years ago and maybe just maybe my life would of been different, but i will never know that now, im now past it to start a family now, you took years of my life and i cant let you take anymore from me, i have had to come to terms with the fact i have lost so much of my life , and i resent you so much for it, im the one that will end up alone and on my own, because i dont no longer trust any man , what they say and do are to different things, you give your whole life to someone and they end up taking so much away from you, thats why i wont come back
Me: Yes I understand. It is impossible to trust when you fell everything has been taken from you. You wanted a family and although we can still work on that, I know you can't bring yourself to have that much faith in someone who has let you down. I'm sorry.
(W): i dont know where my life is going, i dont no longer have a future to look forward to, so now i will wake in the morning and see what [censored] life will throw at me next, seems thats all im good for, i suppose i hope they find i have cancer, so i know i wont be around for long and can join my dad , as i have no future anymore and to be honest i no longer want one, i didnt want you knowing where i am because i wanted you to leave me alone,as i knew you would be over and i couldnt cope with anymore you throw at me, and to tell me you have another female friend and one of (G's) was yet another kick in the teeth. seems like i lived life only of dreams that was never to come true, and they didnt did they you made sure of that. its no good saying you can change all that as its to late to turn back the clock, my life is in ruins and is over, nothing you can say or do will change that
[20:47:36] Andy Laptop: Your life can go whereever you want it to go, you are in the driving seat and like me, at some point the fog will clear and you will see your destination. Your future is also up to you, although I undersatnd we are finished, you can still enjoy your life, once you allow yourself to. I found it very hard to change my head from the misery and fog I was in. I did it though because I wanted to be better than Iwas. It is early yet, but I am getting there. I have realised for some time that there was little chance of you coming home when you feel so hurt and disappointed by the marriage. But it was still something I had to do and one day, your fog will lift and you will smile again, but you have to want to. I am sorry you feel I have been throwing things at you. I was doing my best to be cool and back off to give you the space you wanted, I'm sorry I didn't do that as well as I could have. I certainly would never have invited myself over without your invitation, so I am sorry you feel that distrusting of me. As for female friends, I was invited out once and I returned the compliment once, with someone who knew me and knew what I was going through. Even though her intersts do not include men, she was good enough to care. I have no interest in anyone else, please understand that.
(W): i have no faith in you as you let me down to many times
Me: The dreams are all there but you can never trust me again so they will just have to stay as dreams that could have been. It is no use trying to turn back the clock, what is done is done, we can only move forward now. You will always have no trust in me because as you say, I have let you down so many times. That's why I am accepting your decision without argument, there is nothing I can say except that you are right, you will never be able to have any faith in me.
(W): i dont want any help from anyone now, i have truley given up , i dont care what happens to me anymore,
Me: Yes I see that and understand how being knocked down makes you unable to get up again sometimes.
(W): ive done my share of crying and still am , im crying because of all the oppertunities that was taken away from me by you
Me: I can see in your eyes how hurt you are, I just wish I could hold you and take the hurt away but I know I can't. The opportunities were still there but you will never trust me again, so they will just have to be memories of what could have been. Shame though, we could have been so good.
(W): dont tell me that , been there and done that so many times with you, but you never cared or listened to me , so please dont start now
Me: I'm not, I understand how you feel and accept that you will never have any love or trust for me again. It hurts like hell but I deserve every bit of the pain and more for putting you through it.
(W): you have only yourself to blame for that and yes things could of been good but you chose to change all that for me you have taken my life away, now i hope you are satisfied,
Me: I do blame myself, I beat myself up every minute about it. I know how it could have been, if I had taken the chance when it was there. But now I am going to pay the ultimate price for making you unhappy
(W): i dont want to talk anymore ,im to upset to anymore
Me: OK. Try to sleep. I'm so sorry. xx
(W) shant see you again as you say you could never be a friend so this is my final goodbye , i will get your phone and dongle back, i would like to have my stuff out of the attic, my teddy from my god parent is sentimenal
And it continues. Not sure where I got to as I can't see what I have posted due to the moderation.
Me: Night night sweetheart.
(W): shant see you again as you say you could never be a friend so this is my final goodbye , i will get your phone and dongle back, i would like to have my stuff out of the attic, my te
Then 1 hour later by email.....
im not going to fall out with you , but you aready said i couldnt be around you when i didnt come back, as you couldnt except me as a freind, i want to be amicable and grown up about things, but i cant face you begging me to come back, and you know i cant do this, ive been through so much, its better for both of us to part company so you can concentrate on your life like you are doing, and i may say you have achieved so much since i last saw you, hope all goes well for you in the future xx
And: like you said you dont look at the mantle when you are stocking the fire, im sure shes a nice person
Me: I don't recall begging you to come back. I accepted what you said without argument. I am interesting soley in what is best for you. What I want doesn't come into it. (X) is a nice person, but a) I have no interest, even if she was Felicity Kendal and b) she has no interest in men.
(W): who said anything about begging
Me: *cut and paste from email* im not going to fall out with you , but you aready said i couldnt be around you when i didnt come back, as you couldnt except me as a freind, i want to be amicable and grown up about things, but i cant face you begging me to come back, and you know i cant do this, ive been through so much, its better for both of us to part company so you can concentrate on your life like you are doing, and i may say you have achieved so much since i last saw you, hope all goes well for you in the future xx
(W): i didnt mean begging in that respect ,just very tierd and not eaten all day , sorry, i take that back,
(W): i wont text again that way i cant say anything wrong
Finding it difficult to be positive at the moment. I think I may have overdone the GAl and driven her further away. No idea if she really means the above or if it was just a way of hurting me again, because she is upset by my changes.
I would like you to sign my car over to me as im sending all my liecence and insurance details over , when would be a good time to do it . (W)
Whenever you like. I will be in this evening if that's any good?
I will be over tonight as im having tea with mum , but i wont stop as its better that way, could you go in the loft and find my bag with teddys in want the one i had when i was a baby , very sentalmental to me, thanks
