My last thread:
Go Beavers!I have another animal haunting me now. Several Raccoons have been causing trouble around my house (messing up my garden). I got woken the other night by 2 of those things having a huge fight outside my window. They are very ferocious. The neighbors even had a female with a litter living under their house and had to hire someone to remove them.
This morning, D5 called me to talk as usual. She asked me if I wanted to talk with OM who was right next to her. I told her kindly - No. She then said that W was on OM's Harley yesterday. How do you tell a 5 year old that you dont want to know about these details?
I am awaiting anxiously for the lawyers to haggle out the financial details of the D. What will the numbers be?
I cant wait to go on vacation next month. I love road trip camping.
Raccoons are cute to look at, but they're nasty little buggers.
I don't know how to gently let D5 know you'd rather be spared the details. I was about 6 when my parents divorced. Thankfully neither parent subjected my sister and I to any of their new friends for quite awhile. Although I think it bothered my mom when we'd tell her things about my step mom several years later. I don't know if it ever gets easy...
((((Kerry))))
Have a wonderful weekend.
My last thread:
Go Beavers!I have another animal haunting me now. Several Raccoons have been causing trouble around my house (messing up my garden). I got woken the other night by 2 of those things having a huge fight outside my window. They are very ferocious. The neighbors even had a female with a litter living under their house and had to hire someone to remove them.
This morning, D5 called me to talk as usual. She asked me if I wanted to talk with OM who was right next to her. I told her kindly - No. She then said that W was on OM's Harley yesterday. How do you tell a 5 year old that you dont want to know about these details?
I am awaiting anxiously for the lawyers to haggle out the financial details of the D. What will the numbers be?
I cant wait to go on vacation next month. I love road trip camping.
By the way, speaking of Beavers, Portland Beavers..I believe a local boy from our area played for them at one time.. Kevin Barker, 1ST BASEMAN..you ever heard of him. He played in the bigs for a few years for the brewers and Padres. I know his sister very well, she works at the same company I do AND USED TO DATE MY BEST FRIEND.
Kerry,
I don't know how you and Woog do it. You are one tough hombre! I would not be able to handle what you are going through and keep the attitude that you have. You truly are an inspiration to me and others I am sure. I think I said this to Woog before but you are a good man and a good dad.
Keep your head up.
By the way, speaking of Beavers, Portland Beavers..I believe a local boy from our area played for them at one time.. Kevin Barker, 1ST BASEMAN..you ever heard of him.
Mike, I dont really follow the team all that much and have not heard of him. The kids and I just like going to watch the action, but dont get too caught up in minor league ball. Once someone starts getting good, the Padres will call them up.
I don't know how you and Woog do it.
Thanks John. I think the key is to just keep busy. Also, the longer this has been going on, the more I realize that my W was not quite a catch to begin with and I can do much better. The OM can have her. The main thing that hurts now is what the kids have to go through, but W and I are giving them a good life.
You are a fantastic Dad!!!!
Your wife is going to wake up one day and wonder what the heck she's done.
W2G
Actually.. the day of reckoning will be the day our spouses wake up and not know who their children are.
*hugs*
Hi Kerry,
sorry I haven't been around much. I don't think you can tell your kids you don't want to know about their life because sadly this man is part of their life now. I bet it hurts like crazy but you are a great dad and you will put them first and will find a way to handle it.
I echo John, you are an inspiration (same as Woog) to many of us.
Kalni
I believe my W knows she has messed up. This morning when I was talking to her on the phone, I asked her if she changed and paid for her insurance on the Hyundai. She tried the guilt trip on me by saying she did not have any money. I told her that we have a mutual fund and I can split that with her now instead of waiting on the lawyers. She had no answer.
The 3 day weekend without the kids is a big cleaning time for me. I actually need many more free weekends to clean up all of pack rat mess my W has created. My problem is I start trying to do so many things at once and get side tracked. Yesterday I was doing windows and went outside to clean those. I decided to get the blower out and cleanup the pine needles and leaves from the patio. Then it was pressure washing the siding which then turned into pressure washing my shed and patio. At the same time I was multitasking getting another big space ready for a raised vegetable garden. I finally finished the windows and removed the crawl space vents and went to Lowes to by a bunch of 2*6 pressure treated lumber for my raised beds. I decided that the cedar fence boards I have used before would only last about 3 years before deteriorating.
So today it is raining and I am going to town on the inside of the house cleaning and putting a lot of W's clutter in bags.
W said she is going to stop by with the kids to go through a bunch of the clutter and the kids clothes. I cant wait until the day she has all of her stuff out of my house and OM can deal with her messes (and her anger).
My problem is I start trying to do so many things at once and get side tracked. Yesterday I was doing windows and went outside to clean those. I decided to get the blower out and cleanup the pine needles and leaves from the patio. Then it was pressure washing the siding which then turned into pressure washing my shed and patio. At the same time I was multitasking getting another big space ready for a raised vegetable garden. I finally finished the windows and removed the crawl space vents and went to Lowes to by a bunch of 2*6 pressure treated lumber for my raised beds. I decided that the cedar fence boards I have used before would only last about 3 years before deteriorating.
LOL Welcome to my life. At the end of the day I think "what did I finish.....?"
You sound like you're getting through it though.
Take care
W called me yesterday and asked if the kids could stay at my place on Mon night even though she had them for the holiday per our parenting plan. She said that S7 said he wanted to stay at my house.
When she came over, she printed a bunch of pictures on my printer and then helped out in going through the kids closets. I asked her to take a bunch of the stuff I have boxed up for her, but she said that she would need to rent a storage place and that she has no more money for that. After she left, she called me from my driveway and talked for quite a while about her bleak financial situation. She does not want me to wihtdraw and split the mutual fund with her because she does not want to spend that, but save everything. She is upset that I have not been paying her anything since we split the checking account. I told her that the L's will deal with all the financials.
She also says that she does not like L's and has gotten into some arguments with her L concerning billing. I even had to explain to her what her L has done which is to just extend the dismissal date and not file a response which would trigger a court date, thus, costing more money. She got angry and says she may fight me all the way to court. I told her that it is best to let our L's deal with this issue if we are going to remain friendly which is so important for the kids.
So I get the idea from her is that she has no intention to use any of the splitting of the assets to setup her new post D life - she wants to put it all into savings (she pulled the pity card again by saying she does not know how to invest). Meanwhile, I will lose most liquid assets (plus a fair chunk of my retirement accounts) and have to refinance to pay her off for the house. She has suggested that I make extra payments to her for the assets instead refinancing. Once again, I think my L is best to advise me and negotiate a fair deal. I fear that for the next few years that I will be just barely be getting by and that we may have to drop some of the kids extra expenses (afterschool teacher, music lessons) because I just wont have the funds for that.
Kerry,
Sorry to see where this is going for you. I keep thinking something will snap and your sitch will change.
I hope you had a nice weekend.
=(
Not much to say. It's just a bummer.
Someone else said it was all just $$$ and in a few years all will be back to 'normal' but it still sucks.
It was RefuseToLose who said that. I agree, I will get back on financial track, but it is the not knowing right now what my near future financial status will be that is frustrating.
Hey Kerry,
Dang, I'm really sorry you're dealing with the things you're dealing with. I can't believe how positive you are and how you're able to continue being such a good dad to your kids when W is treating you so badly.
Make a really conservative budget and stick to it and you'll make it through this brief down time.
lodo
Just adding my sympathies. I like the idea of the cheating spouse not being entitled to anything. Sounds fair to me.
My current D has not involved any significant issues with money, but my first D did. I had less to lose back then, but W1 was awarded alimony of 1K/wk for 4 years. That didn't include child support (450/wk) and I also had to pay for her health insurance. I bet that bought a lot of oats!
She didn't even look for a job until less than a year before alimony ended. Those were four difficult years financially, but I got through it and am OK now.
Thanks Lodo and gForce. There needs to be more incentive to NOT cheat. gForce, your first W sure took you to the bank. Those numbers are shocking.
There were times XW was making more money than me. And some of that time I was also supporting W and SD (though W had a job). My point is, though, that you do what you need to do and get through it. You are pretty resilient and I have no doubt the finances will not be the hardest part of all this. Even though I was looking forward to D'ing W1, it was still difficult. Mostly because of what we put D14 through and the feeling that I had wasted all those years on that crazy woman.
Just adding my sympathies. I like the idea of the cheating spouse not being entitled to anything. Sounds fair to me.
I agree too, but I am on the other side of this; I'm not the cheating spouse but I do think I need alimony. I gave up working to stay at home and homeschool my 2 special needs kids, have been a loyal hard-working wife, helped my H through college & law school by typing and editing all his papers & encouragement (he's dyslexic), etc. We had both agreed homeschooling the kids was for the best since I have a teaching degree and my S14 was having a nightmare every day in school. I do think alimony should be in a case like ours, where H agreed to something for 8 years and then changes his mind about it suddenly when he is having an affair/wanting a divorce. I don't know if the courts will agree, but it seems ridiculous to make changes for those reasons!!!
Karen
It's a sticky wicket when couples split and earning potential is unbalanced.
I've been a stay-at-home mom for 20 years, and having left my career when our first was two. The fact our son thrived with me home and my husband had sporadic medical issues convinced me to stay home longer than the three to six months I planned on. My husband started traveling extensively, commuting to Europe and travel to Asia increased. Remaining home and available to the children seemed the prudent thing to do with my husband thriving with his career.
Staying home, like learning golf, was based on a long term commitment to marriage, that I would not be left high and dry. To my spouse's credit, although he's having minimal contact with me and our children, we continue to have a joint account which we both draw on for household expenses based on his salary.
I had less to lose back then, but W1 was awarded alimony of 1K/wk for 4 years. That didn't include child support (450/wk) and I also had to pay for her health insurance. I bet that bought a lot of oats!
Holy cow. $4,000 per month for 4 years???
I really think the financial responsibility should fall to the spouse who abandons the marriage. If I was the judge in Kerry's case, his wife would not be entitled to any alimony. However, in Gypsy's case, she would continue to receive the same financial support until she chose to remarry. I think that's fair. A marriage is a contract and if you break it, there should be financial consequences, but not for the spouse doing everything possible to save the marriage.
I think my W is entitled to some alimony to survive, however, quitting her job and starting to pay OM rent sure makes it look like she is trying to manipulate things so as to get higher support from me.
I think my W is entitled to some alimony to survive.
You're a great human. Your kids a very lucky.
I agree. XW did stay at home and homeschool our D. But it was her decision to leave and her decision to D. Our life was not happy by any measure, but I was willing to stick with it and continue to work on it. I'm no saint, believe me, but I do know what commitment is and I honor the promise I make when I decide to marry someone. Despite that, the law said I had to support her decision financially.
BTW - child support was 500/wk (and continues). Health insurance ran about $500/mo. So it was more like $6500/mo. I make a good living, but not THAT good.
Kerry, sorry for hijacking. I'll be quiet now.
Also, yesterday I asked her to start taking her stuff out of the house. She pulled the pity card again and said she needs to rent a storage unit to put it in and that she does not have money. I asked "what about OM's place? I thought he had good storage for the all the jet skis and motorcycles". Opps, Pandora's box of guilty anger was partially opened. I felt like asking her ala "Pulp Fiction" - "When you drove up here, did you see a sign that said 'cheating wife storage area'?"
This weekend, I took down all of the pictures around the house of her and I. I replaced them with pics of the kids. She did not understand as OM still has pictures up in his house of his exW's. I told her that it hurts for me to look at them now and that when I do start dating again, I dont want the gal I am dating to see my ex-W's picture still hanging on my walls. She should understand as when I first married her, she made me burn all the pictures I had of a prior girlfriend. She said that she wants the pictures of "us".
Kerry, sorry for hijacking. I'll be quiet now.
gForce, no problem. I value hearing from someone who has gone through this ringer before. Man did you get hammered. I have heard of these cases where the judge dictates more alimony and child support than a person makes. My cousin is paying out quite a bit now too, but he is now living with his grade school sweetheart who is quite well off. Maybe I need to find myself a "Sugar Momma"
.
I hope the L's can work out something reasonable and we dont have to go to court. Also, I hope my salary goes up substantially after this is all over.
Hey, Kerry. I'm back from Tahoe and caught up w/ you. I'm sorry to hear that W is trying to play some charades w/ you. If she wants to fight you all the way to court, then she'll end up w/ less than zero, if that is possible. It does sound as if she's being told to do some things to get more money from you, but you should be ok as long as you keep documenting things and let your L earn his money.
I think you are only going to be responsible for things from the divorce filing backward, so your W's decision to quit her job may not have as an adverse effect on you as you think. Again, I'm a rookie in D-land myself, so I'm not 100% sure of what will happen, but I'm sure your L is working on this for you and he's experienced enough to make sure you don't get taken to the cleaners.
I'm off to bed now as I've got to get up early, haul D across the Valley and then back to prepare for my depostion. I'm not really looking that forward to it, but I think it may be interesting. I'll try to take your advice from the Art of War and stay balanced and let her go off. I'll be keeping quiet and as level of a head as I can. I'll need to channel my best poker face. Maybe I'll even wear sunglasses during the deposition so she can't read my eyes.
Hang in there, my man! All stories have endings and yours will eventually be happy b/c of the man you are. I too hate the unknown parts of this crap. I know time is our friend, but I really wish he'd hurry the Hell up.
RTL
Just thinking of you today.
So W wants the pictures of the 2 of you? Is she going to put them up at OM's place? Weird.........
Keep going forward, you are amazing!
When my W moved out, she left most of the photos of us behind. I gave her a nice enlarged framed print of us saying our vows to each other for our first anniversary. I reminded her that was hers, but I bet it is in a closet somewhere. I had also asked her that if she ever was thinking about selling or resetting her engagement and wedding rings to tell me. I told her I would buy them from her, and she could use the money to get something new. I didn't want her to change it into something else or to let anyone else have it.
Stupid sentimental me, huh?
gforce, that was a nice thing to do....
Kerry, where are you? Just checking in. I can't find ANYBODY today!!!!!!!!
I am still waiting on L's to haggle it out. I got a bill yesterday listing briefly the interactions and I added another $1500 to my L's retainer. The run down for the list was $750 for 4.5 hours work which means that most of that was done by the paralegal as my L's rate is $300/hr. I am wondering how freaked out my W will be when her L needs the retainer topped off again. She is very upset that her L charges money and will dispute little charges with her L. This has to work in my favor.
Saw W this morning and she was dressed like a harlot as usual, even though she was going to be working at a pre-school. I just dont find it attractive.
I did a stupid thing this morning when I saw the kids - I gave them a choice of what to do tonight: Beaver Baseball, swimming or putt putt golf. S7 wants putt putt and D5 wants swimming. I have to be the decider and I want putt putt so D5 is going to be angry later. Next time I will only give them one choice.
Ay, how frustrating the whole L thing must be for you.
Kerry,
Go w/ the tie breaker neither chose -- Beaver baseball! I know what you mean w/ too many options.
I also feel your pain w/ the L. I just gave him $3600 for his work and the deposition. OUCH! The good news, I guess, is from now on it is just hourly fees, so there shouldn't be too many BIG bills coming.
Anyway, it is what it is in this game. I hate the process, but it is what we are forced to do, unfortunately.
Hang in there and have fun tonight.
RTL
Choice... I wonder if we were all given a choice at a point. We definitely seem NOT to be happy with what we chose... Thank God, we get some more down the road.
Hang in there Kerry, money will not be an "issue" once you get over this stage. You'll be fine.
K
Have fun tonight with putt putt!
Kerry...
That was a great post to maryangela.. You're a good man.
You've probably already gone puttputting.. but I figured a compromise on the swimming would be to toss him in the water hazard.
Yep.. that's me.. helpful as the day is long.
*hugs*
The putt putt was fun. My son got distracted by the water hazards because they had tadpoles in them. We did a bucket of balls on the driving range afterwards. D5 likes to use a driver and she got every ball but one up into the air. I may need to look into lessons for her as she seems so natural at it.
My son got distracted by the water hazards because they had tadpoles in them.
LOL - I can just picture him!
My son got distracted by the water hazards because they had tadpoles in them.
LOL - I can just picture him!
Me too! Your children seem very gifted... athletic, musically inclined, intelligent - you made some awesome babies, Kerry!
children, schmildren -- if I saw tadpoles, I'd be the one stopping to play around with them.
That goes without saying
The cool thing about putt putt with S7 is he loves to add up our scores. That boy loves math and his afterschool teacher has him do 8th grade work - algebra story problems, complex fraction and decimal work.
Next time I go to that putt putt place, I might let the kids catch a tadpole so we can raise it into a frog at home in a terrarium.
Yesterday, after S7's piano recital, I took the kids to where I do my batting cages and let them see if they might be able to hit the slow baseball. They noticed that the batting cages were next to a Malibu Gran Prix go cart place. They begged and pleaded and I gave in and tried it out with them. I did 5 laps with D5 and 6 laps with S7. At the end I was sweating quite a bit and the kids liked it.
You are a hell of a dad Kerry and a hell of a person. Your kids are lucky to have you and they will take that with them all their lives through.
Keep up the good work...you inspire me to be a better dad for my D7.
Kerry,
You are a very good father and a great man. I echo the sentiments of John whole-heartedly.
I love taking my D out and doing things w/ her. In fact, W has accused me of running her around and putting her into numerous activities b/c I have no idea of how to fill my time w/ her. More crazyness from my W.
Anyway, I'm also thinking you may have a bit of an athlete on your hands in your D. It sounds like she picks up EVERYTHING. Now if she can find something she likes you can get her lessons in that area and sit back w/ a huge smile of pride as she takes off.
If your S is great at math and your D is great at sports, you may have your built in manager/agent for your superstar-in-waiting.
RTL
Thanks guys.
I took a good chunk of the day to drive 5 of the kids from S7's class on a field trip to learn about what pioneer life was like 150 years ago. I thought to myself during the presentations that divorce was hardly heard of back in those days.
W had a terrible weekend as she picked up a case of pink eye at her preschool.
W had a terrible weekend as she picked up a case of pink eye at her preschool.
She must think her Karma is getting her again.
Glad you had fun with the field trip. I'm guessing life was just too hard back then to think, "ho hum, I just can't stand the thought of giving up the life of clubbing to dedicate myself to one man for the rest of my life".
Hey Kerry,
Just dropping by to say hello. lodo
Hi Girl -
Back in them old days, if a gal left her man, there was probably only one occupation for her.
Hey Lodo -
I heard you mention your were going to Montana. You are a traveling man! My trip starting on June 21 cant get here soon enough for me. With the huge amount of snow still in the Cascades, I imagine there will still be a good amount in the Ruby Mountains towards the end of June.
Yep! Part of my GALing. Doing a side job that doesn't bring much money - i.e. none - but does pay for all travel, so I figured why not?
It's been a pretty cool year so there may still be snow up there. Hard tellin' not knowin'!
Kerry,
When I was in middle school in Washington we used to take a day trip to the pioneer village. It was pretty cool. I'm sure your son loved it.
As for the now vs. then, just look at where we are in all aspects of society. We're the do it now and make it quick society, so it is really no wonder we promote giving up instead of waiting and working to make things better.
Our kids are inundated w/ messages that say if you don't like what you have, ditch it and trade up to the newer, better model. The advertisers know how to use the human frailities against us, but that doesn't mean they are right. They are just good at what they do and thus can make companies a lot of money.
Our jobs now are that much tougher since we'll be working solo to raise our kids and try and show them how to value what they have vs. wishing they had something else.
I'm not happy about doing it alone, but I am up for the challenge. I look at it as another one I just can't allow myself to fail.
RTL
Back in the time, womenfolk undergarments were like plain shorts with no seam in the middle. That meant that when it came time to go to the outhouse, all they had to do was lift their skirts, separate their legs and do their business.
It also made it very easy to have fireworks in the hay. No need to remove all the clothing. Just lift and dive!
Many of the wives who were tuckered out after having legions of babies often encouraged their husbands to work off their energy someplace else.
My grandma moved from Oklahoma to the middle of nowhere in Oregon when she was 2. She had 15 brothers and sisters, but one died as a baby. I suppose the reason for having so many kids back then was to create workers for the family farm. Either that or it was the easy access womens clothing and lack of condoms (I think they used pig intestines for that).
Husbands back then probably did not have to do the dishes, laundry or change diapers like we do now.
I found out from D5 (and then W) this morning that the kids have changed rooms at OM's house. They moved out of the basement to a room with more lighting and a view of the lake. The office was moved downstairs. I let my L know as it seems this is more an indication that W has decided to stay more permanently.
Each time I have spoken with W this week, she sure sounds depressed. I dont bother to ask her what is troubling her as I dont really care. Maybe she is realizing that her choices have consequences.
I sucked at my golf practice yesterday for some unknown reason - I was trying what I learned the week before and I kept slicing. Hopefully I can get some correction tonight in my lesson.
I have been emailing back and forth with a couple single ladies. I dont expect it to go anywhere, but it is nice to coorespond with them.
The garage is getting organized some this weekend as I try to start getting things together for my big road trip camping vacation. If I have time, I am going to check out some little par 3 courses near my house. Also, a new Korean grocery store with a food court is opening behind my house - I will definitely check that out.
Kerry,
just reading and checking how you are...
K
Kerry
I am also checking in on you. Hope your golf lesson goes well!
Who cares about your golf practice?????!!!! More details on the ladies, please! ;-)
Just want you to be happy, Kerry. Lord knows you deserve something amazing and exciting. Maybe you can find a super HOT sugar momma with a lake house on the GOLF COURSE!
Winky wink.
Yea, give us the dirt. Are these golfing babes? Or putt putt groupies?
I dont know whether either of the ladies play golf.
I just had a good friendly talk with W. I told her that when I picked up S7 from his last day of school today that he wanted to get a balloon animal, however the line was really long for the that and I had to get back to work. S7 cried all the way to his afterschool teacher. W said she understood that was how her boy is and told me that she has had some talks with him lately and that he has expressed to her that he loves me a lot.
I joked with her that I was going to camp out in my tent tonight outside the new Korean store so that I could be their first customer in the morning. She thought that was funny and mentioned that if I hang out there enough that I might find a nice asian girl friend. She has even joked that she might want to move back to my house now that there is this great store and food court opening up behind my house.
I need to broaden my selection of bachelorette's to include red heads.
I need to broaden my selection of bachelorette's to include red heads
"Red" is the new "blond". At least that's what they say...
K
W was a redhead for a while. It was hot. Never really ever favored blondes. Don't know why. Maybe all those jokes.
Hey, My Man!
Checking back w/ you and it sounds like things are going as well as they can right now. Keeping your L in the loop is a good thing as I would agree that move sounds a little more than temporary. Old "E.D." appears to be planning on having some houseguests for a very extended stay.
As for the ladies, good for you. Take it slow, but have a lot of fun. SPM has a new motto that I LOVE. It is "Life Begins Now" and he says he uses it daily to help motivate him. I'm going to steal it from him and will gladly pay copyrights if necessary. For us, in our situations, life does begin now. Every day is another chance for us to grow, change, and become better.
Finally, as for the golfing, I'm sure you had something on your mind that affected you or you had something slightly off w/ your stance or grip that did it. Do you take notes during your lessons? I find that if I write down things, I can remember them better when my instructor isn't around. Also, I find if I'm having a crappy day at the range and nothing seems to work, I just walk away from the bucket, 1/2 full or not, and call it a day. That and a few beers help me to forget what I was doing wrong in the first place.
Talk to you later.
RTL
I played recently and found by the seventh fairway all I could imagine was my husband with his girlfriend on this course last year while I was clueless.
Needless to say, they could lay sod from my divots.
*hugs*
SPM has a new motto that I LOVE. It is "Life Begins Now" and he says he uses it daily to help motivate him.
Sounds like a shortened manly version of "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". I like it - it has a Nike "Just Do It!" quality to it.
My golf lesson last night was out on the course and I did much better. I mentioned to my instructor that I think if I just slow up my back swing that I do much better. He agreed. Next time we are going to work on some things he saw wrong with my driver swing.
I visited the new Korean grocery store (H-Mart) behind my house today. I like it a lot and will be a regular customer. I really like asian food and Korean cooking is perhaps my favorite.
My L and I just talked on the phone. He thinks we should just wait and see what W's L does next. The longer she stays with and is supported by OM the better for me. We both think it is good for the kids to have OM's place to live when they are with W as opposed to living in an apartment which might have some meth addicts hanging around. He does say that W and her L are not in compliance as they should have delivered "Discovery Papers" within 30 days of receiving the D petition (back in January).
I played recently and found by the seventh fairway all I could imagine was my husband with his girlfriend on this course last year while I was clueless.
Needless to say, they could lay sod from my divots.
*hugs*
You got it all wrong! Imagine their faces on the golf ball! You'd drive 50 yards farther!
Actually, one of my biggest challenges with golf is the testosterone. I natuarally want to use a lot of force and then I lose control. The batting cages is where one should imagine the cheating spouse and partner faces on the ball. Nothing feels quite as satisfying as swinging a bat and crushing a ball.
Kerry....you are right....in golf you never hit at the ball, but rather you swing through it.
I also love Asian food but have never tried a Korean restaurant. I will have to look for one and report back. Can you suggest a dish or two for the beginner? i don't want to try anything too "out there" first time out.
OK, good point! Picture their faces on the far side of the ball, swing through it!
I also love Asian food but have never tried a Korean restaurant.
I don't know if I'm spelling this right, but Bi Bim Bap is a yummy rice dish with an egg on top and vegetables lots of yummy stuff... I love Asian food as well and have been lucky to travel extensively and try lots of wonderful foods. Usually anything with the word "bap" tastes good, but that might mean "rice"... I really don't know. ;-)
I'm hungry now.
John, I recommend the spicy tofu soups in a cast iron pot where you drop an egg in it when it is served. I think you should check out "Korea House" in Montreal.
The Jaep Chae noodles are excellent along with the barbequed meats (ie Bulkogi). Flounder seems to be the prefered fish for Koreans. The spicy squid dishes are great. I have had some other Korean noodles with bean sauce that are simply exquisite. There was also a particular seafood stew that I liked. I keep a couple pieces of paper written in Korean in my wallet so that when I go to a Korean restaurant I can ask them if they have either of these.
Most Korean restaurants bring out all kinds of little complimentary appetizer dishes. Kimchee, soy bean sprouts, Dakken, pickled cucumbers, etc...
My mom told me that if I had come out a girl, I was going to be named "Kim".
Maybe I should look for a Korean girlfriend.
My mouth is watering already....
Wellllll... just keep hanging out at the new market and maybe "Ms. Right" will come walking through the doors. You're so good with those Korean dishes. I can never remember the names. My husband always orders the soup you're talking about. Seems like lots of dishes come out of the kitchen boiling and sizzling away. I love the potato salad served in the little dishes. I made a Korean soup at home not long ago, but I can't remember what it was called. It had the Korean red pepper paste and red pepper with the black sesame seeds. I looove spicy. OK. That's it. I'm going to lunch.
Maybe you should hang out in the produce section.....oh no that was another thread.....sorry ;-)
Hey Kerry,
Just found this:
http://www.montrealfood.com/restos/koreahouse.htmlMaybe the sultry waitress the author mentions is single.
My rule of thumb for ethnic restaurants is - if you see people of the same ethnicity eating there it most likely is good.
Maybe you should hang out in the produce section.....oh no that was another thread.....sorry ;-)
I can never keep up the pace with that thread, but ya'll sure do have tons of fun.
I was in the produce section today looking for and found some fak thaawng (thai style pumpkin) for W's friend who has a Thai restaurant. I get a kick out of saying some of these thai words like fak thaawg, bangkok and phuket.
John, I read that a laughed my a$$ off b/c I was the one who started the produce conversation w/ Ms. Sunshine. Funny stuff!
Hey, Kerry, I'm glad the golf lesson went well and I think you should go jump on the par 3 course and give it a go. Just don't keep score - or if you do, don't obsess about it, but rather use it as a marker to improve on.
I also like the tactic your L is taking w/ your W and her L. My L believes in the same thing. It is much easier to play solid defense when you know the playbook of the offense. Let her come to you. You're not in that big of a hurry, so she'll come your way and open up her entire strategy to you. Also, letting her establish more time in the residence will work for you as well, I would guess.
Finally, "Life Begins Now" does have a Nike-esque quality to it. I like that analogy and I should have expected it from you up there in the state of Nike, I mean Oregon.
Keep swinging the clubs. I'm getting excited for your golf game.
It also makes me want to rediscover mine - where ever the heck I misplaced it many months ago when I was in the throws of a D.
RTL
if you see people of the same ethnicity eating there it most likely is good.
I agree w/ that statement completely.
RTL
Kerry,
I get a kick out of saying some of these thai words like fak thaawg, bangkok and phuket.
You are not alone. I'm a history teacher and I also have to hide my juvenile tendencies when I say "Bangkok." However, I do like phuket. Maybe I can say that out loud in class and just explain to the adminstration it is Thai, not vulgarity.
RTL
I was in the produce section today looking for and found some fak thaawng (thai style pumpkin) for W's friend who has a Thai restaurant. I get a kick out of saying some of these thai words like fak thaawg, bangkok and phuket.
Don't forget phi phi!!!
The "ph" in phuket has a 'p' sound - not an 'f' sound. It is more like poohket.
Phi Phi is pronounced pee pee - weird name for a stunningly beautiful place.
If one is timid to say Bangkok, you can use the shortened name of "Krung Thep". It is what Thai people call Bangkok. If you really want to impress, use the full name which is the longest place name in the world:
"Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit"
I'm thinking of George Carlin asking, "How would you like to be a hooker in Bangkok?"
After I pointed out what looked to be hookers outside a bar, my BIL sarcastically said to me - "Kerry, there are not any prostitutes in Thailand because it is against the law".
I'm not sure how to spell it, but my favorite soup is Thai - Thong Ka Gai, or something like that. It's chicken & galanga root in a coconut milk base.
I'm a Tom Yum fan, especially when it has coconut milk added to it. Yum. Hot, spicy, creamy, lemon grass. So good.
Tom Ka Gai is my favorite Thai soup too. Just dont eat the galanga root. For that matter, I try to always pick the basil leaves out of food - somehow my system just does not digest that plant. Ditto for lemon grass and bay leaves. I like the flavors though.
Lemon grass is probably one of the world's best flavors.
You can't eat basil?! Poor guy. I have to admit that I'm a basil fanatic. I think I wrote this over on my thread but I planted too much this year and have already started freezing. My record is 5 gallons of pesto - we'll see what happens this year.
I agree, lemon grass is wonderful. I also cook a lot with kaffir lime leaves. Unfortunately sweet wife now has my tree so I have to get another.
Where are you guys when I'm cooking.. huh huh?
*hugs*
Just checking how you are...
K
I think Kerry really IS camping out at the Korean food store/food court....
I think I have been in that store 4 times in the last 2 days. Today I ate lunch there with W and the kids. Then we went to D5's violin group recital. W had to leave with D5 right after D5 played so as to get her to a BD party. S7 wanted to stay and finish watching the group recitals so W gave in and let him be with me for the afternoon. Afterwards, I took him to the batting cages and then the Malibu Grand Prix. When W picked him up, I put his Heely's on him which W got him for xmas but had never worn. I just talked to W and she says he is real unstable on those things and she has to hold his hand to keep him up. I hope he does not break any bones.
When I had time for myself this weekend, I worked some outside finishing my garden and putting up chicken wire around my raised beds because a somewhat tame (only I can pet him) feral fat rabbit nibbled all the leaves off my brocolii and cauliflower. I also spent both days organizing the garage and getting some things together for my big trip in 2 weeks. I got out to the YMCA the last 3 days which is something I do religiously when I dont have the kids.
Now it is time for me to finish the laundry, pay some bills, eat a Korean bbq'd marinated steak and watch some Japanese anime (Witchblade) with the non-whiney Donny cat on my lap.
"Life Begins Now" (c) SirPrizeMe
Told ya he was camping there....
Hey, Kerry!
Just checking in on you.
"Life Begins Now" (c) SirPrizeMe
Don't you just love that? I really do. SirPrizeMe has helped me in more ways than he'll ever know.
I hope you are plugging along and feeling good about things. Sounds like the garden is coming together. How did the knee hold up w/ the gardening?
Also, did you discover your golf swing hitch?
Talk to you later.
RTL
Hey Kerry,
I haven't checked in for awhile but just thought I'd say hi. Planted some artichokes in my community garden spot yesterday. I don't have pet-able rabbits, but voracious gophers.
Re: the rabbit, isn't it funny how tame some animals can be? I'm pretty good at getting birds at the bird-feeder to sit on my finger, and I've been able to stand still enough to have deer come up and sniff me. A friend of mine used to put praying manti on his shoulders while he worked in the shop - they'd stay there all day long.
2 weeks? I'm tempted to meet you out there. I bet it's beautiful right now! I think I might head back to Durango CO for the fourth and see some old friends.
lodo
How did the knee hold up w/ the gardening?
The knee seems just fine. Now the rotator cuff hurts a little. Time to lay off the bench press some. I am getting old.
[quote=RefuseToLose]Also, did you discover your golf swing hitch?
I just need to relax more and found that slowing up my back swing has helped a lot.
I don't have pet-able rabbits, but voracious gophers.
Hey Lodo -
My high school mascot was a gopher. Our school motto was "gopher-it".
I somehow dont think we will be hiking far in the Ruby Mountains as it is still snowing at the passes here in Oregon. I would suspect the Rubies are getting hammered with snow now also.
I found some extra things I want to check out in SE Oregon. There is a developed hot spring pond and tubs (Crystal Crane) with a campground and I also want to find Malheur cave. The second day will be at the awesome Alvord desert at the base of the Steens and the second night will probably be at
Bog Hot springs on the Oregon/Nevada border. I camped there a couple times before and it is awesome hearing the wild donkeys at night.
When I got out of the military (Coast Guard) in Texas back in 1982, on the drive back to Oregon, I spent a night in Durango. It was hell the next morning trying to drive up the long hill going out of town as I did not have a 2nd gear (or a clutch) in my VW bug. I would wind it up in 1st gear and try to shift to 3rd to no avail. The ganja brownies I had made only made matters worse.
It was hell the next morning trying to drive up the long hill going out of town as I did not have a 2nd gear (or a clutch) in my VW bug. I would wind it up in 1st gear and try to shift to 3rd to no avail. The ganja brownies I had made only made matters worse.
lol - I know that hill. Driven up it many times - you pretty much need 2nd! What do mean the brownies made it worse? Trust me, WITHOUT them it would have been worse!
I had a friend who was really into VW vans and I caught a ride with him from UT to the front range. He lost 2 cylinders in Grand Junction - did we stop? Nope - drove all the way back to Ft. Collins on 2 cylinders. VW vans, aren't they great?!
I actually threw the brownies away at a rest area in Utah - they were too tasty!
Kerry,
I played the other day for the 1st time in about 6 months and found when I didn't try to destroy the ball, I did pretty well. My putting stunk as I had 37 putts for 18 holes, so it is no wonder my score was as bad as it was.
Hey, I thought your post about the Greek goalie's looks on Kalni's thread was hilarious.
Talk to you later.
RTL
Happy Birthday, birthday boy!!!!!!
Kalni
Happy Birthday Kerry!!!!!!
To my twin brother from Oregon, I sincerely wish you a wonderful birthday. I don't know what you have planned, but make it a 100% Kerry day. Make yourself happy, you deserve it.
J
Awesome buddy. Hope you do something special for yourself.
Happy B-day. Hope you have a good one.
Me
Thanks all - I have bumped my age in my signature line by one.
So, what are you doing for yourself today?
So, what are you doing for yourself today?
I am writing boring device driver code in "C". Tonight we will take the kids out to dinner.
W stopped by this morning with BD presents. She bought me a shirt and 4 nice short pants. Also a singing card from the kids and a card from W. In her card she said she has never regretted being married to me. Go figure.
We agreed that she will have the kids on my days next week as I will be taking a few of her days the following weekend to take off early on vacation for 3 weeks. It is good that we agree and get along so well. I just dont totally understand why we have to get a D.
It is good that we agree and get along so well. I just dont totally understand why we have to get a D.
I understand the feeling. My W and I don't have kids so I've decided to go dark just to help myself get over this. She's made it clear there are no other options besides D. Yet she wants to stay good friends. Well, it is going to be their loss, right? At least we can both feel good about ourselves and what we were willing to do.
lodo
Kerry! My man! Happy Birthday! I wish I'd have seen it sooner.
You know, whenever I can get away w/ it, I call in sick on my birthday and go and play golf. Treat yourself to a round on the links. I don't think you've been out yet, correct? You can even have the kids w/ you in the cart as they help the Old Man find his ball.
I know my D LOVES to ride in the golf cart w/ Daddy and she gets a kick out of constantly looking in the super tall grasses for all of Daddy's errant shots! At least she has fun w/ it, eh?
Worst case, buy yourself your favorite meal and drink to top it off tonight, eh? Have a great one, my friend.
RTL
Happy, Happy Birthday!
May you find love and peace in the coming year and forever more.
xo,
R.
Last night when I was putting D5 to bed, she blurted out that mommy and Eddie were kissing a lot last weekend and that they both have rings. Also, I noticed some art work that D5 brought home from school had 4 boxes and a title "My Family". In each box she drew a picture with a label - brother, dad, mom, and step-dad (his picture rightfully had no hair). I am very convinced that W and Eddie are "NOT" just friends and I definitely should not need to buy any oats.
Sounds like W's playing you and E.D.
Could she potentially be in big trouble if she provides false financial information on court paperwork? I don't know how that works, but it seems to me that would be fraudulent.
Could she potentially be in big trouble if she provides false financial information on court paperwork?
She (and her L) have yet to provide any "discovery" financials to my L. According to my L, this was needed within 30 days of filing back in January and they are not in compliance. I think the longer we wait the better as my W only takes home around 1K a month and has AFAIK burned through the money we split from the shared checking. With time, it will evidence enough to show that E.D. is supporting her just fine.
Dont get me wrong...I am not stingy as I am more than willing to split assets fairly, pay child support (even though we are 50/50) based upon our differences of income, and pay for other things like schools and music instructions. Just today, I paid for next years school for both kids and did not ask W to contribute any. However, having to pay spousal support to someone that apparently does not need it does not sound fair. It would feel like punishment to me and a reward for her.
I am not stingy as I am more than willing to split assets fairly, pay child support (even though we are 50/50) based upon our differences of income, and pay for other things like schools and music instructions. Just today, I paid for next years school for both kids and did not ask W to contribute any. However, having to pay spousal support to someone that apparently does not need it does not sound fair. It would feel like punishment to me and a reward for her.
I completely understand what you're saying. I would expect nothing less from you, Kerry, with regards to not being stingy and doing the right thing for your children and even providing for your wife's future. It's the principle that really bothers me. It's knowing that the next several years will be difficult financially for you when you're wife is living the high life on the lake with the old guy. It's wrong. It eats at me. It drives me nutso. AAAAACCCCKKKKK.
Especially since SHE IS THE ONE WHO ABANDONED THE MARRIAGE!!!!
I gotta stop thinking about it.
Hope you had a happy birthday.
Kerry,(Belated) Happy b-day!
A lot of ex-W's "co-habit" instead of marrying to have their "oats" and eat it too and the law turns a blind eye to it. Also, if you are going to be paying child support based on income difference then she should pay half of all fees, music lessons, etc or you will likely be in the red every month - when you get down to it. Are you're kids in private school? The hard part would be to get her to do so - I've had to borrow to pay the fees so I'm seriously considering public school. I don't know how you stay +ve thru' this injustice.
Hi Fb2 -
I checked and the biggest of the extra fees (after school care) will be taken into account when the child support is calculated. If there is also spousal support, that reduces the child support. However, because I make over 5 times what W makes, I end up paying the bulk of most extra things. The extra things are not split in half, but probably more based upon income differences. I will let my L haggle over all this.
The kids go to a charter school which is mostly funded by the local public school district but requires some additional funding from the parents. It amounts yearly to $350 mandatory and $400 donation per child. They dont have school on Fridays as the school days at the charter school are longer, so we pay $600 a month (combined for both kids) for a really good private home school teacher on that day and for some afternoons. It would be a shame if we cant afford this teacher anymore as the math and writing skills the kids are being taught by her is amazing. This teacher's daughter was the only 12 year old to have ever gotten a 100% score on the SAT tests.
Kerry,
Sorry to hear about W and E.D.'s displays. I know you knew they were most likely going on, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear, regardless of what stage you are in w/ your M/D.
Keep following your L's advice and you'll come out ok. Your W clearly doesn't know too much about our legal system and especially D, so let her continue to hang herself. She's doing more damage to herself than she realizes and who knows, you may get off w/ very little expenses after all.
Hang tough!
RTL
HEY-What are your Father's Day plans? Anything fun w/ the kids? Watching Beavers? The baseball team, of course.
Hey RTL -
I knew about their displays going back to Dec. That is why I filed for a D because I thought it was so wrong to have the kids witness the affair. W has always said they were nothing but friends (yeah right). Maybe I should teach the kids to say "Get a room!"
We cant watch the Beavers this weekend because they are playing "The Grizzly's" down in Fresno. Maybe GirlFromImpanema might go see them with her H. Go Beavers!
Hey Kerry...
Happy Belated Birthday...
Just for you! An inappropriate but cute
gift*hugs*
Kalni will be jealous.
That is pretty funny. Beavers are so cute.
Sorry I missed your birthday, thinking of you!
Hey K.,
Sorry to hear about your D and what she saw. I echo your thoughts about it not being fair to have to pay spousal support. If I can be up front about all this, I think it is very difficult to entertain any thoughts of cordial relations with someone who will take spousal support after leaving the M to live with someone else.
I have said this before, you are a good man. You deserve alot better.