I can hope so anyway.
. I looked a little deeper at options for work. The first HR gal just didn't really give me any direction. The second one I talked to had a lot of good advice. My boss was working from home so I could actually talk.
I also applied for another job. I am hoping I can either put the two together or if this one I really applied for pays half way decent maybe I can make my current job a part time one. This will all come together, because I said so.
kat
I had a quick chat with my Dad yesterday. I know deep down I am not losing s19 but on the surface it feels that way. I know I have taught him to do the right thing and I am happy he is doing that.
One step at a time. I will admit my heart will get tugged next Tuesday when he moves. D16 doesn't want to even talk about it. They are really close and have been for some time. It is going to be hard on more of us than just me and somehow that shakes me a bit. I need to help her keep that connection. Guess we will be driving over tot the other side of town a couple of times a week.
kat
It is so funny(strange) that I am so excited about becoming an aunt. My sister from when I was an exchange student in Denmark many years ago is having her son. She has tried for years to get pregnant. She is going into this as a single mother but she is an adult and has had her fun. She will be 41 this Sunday.
It is a different feeling knowing that I am going to be a grandmother.
kat
Last night as S19 was going through some of his things, he gave D16 his high school Hoodie that he wore tons last year. She held it as if he was dead. She wore it today and when I asked if it was his, she just said yep.
She and her brother are super close and as she pointed out to me during one of my crying spells, I am not the only one hurting. S22 said he even cried over lost time with his brother. They have drifted apart over the past 3 years but recently have begun to get close again. So we all are feeling it. S19 is good at hiding his feelings but he will let them out now and then.
Time to put on the brave Mom face for all of my kids.
kat
We had a really quite Thanksgiving, which was nice but so not us. The first thing D16 said to my dad was how much she missed her brother. He was the main topic of conversation most of the afternoon. It was like going to a wake except that no one had died. He and his GF did stop by for about 45 minutes. It made d16 so happy.
For now, my house is clean and quiet. The girls are with their Dad and my oldest is working and has plans for after work. So since this is so rare for me, I will just take it for what it is and enjoy it.
kat
It's good to hear your update Kat. I'm glad you had a nice Thanksgiving. A clean place, AND peace and quiet? Enjoy this moment.
I hate that I can't access my personal email at work!! Only slightly joking there. I had applied for a job on flexjobs. It didn't show up in my regular lists so I must have broadened my search that day. anyway, I rush home and adjust my resume and coverletter to fit said job. I get an email two days later that there has been a tremendous response, if I don't hear anything by next week, I am not in the running. The very next day, I get another email from them saying that I am in the top canidate pull and that they would like me to do an exercise for them. Should take 30 minutes tops.
I did it last Monday, it needed to be in by 5pm December 1st. I didn't want to anxious but wanted to get it done in a timely fashion. The lady reviewing everything was gone until yesterday so I knew I probably wouldn't hear anything for a few days. So while I can glance at who sent me an email and the topic, I can't open it here.
This afternoon, I get an email from the lady reviewing applications and the topic is Flexjob interview. So I am antsy to get home and read it. Wish me luck my friends. This could just be the stars lining up for me!
kat
Yippee! I will be interviewing either tomorrow when I rush home (literally) from work or on Friday when I will have to interview over my lunch half hour. While this job may be really flexible, I figured that I would need to interview during regular business hours.
As Tim Gunn says, "Make it work".
kat
AWESOME!!!! Good luck!!!!
Wishing you the best!
Barb
It's good news, go get 'em. Wishing you luck (and blessings).
Ohhhhhh, Kat... do you read Susan Miller's astrology forecasts? She posted her December casts this morning and my Leo friend, yours rocks (as does mine). I won't say anything, but I'm gonna post the eye catching update that you need to read RIGHT NOW!
Two days prior to the cresting of the December 6 full moon, December 4 will bring a day that will be just made for you. Your ruling star is the Sun, and on this day, the Sun will receive a golden beam, at a 120-degree angle from Uranus (this is the best angle possible, denoting supreme harmony.) Your mind will move at the speed of light, and you will be capable of coming up with highly original ideas. On the same day, Venus and Jupiter will ALSO be in perfect angles, increasing the probability that you will hear superb news about your career. Your star is on the rise, dear Leo, and you will know it now.
The following day, December 5, Mercury will also be conversing with Uranus, another brilliant idea aspect, but also one that will get you news of more money to come to you. More money in December has to be good news, and when it comes, like everything else in December, it will come out of the blue, like a lightning bolt. Over December 4-6, with Uranus so strong, you may jet off to foreign shores, and travel in early December will be simply divine.
More happy financial news, perhaps even better than the news you receive on December 5, should arrive a week later, on December 12. Money, just when you need it most at holiday time!
Can I get a "woo hoo"????
Oh yes we can get a Woo Hoo and yippee too! I got the job!! I am so excited. It pays once a month, so the first month might be a tight but wow! I also had my annual review and got a tad bit larger raise than I had expected. So it does seem to be slowly coming in.
I usually do read her but she had been sick for a while and got out of the habit. She hasn't seemed to get my "forecast" right for a while but then again she is writing for all of us Leos not just me.
Can I go back to being so excited that I can work a part time job from home??!! Especially with winter right around the corner, how perfect is that? I am doing the happy dance!
kat
Congrats! Don't forget to have an ice cream too
Congratulations Kat!!! So happy for you!!! WooHooing all the way from DC!
BA
FABULOUS!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!! I'm so happy for you I could dance a jig!
Congrats Kat. Working part-time from home during winter? I get that being a big deal, here in Minnesota. You deserve it!
Nice surprise, s19 and his girlfriend spent the majority of the day with us. It was really special. He came here. He referred to this as his house, her parent's house as her house and then they have their apartment.
It felt good to still be considered part of their lives. Thanks for letting me just let that out. I love my kids in case you guys didn't get that.
kat
Congrats on the job! Nice your son visited. This is the future. He will still be close to you if you don't try to force your agenda on him. He also has to take care of his girlfriend and their child. I think he is being very mature.
Good stuff!
Barb
He is up until they start playing NERF guns! I am trying to just let it play out. He was here Friday for a while as he needed to use my printer. Here Saturday, because they left his car here. Sunday was all afternoon.
The microwave I got them for Christmas should be here in the next couple of days and then I will take it to their apartment. Life is just trucking along.
at
Sounds good! And the sweet babe will make it all ok. Just wait...
Barb
Hugs hugs hugs!!! You will find a new rhythm with them both and things will settle.
So kind to get them a MUCH needed appliance! That was the first 'major' purchase we made in our first place. Of course, with a baby it's an absolute necessity.
Awesome news, Kat. It would seem as though you found your groove. I knew you would.
He spent part of the day at the house again doing laundry and some work for school. He still tries to do that one day a week with his Dad so he is also with his sisters and grandparents. D16 is still missing him terribly. She gave him the longest hug goodbye but still doesn't want to talk about him.
They will find their new groove too. Everything is changing, which of course it does, just faster than it normally does.
I did a training call for my new job last night. It seems pretty straight forward. I could have started training last night but I had such a crazy day yesterday, that I decided that I would plunge in tonight. I am just full of change aren't I? The funny thing is, I am more of a gradual change person. I just have to make it work.
kat
So I am feeling better knowing that my son isn't going to just disappear from my life. I did feel bad for his GF though. She had an all day baby class on Saturday. S19 had to work, so she went by herself. She said it was worse than high school. Everyone just seemed to stare at her since she was alone. Then at lunch, she tried to reach out and ask if she could sit with someone. They told her they were expecting their friends. Then, you guessed it, no one showed. She felt terrible. I told her that had I known, I would have gone with her. I don't know if she will ever ask me, but the offer is out there.
kat
WOW. That must have been painful for her.
Hopefully she will learn to be more open to help from you and learn to ask for it (much harder than accepting what's offered...trust me!)as she gets to know you better.
She really has tried to keep a tough shell around her for so long, she just doesn't let to many people in. So I suppose that she mentioned it in front of me and mentioned that it hurt her feelings is a huge step. I think of the baby as family but I still have a hard time just saying that she is.
I am working on it and I think she is too. Oh did I mention, they are engaged now?
kat
They are just full of surprises! Now the doctor is pretty sure she will deliver in 3-4 weeks. She just wants to make it past Christmas.
They are over here now. I think he misses us more than he lets on.
kat
WHOA! It seems like you JUST found out about it!!! Already?
The original due date was January 21st, but at yesterday's appointment they finally agreed with her that she is due around January 9th. They checked her and she is at 3cm but I forgot to ask what the baby's station was at. I think it will be sooner rather than later. She just doesn't look like she feels all that well right now. Certainly not comfortable with the baby having dropped a few weeks ago.
Soon I will be Nana.
kat
Hey Kat,
This is quick as I'm leaving for the acupuncturist in a few minutes.
My D20 was due February 22nd (her actual birthday, LOL). I was dilated to 3 cm around Christmas, and they put me on bed rest until 3 weeks prior to the due date. Go figure that the little bugger made me hold out until the actual due date. My water broke and I was already at 5. But little miss "I'll do it my way" decided not to come, so they had to use the pitocin and forceps. They do what they want, WHEN they want. Tell them to get used to it!
Nana. I kinda like that.
Bets
Nana. I kinda like that.
Bets
That's what I called my maternal Grandmother. I've always thought it was a very endearing alternative to the standard grandma.
BA
I am on vacation so today feels like Sunday to me.
. S19 came and did laundry yesterday. I think of it as me helping them out where I can, since I extended the offer.
Wrapping presents and trying to keep the girls out of the living room. Taking a break and watching KU play. Man, if a guy wants to know how to show me love, take me to Allen Fieldhouse for a KU game.
kat
Wow! I came by to wish you a Happy Holidays and find you have a new 2nd job and are about to be a Nana! Congratulations on both! My life is same old, same old....hope you're having some time to relax over the holidays....
Karen
Good to hear from you! I hope everything is going well your way. I have been at my part time telecommuting job for almost a month now. I find it is alot easier when I don't over think it too much. Also being able to have background noise on has helped make the time fly.
I have a feeling I will find a better full- time job this way, since I have numerous jobs cross my path every day I work.
The baby is due January 9th now. S19's GF is ready any time now. Of course, it is a whole other ball of wax once the baby is here. I am trying to go with the flow.
We should catch up sometime!
kat
Sometimes the kindness you show to others does come back to you. My boss came by my house and dropped off a card on Christmas eve. It was addressed to me and my kids. Gift cards to Chili's. So I had the chance tonight to use the cards and take the kids out. They also had their friends come.
We asked for one of s22's on and off friends wait on us. I told him that I had the gift cards. So when it comes time to pay, I give him the cards. He comes back with two of the cards and some change left on the first one. I didn't understand. He said it is taken care of, don't worry about it and Merry Christmas.
This is the same kid a couple of years ago whose Mom cancelled Christmas and we invited him over and I was able to pull some presents together for him. I guess people do remember. I surely will.
kat
WOW! That is marvelous! Kindness is always repaid in some way or other at some time down the road.
Blessings to you and your kids kat!
Kat-
I love these sorts of Christmas stories... I *do* believe that a grateful heart brings more stuff to be grateful for. As long as you thank the powers that be for all the blessings, I believe they propagate. I'm so happy you had these experiences!
I had a miracle myself. I think I told you before my brother's funeral that his ex-wife and the rest of us were estranged (that was by design by my brother, to keep us from sharing his lies--the hallmark of a drug addict). Anyway, we mended fences after the funeral. She asked me point blank why I had been estranged from him over the past year. I told her that he borrowed money and another issue and just said, "Well, he's gone and there's nothing I can do about it but to move forward. I'll let this one go."
On Christmas Eve morning, I got a text that said to click the link so that $400 could be deposited into my account. I naturally thought it was a scam and just ignored it. About 10 minutes later, my X-SIL texted me with the following message: "Chris sent you a Christmas something. Do not be afraid of proceeding with any text you receive. Merry Christmas from heaven!!!" She later told me that he came to her in a dream the night before and asked her to do it for me.
We've been texting ever since. She told me that all she ever wanted was a family. I let her know that I lost a brother but gained a sister. We both cried a few over that. Too bad it took something like his death to make this happen.
Isn't that awesome?
Keep 'em coming. Let's be the ministers of good faith and acts of kindness.
Happy New Year!
Bets
Bets that is so beautiful. What an amazing gift to have someone come back into your life. Nothing better.
So glad to know that it does come around. Really,especially when you aren't looking for or expecting anything. Even though it is brown, ugly and cold outside, it still somehow has the spirit of Christmas.
I keep trying to figure out ways to get that feeling every year. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. Sothis was special. I gave d16 a cat print scarf and hand warmer set. She seemed unimpressed but later that day, she came rushing out saying thank you. It is so cool. The one side of the handwarmers spell out meow and the other side has a cat and a heart. I get them eventually!
May the spirit still reside within you, not just now but throughout the year.
Love and blessings, kat
Another chance to do things better is upon us all. I am not making specific goals this year just to feel bad when I go astray in a few weeks time. Just that simple idea, to do things better and who couldn't use that?
I will get to be a Nana for the first time and still left wondering if it should be spelled Nanna. Everyday, I can be a little bit better to my family and friends. I can be kinder to everyone when things don't go just so because maybe that was how it was all supposed to work out to begin with. I can laugh a little more and heck even cry a bit more too. I don't have to be superwoman all the time, that's what the hook on the bathroom door is for...to hang up my cape. It is ok to take time to just be, to take it all in.
It is time to just be a bit better.
kat
Kat,
I'm taking this approach as well. My commitment is to regularly exercise and make better food choices. I do need to lose some weight, but I don't want to create a "diet". My choice is to create a healthy lifestyle. So I'm right there with you!
This is the best part about turning 50... for some reason, it literally forces us to evaluate what is important.
Hugs and happy new year!
Bets
Hi Kat,
I posted here 2 days ago but it has disappeared. Anyway...
I love the name NANA. We had not planned for our kids to call my Mom that but Ryan was the first grandchild & by age 2 - he called them Nana & Papa & their names stuck.
Everything happens for a reason. I'm proud of how well you are adjusting to the changes in your life. 2015 will be very special for you!
Barb
They have induced son"s GF, so I will be a Nana hopefully within the next several hours. Mixed emotions but mostly excited.
I was going to try and work now but S22 locked his room where my computer is. Great. Now I have to wait until he gets home from work, so I can work.
kat
Prayers coming your way for the gf's healthy and safe childbirth.
Still waiting! Thanks, Tom.
kat
Hi Kat, I imagine seeing you in a rocking chair with your grand-baby, smiling ear-to-ear.
Is there any update?
She's here! She came early this morning. I won't get to see her for a few more hours as the new family is exhausted from the birth. I don't know all the specifics. Ryan texted me at 4 am.
You don't think your heart can handle all the love you feel for one child, let alone four. But my heart just got a bit bigger. Welcome to my first grandchild, Anwen Noel.
I get the name but oh my, I know what she is going to go through.
Nana kat
Congrats Kat! Let the love flow
SO Happy for you! Can't wait to see pics on FB.
Love to NANA KAT!
Barb
Woo hoo, Nana!!!
So your heart grew 2 sizes today?
I suppose it did.
Amazing how different you feel just knowing that you are a grandparent. Those of you who visit me on the alt have been getting to see her, she is just like her name says...beautiful. I have offered to go over with the girls and babysit for a couple of hours Saturday so they can just get some extra rest or run some errands.
They may not think they need it but they will especially with school starting next week for S19. S19 made a comment about being on diaper duty on FB. I said they should take turns. Ex's new wife actually commented to me that GF nurses so S19 should change diapers, that is taking turns. Crazy how mad that made me that she even commented to me.
Minor set back. I will bounce back from it. Maybe even grow up if I should. lol
kat aka nana
I could see her comment setting your teeth on edge but she has a point.
My family thought it was bizarre that Gabe and I took turns with Marc. I didn't nurse (tried to but Marc would latch on) so it was easier to alternate. We mostly did every other night unless he had to work very early the next day. It saved my sanity and health!
She is absolutely beautiful.
If I may ask, where did the name Anwen come from?
It means beautiful in Welsh. It sounds kind of Elfish so I wonder if it wasn't a name from the Hobbit series. Really don't know but now we will have more in common with people having a time with our names! Poor baby.
kat
You can certainly relate!
Can you see me beaming through the computer?
kat
Things for the most part are going well. I am totally working lots of hours!! But you have to do what you have to do right?
Anwen is still adorable and is 2 weeks old today. I wish I had more time with her but I know they have to get their routine and I am trying to let them settle in to it.
I made an appointment to get my hearing checked as it is getting harder to hear my girls. They speak softly. Then on Thursday I am having the back room of my house checked. Might replace windows, don't know yet.
If you aren't changing, you are just standing still.
kat
The more I am reading, I am thinking d14 has Aspergers. She has always been different but I have always been busy with s19. Now really able to focus more on her, I don't think of it as her just being shy.
She doesn't like people for the most part, she doesn't understand the work that goes into keeping friendships going, and she just lacks in social skills. She needs things in a certain order for her, not that I have ever done anything like that for her. She prefers certain people, doesn't understand much about humor on deeper levels and spends alot of time in her own world.
She is smart as a whip and is very sweet. I am not hoping she has this, it just makes sense.
kat
You know, Kat, my oldest son (28) was not diagnosed with Asperger's until he was in college. He's very extroverted, but cannot read social cues, is super nerdy, and gets very anxious.
It was not as big a problem when he was high school, because he was in a special program for gifted kids, many of whom also had Asperger's traits. In college his best friend and room mate actually had way worse Asperger's than my son!
As he's gotten older, he has struggled a bit more, as he lags behind his peers in milestones. He did finally have a real-life not-online girlfriend last year though! And when she turned out to be crazy as a bedbug, he handled her with great maturity. As he has learned more about his condition, he has gained some insight into what goes wrong in his social interactions, and he tries to modify his behaviors, with some limited success.
What I would recommend for your daughter:
- vitamin D. Look up the Vitamin D council for some interesting research on vit D deficiency and autism spectrum disorders.
- gluten-free diet. This has been very helpful to my son.
- find a book called Helping the Child who doesn't fit in - exercises to help improve skills like reading social cues
- find her a group of peers - what saved my son as a kid was being in this program with other similar brilliant kids, where he could relax and be himself
- when she goes to college, she may need more support than you realize. We thought since my son was so smart he would do fine in college - unbeknownst to us, his social anxiety really kept him from finding study buddies, from asking the right questions to get services, and he became seriously depressed and had to drop out for a while.
- karate was great for my son as a kid, gave him the physical confidence o withstand bullies.
- if I had it to do over again, knowing what I do now, I would have focused more on helping him acquire unique work skills. He's finally graduating with a degree in history this year, but that won't likely get him a good job despite being from a prestigious university. Many paths are not open to him due to his Asperger's issues (he can't become a schoolteacher, for instance, as he lacks the social skills to deal with students and parents. He can't do sales.) He still needs to acquire some unique technical skills that could get him a better paying job. That's our next challenge once he finally graduates. (Right now he works the night shift stocking shelves at the local grocery store.)
She prefers certain people, doesn't understand much about humor on deeper levels
At 28, my son is finally learning how to crack jokes that other people get! He and my boyfriend rib each other all the time.
Ellie,
What a great post on your observations and sharing what worked for your S28. I can tell you were one of those parents I'd have loved to absorb the knowledge from... and I'm glad you finally understand the why.
I have a few friends with kids with the Aspergers part of the spectrum. Kat, that's very intuitive of you. From what you wrote, you're probably right in your armchair diagnosis. One of my friends whose D17 is an Aspergers kiddo has had a lot of luck by getting her into a group of supportive peers. BTW, her mom is the first one who came to me to ask if I could help her get a divorce like mine... she's in your shoes. Her D17 graduates in May and I need to hook up with her to get the skinny. What I do know is that she advocated for her D17 when it came down to interviewing schools.
My chiropractor also has a D20 with Aspergers. She's got some mental health issues on top of them, which make her path even more difficult. BUT, she's at CU at the moment, and they have a wonderful mentoring program to help these kids focus and stay on track. Heck, she even has a peer call her an hour before class and walk to class with her.
Ellie, I totally love that martial arts suggestion. I've heard so many good things about it from lots of folks - it instills focus and discipline and the rewards are observable and achievable.
And another someone I know has an adult son who sounds a lot like Ellie's S28. This kiddo went to technical school and is now an appliance repairman. He has enough social skills to talk to homeowners with respect, courtesy and friendliness, but his job success is not hinged on those characteristics (like teaching or sales). His job is to repair their malfunctioning appliances. Apparently, he's really good at that job. And he also is congratulated for having the most organized van in their fleet.
Someone else has a daughter who is a vet tech. Animals respond well to those kiddos, and the vet is the one who is doing the heavy social interaction. Her job is very specific and rewarding. I think there is a lot you can do to find jobs and/or vocational training that include socialization, but the bulk of the job is performing specific tasks that are measurable and are the focus of the job itself.
My special needs kiddo is going to have to have the opposite: a job that is heavily social and not reliant on specific skills. Once we get through this transition to 18, I think we'll go through the volunteer training at the Dumb Friends League. She did really well at the humane society, but that's kind of far. She needs to be around people, but the animals are what she needs to feel happy and fulfilled. I'm starting to realize that I'm working myself up to a completely different life as well. Only this time around, I really like the thought of being the push behind her success.
Anyhoo, hope you can get some specific areas to work on. Ellie's list is pretty thorough...
Thanks Ellie and Bets. I have just been trucking along. Now that I have actually said it, it seems more obvious. I still have a full plate but will read up on options.
I have a dr appointment today, so I have a bit more time to get ready. Taking a quick cat nap.
kat
Kat, you know Marc is an Aspie kid too. It's amazing that her teachers didn't recognize the queues earlier but what you describe certainly does sound like a low-end of the spectrum disorder.
Marc is brilliant....when he wants to be.....but he is also awkward in situations and used to want to be by himself a lot. He had social skills classes from 2nd grade until his junior year of high school to help train him how to interact and it certainly helped.
Do you know if her school has social skills classes? Does she have an IEP in place already for anything?
D14 has always been a little off but I never thought too much of it, just wrote it off as her being shy. When I mentioned to my parents the other day that I was pretty sure she had Aspergers, they said we have told you that for years! (NOT!!) they said walking on tip toes can be a pre cursor for autism, that is not telling me that they thought she had Aspergers.
Anyway, she seems to function fairly well with the other 4 of us, that I suppose I didn't really notice the other signs too much. She just mentioned to me how she likes things in a certain order. Again I mentioned that to my parents months ago and they are like where have you been? Worrying about all four of my kids and of course S19 was my biggest concern the past few years with his sneaking out, cutting class...I just wanted him to graduate and then Anwen happened.
Besides she has been getting straight A's forever and rarely gave me any issues, her Aspergers wasn't shouting out to me. I feel bad that I didn't notice earlier.
kat
Don't feel bad! It's so mild and since she has had so much practiced interaction with her siblings that she has learned a lot of the nuances of social queues. Aspie kids are usually smart because they are so focused on certain subjects and retain amazing amounts of information that would flood over most of us.
Did she tend to fixate on one subject at a time that would capture her attention. For Marc it was dinosaurs for about 6 months then it changed to sharks and then it was WWII. EVERYTHING WWII! He could write a dissertation on it!
She and her sister have been working off and on on writing a book. They have chucked it a few times and changed things, taken a break and then started again.
She does zone out now and then and goes into her own universe. I think because she has always been quiet, she never has caused issues in class so her teachers have loved her. I have asked in the past if her teachers thought she was a bit off but they would always say she was great and a superstar. My special baby.
Tonight she said she wanted to be a teacher. I asked even if she didn't like people? She had to think about that.
Ughh, time for bed.
kat
I volunteered to babysit today and they seemed happy about it. My son ended up having to work later today and then his GF was sick. She went to her parents for the superbowl but I had a lovely few hours with Anwen. The girls tried to calm her down when she cried but somehow Nana has the touch. What a sweet baby. She fell asleep holding my hand.
I find myself missing my son so much even though I do get to see him at least once a week. He is seeing why I am still crazy about them all and why I still worry. What a daddy he is!
kat
I have been super busy and then sick and then superbusy and sick yet again. I suppose that is one way to slow me down! I have had some wonderful time with the baby but darn if I don't let that throw me off my work plans and then I have to make up that time. Just hard for me to say no to getting to see them when I can.
So I was home sick on Sunday and went home from work yesterday with a fever. I went to the pharamcy to see if they could recommend anything to help me feel better...no, sounds like you have the flu. Lots of rest and fluids. Sleeping nearly two days away, I feel better. Bogged down at work, playing catch up and then I will need to work the second job too.
Now s22 will be moving out in about a month against my better judgement. Darn if kids don't have to learn the hard knocks on their own. Then it will just be us girls. Won't that be interesting?
Just wanted to let you guys know that I am still alive out here.
kat
Sorry you have been sick Kat. Seems to be a lot of that going around the country. Hopefully Spring will usher in wellness and an end to the cold and flu season.
Will S22 be moving far away or somewhere close by? Hopefully he will be close enough that you can still see him on a regular basis.
Hope you feel better soon!
BA
Hope you're feeling better soon!
Just remember, your S22 is doing what you raised him to do - be competent, have the ability to take care of himself and learn how to be happy on his own.
Hugs,
Bets
Thanks guys. He will be moving over by my work so further from school and work but a safer part of town as far as apartments. Just hard to have them both move in less than 6 months of each other. I think it would be better for him until he finished school but when do they listen to my advice lately?
I get to keep being their rock.... And learning to be my own.
kat
LOL, Kat.
I think it would be better for him until ...
I'm going to challenge you here, my friend. I found this one out the hard way. This entire phrase was the #1 reason that my D21 and I could barely speak to each other back in 2012. Because I'm logical, I'm older, can see pitfalls and consequences, and well, generally, I'm right! (I'm not even kidding about that!)
She chose a school in the north pole. She chose a major and minor I thought wouldn't be a good fit. She's moving off campus next year. Oh yeah, I have opinions. Some of them synch with hers (like moving off campus, though 2 years ago, I wouldn't have agreed). Most of them don't. They have to do things their own way, exactly like we did when we were 21 and 22. They have to learn from their mistakes to grow. Or they show us that we actually don't know what's best for them! I've had to tell her periodically over the past few years that I was dead wrong about a lot of things.
Eating crow isn't a strong suit for me. But I'm getting better at it with each passing year. I think somewhere between 2012 and 2015, I figured out that she doesn't need me as her mother anymore. She wants me in her life as her friend and trusted confidante. Isn't that what I was supposed to do?
Your S22 is showing you that he's capable of growth and change. He's adaptable and finding his place in this mad world. You raised him to be a good son, brother, friend, lover and father. I'd say that is a HUGE W in the win column, Kat. You've done your job well. His path might not be what you had envisioned, but chances are, your path wasn't what your folks wanted for you either.
I think you're a rock star. So now it's time to put your money where your mouth is: trust that son of yours. He's proving your fears to be irrelevant! Even if they turn out to be right, he's going to grow from this. Awesome sh!t. Really.
Too...Much...Stress! So you all know S22 is moving, not only is it like him leaving but all of his friends as well. My mom who is post menopausal, has had some bleeding. Waiting for results. My d16 who I have been super close to, is being a teenager in full force and I can't say anything right. My boss has a family emergency and I am holding down the fort and getting questions, I haven't had before. After 8 years I thought I had heard them all.
D14 keeps trying to figure out why she doesn't like people and I am trying to help her with that. Yes my plate is overflowing ( don't forget my second job) and I really need a couple of thing to solve themselves or fall off my plate.
kat
Wow Kat you do have a lot going on! When it rains it pours right! Deep breaths, one thing at a time and nothing is unmanageable. When things get really bad for me, I just keep reminding myself "that this too shall pass!"
Praying that calm and sanity return to your life soon!
BA
Wow Kat, that is some crazy stress. Deep breaths and try a little meditation (almost typed medication...of course, that could help too!)
HUGS!
Just spent most of the day at the hospital with D16. Got a call this morning from the school that she may have fractured her foot. Went to the er. Waited some and then waited some more. Turns out it is a severe sprain. She has a special shoe to wear and a note to let her use the elevator at school. Had to get meds and then ran to get d14. I am exhausted and nothing happened to me!
kat
Kat, I'm sorry to hear about d16's sprained foot. It's good that it's not broken, right?
Do you mind sharing, how did she hurt it?
Sure, she was so happy that an abstract drawing she did was selected as one of the best in her class. It was hanging in the art gallery. She saw a friend and wanted to show him the drawing, as she turned and asked him to hurry up,she heard a snap and she fell.
It is the fist time I have gone for an emergency for her. Even the boys never broke anything.
When I picked up her sister and got all of D16's books, d14 showed me a display for French week and there was the drawing D16 did this fall for a contest. I told her about it when I got home and she was so excited. My amazing artist, my girl who shows how much she loves me when she isn't feeling her best. Ok, I get a bit of close time.
kat
foot sprains can be a pain! Once you've sprained one it's easy to sprain it again. Hope she recovers well.
Me too wii, me too. Reminds me of how much I've done to myself. 50 and falling apart. Lol
Kat,
Glad your D is young!!! I unknowingly broke my foot about 10 years ago, and didn't find out it actually broke until a few years ago. They thought it was a sprain. It hurt like hell, but appeared to heal pretty quickly.
Fast forward about 7 years. I had an x-ray taken which showed I clearly broke the top of my left foot. I've been having sporadic pain in that foot for the past few years. The kind of pain that comes and goes, and can get incredibly intense, no matter what shoes I wear. It gets in the way of my exercise - my choice is to walk, and I find it painful most of the time. It's why D18 and I go to the pool to do water aerobics. I love the resistance, and being barefoot helps so much. I've come to despise the fact that I didn't stick with some type of healing regimen (maybe surgery?) so I didn't wind up where I am now? I'm considering getting back with a podiatrist to explore options. Not that I have time to do much anything they would suggest...
Add me to the 50 and falling apart. Kinda. My arthritis is kind of bothering me lately, for what it's worth.
How's life being a granny?
That part is a joy. I won't say she doesnt cry when I hold her but I can usually calm her down. For my son is Mr Mom for the most part and is doing well. He is an awesome dad, very hands on. I won't quite say my worry wasn't for anything as I know money is still an issue for them, but so far, they are doing pretty well.
I have broken my foot and my little toe and ow, ow, ow. I have had tons of sprains but I get the arthritic reminders of days gone by, lest I forget .
Off to make dinner and work part 2. I'll check in later.
kat
Put me in the over 50 and needing repairs club as well!
What is it about this decade that seems full of mishaps?? I've had three bouts of skin cancer; a long term sciatic nerve issue which has significantly curtailed my running and several other minor irritants going on. This body has to last me at least another 30 years so it needs to get it's act together!
BA
For quite a while, I have been feeling as if I was dying at my job. I am fed up with my boss which I think is par for the course working in a two person office. So I just decided to see if there was anything in forensics. My first inclination today was to look on the KBI site. There is an entry level position which crazy as it sounds actually pays $5.00 more per hour than I make now.
I am so excited about this idea. I watch real cream shows, forensic shows and my favorite books are mysteries. I know it isn't exciting all the time but the idea that I could help solve crimes, how cool is that? I am applying.
kat
Sorry that should read "crime" shows.
Sorry that should read "crime" shows.
Oh what a crime, m'dear!
FUN! That sounds like quite an opportunity and a government job too! Great bennies! LOL
It is Kansas though and I tried my darnest to fire our dum@$$ governor.
LOL. Understood. Still......
Oh, life just hands me more...I must be Wonderwoman but they keep giving me what ever makes me weak. I got the drain cleaned out that handles the sink and dishwasher and washing machine. Everytime we ran those the wager would just overflow and flood part of my basement.
I got that part handled but not all the extra water from the drain. So still a mess to conquer.
Then I was shocked, surprised when my d14 came out of the closet Friday night. This is the one with Aspergers. I am all for equality and have stood up for it. In fact I am still boycotting Chick-FIL-A. Just never imagined. I feel all out of whack somehow.
My aunt is gay but we didn't know until she was a senior in high school. I kept her secret for seven years. When my grandparents found out they disowned her, couldn't figure out what they did wrong. I am not like that but I almost can't help but wonder if it isn't something to be for her. I mean if she is, she is but so many girls freshman year seem to be declaring themselves as something different. One of d16's BFF is transfluid. That is hard for me to keep track of. She is feeling like a he and prefers to go by a male name yet still wears makeup.
I am so confused and my house is a mess oh and I am exhausted.
kat
Wow Kate..confused, mess and exhausted....sounds reasonable under the circumstances....if only you did have Wonderwoman's amazing brackets and crown then all this stuff would just bounce off....or maybe you need to try Superman styles with underwear on the outside and an awesome cape! Just a suggestion. Lol
Let you awesomeness prevail Ms Kat, I can see it from here!
Warm huuggggssss!!!!
Oh, Kat. I wish I were there and I'd hug you. We'd start with coffee or tea and then work up to the whiskey.
So. You're now the 1 in 10 family. I've got gay folks in my family as well and you know that personally, I have a large circle of gay close friends. That being said, I think that at this time, it's as hard on you as it is on her. I'm so happy for both of you that she knew she could trust you in order for her to live an authentic life. What a blessing. What a testimony to your mothering abilities and skills.
OK, sweet pea, it's time for you to march your ass over to PFLAG. And if you can ever make it out here for a visit, I would love to introduce you to Judy and Dennis Shepard. I've promised them dinner sometime this year, and I'd love to make that happen. I wear my Erase Hate bracelet pretty much every day. So let's get you some support and tools to help your D14 along on her own journey.
Love and hugs. BTW, I will be without D18 from Thursday to Sunday afternoon. Call or text if you need to talk.
Bets
p.s. I love Chick-Fil-A, but I understand. I just feel that the only way people change their minds is to watch others walk the talk. I'd prefer to combat hate with love. Just sayin'
I may just take you up on that Bets. Remember I have S22 moving out next Tuesday.
Confused there too!
Thanks goodness you started posting again when you did, you have been the spirit I needed (and need) in my life. Big hugs!!
kat
Hi Kat, I am wondering how you think you will handle your d14's revelation. I am hoping I can learn from you on this.
My d18 has not come out yet, but she has dropped hints with me. Given my strong religious background, she may have been afraid to talk to me about it. But all of my past "fire and brimstone" has long ago been taken out of me. I guess I'm just looking for conversation starters.
Did your d14 talk to you about it on her own, or did you help her in bringing up the topic?
I have several friends that are gay but don't hang out with them since they are mostly on the West coast. I never even wondered if they were gay or not back in school. When I was a flight attendant most of the male flight attendants were gay but not all of them. I made friends regardless.
Somehow it just hits me a different way being my daughter. Yet, she is still herself, she hasn't changed, just the situation. I honestly am more concerned with the Aspbergers and how that will create challenges. I still am shocked because she doesn't just scream gay to me.
She hasn't asked me much, just wants reassurance that I still love her, which of course I do. She has always been a bit of a hot mess, so I suppose it will just be more of the same.
As for your daughter, you are welcome to share my daughters revelation as an ice breaker and see if she has ideas on how to help my daughter and maybe me since she is around teens and more variety of people in college.
I am exhausted since I slept terribly last night. Too many issues at once I suppose. I will check in and hopefully will have more ideas.
kat
Oh just saw your last question, Tom. She was upset Friday night as her brother said something was gay. He doesn't know. Anyway I was trying to get her to talk to me and I somehow guessed it. Maybe I did have a clue deep down.
kat
Oh goody. I have the chance to get up on a soap box and spew for a minute.
I don't understand why people give a crap about who others love. If the whole point of this existence is love, why do we feel the need to judge how and who others love? It's enough of a struggle for me to keep track of my own issues and people that I love to worry about others.
I've felt that way for as long as I can remember. But when it became clearly imprinted on my brain was when my colleague and former close friend (who is gay) asked me, "Say, Bets. When you were in high school, did you feel guilty about the person you had a crush on in 10th grade?" I said, "No. His name was Nick, and I had a massive crush on him." My friend said, "Well, I did. I had a crush on my best friend who is not gay, and I felt guilty as sin. I tried to have a crush on some girls and it just felt as unnatural as someone who is forced to write with the opposite hand. And then I had society tell me that being gay was an atrocity in God's eyes."
From that day forward, I haven't had to make any points when illustrating that. I didn't wake up in 10th grade and think to myself, "I wonder why I don't have a crush on Mary instead of Nick?" It NEVER entered into my head. My heart knew what my heart knew. End of story.
There are many animal species that are not heterosexual. Do we condemn them? Would they care? And BTW, my former friend is one of the most kindhearted, generous people I've ever met. He'd give the shirt off his back for anyone that needed it. You tell me who is going to come out in the W column at the end.
I'm in charge of my own salvation, and God knows, I have a lot of work to do all by myself. I'm not going to divert myself into someone else's life.
One of my favorite cousins came out years ago. We were so happy we didn't have to pretend otherwise anymore. He's adorable and sweet and way funny. And kind. I'd rather keep him than most straight people I know. And BTW, my aunt said she always knew too, even though there were always girls parading in and out of her house.
Maybe she's been a hot mess because she is just totally confused by all of this? I was a hot mess at 14 without being gay. She may get her crap together because the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. It takes a lot of energy to suppress secrets.
Love her. You always have, and deep down, you also know that she loves who she loves. She should be able to do that unapologetically. I have a soft spot for kids who have to overcome tougher stuff than the average bear. This had to be really hard for her. As my ^^^ friend said to me, "I wish I could be straight - get married to a woman, settle down and give my parents grandchildren they would adore. But that would be deceitful to everyone, especially the poor woman who wants and deserves all of me but could never have that kind of love." I imagine many people feel that way. I have nothing but compassion for people who make being the best them they can be their priority - even when it hurts those they love the most.
And I have a bigger place in my heart for parents like you. Let's catch up - saw you called when I was on a conference call.
Hugs-
Me
I called home to check on the verdict from the plumber (an area of my ceiling in the basement fell because of a water leak or burst pipe or whatever). I had at least narrowed it down to having something to do with the main floor bathroom sink.
The guy gets there and said it was bad, didn't have the tools to fix it. Will have to have someone else come out. Can't use the sink.
I feel my small savings safety net melting away.
kat
Oh kat! You have been dealing with quite a lot of challenges this week!
So sorry.
I have to say though, the least of these is your D14 coming out. So she's gay, not a problem. She has Asberger's for sure? If she's diagnosed now make sure to get all of that included in her IEP ASAP. Major importance there! She'll need as many services as she can get to make it through high school.
If your D14 is like most of the gay people I know she'll be awkward and unsure about it for several years before she settles into her comfort zone. Just keep doing what you've always done and love and support her. Being gay is just another aspect of her like having brown eyes or being right handed. It just makes her unique.
Bets, I love the way you put that. I'm one of those people who was raised in a Southern Baptist home. Need I say more????? LOL I was preached at most of my life hence all the crazy issues I have with certain things. One thing though that I outgrew long, long ago was thinking that being gay was some sort of 'straight to hell' situation. The boy next door, literally next door (we even shared a bedroom wall in our townhome complex) came out as gay in 1986. He was an actor and stylist and was one of the funniest guys I've ever known. He was about 5 years older than me and treated me like a little sister. Since I was an only child it was a great relationship for me! Even though his mom was totally open minded and didn't ever say one bad thing about him being gay he felt he wasn't accepted by the public in general. This was southern CA, but in the 80's people were pretty freaked out still at that point about AIDS and labeled him. It was sad to watch. One morning in 1992 I was asleep upstairs at about 11am (I worked overnights then) and was woken by banging on my front door. I went down and found the police there asking if I had heard anything unusual. I told them I had been asleep in the back of the house. They were surprised i hadn't been awoken by the gunshot. You see, Scott was so overwhelmed by the lack of acceptance among some other issues that he had gotten in his car in the garage which was at the back of our buildings and shot himself. It wouldn't have mattered if I had heard it, I couldn't have saved him, but if I had heard it I could have called the police and saved his mother from finding him like that. Thank God that being gay is no longer looked at like a disease. People love people. The end! Gender doesn't matter!!!!!
Ok, off my soapbox now.
On to the other issue...plumbing problems are the absolute WORST! I'm so sorry it's turning into something more than a blocked pipe.
The biggest stress of the plumbing isn't the money but my kids overreacting and getting their Dad all a buzz...what an azzhat! He acts like I don't know what I would need to do. After I basically did everything for 19 years!! Oh wait he did take out the trash, mow the yard and wash his own clothes.
Just ticks me off. One thing that came off my stress list, an issue my dad had with a mole, turned out fine. Today my mom gets results from her MRI for her hip and Monday we should know more about her biopsy.
Everything else is on hold. Her being gay, yes really took me off guard. She is really emotional about gay comments and will cry and get upset in a heartbeat. I can't protect her from everybody.
Well today is Goid Friday and I have the day off. What should have been relaxing is stressful due to the storms, they may get over here today, but then I need to figure out the money.
kat
Kat,
I'm totally in your camp when it comes to robbing Peter to pay Paul. I've had that act down really well since, well, a long time.
That being said, 100% of the time so far, my anxiety, fear and worry hasn't changed the outcome. And 100% of the time, I come up with a solution. Sure, it's about Plan X after A-V haven't panned out, and it's not ideal in my eyes, but I settle for making things work. I'm in a similar position too (less plumbing messes), and I walked around this morning thinking, "I can't believe I pulled this off. Again. I'll be ok." And I am. Again, I can't fool myself that it was an option I'd have taken off the bat, but I find a way.
And you will too. I just bet that having your XH rail was the real trigger.
You've got a lot of stress on your plate right now. When it rains, it pours? Be gentle with yourself. Figure out a way to schedule in some time to do stuff you like to do, even if it's an hour to read by yourself. The answer is to amp up self care when these types of things happen in clumps. I honestly think they happen so that we actually DO self care.
Hugs-
Betsey