Hey, I finally locked myself out. So here was my last entry, I'm doing re-runs now and starting a new series "The Best of Whatis" It'll make you laugh, it'll make you cry but it'll never make you wanna re-marry!
Anyway, back to business:
I have just returned from a cleanup morning at my new church. I woke up early this morning and really didn't want to go, "don't push yourself, you're still recovering from Pneumonia" , "Hey, what's the point anyway" blah blah blah but Whatis got his butt out of bed, showered and headed off to the cleanup. I met some new people and got to sweat like a pig cleaning out an attic. As I was leaving, the group leader from Wednesday said she'd see me tomorrow at the service and I told her when I'd be there and one of the ladies called out "I'll meet you at the breakfast table at 8:30 am". We'd shared a bagel together earlier in the morning. So, I met a few people, felt a little more at home and did my part to help the church out. I'm quite pleased with this aspect of my recovery, even when I don't want to do it I do it anyway! You know what, good things usually come from it too. So, the day is young and sadly I'm out of the STD collecting game on Sol's thread so what to do, what to do!
Later dbers.
For a video copy of this last post please write Whatis and enclose $10.00 just because I said to! And if your video doesn't arrive then just "act as if" it did, you'll feel better.
Well how nice of you to lock yourself out Wii!
But glad you are putting your stories to good use! Hey, can you add a special series to your video collection? You can call it "Mutual of Omaha's Wild STD Kingdom - it'll bring out the Animal in You!"
Umm, add an extra $5 if you want the Animal Kingdom version. For DVD's just pay in US dollars (recently re-named Obama Bucks). So act NOW as it's a limited time offer.
I went to church early this morning and there at the breakfast table was my new friend from yesterday waiting for me! We picked up some food and sat and chatted for about twenty minutes before the service. Apparently, she was raised in the same denomination as I was...not the one we're both in now! Later, I went over to chat with my small group leader and asked about the singles night next week. I told her I was gonna ask a friend to come with me cuz I'm too scared to come alone! She laughed and said that she was going to be there too so I will have a friend there already! So, little by little I'm developing a social network. It's a nice feeling.
Hey Wii it's great that you're getting out to church and creating a social network of new friends. What kind of church is it, if I may?
Hi Sol, it's an evangelical Protestant denomination, the name would have no meaning to you as it is strictly Canadian and pretty small compared to most mainstream denominations. A lot of the churches that belong to it are ones that have split off from some of the more liberal denominations and are seeking a home. In fact, it is so small that I only know of two of these churches in the entire metropolitan area in which I live, my woman friend goes to one and I now go to the other! I didn't go to her church because I really wasn't comfortable with being so entwined in her life, it would have felt like we'd become a pseudo couple or something. It's nice to have my own place to worship.
Ahhh, man, your out of the STD running? Well, I guess I could say good for you, but I was looking forward to learning how to get to the meat of things. Guess I will have to figureit myself.
Your church group sounds wonderful I am glad that you have already made a new friend. Going in the firsttime is always the hardest. Keep us informed...I want all of the gory details!
Here are the gory details, BH! Whatis has just returned from his first Singles event this evening and I've learned a great deal.
1- single women travel in packs
2- single men dress like sh!t
3- the best place for a male to situate himself is at the refreshment table, it's the only place single women will travel to alone!
4- I survived!
That's it folks
Wo! If I'm ever single, I must remember that about finding a pack.
Glad you survived, Wii! Hope you enjoyed yourself a little though!
Wii, glad to hear your putting yourself out there, vulnerable once again, ready to be smacked by a 2x 4 upside the head, or on the other hand, fall back again into tender embraces. Either way, your alive, and considering the alternative ... always a good thing to be on this side of the dirt.
I'm back after a week on the road (last of the year - I've locked myself out of work travel !) and added some R & R while I was at it.
Had a bit of luck at a blind auction while doing the business part - I think folks were too afraid with the economy as it is, to bid on a very high end item. As a result Ms $3M will have a very nice rock to wear after Christmas (8 cents on the $1 retail value).
Lesson - don't be afraid to take chances.
The last lesson of the week was that there is indeed sincere prayer, but not necessarily in a church.
Just listen in a casino.
Had a bit of luck at a blind auction while doing the business part - I think folks were too afraid with the economy as it is, to bid on a very high end item. As a result Ms $3M will have a very nice rock to wear after Christmas (8 cents on the $1 retail value).
Lesson - don't be afraid to take chances.
Hey, GB this certainly sounds like congrats are in order! Will Ms $3M be the new Mrs. GB soon? If so, I'm open to taking a chance on a little Laotian who you so graciously don't mention anymore! I'm a trooper, aren't I.
Btw, dump Muriel into the nearest ashtray ASAP (are ashtrays still legal?) before Ms $3M catches on to your really kinky side.
No Wii, Ms $3M will not be the next Mrs. GB. We sortd that out years ago after supporting each other through two marriages and two divorces and decided, that's enough of that Mr/Mrs thing. Perfectly good way to mess up a perfectly great relationship, so we're not going to mess this one up.
The rock is way too big for a finger, would look way too out of place. It will be worn as a pendant (53.5 ctw / 15.40 grams VS1 oval cut and comes with its pedigree papers- erm, it's about the size of a quarter US/Canadian, either way you get the size)
Laotion lady isn't ready to hit the sidewalk- she saw the rock.
And speaking of Muriel, the atty that handled most of the trial discovery for me stopped in today, as he has recently retired to drop off a lot of old cassette tapes from the old closed files. He didn't bring Muriel back today, and I was somewhat hesitant to ask about her, but I suspect she will be back soon in my office. So you might consider her in the meantime while Laotion gal waits. Muriel has her fine points as you know,a very inexpensive date, never talks back, never gives you any grief, but is really quiet and not a great conversationalist. I suspect she could cross the border with ease.
Yes, ashtrays are still legal in the US, but not allowed in my building. I may have to go out and stockpile some as an investment however, given that the upcoming US pres. will heavily tax them in the future.
Laotion lady isn't ready to hit the sidewalk- she saw the rock.
Oh well, I can't cook Laotian yet anyway!
Tonight I was just about to sit down to my dinner and then head to my bible study when the phone rings and it's D14 telling me she needs to sleep at my place tonight because her mother just kicked her out. I asked to speak to STBX who came to the phone and told me the whole story from her perspective as D had already given me her version. Of course, STBX had not kicked her out but in anger told her that if she didn't like it here she should find somewhere else to live. STBX admitted that she would have handled it differently if she had to do it over again. Finally I spoke to D14 again and told her that she could not stay at my place, she and her mother had to work things out together. She asked what her mother had said because "she probably twisted it" and I replied "I'm sure she did twist it, just like you twisted it when you talked to me. The bottom line is that both of you are partially right and both of you are partially wrong and unless you want to live in an angry environment you have to work something out together" Finally, D threw the phone to her mom and walked away from the convo. So, I tried to empathize with STBX as D14 is a snarky little snot lately, in fact, I spoke to D14 about her attitude last night myself. Ah, the joys of parenting a teenager. Due to the snow, I could not get to my bible study as traffic was at a stand still so I called STBX and offered to pick up D11 at gymnastics. STBX had mentioned to me that she only had four hours sleep last night and was exhausted, I didn't feel it safe to leave her to drive through the snow to pick up D11. She then thanked me for doing this and I went to do the pick up. Afterwards I dropped her at STBX's, went inside and spoke to STBX for a few minutes, said goodnight to D11 and went to D14's bedroom to say goodnight. I took her in my arms and hugged her, kissed her cheek and said "I love you, I know how hard it is to be 14, it's a bitch ain't it!" she laughed and said "it will only get worse, Dad" and I replied "no it won't, you'll soon be 15!" so it seemed all was well, hopefully STBX and D had a little makeup session but who knows.
Lastly, Whatis behaved himself wonderfully at D's gymnastics. When I arrived there was this sweet little mom sitting alone and I know she kind of likes me so I said hello, chatted briefly...and went and sat somewhere else. I'm no dummy, been there done that and I ain't going back! The good thing is that six months ago Whatis would have been all over her like white on rice, like flies on....uh, you get the point. I would have been going for that validation of my manhood big time but times have changed, I don't need any problems nor do I need that validation as much. Oh, she kept looking back at me but I held my ground!
I think I'm ready for the Priesthood, except I'm not Catholic.
Anyway, that's the exciting world of Whatis for this snowy evening.
Later Dbers.
Excellent Wii! Well done on all accounts. You're certainly getting "used to this" (like that ever really happens) and becoming a pro.
As far as cooking Laotion, you don't have to, just eat it. She's a great cook.
Now, as far as the priesthood, I'm sure you could convert.Might not be a bad second part of life. Think of all the knowledge you could bring to a parish having a non celebate background and actually having to deal with teenagers as a parent, finances, real jobs etc.?
Only thing I'd be concerned with is you having to do a wedding ceremony , it might come out as "I now pronounce you ... ack ack (faint).
Good job, Wii! You handled the sitch perfectly --- the D14/STBX and the gymnastics mommy sitch!
My condolences on the snow on your side of Canada ---- awww! Yesterday was sunny in our parts --- still have flowers blooming in the garden --- sigh!
A spot of rain today though. Oh well, it's close to paradise, but not actually the real thing.
Sorry for the cheekiness --- hee hee!
Good job, Wii! You handled the sitch perfectly --- the D14/STBX and the gymnastics mommy sitch!
My condolences on the snow on your side of Canada ---- awww! Yesterday was sunny in our parts --- still have flowers blooming in the garden --- sigh!
A spot of rain today though. Oh well, it's close to paradise, but not actually the real thing.
Sorry for the cheekiness --- hee hee!
Wow Being Me, only a "spot of rain"! What's that, the second time this year it wasn't pouring rain in B.C.? That must feel like Christmas come early for you...uh, excuse my cheekiness also.
You did do a great job with your D...
What can I say, Wii, we've been lucky on the island this year.
Well, Whatis had the most wonderful day! In the morning I was leaving to head out to a shopping mall to do some Xmas shopping when STBX called, she was ranting about D14 again. Apparently D14 had not been talking to her the past few days and when they began to talk again D14 pulled the old "I need to buy..." STBX went on and on about things and I was wondering to myself "WTH are you calling me for?" She finally said she just needed to vent after we agreed on the items we were willing to purchase with D14 and what we were not. After she hung up I decided to go over to STBX's house, as she was not there yet, and break the news to D14 myself. I decided that it was not fair to STBX that she is always the bearer of bad news, I'd take my turn. So I sat down with D14 and told her what we were willing to buy and what we were not. STBX came home and joined us while D14 sat and cried. Finally I went over to D and asked if I could hug her and she jumped up and put her arms around me. Afterwards STBX asked me what I was planning to do for the day and I told her I planned to have lunch with her and the girls and then accompany them to the mall for the shopping trip, STBX said "OK, that's great!" and for the first time in a long, long time I got the impression she really was happy to have my company. We drove to this huge shopping mall that I'd never been to and the drive took about one hour, the whole way STBX was talking with me, listening and initiating conversation. We all spent five hours at the mall together and had a wonderful day together, we shopped and laughed and really enjoyed each other. At one point late in the day, after telling D14 that we are only going to one more store, she says to me "this is why I hate coat shopping because you people are always rushing me!" and I said "excuse me, we've been here for almost five hours looking for a coat for you" Ahh, teenagers! After we left we drove home and STBX continued chatting the whole way home (you can't imagine the last time that ever happened!), we stopped and bought a pizza and went back to her place. We ate pizza and watched a movie together. When I left STBX and D14 were sitting on the couch hugging and D was asking mom if she would give her a massage. It was so nice to see them hugging and loving each other again. I sat hugging D11 and had tears in my eyes, our family was really showing love to one another. Yup, it was a wonderful day and I'm proud because my decision this morning made it all possible. My family needed me and I stepped up. That's what it's all about, being there for your family and I know STBX really appreciated that I was there. No matter what, family has to be number one! I'm a happy man tonight.
I love it when I read of positive events like these, Wii! I wish for many more for you. Teens sure can be a challenge, but they can also be a joy.
Thanks Being Me! It's always a fine line for me, trying to let STBX deal with the life she has made for herself and being a responsible co-parent. Yesterday it just felt like it was time to step in a little and help her out. When she talks to me about D14 I never tell her what she should do, I just listen and empathize with the struggles she is having. She knows she needs to not react, walk away etc but often doesn't and feels badly about it, she doesn't need me preaching at her what she already knows. She takes the brunt of D14's badgering because she is Mom.
It felt so nice yesterday to be with my family, as a family. STBX was attentive, personable and I could actually feel she enjoyed being with me yesterday. I don't see this as any breakthrough but I think she appreciated that I was there and we took on the big shopping adventure together. It was nice to have a really pleasant day together. When we were together we went everywhere as a family, did everything together but not anymore and that is the reality of separation. I'm not there to intercede between STBX and D14 so it's now largely on her own shoulders. She made her bed and I think she's feeling the lumps in it right now!
Hmm, I just returned from picking up daughters at STBX's place. Usually I come in and wait by the door but today she asked me if I'd like to come in and sit down, she then offered me a coffee. She then went upstairs to change and upon returning started to show me all the family pictures she'd loaded onto a digital picture frame. So we sat for about half an hour looking at the pictures and talking about "old times". She wants to scan all our old pictures and put them on a card for me. After I left I thought that once more we had a nice visit. I think this fractured family thing is on her mind. If it means we get along and can in some way be friends then I'm OK with it, anything to keep my family on the best terms it can be!
Wow! Where is the old STBX? BTW, where's the OP been lately? Still in the picture? I am glad that things are better between you ---- that will make the present family dynamics a lot nicer to deal with.
wii,
I'm glad to see you STBX is at least humane to you (at times). Every time I tlak to STBX, my stomach is in a knot because of er tone and demeanor. This makes parenting two crazy teenage duaghters doubly hard.
Hello Dbers, it's been a few days so I thought I'd share with you my wonderful day today...but first, my Sermon on the Keyboard (sort of like the Sermon on the Mount only with less media attention). What I've learned through this horrible period in my life (and yes, being betrayed and losing your 17 year M is horrible!) is that it is so important to do something different! You know the activity that you look at and say "maybe some other time", do it now! They are usually small things like starting a chat with someone you don't know or helping out with the church cleanup or whatever is there for you to do. It's the small stuff that builds into bigger stuff! Today, I went on my first school field trip with my D11's class. She asked me if I'd go a week or so ago and my first thought was "Uh uh, I'm busy at work blah blah blah" but then it occurred to me that SHE had asked me and therefore she wanted me there. It was a chance to see a part of her life that I'm normally not privledged to see, to meet her school friends and get to know her teachers so I said "Yes". We had a wonderful outing today and I led a group consisting of my D and 11 other kids around an exhibition and helped them find find answers in a scavenger hunt. It was kind of crazy and crowded but fun! Hey, if I can take groups of Psychiatric patients out on field trips I can handle a bunch of 11 year olds! As the trip ended the girls were busy taking pictures of their group and kept asking me to be in their photos with them, what a nice feeling. I also met another volunteer, a Mom and I did my new, friendly , outgoing Whatis routine but unfortunately didn't pick up a new bus buddy LOL! I noticed how easy it is for me now to try and connect whereas not long ago I wouldn't have even bothered. I had another nice interaction this morning as well, when D and I arrived at school an old teacher of hers was standing in the hallway waiting for her class. We had run into her the week before at the mall where she and I had a friendly little chat (she seemed to ignore STBX, to my extreme pleasure!). This teacher was and still is D11's favourite and mine too but for very different reasons ha ha! Anyway, when she saw me this morning she called out "hey, didn't we see each other just last week?" and I stopped and chatted with her again for a bit. When we said goodbye, it felt like I just ran into an old friend. It was a nice feeling to know that this woman, for whatever reason, wanted to interact with me and seemed to enjoy the opportunity. Remember, it's the small things that get you through this sh!t.
So, because I went out of my normal comfort zone I had some really nice experiences today! Once again, I say DO IT DBers. No matter how much we've been crapped on, we can still turn things around just a little bit at a time. Every new experience, no matter how small, helps us get there.
Btw, talk about strange, I forget to mention that STBX is still treating me nicely, it's been over a week now! Whenever we interact she actually has a friendly, almost affectionate tone in her voice. We actually speak to each other like normal people! She even responds like she's interested...and I thought Halloween was over! This is really scary stuff...hmm, how will she pull the rug out from under me this time? Ooh, so cynical
Just to clarify, I meant she was "interested" in the conversation, not me. Don't wanna scare you people too much!
Wii, those things can happen, and sometimes there are no strings attached. Now and then there can be "wake up" calls on the other side, which takes weeks, months, years or decades as I was warned about by x2's doctors.
Our US Thanksgiving day was yesterday, which I spent at x1's with DD and DD's soon to be H and his family. Since it was such a large gathering, several tables were set up and I was at the one with my x1 and DD and her soon to be in-laws, minus x1's H who was at another table. My x1 was not only pleasant, but I suspect my DD's soon to be's were wondering what the H was going on between us per the table conversation (in reality nothing). I'm even wondering whats going on!
Just wipe out 15 years of a big D like x1s H didn't exist.
End of the day, I recalled x1 riding up the elevator with me and her attorney to the court house 15 years back, and before we got off her saying "I'm not sure I want to do this." Well, she did.
But just maybe, you won't have to take the same ride.
It was an interesting/puzzeling Thanksgiving on this end.
No sign of x2, just as well. Getting tired of the credit card companies calling me to find out where she is. I can honestly say, "Don't know."
Just keep being Wii. You are doing fine.
Hey, a Happy belated Thanksgiving, GB...and a happy Black Monday, Blue Tuesday, Green Wednesday, Pink Thursday, Puce Friday etc!
I just returned from dropping off D's at STBX's place and once more she asked "what are your plans today? Would you like to stay for lunch?" WTF! I begged off saying I had plans...oh yeah, grocery shopping. In a way I felt bad because she was obviously being friendly, something I'd hoped for, and I pushed her away. I just feel it's not best to jump at every opportunity as though I have no life or plans, I'll say yes to some offers and no to others. I asked her if I could borrow some shrimp paste as I'm making a Filipino Vegetable Stew for tonight but she didn't have any on hand and advised me not to do it as I'll stink up my apartment. Oh well, I bought some anyway...I've got air freshener!
Whew, a nice STBX...can Whatis take it?
You continue to amaze me, Wii! But, lately, so does your STBX. What's happened to OW, that STBX can be extending invitations and friendliness to you, who she seemed to previously have little time for?
Anyway, have yerself a happy Sunday!
Oh, don't worry Being Me, OW is still in the picture. I have no idea why STBX is so hospitable lately, maybe she misses being a family like we used to be...who knows. Did I mention that she also wants to split the cost of Christmas gifts to my family this year which would mean the presents are from "Whatis and STBX". Last year she bought her own presents to give to my family. I'm cool with splitting the cost, it saves me some coin!
Btw, my Filipino Vegetable Stew turned out really well with no shrimp paste odour engulfing my apartment...Whatis 1 STBX 0!
Sounds delish!
Sounds delish!
Wait till you hear about the Vietnamese Snail Soup!
Okay! Now we're going into the realm of "I don't think so".
I'll stick with my traditional meats, ta very much. Which brings to mind --- our 'dear' husky, Jersey, caught a rabbit in our yard last night. Not pleasant. And, she is such a sweet, gentle dog. Hunting instincts, I guess. Ptuheeee!!!! Poor bunny! Although the island is rife with them --- I still maintain that's why the bald eagle has come back with a vengeance - rabbit on the menu. You should see all 'em eagles, drifting over our little city. Quite amazing.
Okay, enough rambling. I am looking for any reason not to study for exams.
Hopefully you won't try Korean. Gives a totally new meaning to "Wok your dog"!
Where could Wii be, I wonder?!
Hullllooooo!!!
Still here, Being Me! Just kind of busy this week.
I need some feedback and advice here, folks. I had a discussion with STBX tonight which resulted in her hanging up on me. It was about D14 losing her cell phone. First STBX and D14 had an argument as STBX somehow thought it appropriate to remind D of all the things she has lost probably stretching back to her toddler years. Guess what, D14 responded angrily and STBX got into the anger mode and whoopee!!!! Afterwards STBX called me to inform me that D had lost her cell phone over a week ago and had failed to tell us. We talked about it and STBX told me how angry she was and how this child is constantly losing things that we have to pay for blah blah blah. I told her that I understood her frustration and it frustrates me too but then asked her what we can do about it. It got heated after that! I told her that I did not think it helped the situation to be bashing her with all the things she has forgotten, STBX told me she was "angry" and i said "I understand that but what is anger getting you? Do you want to disown her? So what then is the solution" I told her that we also have to remember that teenagers are notorious for forgetting things, it's a fact of life. STBX always refuses to let little things like stages of development get in the way of her attacks on D. She then said "Oh, well you can just keep on being the understanding parent, I'm not willing to do that" I told STBX that this constant bashing and anger is not good for D14 and that something needs to be done here, this can't go on. Well, it continued and I suggested we sit down with D and try to come up with some ideas together, STBX said she was sick of talking and then said "Why don't you come up with something, Mr. Brilliant" and then slammed the phone in my ear. It's kind of funny because STBX is complaining because D won't accept responsibility for her losing things and gets mad when you point it out, yet, STBX gets won't accept responsibility for dealing with her own anger and flips out when you point it out to her! And yes, I did try to empathize and tell her that I too am not happy with D's continual loss of things but I refuse to bash the child over the head with everything she's lost in her life. How the heck does that help anything? STBX just can't walk away when angry, she lashes out and the kid is already defensive and lashes back or vise versa, but either way STBX has to control her anger and she won't. Her view is that if the kid stops losing things she'll stop being angry. It's the kids behaviour that forces her to get angry!!!! Give me a break. We've had these discussions before and I once told her "I think we should be holding ourselves to a higher standard of conduct than we would hold a child to" What a bastard. So tomorrow I have to take the kids over to STBX's house for a big showdown. Right now, my D's pissed at me and so is STBX, it's a great position to be in. I tried to discuss calmly with D how frustrating this was and the need for us the three of us to sit down together and work something out without anger and bashing. Pooh pooh on that idea!
I'm alone on the front here and the two sides are moving in for the kill!
On top of it all, you made you STBX even angrier! Yikes! Perhaps this is something they have to figure out themselves?
On top of it all, you made you STBX even angrier! Yikes!
Hey, you go with what you're good at!
Today I went to church and on the way home stopped in to do some grocery shopping where I ran into Coffee Buddy. I haven't seen or spoke to CB for over 8 months but the second I saw her face it was like an electric shock hit me! Whew, my first thought was to just keep going as she didn't seem to notice me as she was very intent on the best before dates on the bread. I then decided to stop and talk with her and not be an ass. After greeting me the first thing she says is "where is your grocery cart? Those bins you're carrying look very heavy" Yup, looking after me again, it's like breathing for that lady! We chatted briefly about our kids and I then ended it and told her I'd let her go and to have a great Xmas. I felt kind of sad heading to the parking lot, it's kind of strange when you run into someone who intimately knows the most painful time of your life and you hers, yet you can only talk about the kids and be nicey nicey to each other. I think I really wanted to give her a hug but I sure as hell didn't! Ah well, it is what it is or what is is or...It was nice to see her though and I still miss her, but that's that...end of story.
Time for venting! Last night I took D14 to the doctor as she was ill for the past few days. When I took her back to her mothers I informed STBX that D had been ill, was feverish and doctor had prescribed antibiotics and cough medicine. I foolishly mentioned that the test she missed that day was rescheduled by the teacher for the next day. STBX says to D "you never told me you were missing a test" I advised D to go to the kitchen and take her pills now and STBX calls out "Well, maybe if you'd wear a scarf like I ask you to, you wouldn't be sick" Ahh, the empathy is so endearing. We then had to leave for D11's school performance, which was a block away and would take about an hour or so. STBX says "I assume D14 is not coming" and I said "she wanted to but she's just not up to it" and STBX says sarcastically "Oh sure, she wants to come". Bitch! So this morning D14 calls me to say she isn't going to school today as she was vomiting during the night and STBX refuses to call the school to report her absence. STBX wanted her to go and write the test despite throwing up and continuing to feel nauseous. I tell you, if that bitch keeps it up in the new year I'm gonna go and suggest to her that D14 come live with me. If it's so friggin difficult to show an ounce of compassion for your own child then the kid shouldn't be there! OK, rant finished.
Wii,
So what happened in the showdown? Did they both eat you alive?
It's a dangerous thing trying to referee a 14 year old girl and her mother when they go at it.
Are you there? We're waiting. What happened? You alive or should we organize the memorial service?
Spitty
Ah yes,the showdown actually went rather well. STBX was in her "lets ignore the whole thing" frame of mind. I insisted that the three of us sit down and discuss the phone issue options, which we did. STBX did get in a couple of unecessary shots at D14 but on the whole it went well. Afterwards she said to me "I know that yelling and screaming does not help and probably makes things worse, but I'm just so exhausted from work and I've got bills..." I empathized, what else can you do. I knew that was what she was gonna say anyway! We then all went out together to do some Christmas shopping. D14 came in my car because she said "I don't want to be with that woman". We actally had a nice talk during the car ride and I just let D14 blow off steam without correcting, sticking up for mom etc. By the time we arrived at the mall D14 was a happy little camper again. We all had a nice and pleasant afternoon together. I then left to go meet my woman friend and her kids as we planned to catch a movie and dinner together.
So I dodged the bullet on that one, Spitfire! Thanks for checking in.
Well, last night Whatis paid the ultimate penalty of fatherhood. My D's both love wrestling (I do not, just to be clear!) and I bought tickets so they could see it live. OMG, this display of idiocy went on for almost five hours! After 2.5 hours I thought it was over and they announced "in 90 seconds we're going live!" I almost pissed my pants! Apparently the "live" portion went another two hours. When security came to take away a drunk lady I wanted to scream "take me instead, she belongs here, I don't" I would have freed Barabbus to get the Hell out of there (sorry Jesus, a man's gotta do what he's gotta do). One Dad turned to me and said "this is like a nightmare that never ends" Yup. Well, the girls loved it (I have no idea why!). So, today I'm going into a wrestling rehab clinic to cleanse my body of all that toxicity. Wish me well.
Later Dbers.
I wish I could stop laughing long enough to tell you how funny this is.
You are a good man!
WT (formerly AO, your loyal subject)
Good grief, man! Wrestling!? Gad! Only a really good pater would put up with that!
If I haven't already, Wii! Merry Christmas! Hope the New Year brings you some closure on certain issues.
Take care!
Good grief, man! Wrestling!? Gad! Only a really good pater would put up with that!
If I haven't already, Wii! Merry Christmas! Hope the New Year brings you some closure on certain issues.
Take care!
Yes, wrestling! D11 is the fanatic and she even researches the wrestlers lives on the internet. I think the girls see it as a big real life cartoon, they know no one gets hurt intentionally and they like the good versus evil thing. These are the reasons I allow their interest and took them to the big event. Despite hating it, I must admit they are indeed athletes and have some amazing skills...and I'll never repeat that again to anyone!
You have a great Xmas too, Being Me.
Thanks to my loyal subject, the former OA, for dropping by also. Keep on laughing and there may be a knighthood in it for ya.
I forgot to mention my Xmas plans! Tomorrow STBX is cooking a Xmas Eve dinner for us and has asked me to come over in the early afternoon to help her cook. The plan is that we will all have dinner together and I will stay over for the night (sleeping in the basement as per my suggestion) and on Xmas day we'll open gifts together and head to my parents for a family time and dinner. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Whatis gets invited to play Santa and fill STBX's stocking during the night. Yeah... right, but to be honest, who the heck would want to anyway, she's been too darn naughty this year.
Well, Whatis has returned from his Xmas sleepover at STBX's, and the basement sleeping quarters were all I'd dreamed they would be! We all had a wonderful family time. On Xmas eve we decorated and STBX cooked a lovely Turkey dinner for us. She had asked me to come over after lunch to help her with cooking. I arrived at the proper time and was invited to cut up celery and carrots...that's it. WTH she needed me there hours early for was beyond me but, hey, we had a nice time together chatting, chopping and cooking. Yesterday we all went to my parents for another family dinner. Again, it was a really pleasant experience. STBX was pleasant, polite and didn't argue with anyone the entire two days! She was personable and seemed to enjoy my company and trust me, that's a Xmas present in itself! She has also invited me to a get together with a group of our old friends tomorrow. This is a couple of families whom we've known for 18 years and we all vacation together in the summer but they are largely STBX's friends from before we were married. I've decided to go because we always have a good time together and they've been a part of my life forever too! Anyway, all is well in Whatis's world. Btw, Christmas Eve was our 18th wedding anniversary...Happy Belated Anniversary to me!!!
Sounds like a wonderful Christmas in comparison as to what it could have been.
Your doing fine "young man".
Under the circumstances, you did receive a nice Christmas present. Hope the gathering went well.
wii,
Again, our STBX seem to be from the same "lot number". I am fairly convinced that my STBX has some borderline personality issues, and the way that your STBX goes through the spectrum of emotions, it may be the case there as well. I'm not sure how you endure the time with her. No payback.
I loved the "If you wore a scarf like me you wouldn't get sick" line! Great medical advice. Here I was thinking sickness was bacterial or viral, but had I known it was as simple as donning a "magical scarf" I can cure cancer with a cardigan!
Your wife, like mine, will end up lonely, bitter and angry and NEVER find happiness, because they are both looking for someone else to pain a smile on their miserable faces!
Happy New Year!
FLTC
Thanks for dropping by GB and FLTC. Hey, maybe I should adopt a monogram screen name just like you two, something like WTF! Yes, STBX is a pretty wild roller coaster ride but the good thing is that I don't try and figure it out anymore, when she's good that's great, when she's a bitch I try to stay clear unless we have to go at it about the kids. It was a bit of an emotional risk for me to sleep over Christmas Eve, afterall it was the house I lived in for 17 years and holds so many memories. I just felt I was emotionally stable enough to do so this year and it would be nice for the kids to wake up Christmas morning to Mom and Dad. I guess I'm lucky enough that we can still play family! Today, we are going to visit with a group of friends, I am taking my car so I can arrive and leave when I choose. It's such a strange world but it's the one I've got and I'll continue to do my best in it.
Take care guys.
Btw, I've heard that the scarf trick works great for STD's, you just wrap the scarf around...well, you know where!
Whatis had another wonderful family evening last night. We went to a gathering of old friends, two other families that STBX and I had hung out with for the last 18 years. We used to vacation together and each family has two children the same ages. When we split I had some concerns about attending our get togethers, these were initially STBX's friends and the wives still are some of her closest friends. Yesterday I decided to go and show these friends that I have not forgotten them. We all had a wonderful time and I didn't get home till 1:00am. We all carried on just like before although it's not like before. I guess it's another weird episode in the separated life of Whatis. How do you just toss aside people you've known for so long? I've always thought that the best thing to do in this surviving mode is to let go of the bad but try and hold on to what was good. By doing so, I continue to realize that there are people who really do care and will be there if you need them. One of STBX's friends asked me if I'd like take my girls shopping next week with her and her girls, that's nice.
So, I carry on guys!
Btw, I've heard that the scarf trick works great for STD's, you just wrap the scarf around...well, you know where!
Sometimes you worry me.
Btw, I've heard that the scarf trick works great for STD's, you just wrap the scarf around...well, you know where!
Sometimes you worry me.
Just sometimes?
To be honest, after the live wrestling adventure, it's safe to upgrade that to most of the time.
To be honest, after the live wrestling adventure, it's safe to upgrade that to most of the time.
Now that's more like it!
Well, the weird and wacky world of Whatis continues. This evening I'm taking STBX and family out to dinner and then we're going back to her place to bring in the New Year. She was quite excited to hear the restaurant I had selected because it's pretty new, Northern Chinese and she hasn't been there yet. At first, when I suggested we all go out for dinner she seemed hesitant and I realized it was because she's broke, so I offered to make it my treat. She had suggested that she cook New Year's dinner tomorrow instead but when I said I'd pay the freight she was OK with the idea. I also told her that if she had plans already or just didn't want to hang out that was OK with me. She said she had no other plans. So, that's Whatis's evening ahead, bringing in the New Year with STBX and the kids. Hmm, it's just like every other year. My head should be pretty f@cked up, now that I think about it, but what is is.
Happy New Year DBers!
Weird, Wii! Hope the New Year's eve turns out to be fun!
Looking forward to tomorrow's post!
Have a good night and Happy New Year.
Thanks folks! Whatis has returned after a wonderful family evening bringing in the New Year. We went to the restaurant and it was packed yet we only waited about ten minutes for a table. We dined on Peking Duck (which kind of screwed up my vegetarian diet) and returned to STBX's to watch a movie together and then bring in the New Year. I'd dropped some party supplies over to STBX's earlier in the day. At the door STBX thanked me for the dinner and the party, she told me to drive safely as I had been drinking (ha ha, two glasses of non-alcoholic wine). It's so nice to be together as a family and especially when STBX actually talks to me as a person, the way we used to talk. I can actually tell her about events in my day or week and get some real conversation. So that about ends another holiday season, I did survive!
I hope everyone else out there had a great New Years too
We've got 10 minutes to midnight. My H is on his way from the airport and probably won't make it. D28, SIL30, GD9 and D16 are playing a game. I am waiting for the countdown with the dogs cuddled up with me. I love hearing the laughter coming from the dining room. It's been great seeing my D28 and family, but I am eager to get back home after 2 weeks away.
I am so glad your NY's eve went so well, Wii. May the day go well too.
Thanks for thinking of me as the clock ticked down, Being Me! It's these kinds of actions that have touched me so much over the past year in all parts of my life. In my daily reading today it said:
" Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day' surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. it will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity"
Yes, It made me think of all the amazing things that have come out of the past few years of hurt and pain. Because of my M disintegrating and my need to reach out and receive from others I have learned to give as well. I have had experiences that will live in my heart for the rest of my days, I'm sure we all have if we look for them. I think of Being Me who posts to me at 11:55 pm on New Years Eve! All the other Dbers who have encouraged me and stood with me through the year. The co-worker who breaks down in tears when she hears the real story behind my break up and tells me she's there for me, another co-worker who came to my office specifically to share his horrible story so that I wouldn't feel alone, my Coffee Buddy who connected with me on a very human and caring level by listening tearfully and sharing her story just to show me that "no matter how bad it gets, it will always get better", a brother who said "Whatis, you're my hero", a best friend who turned to me one night and said "Whatis, I love you", a church community that soothed me when I needed to feel loved. Would these things have happened if my life had been nothing but pure joy? I'm sure there are so many more of these incredible experiences to remember and today being the first day of 2009 I am thankful for them all.
wii,
Happy New Year. Glad to see your New Year's eve went as well as it could. I would guess that her treating you civily is unsettling, because you never know when the "Ugly Twin" will come out. It's also sort of maddening, because it shows how easy it could be if she would buy into the program, and make good on her commitment to YOU.
Here's wishing you a better 2009. When you least expect it, something will happen for you.
Hi FLTC, her treating me civily is actually not "unsettling" because I don't expect anything from her. If she's civil and pleasant then I'm happy but I don't expect that it will or will not continue, it doesn't matter. Certainly, it's best for our family if she and I get along as best we can but what is is and what isn't isn't! I've let go of hope and that's kinda freeing
I've concluded that my STBX was severely emotionally deprived as a child and just has no concept of what is too much to expect from someone else. She's just an emotional pit that can only be filled until the hole deepens somehow. You can never fill such a hole for very long, as I well know! The only way for her to put herself back on track is to take responsibility for her emotional well being rather than look to others to fill that emotional void. I can't do that and neither can OP, but the kicker is that I don't have to try anymore! If I think something I can do will help, I will do so otherwise I'm not worrying about her and her well being UNLESS it's affecting my kids, now that's where the unsettled feeling may come into play, not in regards to my expectations or hopes regarding her or our R. Make sense?
Happy New Year, FLTC!!!!
First, as sarcastic as we both are, I really want to thank you for your constant feedback. You're a great guy and good things will happen for you! (No, I'm not gay, and I'm hopelessly heterosexual!)
A friend I work with put it to me this way: "Be a good father, take care of your kids and all else will follow". You're right on target there.
My relationship with the woman from the gym continues to get better every day. This kind of thing will fall on you when you LEAST expect it and you're NOT looking for it.
Your wife is just like mine: "Nothing's too good for wii, and nothing is what he'll get". Hopelessly lacking confidence, waiting for something or someone to make them happy! We KNOW how that works!
Take care brother!
Oh gosh, yes. We are the psychic readers of our spouses, predetermining every wish, every need, every desire. We must always be strong and 'there' for them, while we get nothing (although my H seems to have changed in this regard to some extent). I still get the bored look when talking about my interests, while he can go on and on about his work and other stuff and I must be endlessly interested (which I usually am because I care about him). At this time in my life when I am going through some scary health issues, now he wants to talk about how unhappy he is, and how everything he touches turns to sh!t (sorry, his words)? One thing that can cause seizures is stress, so now I am worried about him, but trying not to stress out. Let me point out, he chose this career, he chose to travel, he chose all this (and we, his family, just has to fit into his plans), he wanted to come here where it ended up being difficult to travel from (for another great job) and now when it's not quite working out perfectly (the weather at this time) he wants to complain? He should be grateful for the excellent job he has, IMHO, at this time when the economy sucks.
Sorry Wii, for hi-jacking. Just something FLTC said that pressed a button for me. Had to get it out. Will post it to my thread too.
No problem, Being Me! We all have to let loose once in a while...I'll mop up later
Well, STBX seems to be back to her normal self now, last night she laid into D11 because D started badgering her for a new pair of winter boots. D had asked me previously and I had said I'd talk to her mom but forgot to. So, D took it into her own hands...bad move! STBX responded with "I've had a hard day, why do I always have to make all the decisions, I'm always the bad guy around here..." then marched off. Ahh,so good to have the world back to the way it should be! Does any of this sound familiar FLTC? Anyway, when she calmed down we discussed the issue with D11 and came up with a decision. I apologized to D for forgetting to ask but asked her in future to remind me if I have not gotten back to her about something I said I'd do.
I've also made a decision to return to the church I left three months ago. I always seem to end up back there for events anyway, I miss the people and I have a good relationship with all the Pastors. I left due to feeling a bit uncomfortable about the worship style as I wasn't raised in a church where, let us say, emotional expression was OK. I've discussed this with one of the Pastor's and she helped me realize that I may not be a prayer warrior or a "Praise the Lord" kind of guy but I have things to contribute that are just as important to a congregation. I think I may have left because I was in the midst of dealing with one year anniversary of our separation and felt rather low, like a failure and when I'd go to church I'd feel I wasn't cutting it there either. But over the past few months I end up back there frequently and realized that this is where I feel my Christian home is and therefore have returned. I began attending the bible study again this week and it was so nice to see the joyful expressions on peoples faces when I arrived. Their greetings made me realize I was missed. Possibility Lady (remember her? a sweetheart but way to young for me!) came in greeted me happily and announced to everyone "I'm going to sit with Whatis tonight" Yup, nice to be back there!
So that's the update from the world of Whatis, don't let all the excitement keep you up tonight folks!
Hey, Being Me, I've started reading a book about an American MP company in Iraq, it's called "Patrolling Bagdad" Y'know, you may leave the army but the army never leaves you! I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing
Take care.
Well, Whatis got into it yesterday! D14 phoned her mother in tears because I refused to allow her to go shopping with a friend today. Earlier in the week I had told D14 about plans for Saturday night and if she had any plans she'd like to make e.g. sleepover at a friends etc she needed to firm them up and let me know ASAP as I needed to find somewhere for her and D11 to hang out while I was out. So, yesterday night at 11 pm D14 tells me she wants to go shopping with a girlfriend, who lives out of town. This would require some planning for rides etc so I said NO. I reminded her that I had given her ample time to advise me of what she'd like to do and she chose not to do so, she'd made her bed and now she could sleep in it. I was not going to jump through hoops to make her shopping trip happen, it was too late. So, she phoned her mother and, of course, left out the part about me giving her ample time to firm up her plans. STBX phoned me this morning asking what had happened as D had phoned her in tears describing how unreasonable I was being. I told STBX what happened and she said that she could bail D out but wouldn't because she needed to learn a lesson in regards to proper planning. So we both agreed that if D wanted her friend to come in from out of town that it could be arranged this week for next weekend, she could stay with STBX. I think STBX was happy not to be the bad guy this time and to actually have her D phoning her to complain about me! Fun times.
I had to re read, and read. Hum, erm, how about that, a united parental force! Just what an unsuspecting 14 year old that does not have the concept of time and responsibility doesn't need, argh, parents!
Nicely handled (both of you)./
Thanks GB, we've always tried to parent together, even at the worst of times. D14 pulled another one yesterday, her mother collects a certain portion of the children's allowance to put away for their long term spending. This is to help them save for items they may want that cost a lot e.g. ipod or something similar. We both pay allowance on the weeks the kids stay with us but STBX collects the savings from the kids. D14 says "you're always chasing us for money, Dad never does" So once more Dad is the good guy and STBX the bad guy, even though the money is theirs and the reason for collecting it has been discussed with them. We also expect them to pay us back for items we purchase at their request which we don't deem necessities e.g. D14's makeup etc. So STBX phones me and tells me this is what D is saying that I never collect money from them for things I purchase for them. I told STBX that this is not true, sometimes I do choose not to collect for things I've bought them but only if they did not request those things or I may forget once in a while but I do collect for items I purchase for them. We agreed that in future I would collect the long term savings money from them when they stay at my place and she would do the same when they stay at hers. This way they see that both of us are actively participating in the collecting of money on a regular basis. Ahh yes, teenagers. STBX says "I may have overreacted when she said this to me" which would also be par for the course. STBX just can't walk away when a button is pushed and she makes it so damn easy for D14, at some point D has to get bored with it cuz it's just like shooting ducks in a pond, where's the challenge?
I told STBX just to be careful in responding to her because "you know how much she loves to push buttons and twist things". So once business was finished STBX actually asked me how I was feeling as I've had a miserable cold the past few days. She then said "you sound a lot better than you did this morning, I hope you feel better soon" Whew, in 17 years of marriage I can only remember getting any kind of empathy when ill about twice! So, that was a welcome surprise. So that's it from the separated parenting front...for today at least.
wii,
Separate ANYTHING is difficult to do, even with the best agreements and parents who get along pretty well!
wii,
Separate ANYTHING is difficult to do, even with the best agreements and parents who get along pretty well!
Amen!
You know, maybe you guys are better off apart than together. Don't kids love to play one off against another ... they do that even when their parents are together.
Good job, Wii!!!!
You might have a point there, Being Me. The fact that we're not in each others faces all the time may actually be a benefit here, especially in dealing with each other around the kids.
Tonight was D14's birthday celebration and she is now D15! We went out as a family to a restaurant D likes and returned to STBX's to open presents and blow out the candles. Once more, it was a wonderful family night. I was telling a co-worker today of our plans for this evening and she laughed saying "I don't know why you two separated, you spend more time together now then you did when you were together!" Hey, and it's almost time to celebrate Chinese New Years , and then it will be Valentines Day...it just never ends.
wii,
Not for nothin', but WHEN WILL IT END?
Well, I just returned from bible study. I'm learning a lot of really good stuff that will benefit future R's. I've learned that men should stop listening to women! Let's face it, Adam listened to Eve and got them booted out of the Garden of Eden. I think that although God told him that they would die if they ate from the tree, he figured death would be preferable to listening to Eve nag him endlessly about not eating his fruit. So, in order to get the woman off his back he risked the wrath of God Almighty. That is one whipped man! Next take a close look at Abraham when Sara told him to go play hide the sausage with her servant, the fool actually went ahead and did it! How the heck did he figure this could turn out OK? He can't even say "it just happened". Loooooser! So, the lesson to be learned here is either that men should stop listening to women or that men are just plain stupid...take your pick. I can't decide, I guess I'll have to wait till next week to get the answer.
Later Dbers.
Well, I just returned from bible study. I'm learning a lot of really good stuff that will benefit future R's. I've learned that men should stop listening to women! Let's face it, Adam listened to Eve and got them booted out of the Garden of Eden. I think that although God told him that they would die if they ate from the tree, he figured death would be preferable to listening to Eve nag him endlessly about not eating his fruit. So, in order to get the woman off his back he risked the wrath of God Almighty. That is one whipped man! Next take a close look at Abraham when Sara told him to go play hide the sausage with her servant, the fool actually went ahead and did it! How the heck did he figure this could turn out OK? He can't even say "it just happened". Loooooser! So, the lesson to be learned here is either that men should stop listening to women or that men are just plain stupid...take your pick. I can't decide, I guess I'll have to wait till next week to get the answer.
Later Dbers.
Hey, come to think of it, wasn't it Mrs. Noah that stopped at the Liquor Store just before boarding the ark? Hmm.
I am beginning to think the answer is B. Present company excluded, of course
I am beginning to think the answer is B. Present company excluded, of course
Are you telling me this is an A or B question? Damn, I picked C.
May I phone a friend for the answer?
May I phone a friend for the answer?
There are no answers to these big questions, their significance just lessens over time...kinda like my thread!
Hey, I've just come up with a new TV show for Dbers, it'll be called "Dancing With the Scars" and the dances will include the Betrayal Boogie, the I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You Jive, the Rotten Relationship Rhumba, the Separation Salsa and lots more. We're talkin' chart toppin'! Stay tuned.
Yeah, we can add hip hop outta here, tango to go, twist of words, rewrite history hustle, the lying line dance, and divorce disco. Woohoo!!!
Last night I celebrated Chinese New Year at STBX's. She cooked a lovely dinner and my parents joined us as she had invited them. As we sat down to eat STBX says "Dad, would you like to say a prayer" WTF!She has never asked anyone to pray before a meal ever. STBX ditched the Christian thing over 15 years ago (oh yeah, and she blames me for her loss of faith...go figure). Maybe, just maybe, something is working on her...who knows. I know I've prayed that, regardless of what happens to our M, the Lord find a way to touch her and bring her back to the land of the living. It'll be interesting to see where this goes, I'm thinking nowhere but you never know, do ya.
It is interesting that she would request prayer at the table. Perhaps it was because your parents were there? Or, there is something working within her. Your STBXW sure is a strange inside/out upside/down lady. Maybe she is trying to find her true self. I sure hope so for her sake, if no-one else's.
Your STBXW sure is a strange inside/out upside/down lady.
You said it, Being Me!
When we first met my W was an Evangelical Christian, she went to church weekly and belonged to a small group etc. I did not subscribe to her faith but respected her right to hold such beliefs. I would attend her church a couple of times a month and would go out on outings with her and her church group. I respected her faith yet disagreed with it. I respected her belief that sex was only to be had inside of a marriage, that was important to her and therefore important to me! I never pushed for anything before we were married. After a couple of years or so W dropped her church as she felt any questions she posed about faith were countered with "we'll pray for you", not any real answers. Somehow in re-writing our marriage history she has pegged me with being the cause of her losing her faith. I don't get it, maybe my arguments against faith made more sense to her at the time then "we'll pray for you"...I don't know. I know my parents have said that she was a lot happier when she was going to church and had her beliefs. So she may have asked for prayer, as you said, due to my parents being there and/or because she knows I have a Christian faith now...I don't know that either. What my faith has given me is the recognition that there is more to life than just me and I think that is something she sorely needs. She is so caught up in "me" that she has trouble seeing beyond it. She has become an angry, selfish person who sees only how the world is acting upon her. She sees herself as helpless and therefore needs that OP to rescue her. Her faith is misplaced. But, that's for her to figure out, I can only hope and pray that she find some sort of peace and begins to see the person she is capable of becoming. If God has made us in His image, what higher worth can we possibly have?
Thanks for checking in, Being Me.
Just a guess here Wii, the old abnormal 500 series psych classes kicking in.
You remember the old "pong" game, the old black and white paddles and a "ball" being shuttled back and forth?
Many folks do that, going back and forth on the extremes, but get closer and closer to the middle, equalibreium (sic?) for them, wherever "middle" is for them, the balance point for them if you will.
You may be seeing someone searching for that, thus her background and this coming out now, trying to find that again.
Not unusual for them to turn their backs on their faith, beliefs, and "blame" someone else. It's their own uncertainty, their own current search for themselves that they have lost track of and can't find, but much easier to throw it off on someone else instead of accepting their own responsibility for it.
Or not.
On this end,I'm surviving just fine, although the ghosts of the past keep trying to reinsert into my life, or just agravate it.
But those are stories to be told in the upcoming 3/09 surviving post by GB, and not here to step on your thread.
Take care.
I've learned not to bother with these little bits of bait that STBX throws out from time to time. When we were married (oh yeah,we still are married!) I used to get encouraged when she'd say things like "I'm so confused, I need time to think" but the she'd turn around and say "Oh, I'm sorry if you thought I was confused, I'm not"...OOOOKKKK. Now, she can toss these little goodies out whenever she wants and I'm not putting any of myself into the outcome. Yup, I'd love for her to find her way but I'm not losing sleep over it! Uh Uh, those days are done.
Take care, GB.
OK, this is serious. I've just realized that Valentines Day is fast approaching and I haven't got myself anything yet! I'm really in a bind here cuz I want it to be a really special gift but I just don't know what to get myself. I don't want to get myself something practical, like a vacuum cleaner, cuz I might actually use it! Chocolate would just add some inches to the waistline and then I'd be nagging myself endlessly about it. I was thinking about some sexy lingerie, like red Fruit of the Looms, but then it would just mean more laundry to do. How about a new watch with an inscription "Love will keep us together". All I know is that if I screw this up I'll be sleeping on the couch. I can be such a bitch sometimes. Any ideas out there DBers?
I'd recommend a nice spring bouquet ( no roses - too commitment like)from a local florist, and a bottle of champagne (the real stuff, not that bubbly chardonnay stuff from Calif. or Wash. state) and a rented or purchased DVD movie for the evening (not a chix flick, something where guys blow stuff up, car chases etc). Drink the champagne through a straw while watching the movie. By the end of the movie / bottom of the bottle, you won't care, you made it through another V day. Of course you may wake up on the couch, 'cause you passed out, but at least you didn't screw it up!
Do these jeans make my butt look big?
OK, here are my plans. I'm gonna take myself out to a movie but I will make it absolutely clear that we are there for the movie and no funny stuff, touching is out! Beforehand, I thought we'd go to a romantic little place for dinner but I'm gonna keep it a secret until that night, I want to surprise myself. It's gonna be great! Hmm, should I pay for dinner or should we split it?
Btw,FLTC your butt would look great in any jeans!
GB the straw part was really classy...should it be a bendable straw?
No, one of the wacky straws with all the loops in it!
As for me, I am seriously buying myself flowers. If I don't love myself, who ever will?
I agree with Donna, although I did not think of same, loops & sprinkles on the straw(s! go for it - two straws!) (sprinkles on the top part, don't mess with the champagne!)
FTLC, agreeeeeed, jeans, tight ( I cannot help it, I've always been a leg and @ss man - above the waist has always been for me - whatever; legs and butt, I'm there).
V day we're doing Las Vegas. Private helicopter tour of the big ditch (Grand Canyon), champagne lunch on the canyon floor, finish the evening at Mon Ami' with another bottle of champagne (no sense messing up a good day with more food). Flowers are already ordered for check in Friday evening. Maybe wander back home on Monday or Tuesday.
ooopsy, just booked the flight back for Tuesday late.
Eerrrmmmm, Sniggggerrrs.
I AM surviving the big D, just as every one else should.
You all deserve it, and you know it!
Have a great V day, what ever you do.
Thanks GB, you have a great day too!
I'll be heading to my church for a movie, it's called Fireproof and it's about a couple that are heading for the big D but somehow turn it around. A romantic tearjerker! Wow, maybe some of the single women will be there and I can catch 'em when they're most vulnerable LOL.
Well, tonight I went out and did some grocery shopping and then headed next door to the Drug Store to pick up some V Day stuff for my daughters. I walked through the door and standing five feet away from me is Coffee Buddy with her daughter. They were looking at some item near the entrance and I just walked on by. I just in an instant realized that approaching her was not something that does me any good, in fact, it brings back sh!t I don't need. They didn't see me so no harm done. It actually felt quite liberating to decide that I didn't need to talk to her as we have nothing really to say anymore. Polite crap is fine but I'll pass unless it would be rude to do so. I don't need that connection anymore. I guess that's a good thing. Little steps!
wii,
Sit on your left hand until it falls asleep. You'll feel like you're with someone else. It will make your right hand INSANELY jeleous! You go drama queen!
The "Coffeebuddy" thing is frustrating. She could have been a "Gymwoman", but she wigged out on you.
Yes FLTC, wigged out is an interesting description of her behaviour. Probably ditching my ass was the best thing she could have done for herself, we were becoming too cozy together and she had a R to protect. I understand that. But it was also a blow that came at the worst possible time for me and it damn well hurt! So I guess when I see her now I am not remembering the caring and the empathy, I'm remembering the hurt. I just don't want to stand around feeling strange because I don't know what to talk about anymore. The only thing we discuss is our kids, end of conversation. She never asks how I am or how I'm finding my apartment and she never tries to prolong the conversation. We're barely even acquaintances anymore and I just can't be bothered doing that. It probably just brings up negative stuff for both of us. I don't run into her very often but that connection is no longer one I wish to prolong. I used to feel that it was "adult" to stop and talk but maybe it's just plain stupid. So, unless it's unavoidable,I'm not doing it anymore!
"Fireproof" is a cool movie --- nice story, although the acting could be better. Good movie for V-Day.
"Fireproof" is a cool movie --- nice story, although the acting could be better. Good movie for V-Day.
Yes, but can I use it to score?
Have a great day, wii. Hope you have time to spend with the girls.
Don't go putting on an beer goggles later tonight in an effort to score, though!
Thanks Donna!
I just got back from the movie Fireproof and it is indeed a wonderful movie but it's just a movie! The attempt to sell people on a marriage fix that works in 40 days is, well ridiculous. Sure, God could do it but I'm guessing in 99.9% of cases he ain't gonna. I was sitting there thinking that what this guy went through for forty days I went through for years! I remembered how many times I heard "I don't love you" in that time. This guy was in Disneyland compared to that. He also made a big boo boo and did so, of course, because it's Hollywood and the crowd gets what the crowd wants. He goes to the hospital, where his W works, and confronts his W's OM, a move that never works out well in real life but this ain't real life. He even threatened the guy and instead of running to the W and snitching OM seems to back off...yah right! I really did feel the rejection the H felt in his attempts to do something different in his forty days of divorcebusting. I used to try all sorts of things to turn things around and it's the most self esteem destroying thing to watch your partner practically spit in your face each time but, hey,that's what an A will do to them. That's why GAL is so important to those of us trying to DB cuz without it you can get pretty demoralized. 40 days to a new marriage, try 40 weeks bare minimum, if that! Oh well, it was an entertaining and touching movie well worth seeing. But beware it can bring up a lot of emotional sh!t which is probably why I'm sounding so nasty tonight! Review ended
A mutual friend of mine has said she wants to give a copy to my X. What do you think? I haven't seen it, and in the end, I don't really care. Just would be interested to hear your 2 cents on the idea....
Donna, I'd have to say "what for?". This would be like taking a 2x4 to your X's head! I just can't see what good it would do except to promote resentment towards you. I'm not a real fan of people giving presents that have a blatant in your face agenda, I don't think those things help. Could be wrong though!
Well, I wouldn't be surprised if she wants to take a 2x4 to his head (most people who know both of us would like to do that). I think I'm just going to stay out of it. When she mentioned it, I just said I hadn't seen it.
Sounds like a plan to me, Donna!
Well, today Whatis went to church and once again Possibility Lady (remember her) came to sit with me, she said she wanted a change of scenery and I'm guessing I'm the scenery! So when the Pastor announced our Saturday evening service for next week I turned to her and said "You should come to that" and, knowing I go to each one and am practically the only attendee over 25,she said "ya know what, I think I will come" so I told her I would see her there Saturday night. Hmm, she even shared her bible with me today. This is moving way too fast LOL. She's a sweetie but she's gotta be 20 years younger than me so maybe she's just got a daddy complex! I enjoy her company, we go to the same bible study and last week I talked her into joining the choir too. So I wonder how this is gonna go bad on me...start laying bets DBers! Seriously though, she's just a nice lady whose company I enjoy. We've always had a good rapport and seem to like each other. So it'll be nice to have someone to hang out with at the service Saturday night. That's as far as this is going...I think!
Last night at church we started a series on relationships and our homework was to think of a relationship that needed a little attention, it could be family, work, neighbours or anyone else. In the coming week we are to show some love to this person in some small way. My choice for this project was Plant Lady. For about six months I have not even had a conversation with this person in my workplace, we politely say "good morning" and "goodnight" and that about covers it. I don't like having that kind of R with someone in my workplace so I decided that I would put forward the olive branch. Something told me that if I reached out this time she would be receptive. So, today I decided I would drop by her office and start a conversation. After passing by about four times this morning I decided to bite the bullet and break the ice. Well, I couldn't get out of her office! After exchanging greetings etc she wanted to go over a case with me. It was so weird! Tonight when she left, I was standing in the hall talking with a co-worker and she smiled and waved calling out goodnight to me. Strange stuff. I guess she was relieved that the Cold War had ended. I am too, I'm not someone who holds grudges and ignores people but she just made it so damn tempting! So, there is one small R that is in better shape thanks to taking a chance. It's called "doing something different". It's a nice feeling.
Good on you, wii !! Happy Friday...
Thanks for checking in on my merry antics Donna!
Today I continued my campaign of love and friendliness. When Plant Lady arrived in the morning I was in the hall unlocking a door so as I saw her coming down the hall I called out a good morning. Normally, I would continue with my task and ignore her and she me. This evening once again I was in the hall waiting to leave and chatting with another co-worker and PL came by to go home. She called out a "goodnight, have a good weekend" and I said "hey, hold up a minute, do you know in a few weeks Spring will be here and that means planting season! Yup, all those plants you love to nurture will be coming through these doors once again" So for a minute or two we bantered back and forth about her hatred for all plant life, we haven't done that in ages. It's also interesting to note that now that I have buried the hatchet she is suddenly leaving at the same time as the rest of us. She used to leave 5 minutes early probably to avoid seeing me. Wow, did I ever knock over her little duckies and they were lined up so nicely! So, once again it continues to be a nice feeling knowing that I'm adding something positive to my workplace rather than contributing to the negative.
Anyway, that's about it for Whatis for now.
Tonight I took my kids to the church service and Possibility Lady showed up as she said she would. We all sat together, had a nice chat before the service and said "See ya tomorrow". It was a pleasant evening, at least for me. The kids never see these church services as pleasant, it takes them away from screens and gadgets for a few hours and therefore constant contact with their friends through email, instant messsaging, texting etc. Poor babies, maybe God should try instant messaging sometime.
Well, I must say, Plant Lady is one happy lady these days! Since I have re-introduced the "loving" Whatis she has a whole new demeanor. The woman actually seems happy to see me and instead of the forced "I guess I have to do this" smile she now beams at me. The other day I came across her in the coffee room and normally we ignore each other but instead I asked how she was, how her weekend was blah blah blah. It was a complete reversal of behaviour on my part. Every night now she leaves at the same time as I do, always smiling and waving instead of sneaking out 5 minutes earlier to avoid me. Honestly, I didn't realize how much impact my little "you do not exist" campaign had on her, she's so much more relaxed and just appears to be happier since I sounded the retreat! It's actually quite enabling to recognize that you can have such an impact on others when you let a little love shine. Sometimes you just forget that you do have effect on others and your world, I do anyway. We are all significant
So true, Wii!
Keep helping others, Being Me. It's one of the best medicines around!
Has anybody else ever had a dream where right in the middle you tell yourself you shouldn't be dreaming this? In the middle of my dream last night I was asking the Lord to take this stupid dream away and I was asleep! Who prays when they're asleep? Really weird. The funny thing was that it wasn't a bad dream but I knew the content of it would just haunt me during my waking hours. I was right too, I haven't shaken that stupid dream all day! Oh well, another night and another dream to come, hopefully a nightmare as I seem to handle them better
Wii, I could write a book on dreams.
The typical is that the dreams are trying to get you past something your subcons.in order to get to a particular point in the waking hours. Something unsettled, something being sorted out or to be sorted out, usuallly of importance.
On the other hand, per my maternal grandmother, that's your guardian angel gentley nudding you to be prepared for things to come or things that are unfolding around you that will eventually have an impact on you. (and that's another entire book)
Not knowing the content of, I would still say welcome it back.
Let it unfold.
Knowledge to be gained.
Well, it's just a dream about better times GB. I guess, I miss that kind of R and sometimes dream about it. It hurts but it serves to remind me I'm human and somewhere, sometime I will be able to reach out again to someone but that time sure isn't now!
Tonight I had to do one of my subtle crisis interventions on the homefront. STBX went off on one of her little tantrums on D15 and has been refusing to talk to the kid all week. This usually means STBX is stressed out or sick or both! What I notice is that when I'm there somehow she's able to let go of her anger and actually reach out to her D. It's almost like she's afraid to put down the armour unless she knows I'm there, it's somehow reassuring to her. So today, I called her and volunteered to take D11 to an appointment instead of her. She gets off work a lot later than I so I thought that might help to lessen her edge somewhat. On the way to the house I stopped at a restaurant and bought dinner for the four of us. I had D11 phone her mom and tell her that there was a meal waiting at home and she wouldn't have to cook. We all ate dinner together and for the first half STBX was not acknowledging D14 but then began to interact. Finally she brought up the issue between her and D and said "I know sometimes I go overboard, it's because I worry about you. I love you so much that I want the best for you. Sometimes I get carried away...." So the issue was discussed and we had a nice dinner. In a way it saddens me because the girls were just so excited to have Dad there for dinner and I can't do anything to bring what was back. Anyway, I think my ability to lighten up the mood always allows STBX to work through her mood and try to fix things. Usually, I try to stay out of their beefs but there are times when I feel I need to intervene. It's subtle but seems to work. During dinner I also asked STBX if she would attend the Easter service at my church, I'm singing in the choir. She agreed to come with the girls. That makes me so emotional, the thought of having my whole family with me at church just gets me teary. STBX hasn't stepped in a church in probably 15 years, I hope something inside her gets touched, not in the hopes of getting her back but in the hopes that she finds her faith again and becomes a happier, healthier person. But I guess that's just one more dream, we'll see.
This morning I picked up STBX and D11 and we went to D's gymnastics Meet. I arrived at STBX's door with a travel mug of coffee for her and she presented me with a thermos of coffee for me to drink at the Meet. It was kind of funny, both of us presenting the other with morning coffee. We had a nice morning sitting with the other parents and watching the Meet. D11 earned a First place and two Second place finishes, she was very pleased with the mornings performance and was the star of her Club today. Afterwards we went out for lunch together. D15 stayed home and slept as we had to be at the Meet by 7 am!
Well, tomorrow is Whatis's birthday, happy birthday to me! STBX and the kids are taking me out for dinner at an East Indian restaurant. Should be another nice time.
Later dbers.
Happy B Day WII! May it be a wonderful day.
Hey, Wii, hope you have a very happy birthday!
A very Happy Birthday. Continued happiness!
WT
Happy birthday, Wii!
Thanks folks! Last night STBX took the girls and I to an East Indian restaurant for dinner to celebrate and afterwards we returned to her place for cake and presents. STBX presented me with a gift box of all our family pictures duplicated and organized chronologically. Each group of pictures had a little paper band wrapped around it and she'd written when the pictures were taken and how old the kids were. We had at least 8 large albums of pictures. It was a very nice gift on her part and she obviously put a lot of effort into it. So now that she's been nice to me she'll have to find some way to rip a strip off me! Hmm, I wonder what it will be? Actually, she did call later in the evening and asked me why I was allowing our D to do her homework in front of the TV. I guess I just lost my head for an evening!
Well anyway, we did have a really nice family time and that's what really counts, isn't it.
Wii,
51, right? Congrats! Boy, what a CONFUSING relationship you have, and how difficult it is to get any "detachment" space. It seems like you spend a LOT of time with a woman you will eventually divorce. At least my STBX hates me ALL of the the time, and that has made it much easier to detach. Is she "borderline" or what?
Good thing she bitc6 slapped you for letting your daughter watch TV while doing homework. (I hope you let her eat a can of frosting and Oreos for dinner too. Make it worthwhile to get your as& handed to you!)
Hi FLTC, thanks for the kind wishes!
I just finished reading my devotional for today and it had something to say which is applicable to your last post, here it is:
"There is no human love that is not broken somewhere. When our broken love is the only love we can have, we are easily thrown into despair, but when we can live our broken love as a partial reflection of God's perfect, unconditional love, we can forgive one another our limitations and enjoy together the love we have to offer."
Something for us all to strive for and remember, eh?
Wow, WII, that's a great quote. I'm going to print that off.
Thanks.
Ellie
Glad you liked it, Ellie. It's from Henri Nouwen who was a Catholic Priest before he passed away. I've written down quite a few quotes from his writings:
"Let us not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God"
"Community is not a place where we are no longer alone but the place where we respect, protect, and reverently greet one another's aloneness...our solitude will allow us to rejoice in the solitude of others."
"Intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another's wounds"
"We need to forgive one another for not being God"
"Evil is the absence of God's love"
Those are a few anyway!
Sometimes there are little things that hit you about being alone and you realize you are alone. Tonight I went to pickup my D from her class and stopped at a drug store to pick up some bread and a drink for D. I saw some cereal on a shelf with a sign reading "sale", I knew from the flyer that it was 1.99 so I grabbed a couple. AT the cash it was rung in at the regular price of $4.59 so I questioned this and the cashier called someone over and he asked me to show him where this sign was, so I did. He then said "oh, that sale starts tomorrow" I replied "but it's not tomorrow, it's tonight and your sign says 'sale' " and again he says "but the sale is tomorrow" So I went through my argument again "you cannot have a sign up saying 'sale' and then charge the regular price" At this point another clerk rushes over to inform me that they need to put the stock out the night before so they are ready for the sale tomorrow. Once more I say "I understand that but you should also be taking the sale sign down or you are misleading your customers" So, one clerk says he'll go talk to the manager and when he returns says "the manager says the sale starts tomorrow" OK, you get the picture and with his snarky tone I got a little heated, but anyway my point being that afterwards I realized I had no one to come home to and share this story with. It may be a little thing but little things matter too! I miss knowing there is someone to come home to and share events of the day...not that I really had that anyway in the past few years but...maybe one day...maybe one day.
I am glad you put it here, wii. Yes, we do miss the little things.
But what we miss, we can also create in different ways, no?
Like, I can't BELIEVE that dumb store!!! What happened to "the customer is always right?" I hope they gave you the sale price. Sometimes, you have to say, "Yes, you are right that the sale starts tomorrow, but I appreciate you giving me the sale price tonight since the sign is up and not clearly marked." Don't give em an option!
You going to study tomorrow? I have mine in the morning - we are looking through "disciplines" for Lent, and just learned about and practiced journaling (I don't know ANYthing about that!
)
Oh, and I like some of those quotes btw, especially forgiving others for not being God. Maybe a journal entry...?
Love your quotes, Wii! And thank you so much for your kind words on my thread, and putting me on your prayer list.
As for the dumba@@ store ... WTF!!!!! My S21 works at Staples and he says they will never do that ... they always give the customer the sale price if it's up the night before. But then, ya can't buy cereal there, 'eh!
Tell me, what store was this? I am guessing the one that starts with a SH!? Hope that particular branch was just an anomaly. And, I know what you mean about having someone to come home to and tell your day stories to. I, at least, have S21 and D16 at home while H is away working during the week.
Take care. (Gosh, you had me shrieking with laughter ... you sure know how to tell a story.)
You did have us to share it with, although not "real time" as you walk in the door. On the other hand, I've known of some marriages (Ms $3M for example) that broke up because one spouse insisted on being able to repeat the days events before the other one got in the door. Not a good thing to do. At least fix them a cocktail before unloading.
That's why I have cats. I can come in the door, get the lower leg rub, talk about the day I've had and no b@tching back at me. Of course, on occasion I get the WTH are you talking about look, but by then I've vented.
A good "pet head" and all is well.