Looks like
somebody (=WCW) locked my last thread with a bunch of ol' cows!
Don't have a lot of time but will get this thing started up again.
previous threadLatest in my sitch - W has thawed a bit. She asked me to do her a favor. I did so and reciprocated by asking her to do the same for me. She said she'd love to do so and asked if I'd "consider" going to dinner when I get back from Scotland. I agreed. Then yesterday I got something in the mail that I was excited about. I wanted to tell someone who'd understand, so sent her an email. Rather than emailing back, she called last night, expressing an interest in what I was doing and wanting to talk. It was a great talk, like we used to have, but I was sure to get off the phone first.
What's going on? Who knows. I tend to over-analyze everything so I'm going to stay away from this one. Only time will tell. So enjoy the ride, right? Thing is, I think she wants to go through D as good buddies as I see this as a continuing road of detachment. Maybe after the R is severed we can be friends again, but not like it is now. IMO.
My thread title this time comes from a Bonnie Raitt tune:
Takin' My Time
Bonnie Raitt
I'm takin' my time
So please don't rush me.
Tryin' to sort out some things I didn't know existed.
I've been here before,
I know where the traps lie.
You only take what's there 'cause the rest doesn't matter.
Well I'm tired of talk,
So please don't push me.
You know I want the same kinda things that you do.
You're wasting your time,
The way you come to me.
Slow down your rhymes and try to reason
Can't make things move any faster,
By second wishing them to death.
You seem to be living on the level.
It's decent enough,
You got what you wanted.
So why do you tell me, that I'm on the wrong track?
I'm doin' the best I can do.
I try to out guess
The situation
That I know your not even fully aware of.
And I want you to know,
If it keeps on this way,
Can't keep on letting you bring me down.
Can't keep on letting you bring me down.
Oooh, I've never gotten so many drinks in one day
I'll take another virgin anything!
Great song; don't think I've heard it.
Okay, here's another virgin anything
Tried to find the song on youtube to post, not there
Hey if it hadn't been her cows, it could have been my Scots in kilts. Take your pick.
kat
I think she wants to go through D as good buddies as I see this as a continuing road of detachment.
Lodo, this seems to happen quite often. I've found that my STBX plays nice to make the D process easier..
Kat did not ask for a drink, can I have hers?? I worked hard on the house..I'll take a couple of beers if you have them..Landsharks??
Damn Mike - take a case of that lager! But you gotta take a swig of whiskey first. Sorry - that's just the way I drink beer.
I'm all in..Give me a shot..then I get my beers right?? And kats too??
See Lodo, I figured this place out pretty quick. The way you guys cope..you all stay drunk. I've picked a good place to land..
Some--I've been doing it without the anesthesia. I'm blonde, so I make up for it
lol - uhhh, you can take kat's but she drinks girly drinks. That sweet stuff, you know?
Did I ever tell you about the way we used to fish for catfish? When I was guiding we cooked with cast iron. Went to the river to copper scrubby them clean. Well, it was kind of like chumming and those cats would swim right into the dutch oven to get more. You just had to be ready to pull and you could sometimes catch one!
then we practiced fillet & release.
I've been doing it without the anesthesia
Donna I commend you for that..
Has my buddy Sofaraway ever "dulled your senses" with that 2x4 he carries??
Did I ever tell you about the way we used to fish for catfish? When I was guiding we cooked with cast iron. Went to the river to copper scrubby them clean. Well, it was kind of like chumming and those cats would swim right into the dutch oven to get more. You just had to be ready to pull and you could sometimes catch one!
then we practiced fillet & release. ;\)
Excellant, that's the only way to release them.
lodo,
please note the edit of the website you posted. I imagine it was just an 'oops'. The fully prescribed edit is as follows:
EDITED – ADVERTISING is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.I value your input here...I hope you will comply so you can stick around!
There isn't anything wrong with "sweet stuff"! Don't want to go and grow hair on my chest do I? lol I certainly am not used to asking for drinks...don't you guys just buy them for the ladies around here?
Well if not, could I just have a sea breeze please?
kat
SG - I posted this on Donna's thread but will do so again here.
that website is a personal website maintained by a single woman who went through a divorce from a husband who had had an affair and tried to blame her for it.
The link I posted was to her reflections on the process of detaching, as well as the insights she'd personally gained from going to counseling and participating in divorce groups.
there are no products. there are no links to particular organized groups. It is simply one woman's thoughts.
Please enlighten me on how that is advertising!
So now I'm curious. If I can't post a link to one woman's thoughts about her divorce, can I post a link to a couple's thoughts on detachment?
this is
another non-commercial site.
http://www.coping.org/control/detach.htm
Here's your link back to the other site....
http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/makeitwork.htmlPosting links isn't a given 'right' ... but I see your point, and I agree with you. As I explained on Donna's thread...it looked at first glance more like an ebook site. I don't 'investigate'.
The coping site link has been permitted all over this board. Lots of folks find it helpful.
Again, I apologize because you were not advertising, and you deserve the apology.
THANK YOU!
Hi Lodo! Hope things are going ok. you were right about your neck of the woods, it was COLD!!!!
Hey princess! Welcome back! Did you get home just in time for the earthquake?
you were right about your neck of the woods, it was COLD!!!!
told you so.
haven't you heard that mark twain quote? "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."
lodo sweetie, can I get a drink ? I've had a horrible headache all day & it won't go away.
I think dulling the pain is the way to go.
I like your new thread idea about not over analyzing. How was your day ? What are you working on now ?
me too. i hate being wrong!
Sweet cookie & SG, I'd love to offer you a drink. Too bad you aren't here or we could fire up that chimayo and sit out on the patio - cold at night here, you know.
cookie, I'm sorry your head hurts. My day was okay - still trying to finish this paper. Aghh - it'll never end. Actually, that's not true. I'm writing the conclusion now.
Battled the dang gopher again. Lost. I think it's time for firearms.
lodo
I have woodchucks. Dam* things dug under my stoop and made it collapse!
Sweet cookie & SG, I'd love to offer you a drink. Too bad you aren't here or we could fire up that chimayo and sit out on the patio - cold at night here, you know.
cookie, I'm sorry your head hurts. My day was okay - still trying to finish this paper. Aghh - it'll never end. Actually, that's not true. I'm writing the conclusion now.
Battled the dang gopher again. Lost. I think it's time for firearms.
lodo
Cold...did you say cold...?? I'm on my way. It's still 97* here & it's 12:30 am.
Can I read your paper when you're done with it ? Will it help my insomnia ?
What did they do in Caddyshack for the gophers.....I'm thinking explosives... lol Is it illegal to blow up gophers ?
I had a fuzzy navel, so now my headache is slowly fading away, as are my typing skills.
Hey lodo,
that's where you've been giving away your drinks and then come to me late at night with nothing to offer, huh?
That link of the woman you posted, was the first link I came across to when I started this trip. Everything she said in there, regarding behaviour I was experiencing at the time, some symptoms were a lot milder for me, some worse... When I read that, I felt completely discouraged. It seemed that I wasn't going to get away with it and end up divorced. I was right.
Just checking on you,
K
Hey kalni -
I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER right now! Finished my paper.
Yes, her webpage is discouraging. I wasn't ready to read it when I first came across it. I needed the positivity of the DB message. Now, I need the heavy dose of realism. I think all of us in Surviving do - mainly because most of us have been made to feel like it's all our fault and that simply isn't the case.
thanks for checking on me! Hope you have a sunny day - lodo
Cold...did you say cold...?? I'm on my way. It's still 97* here & it's 12:30 am.
Can I read your paper when you're done with it ? Will it help my insomnia ?
What did they do in Caddyshack for the gophers.....I'm thinking explosives... lol Is it illegal to blow up gophers ?
Hey cookie! Well, not cold, at least not as cold as the coast, but cool. It's 58 right now - 7:30 am. High today of 75. Gotta love CA!
Yes, my paper will MOST DEFINITELY cure your insomnia - but I wouldn't inflict it on you.
Believe me, I've thought about caddyshack already and am starting to see the sense of it. Anyone know where I can pick up some plastic explosives?
Lodo, have you tried a baited "live" trap?? put a few apples in there..he'sll walk right in,,then you can take him out and kill "the fuzzy lil foruner'"
<< Well, not cold, at least not as cold as the coast, but cool. It's 58 right now - 7:30 am. High today of 75. Gotta love CA
I totally love Cal. The beach, the ocean, the humidity, the people, the casual lifestyle.....Everything EXCEPT the traffic.
20 miles in 3 hours Sucks big time.
<<Yes, my paper will MOST DEFINITELY cure your insomnia - but I wouldn't inflict it on you.
Okie dokie, next time I can't sleep, I'll holler. lol
<< Anyone know where I can pick up some plastic explosives?
Have you tried e-bay ???
Hey lodo,
Man I love San Francisco this time of year especially when I'm stuck in 90 degrees and 99% humidity. The weather alone would put me in a good mood. The earthquakes, not so much.
You sound like you're keeping busy and doing well. That's what we like to hear!
Bethie
Hey bethie,
yeah, it's pretty nice here right now! I'm keeping busy but a little too busy. I'm ready to not have so much on my plate.
Getting there, though!
And cookie - I have ALL KINDS of papers that'd put you to sleep! You just let me know.
lodo
lodo, hope your trip is successful and fun and great! keep in touch if you can. Travel safe.
Whew - it's gotten to be a long wind through the threads anymore. Guess that means I've been here too long? Or need a break?
Well, finished off 2 long-term hell projects this week. I'm exhausted. You know how your whole body starts shutting down once the work that has consumed you is out the door? That's me.
And, I over-reacted to W's recent advances. She's trying to be friends and I'm still in that space where every communication = regrets. Sigh - I thought I'd gotten past this.
Well, being on my own for a bit will help. Take care everyone! Not sure if I'll have internet access for a bit.
lodo
I miss lodo. I hope he is having fun especially since he is working on bringing me home a Scotsman(or an Irishman or a Brit or...) lol
Hope you are having fun!
kat
hey everyone,
back from scotland and just wanted to say hello. was going to go through everyone's threads, but don't know if I have the energy right now, so please don't take it personally.
And I'm feeling conflicted. I had a good trip and did okay with being alone. Obviously I missed my W. I wondered whether she was stopping by my house to visit the cats, or whether she was thinking of me. Since there'd been so much contact before I left, I half thought she'd leave a letter or something. I wanted to steel myself.
Well, silly me. She didn't stop by, didn't leave a letter, didn't appear to think about me at all. She had asked me to dinner before I left. She emailed a confirmation after I got back, but something in the wording made me think she's gotten cold feet from whatever her original purpose had been. Who cares - she can spin all she wants. Being alone was good for me to let all that go.
But being alone also made me more confident in where I'm at right now, and I think I need a break so I don't dwell on the end of my M so much. I need to let it go, stop analyzing, move on to other things.
So, hope everyone is doing well. I'll stop back in every now and then.
lodo
hey everyone,
back from scotland and just wanted to say hello.
Welcome back lodo!!!! Sorry to hear about your W, but I'm thinking lately that we are all too nice and our spouses take us for granted that we'll always be there. What does that mean though? Maybe we should get less nice and get busy GALing? Did you bring a Scotsman or British guy back for Kat? Any tall ones for me? Does anyone love to ask ?s more than me?
Karen
Hello back to you lodo, glad you're back safe and sound.
No expectations, remember?
Where's the beef?
Glad your back Lodo. Thanks for the pictures. They are gorgeous. Looks like lonely countryside though. I remember walking through the countryside in Norway, and it was like that. Lots of sheep, no people. Picturesque. But after you take the picture, then what do you do? I liked the stone town on the edge of the water.
Ackhemmm, Sara got pictures?? Where's mine? am I chopped beef?!
WHATEVER!!! (flipping hair and stomping away)
Welcome back! Sorry W was a disappointment after getting back, but maybe it is just cold feet, and she will show you what she was hinting at recently. But it sounds like a nice trip!
hi guys,
WCW, I posted pix on fb.
Sara, the landscape seems bare, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. There were a lot of neolithic sites everywhere and Scotland allows public access to all land, so I did quite a bit of hiking about. After being out and about, I usually stopped somewhere for some tea or a pint, depending on the time of day. I found everyone to be quite friendly and talkative.
Karen, yes - I think we're all nicer to our estranged spouses than is probably appropriate.
Hey g - hope you had fun camping. W wasn't a disappointment, just confused/ing. I don't think she was hinting at anything, I think she just wants something - either a favor or to assuage her guilt. Who knows - I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
lodo
Hey lodo,
Didn't realize you were back.
So, what happened? Did you discover what is mixing about in your wife's head?
Have you seen the willowy one lately?
Sorry I didn't check to see that you were back earlier. Sometimes you do have to step away to get clarity, even from here. Just remember that there are lots of people here that care about you and are here to help you in which ever direction you choose to go.
kat
Sorry about the distance W is keeping. That always hurts, no matter how detached. Sounds like you are pretty darn strong though. Glad you made it back safely.
Hey lodo, Welcome Back !!!
I was just wondering about you. I'm headed over to check out the pics.
Hi guys,
Thanks for checking in.
Had dinner with W last night. Usual good conversation. Afterwards we walked around and finally ended up at a little park where we sat and continued to talk. She told me her concern about how her sister doesn't talk at all with husband and wasn't very happy - my W suggested to her sister going to MC (?!). Then she told me about her aunt who was recently dumped by a guy because she wasn't thin and outdoorsy enough; complained about what a jerk he was and I wondered how much she herself is going to like rejoining the dating scene. W asked if I was seeing anyone and I told her I wasn't ready to date yet.
At the first pause in conversation, she started to say something, then choked a bit. Started to tear up. Then she told me she'd had a very sad night while visiting some friends of ours, remembering all the fun times we'd had together. She said she was very sorry for hurting me and cried a bit. I put my arm around her and she laid her head on my shoulder for awhile. Eventually she reached out and we held hands, but then it was as if we both realized that we shouldn't be doing this and pulled apart. Went back to the car.
Back at my house, I invited her in and we sat on my patio for another long conversation. Finally she started to go. I told her good luck on her travels in case I didn't see her. She told me she wasn't leaving for 2 more weeks, then paused and said, I guess we may not see each other. She hugged me goodbye, then remembered she needed to tell me about the appointment with the divorce judge.
At that point I felt suddenly overwhelmed with the whole thing and started to tear up. She came over and held me tight. I told her I was sorry, that I obviously wasn't over her and it was going to take some time. She squeezed me tighter and we stayed like that for awhile. Eventually we pulled apart, both feeling sad for everything that had happened, and she left.
So, there it is. I'm glad she apologized for hurting me, that she reached out to comfort me, and that she obviously still cares. But I recognize that this doesn't indicate regret at what she'd done or is doing and that she doesn't think our connection is worth pursuing. I've always thought this kind of connection was the basis of a solid marriage, but now I don't know what to believe anymore.
I feel stupid this morning for crying. I feel stupid for caring. I wish I could get angry and shut her out in order to protect myself.
lodo
Lodo,
The important thing is that you are a caring person who feels your emotions. That is a wonderful thing. Yes, it hurts sometimes to go through the lows, but you know better than most, that you can't have hills without valleys. So don't sweat the days in the valley, they have their nice attributes too, if you take the time to look for them.
(((lodo))),
*tears* I think that type of connection does make a solid marriage, if both parties want to. You want to. She doesn't. I'm so sorry.
Lodo, you're a great man with beautiful qualities. Your wife may feel "unworthy" of your love at this point due to all the damage she's caused. Sometimes love isn't enough. It should be, but it's not. I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better.
HUGS to you,
R
Weird that your W brings up other peoples R problems and fails to see the hypocrisy.
There is nothing wrong with crying and grieving over the loss of your wife still. I really believe that you will find someone else who holds the same beliefs as you in fighting to preserve a marriage.
lodo, how about a word of the day ?
serocystadenocarcinoma
Your pics are awesome !!! You have a talent for framing the pic with great color & interest. Really nice !!
Have you ever listened to pandora dot com radio ?
Thanks guys - it's good to be reminded that I have great qualities. I like to think I do but I feel like everything has been thrown into doubt. Well, at least I recover faster nowadays.
Kerry, I think it's REALLY weird that W was bringing up other relationships. She brought up others that I didn't mention. I don't understand how she can offer advice and not feel hypocritical, considering she just went through the motions of going to MC while lying about staying monogamous. When MC actually started to make a difference, she refused to keep going.
I also don't understand all the long hugs. Vestiges of caring for me, I suppose. But then for her to ask "Why do I always end up crying when we're together" after she told me how sad she got remembering the things we did together with our friends. Maybe there's a bit of OM involved with this, because our last trip with them was right before she went out to the field with him. Anyway, I feel like she's spent more time trying to excuse away our M rather than admit we should have worked on it.
It is what it is. I hate having to move on, but that's what I have to do.
Thanks cookie, for the compliment. I like taking pictures. Yes, I listen to pandora, why?
lodo
oh, just curious. My S17 just told me about it the other day, & I'm LOVING it. Was gonna share it with you, if you hadn't heard of it.
take care
lodo, you know how great I think you are, so please don't think less of yourself because of your W being in the fog. It seems like you do really well dropping the rope and then she give it a tug and you are right back in to it. I wish there was a magic formula I could give you to make it better, sadly there isn't. Hugs
kat
Never feel bad for loving your W. It doesn't mean your detachment and progress is a facade. It is a sign of integrity, not weakness.
You ok, lodo? Haven't heard a peep from you in a while...
Hey g,
I'm okay. Parents were visiting so I haven't been online since last week. Too busy playing tour guide.
Not much from W since the evening of hugs. Big surprise. Now I'm trying to decide if I send her a closure letter. Should I? Part of me wants to say that I enjoyed our time together and know it'll be hard to find someone I connect with in as broad a range of interests, but that I also am upset that she shut down to a M that was as much hers as mine, and that it further saddens me that she's now offering advice to her sister to attend MC when she wouldn't do that herself - or at least she would but she lied during sessions and wouldn't do any follow up work.
But what am I trying to accomplish? To let her know how I feel? What's the point? I suppose I haven't thrown in the towel yet, which is bad. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought that if I write a letter she'll see what a great guy I am and start missing me.
I'm realizing that this is bullsh*t. I deserve better.
So, maybe I won't write a letter. Maybe I'll just let it all go. Stop answering the phone when she calls, stop the dinners, the conversations. Sure it's rude and she's trying to be nice, but f*ck it. I'd have preferred she be nice by working on our M, not having an affair and then ditching me.
lodo
Yes you do deserve better!
Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing for you to change the rules. What do you think she would do if you weren't so readily available? She sounds to me as if she is one very confused woman. Nothing shakes a girl up anymore then a man who suddenly isn't so into them. Just a thought...........
change the rules? like how?
Like don't be so readily available. Don't take all of her calls. Let it go to voicemail and wait a while to call her back. She made this choice and maybe she can do it because she's comfortable with thinking that you'll always be there.
I'm not sugesting that you be cruel or dishonest but there is nothing wrong with letting her know that you are making an effort to find some happiness of you own. That could be very unsettling for someone who is clearly so confused.
I'm not saying that this is easy. Heck, there is NOTHING easy about it but you are a nice person and in spite of everything, she does know this, or she wouldn't be cracking the door as she does.
I think by ignoring her will probably draw her to you more - we have a habit of wanting what we cant have. However, is that what you want? It probably wont be enough to have her come all the way back and you know this is her 2nd time in your R with her when she has walked away and had an A. I dont think it is in your character to be rude - you should maintain the friendship, but maybe lesson some of the contact if it is still causing you hurt.
Hypothetically, if your W wanted to come back, what would you need from her to convince you this would never happen again? If she were to convince you like the first time, would you believe it would stick a second time?
That's why I'm thinking it won't do any good to write a closure letter. She's too immature. If she wanted to try again, I can't possibly imagine her actually doing any work to make it happen. And I think we'd go through the same cycle in another 5 years.
No, this is now about me learning to let go. I have a problem because I have a broad and diverse set of interests and W was the only person I've ever met who shared those interests. And we connected on many levels to boot, so I thought I'd found my soul mate. But she has a fatal flaw - she admits as much. So I'm still struggling with admitting it was a mistake.
Made my first caprese tonight - excellent! Had it alongside Halibut covered in fresh pesto, roasted asparagus & peppers drizzled in brown butter, and pumpkin risotto cakes. MMmmmm! Now I'm enjoying a 10 year Tawny port and listening to Madeleine Peyroux. Such a shame to indulge in these simple pleasures and have no one to share them with. Oh well, I enjoy them!
lodo
Lodo, you need to have your own cooking show. All I cooked tonight was string beans from the garden, deep fried squid rings, fried mushrooms/onions, and macoroni salad.
Madeleine Peyroux? Ahhhh, AND cooking ? Double ahhhhhh!!
Where was my wine this morning and what is that fatal flaw you are talking about? There are no soulmates. We are like puzzles pieces (explained that theory before). We fit with at least another 4 pieces (unless we are corner pieces... LOL).
I must have missed something about what you do for work. How were the Highlands? (too late I know)
K
The letter would be for you, not to get a reaction/response from W. If you think it would help you to write one to find closure, or whatever - do it. If it is an attempt to stir some feelings in W - it is pursuing and will likely have no effect or even pus her away. Having feelings for her is normal and nobody would criticize you for still having feelings for your W. But what is your goal? That should guide your actions. Not how you think W will react.
You could always write it and not send it. Get it out for you. Closure. I think you are still thinking of her reaction too much. Do what you need to do and if you get something out of her for it then that is just a bonus.
Last night while walking with the kids, we got to the park and I sat there and said I do I picture my life? My house? My future? FH isn't there unless he does the work to get there, no free rides. It was liberating to think of those things. Give it a try.
kat
Kat, that's awesome that you are able to do that. Whenever I see you write FH I read it as "f*ckhead". Sorry, can't help but laugh.
Lodo - do you plan your meal in the morning or do you just whip that stuff up?
Hi guys,
Kalni, I like your puzzle piece analogy, but I'm afraid I'm a corner! Or at least an edge.
g & kat - I'm not trying to get a reaction. I just want her to know that our relationship meant a lot in my life and I appreciate it for what it was. I don't think I'll find someone who I connect with in as many ways as we did. That said, I also have moved on and don't see her as someone to build a life with. I guess I want a chance to clear the air of some misconceptions and also let her know that I can't act like a friend anymore, even though I want to.
Kerry, I love string beans. Squid? Do you have fresh squid up there or was it from the grocery? I don't do any planning, usually just root around in the fridge. I usually pick up some sort of fish at the weekend farmer's market and I get a variety of veggies in my veggie box.
Well, next week is going to be interesting. I'm going to go to Burning Man for the first time. Not sure what to expect, but I think it's going to be a fun way to get out of the house and GAL.
lodo
That's why I'm thinking it won't do any good to write a closure letter. She's too immature.
This is what made me think you were trying to elicit a response of some sort. If I misinterpreted, my bad. I'll make it up to you by allowing you to make me dinner some time!
I looked up "Burning Man" but didn't get a good feel for what it is -- what got you interested in it?
The squid is frozen breaded rings that I got from the Korean superstore behind my house. They have a fish market there and I dont know what most of the fish are. They have live flounder like fish called a "Fluke" which they sell for $75 a piece!
How much are the fees for the Burning Man nowadays?
I took a drive on the Black Rock Desert when I was on our trip. It is huge! I came upon a guy taking a nap under his airplane on the playa. He woke up and waved at us as we drove by. It probably wont feel as huge with the massive crowd of Burning Man.
There are some nice hot springs around there, but they close access to them during Burning Man. I bet you can still drive to
Soldier Meadows hot spring as it is a good distance from where Burning Man takes place. The BLM has a trailer in Gerlach with some maps and information.
Are you going to be running around the desert at night
naked? Take lots of condoms.
Made my first caprese tonight - excellent! Had it alongside Halibut covered in fresh pesto, roasted asparagus & peppers drizzled in brown butter, and pumpkin risotto cakes. MMmmmm! Now I'm enjoying a 10 year Tawny port and listening to Madeleine Peyroux. Such a shame to indulge in these simple pleasures and have no one to share them with. Oh well, I enjoy them!
lodo [/quote]
Hey lodo I made the samething last Weekend. Fresh Pesto and caprese salad. Doesn't get much better than that! We should trade recipes.
g - Burning Man is a big crazy art happening out in the desert. I was invited to go and figured I should go at least once.
kerry - $75 is way too much money for a fish, IMO! Although I've been getting halibut every now and then and it's $22/lb.
Tickets start at $200+ and get more expensive as the cheaper ones sell out.
I know where the hot springs are - it helps to have lots of maps! I don't know if I'll run around naked but I'll definitely have ... liberating clothing. Condoms? That would mean someone might find me attractive - hard to imagine right now. Or they'd be really really drunk.
Part of the event is giving things to the community. I don't know what I'm giving yet.
Bethie - sounds like your caprese is a lot more complicated than mine. I just sliced up heritage tomatoes, laid slices of fresh mozzarella & basil leaves in between, and drizzled olive oil over the top, along with a little salt and pepper.
lodo
Nope lodo,
That is caprese salad. Try drizzling a little balsamic over the tomatoes along with the olive oil. What are heritage tomatoes? I use Roma's because they are so meaty with less liquid. I got one of the best caprese salads that I ever had in SF.
$22 for halibut? Wow that's insane. I never pay more than $10 per pound.
So do you cook in the nude or just run around the desert that way?
That Korean store also has small Abalone for $6 a piece! I think some people think things taste better if you pay a fortune. $22 for halibut seems a bit steep. I think even in the Korean store it is around $12. It is one of the best tasting fishes in the sea though.
I hear that it is best to have a bicycle to get around at Burning Man because it is quite a large temporary city. Everything is layed out like clock and you need to find an area with the people you can relate with best.
Here is the link of interest regarding nudge nudge wink wink at Burning Man:
http://www.bureauoferoticdiscourse.org/Guestbook.phpWe want pictures of your outfit man - dont be shy!
Bethie - sounds like your caprese is a lot more complicated than mine. I just sliced up heritage tomatoes, laid slices of fresh mozzarella & basil leaves in between, and drizzled olive oil over the top, along with a little salt and pepper.
Oh is that what caprese is?? Love that! order it at Claim Jumper all the time and they have it at the deli at the store. Yea Bethies an overahiever and show off, so there ya go
Sound great the way both of you fix it up! yummm
Heritage or heirloom tomatoes are described
here. I get them in the veggie box I get each week.
I buy my halibut from the local fishermen, so it's probably more expensive than something that's done commercially.
At burning man I'm already going to be camping with some friends in a theme camp but I appreciate you looking out for me Kerry. Are you trying to get me kicked out of the Sex-Starved and Separated Forum?
I'm taking my camera (and lots of cleaning materials!) so will post pix on fb.
Have received 2 emails from W - haven't answered either one. I've decided to write a brief letter just so I don't come across as rude. I'm just going to tell her I enjoyed our time together but I need to sever the relationship completely in order to finish moving on.
lodo
I wish someone could come up with a blue or cyan colored tomato.
I'm just going to tell her I enjoyed our time together but I need to sever the relationship completely in order to finish moving on.
I get the feeling she is not going to take that letter well. Does she have access to your FB? The pictures of you at BM with the scantily clad female friends might be too much.
Lodo, I have to admit, I never heard of Madeleine Peyroux before, but after listening to some of her songs online, I will be looking to purchase some of her albums soon. Her voice is like honey.
Glad you like her. I like
this song.
That is pretty weird to look at. BTW... Have you listened to the lyrics to Dylan's Blood on the Tracks album lately? It is his divorce album. A lot of those songs hit home hard now when I hear them - just like the song in your link. But yet I still really like the album. Kerry must resist sad love songs and listen to more upbeat stuff like this more:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FeIF-7fhkE
Maybe kerry needs to over-indulge in sad love songs. Listen to Act 1 of this:
http://thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=339
need upbeat??
Try this one
http://tinyurl.com/5tk9xnor this one
http://tinyurl.com/5u37jmneed a bit more inspiration??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsrEwAT36d0hope your preparations for BM are entertaining!
Peace
Bridge
Lodo, I have to admit, I never heard of Madeleine Peyroux before, but after listening to some of her songs online, I will be looking to purchase some of her albums soon. Her voice is like honey.
She came last year for a concert in Athens. Missed her. Was too busy overanalysing stbxH's behaviour, too busy to enjoy myself...
K
Okay, I know I'm vacillating all over the place. Now I've decided not to write the letter. I mean, my W is getting ready to go spend 3 weeks with OM - not sure if she's still involved or not, but still.
I was going to write it for closure, but realistically, if I write her a letter and don't hear anything back, I don't think I'm far enough along not to be hurt by that. I know I'll come across as rude if I stop answering her calls and emails, but should I be that worried about whether she thinks I'm rude or not? I don't think so.
So the letter is off again. I think I can find closure by dropping her from my life.
lodo
Maybe the next time she calls, because we all know she will, just as calmly as possible say,"I can't do this anymore. I am sorry but this has been very painful for me and I really just need to step back and take care of myself."
Just an idea. You have shown a lot of strength and I know you are going to get through this.
kat
Lodo,
Just read your sitch. You're right, you don't owe it to her to act like close friends at this point, that's so unfair to you. Also, LRT and 'going dark' can only help your detachment further... I agree with Kat, know that you will get through this!
Stopping by with a howdy and a smile for you.
I went to an amusement park a couple days ago and rode the rollercoasters for real. It was much more fun than the emotional ones we can't get off!
Your W is still winning by a long shot in the rude contest.
Take care of you.
Okay, I know I'm vacillating all over the place.
So the letter is off again. I think I can find closure by dropping her from my life.
If you are going to take the prize for vacillating, you're gonna have to fight me for it first!
I said this before - the letter was for you. If you don't think it will help you as you get through all this, forget it. With the way she has treated you, I think you have been more than understanding and generous. That generosity is allowed to have limits, though, and if you have reached them -- feel free to act accordingly.
Thanks g - I guess I was just in a temporary low. Coming back out of it now. Amazing how she can still make me feel worthless without even saying anything. Or maybe it's precisely because she DOESN'T say anything.
I, meanwhile, get thrown back in that confusion state whenever we have close communication, then start analyzing everything all over again.
I've been friendly long enough. I'm okay with severing now. The next step, I guess. As weird as it sounds, I'm not even that bothered right now thinking about her leaving for 3 weeks with OM - they leave on Monday. That'll probably change, but right now it's okay. He can deal with her for awhile, because she can definitely be a handful to deal with. Wants to be in charge of everything and then, usually at the most inopportune moments, completely loses it and melts down. The thought of never having to deal with THOSE situations again feels pretty good because they were always bad.
Wasn't going to, but decided to take kerry's advice and am taking condoms to burning man. I mean, might as well be prepared, right? It's time to stop thinking that no other woman will find me attractive just because W doesn't think I'm worth being around.
Sounds like the dust is going to be really bad this year - I guess I'd better learn how to tie a shemagh.
lodo
Go to Home Depot or Lowes and get one of those good dust masks. Might be good also to get some swim goggles to help keep the dust out of your eyes - they might even enhance your costume! Google "burning man dust storm" to see why.
If you dont use the condoms for fun, they can be used for other things.
I'm going to get a dust mask, but I've got a kaffiyeh (just learned that's the non-religious name; religious name is shemagh) which works great - wore it when I was doing some archaeological work in the desert near the dead sea. Think Lawrence of Arabia. If I can't find goggles that fit over my glasses I'll get a ski mask - after all, I'm not too worried about fashion!
why don't you drive down and join in the fun, kerry?
I dont think I would fit in at Burning Man, but I really like the Black Rock Desert.
I think fitting in is precisely the one thing you DON'T need to worry about at BM! I've never been to the BRD, but I'm used to being outside in dust and sand storms from my guiding days so I reckon I'll survive.
Ok I am just picturing you wearing your burning man get up and just had to smile. You are certainly one of a kind! I posted an update on Karen over on infidelity. She is riding out Fay and already had a tree hit her car. Just wanted to let you know.
kat
Hi Kat,
Thanks for letting me know about karen - I forgot she was in FL.
I'll post pix on fb after I get back in a week - you're going to laugh!
lodo
Hey Lodo,
I've been reading that book you suggested. Pop. 485. Surprisingly, I have been to some of those towns as it is only the next state over and my mom is from Wisc.
First chapter really hit home. Reminded me of some calls I would like to forget.
Made it back from Burning Man alive and none the worse for wear! Had a great time, though it was pretty difficult to be around all those nubile young women wearing ... well, nothing. Except paint.
Made new friends, had good conversations, but it was strange to be alone in the crowd. I'm still learning to walk again, I guess, and I'm a little disappointed in my ability to put myself out there. Right now I just can't. There was a lot I could've taken advantage of, but I had to take it at a pace I felt comfortable with. It was strange, though, to see all the the young couples - such innocence!
As far as DBing goes, I guess I've pretty much given it up at this point. Based on the reactions of my W whenever we get together, I think that if I tried really hard to charm her, I could win her back. But I realized that I don't want to.
She wasn't willing to make it work. In fact, she sabotaged our M with everything she had; she burned bridges despite her unwillingness to recognize that she was doing so. She rejected any kind of future with me, so why should I continue to let her be part of my life? It's hard to pick yourself up and find/build new relationships as a single person. Many of our married friends have rejected me in subtle but obvious ways. I have to force myself to go back out and start from scratch. But that is still better than putting my trust in someone who has shown how little she deserves it.
In a NYT book review of "Epilogue" by Anne Roiphe, the subject of loneliness was much discussed. Those left alone feel left out, extra, not fully present, and unable to go anywhere. When they do go out, they check their watch and long to get back to the safety of their home. The point is, it's hard trying to reestablish rhythm in one's life after a major disruption. Time helps, but will never erase.
That's my work. The acceptance of my past and the movement towards my future. I need to build a future that moves beyond self-defeating behaviors. I need to build a future that includes people who support rather than reject me.
I'm a person who is open to newness and embraces the unforeseen, but balances that with creating stability and a comfortable home. Why on earth do I think I'll never love again? That's silly. There's a lot to experience in this world and while it's great to share those experiences with someone, it isn't necessary.
One last thought. On my drive back, my friend mentioned that anyone I date in the future will probably have kids. I hadn't thought of that before. It certainly doesn't bother me and I've always been good with kids, but how strange to face the possibility of an instant family in my next relationship.
Hope everyone is well. Thanks for listening.
lodo
Wow Lodo..
I'm with you man. It's a daunting task and one I am constantly thinking about. How to move on alone when you have been used to being with someone.
You and I are about in the same place brother.
I wonder what I'll do when this house renovation is done and I have time on my hands??
I saw news reports about dust storms at Burning Man. Could cause some serious chafing! Lodo, no rush about a new R. It won't do you or your new lady any good if you aren't ready yet. Unless it is just physical - but I don't get the impression that kind of R interests you. I had thought about a new R after my almost-move and the biggest challenge for me was thinking about getting to know someone from scratch after knowing someone so well. Seemed almost impossible to fathom. But we've done it before, right?
Well I am on the other side of the boat saying, I have 4 kids, whoever I get together with will have to love kids. Kind of daunting with 4. And if they already have kids...what are we trying to make, the Brady Bunch? This isn't my main focus but certainly is in the back of my mind.
Glad you had fun. I have long admired the fact that you can put yourself out there and are comfortable enough with yourself to do things on your own. Don't forget, we want pictures of your getup!
kat
Did the Black Rock Desert still look huge? I could only imagine what that festival would be like if there was a lot of rain.
One last thought. On my drive back, my friend mentioned that anyone I date in the future will probably have kids. I hadn't thought of that before. It certainly doesn't bother me and I've always been good with kids, but how strange to face the possibility of an instant family in my next relationship.
I have considered the case where I would date a woman without kids and figured it would not be likely as such a woman would want a family started from scratch. I suppose there are also the women that got caught up in their careers and it now is too late for them to have a child and they may desire the instant family. My kids really want me to find a lady with kids their age - they dont know the problems that can occur with blended families, but I am optimistic that it can be done well.
You never know - the next gal you meet may have kids, but those kids could be all grown up. Are you ready to be called "Grandpa" yet?