The Kaleidoscope Which Is My Life

Seeing that I needed to get a new thread going (and to make it somewhat easier for those who are going to be at MAL's East Coast Getaway next month), I took the idea from reading my horoscope (Virgo) on the Cainer web site yesterday. It mentioned about a kaleidoscope and how with just a very slight turn, the whole picture changes. Kind of sums up my life.

The tie-ins to my previous threads:

I'm Working on A New Bob, Baby...

It was one year ago yesterday when I started posting over in Newcomers. Although I have grown a lot since that time, my R hasn't progressed a whole heck of a lot...

Who Let the Bob Out - Who, Who, Who, Who...

At KAW's urging, I migrated over to Piecing in early October and stayed with this thread until the end of December. Things were going slowly but surely but we did have our additional stresses of being hit with a very bad ice storm (losing power for five days) and finding out that our beloved dog (who W and I adopted back in 1989) had cancer and would pass on soon.

Do You Smell What the Bob Is Cooking?

2003 began on a very sad note when our dog passed away quietly in the night on January 3 - got some tears when I saw that post again.

A few days later I had my telephone consult with Vernetta who reminded me that it was important for Bob to have a life.

A few days after that I got laid off from my job - additional stress placed on the R.

Also started to post from home so W has been in the position to snoop on my threads if she so desired. To recap, W installed CyberSitter on all of our computers shortly after finding out about the materials in January of 2002 - nothing to report since then. As I mentioned to C at my last session - I do not look at as being cured but it is firmly in check. As long as I recognize the warning signs and take heed, I won't allow it to happen again.

Also saw at the end of that thread a post from LL saying that she wasn't as strong as I was and was going to give up. LL - I am so glad that you didn't give up and aren't giving up now.

It's All That - And a Bag of Chips...

Continuing on from late February to late April - nothing of real note to pass on from there. And my most recent thread:

Am I Chauncey Gardner's Clone?

The thread title was prompted by something W said at one of our last joint C sessions. We celebrated (if you want to call it that) our 12th A, adopted a new dog (who has her own issues...

) and saw me officially become one of the unemployed.

Maybe I should have titled this thread "Lagging Economic Indicator."

I agree with what KAW, TS and PnT said recently that I do need to nip this area of contention (the DB Getaway Weekend) now. But W again hasn't been home much for us to really talk. When I do receive some new information from MAL concerning the weekend, I'll make sure to let W know so that I'm keeping things in plain view.

howdy bob!

nice new place you've got here!

Quote:

When I do receive some new information from MAL concerning the weekend, I'll make sure to let W know so that I'm keeping things in plain view.

is there still an issue for wife that would prevent you from going on a db weekend alone?

how will your going or not going effect things?

"w still isn't around much to really talk" I have a feeling that one of the main causes of grief in the r is w's lack of availabilty. may I ask...was she always so absent (being at the gym, work, visiting mom) or are some of these escapes a result of something else keeping her from activly participating in the r.

asside from going on a db weekend what other things are you doing just for you?

LL

Hello, LL - thanks for being #1 on my new thread.

is there still an issue for wife that would prevent you from going on a db weekend alone?
Not in terms of actually making the trip - W made sure that she would be free that weekend before I went ahead and committed to going. I suspect what has her concerned is that I did mention that the group was pro-marriage and that we provide support and understanding to each other because our M's are in crisis. I think that W only expects me to have C as an avenue to talk things through - not other men and women.

how will your going or not going effect things?

I think that W has some issues concerning trust, LL. Given the way that she has been treating me for the past few months, it would be perfectly natural for me to "stray off of the reservation." And regardless of what I say, W will still have those issues rummaging around in her mind. But I don't want to go looking elsewhere - my place is where I am right now.

I have a feeling that one of the main causes of grief in the r is w's lack of availabilty. may I ask...was she always so absent (being at the gym, work, visiting mom) or are some of these escapes a result of something else keeping her from activly participating in the r.

Shortly after the birth of our D nearly nine years ago, W and I agreed that I would go into work early so that I could pick up D from daycare in the afternoon. W is not a morning person at all so she prefers to go into work at a later time. That schedule has worked out pretty well for us in the past. It also meant that W would be pretty tired when she did get home and was not interested in going out. We also made the critical mistake of not carving out regular quality time for just us - W was just so enamoured with D that she wanted her to be in on nearly everything we did. And me being the fool that I am, I went along with W's line of thinking.

As to our sitch today - I do think W schedules things for herself so that she does not have to do things with me (plays and concerts with coworkers, dinner outings and weekends away with the Mom Posse). The thing is that I do encourage W to have a life outside of work since I do know how stressful work is for her and she does put in a lot of hours.

aside from going on a db weekend what other things are you doing just for you?

Well I do have the gym that I visit a couple of times a week to keep fit (still hovering at 130 lbs for over a year) and the German group dance practices during the Spring and Fall. Other hobbies? Well, I am an amateur radio operator so I do get on the air occasionally. If I was working again, I would strongly consider taking up golf again - used to be a pretty decent player but kind of gave that up when D was born.

BTW - my birthday is next Friday so it should be interesting what W gives me - I mean, what the kids and dog give me...

Quote:

As to our sitch today - I do think W schedules things for herself so that she does not have to do things with me (plays and concerts with coworkers, dinner outings and weekends away with the Mom Posse). The thing is that I do encourage W to have a life outside of work since I do know how stressful work is for her and she does put in a lot of hours.

is w still against going anywhere with you without the kids as back up?

could you try to include some wind down time for her that includes you?

Quote:

I think that W has some issues concerning trust, LL. Given the way that she has been treating me for the past few months, it would be perfectly natural for me to "stray off of the reservation." And regardless of what I say, W will still have those issues rummaging around in her mind. But I don't want to go looking elsewhere - my place is where I am right now.

well then asside from it being benificial for you personally to go...how do you perceive it effecting your r with w? how do you suppose she will act when you come home from the weekend?

Quote:

BTW - my birthday is next Friday so it should be interesting what W gives me - I mean, what the kids and dog give me...

happy almost birthday...I hope the kids and dog treat you great! and who knows maybe w will surprise you too.

LL

is w still against going anywhere with you without the kids as back up?

I would say "Yes."

could you try to include some wind down time for her that includes you?

Since W does work as much as she does, she really does treasure the time that she can spend with the kids. And in all honesty, LL - W is really not a bad person or mother. I just get the sense that W is trapped in a big old cheeseless tunnel and can't figure out that the cheese has moved elsewhere.

well then asside from it being benificial for you personally to go...how do you perceive it effecting your r with w? how do you suppose she will act when you come home from the weekend?

I suppose her reaction would be not any different than it has been - very indifferent on her part. How it would affect the R if I do go? W did say a couple of months ago that since I am not working right now, it would be a perfect opportunity for me to get away for a few days. I don't really want to go down to FL and visit my family right now - I would be too tempted to talk about our R problems. My parents and sisters have a very good R with W and I don't want to jeopardize that - it would be extremely unfair to her, them and me.

I have the strong sense that we will have to talk about it - W's medical plan does not cover our current C so she wants to find another one. C is going to insist on a wrap-up session with us - something that I am going to push for before the DB weekend happens. That way W will have a safe place to air her views - as will I...

Well - time for a bit of journaling...

Last Friday night W was planning on going out to dinner with the Mom Posse and had arranged for D to go to a swim club to keep the D of Mom #1 company - which would leave me alone with S. No problem with that at all. After I got home with the kids from school and daycare, W calls. Traffic is extremely bad for her to get home, pick up D and go. She asks me if I could take D to the swim club and meet her there. I told her that I would be glad to help her out so I piled the kids into the minivan (aka the Dodge POS) and set out. Traffic in the direction I was going (which was the opposite from what W had to face) was not a problem and I got D there. A few minutes later W pulls up. She thanks me profusely (for her) for doing this - I told her again that I was glad to lend a hand. Had a great evening with S and we had already gotten to bed before W and D got home. Traffic was still bad - it delayed W for over an hour. And she never bothered to call to keep me from worrying...

Saturday W and D went to visit MIL in the nursing home followed by some shopping. We did have a good lunch out before they left - S was a pleasant handful.

After W and D got back, I mentioned that our German band group was having a kickoff party the following Saturday and asked if I should send off an RSVP for it. W was very noncommittal about it - acted as if she didn't care one way or the other. Now these people are as much her friends as they are mine - but I get the sense that she now considers that as "Bob's Thing" rather than "Our Thing."

Yesterday morning one of our neighborhood kids (who rides the bus along with D) dropped off an invite to his birthday party in a few weeks - the week after my trip up to Virginia Beach. W was still asleep (we didn't get to bed until after midnight) so I brought it in and put it on the table. When W got up, I told W about the invite. W acted very disappointed about when the party was scheduled since she was planning on taking the kids with her somewhere that weekend. Naturally, this was the first that I had heard about it.

Now before everyone gets the wrong idea - nearly every year W does take the kids somewhere for a weekend and leaves me at home. Normally W and the Mom Posse rent something out at the beach for them and the kids but I guess that the Moms couldn't agree on something for the fall so W is going to do something solo. And that weekend D has Friday off from school as it is a Teacher Workday.

Back to journalling...

We all did go out to see "Pulse" at the local IMAX theater that afternoon followed by some ice cream (for the kids) and lattes (for the grownups). The evening could have been better - our dog chewed up some pieces of a wooden 3D dinosaur puzzle the kids and I were putting together and S was really acting hyper after his bath and ticking both W and me off at him.

While waiting for the bus this morning, W sounded like that the kids would be going to the birthday party after all and postpone the weekend getaway. And I have been busy applying online for a EPA position locally this morning. This afternoon looks busy as well - solo C session followed by grocery (foraging). Also it looks like I will get to go to dance practice this evening - yeah!

Quote:

After W and D got back, I mentioned that our German band group was having a kickoff party the following Saturday and asked if I should send off an RSVP for it. W was very noncommittal about it - acted as if she didn't care one way or the other. Now these people are as much her friends as they are mine - but I get the sense that she now considers that as "Bob's Thing" rather than "Our Thing."

if you wish to go then rsvp for yourself...make arraigments either with w or someone else to tend to the kids and go...if w wishes to join you fine..if not...you go do YOUR THING and have a great time!

LL

Hey, LL!

I should have added some other information here. The hosts for the party are among our closest friends - they have three kids who our kids really like to play with. We have slept over at their house for New Years the past two or three years. And the kids are welcome to the party. So I'm going to RSVP at practice tonight for all four of us. If W decides not to go, I'll take the kids and the three of us will have a great time.

Quote:

So I'm going to RSVP at practice tonight for all four of us. If W decides not to go, I'll take the kids and the three of us will have a great time.

excellent idea!!

LL

Hey, Bob,

Visiting your new thread. Like it a lot --
great recap of your progress.

I love your grounded, positive attitude.
It's helped me so many times -- rain or shine,
you work on your PMA. It's contagious.

Sounds like a fun summer with the kids.
Hope your dog is doing better with the axiety issue.
Mine is recovering nicely from her surgery.
Thanks for asking.

Gonna start a real job search soon -- I'll probably
need that famous patience I've developed as I go
down that road. "Keeping positive, like Bob."

Hee hee -- that'd be a cool tatoo. Keep em guessing.
Who's Bob?

Cheers till we talk again,

Bridget

HI Bob..I like your new title...funny how I never would have thought about a kaleidoscope and the changes ..so many neat things to stop and notice on this journey..
Glad to hear you are going on the weekend..I would love to meet some of these friends here..could you all just come to Illinois...don't back down on it..you deserve a get a way..
Keep hanging in there with the job thing..something is waiting for you..

Sue

Bridget - A Bob tattoo?

I would be honored...

Maybe I should get a "Bridget" or a "Zest" tattoo - that would really send W into a tailspin!

Sue - if you wanted to make the journey from IL out to Virginia, I'm sure that there are some spaces still available at the beach house. Just check out MAL's thread in the Just for Fun area. Also, I think that several people up in Chicagoland occasionally get together for dinner or something - I'll pass along anything that I see.

Another surprisingly good C session yesterday. C and I talked at length about some of W's controlling tendencies as of late (limiting Internet access from home, trying to change to a new C because our current one is not on W's insurance's preferred list, W planning on taking the kids away for a long weekend without at least checking with me first). We're not sure if W is doing all of this to intentionally provoke a reaction and confrontation from me or that she is working to isolate and minimize me from her life. It would be a definite 180 for me to really raise a lather about all of this - but with W making so many missteps (her Internet plan not working and not doing anything about it, W not getting a list of preferred therapists for insurance reasons, W having second thoughts about going away with the kids in a couple of weeks), I feel that doing nothing more than I have is the way to go.

Last night I did get to dance practice even though W showed up home late from her appointment with the muscle activation therapist. I did engage W in a bit of chit chat before I left. Practice felt good. Being around so many of our friends was even better.

They know nothing of our marital problems but they do know that I'm still looking for work. A wonderfully supportive group of people - just like you all here on the BB. I am definitely lucky.

Got home last night - W was decidedly cool. She did not really want to hear about how our friends were doing or passing on well wishes from them.

I really feel sorry that W is working so hard to shut out this part of her life. It is so very sad and so very unnecessary.

This morning I got a phone call from our vet concerning our dog's problems. The good news is that in her opinion, the antianxiety medication is doing its job.

The bad news is that our puppy is acting more puppy like with all of her chewing.

The vet gave me a three pronged approach to deal with this so I have some work to do on this.

After I got back in from mowing the yard, there was a message from W on the answering machine. MIL was being taken to the hospital to get some X-rays on her ankle which she twisted in the shower a couple of days ago. W was very upset at this since today is MIL's birthday and she was planning on going over this evening to celebrate. W came by to drop off a couple of things - I gave her a lot of support and told her that I would come up to the nursing home with the stuff and the kids if MIL gets back there at a decent hour this evening. W thanked me for pitching in like this and she'll keep me posted. I'm keeping SIL posted by e-mail - which SIL appreciates.

More journaling...

It turns out that MIL did break her ankle at the nursing home late last week. So they put her in a splint and sent her back late that evening. W also mentioned that the orthopaedic doctor who is going to see MIL next week is the same one that D saw while she had her broken arm. I told this to D after we got off the phone - D thought that was cool.

After I got the kids upstairs to get ready for bed, SIL called for an update. SIL made it a point to let me know how she appreciated me being so understanding and willing to step in to help out W. Even if W does not tell me so, it's nice to hear things like this coming from members of her family - especially since SIL knows about the difficulties of our sitch.

So we're going sometime this evening to celebrate MIL's birthday after we have had dinner. W likely will need to work some this afternoon and early evening after a conference call - business as usual.

Still more journaling...

We had a really good Wednesday evening. W came home super early

and we had a good Bob-prepared dinner before we piled into the minivan to visit MIL for her belated birthday celebration. S behaved himself most of the time so the visit was not too particularly stressful for W and me. D was a real sweetie - she even fed MIL her dessert (chocolate cake with raspberries) before touching hers.

While we travelled back home, W did warn me that next week was going to be very rough for her at work. So what else is new?

No problem for me - just means that much more time with the kids.

Well, today I turn 44 years young. I thought about it some and said to myself: "Self, it doesn't matter that nearly half of your hair is grey or white now. And it doesn't matter if you develop bags under your eyes or get crow's feet. You are a great father and a great husband who has learned from his mistakes and continues to learn every day. If W refuses to recognize that, that's her loss. If W decides to bolt, that's her loss."

I took a look at my horoscope from the Cainer web site and here is what is says for today:

Jupiter is now back in your sign for the first time since 1992. Mercury, your ruler, is in Virgo too. It is as if it�s now standing still, in an apparent effort to maximise the length of its stay in its favourite sector of the sky. The Sun and Venus are also in Virgo and we have just enjoyed the annual new Moon in your honour. Are these special times for you? No, no, they are much more than that. They are extra-special, amazing and unusual times. during which the most magical developments can, and will, ensue.

And here is one that was in our local paper today:

You're known by others to be different, someone who likes to call the shots; you're independent and used to going your own way. You can be sensitive and moody. You're best self-employed and would be good working in the security field. The next few weeks are a very lucky time; you could hit the jackpot. There is involvement with children, perhaps as a teacher.

I don't really believe all of this - but it would be nice for some 'magic' to come my way. Maybe I need to make some of my own...

Bob,

Happy Birthday, I hope it is a magical one.

Jackie

From one Virgo to another ... Happy Birthday!

... altho I don't take any stock in that stuff either ... after all ... how does one write a horoscope that holds true for more that a couple million people every day?

It was cool to receive some validation from SIL. I'm sure some of that has to filter back to W as well for what it may be worth?!...

Last year, I played my 40th very low key in light of the year I had. This year, I feel like celebrating the day in celebration of "myself", but haven't come up yet with how just yet? ... have another week to think about it tho.

Enjoy Bob!

'til later,
KAW

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you are not old...end of next month I will be 48.....ohhhhhhhhhhhhh now that sounds old..50 is just around the corner..yet I feel the best that I have felt in several years...I keep somewhat fit...used to be our ages were ready for a rocking chair. I still have things to do and places to go..if it is alone, so be it.

Hope your w has something planned for you..like a night off of cooking and a week off of cleaning!!

Have fun

Sue

Jackie, KAW and Sue - thanks for stopping by on my birthday. Also thanks to you who just came by to read - you know who you are!

Quote:

Hope your w has something planned for you..like a night off of cooking and a week off of cleaning!!

Sue - ROFL!

The only way that would happen is if W came down with an irreversible case of amnesia!

Anyway - last Friday went about the way I expected. W came home pretty late so the kids and I started on leftover spaghetti for dinner. W did show up as we were finishing but she really appreciated the plate I set aside for her. Got a nice personalized computer card from D (she used Microsoft Picture It to doctor up a photo W took and added her own text - pretty cool!

), another regular card which W actually signed

, a cordless screwdriver with a bunch of attachments

and a TCBY ice cream cake.

I thanked everyone for the nice birthday - again, pretty much what I expected.

Saturday D got an invite from our next door neighbor to sleep over in their backyard. Our new neighbor is a DF with three kids (D11, S9 and D2) that stay with him every other week. He is marrying a nice woman in October up in PA where her family goes back over 300 years.

Our D and his D get along very well so far so we gave the OK for it. But before the sleepover - W, the kids and I went to our German band kickoff party for the fall season. With the kids keeping busy, it gave W and I a lot of time to catch up with everyone. By the way W was smiling and ing jokes, she had a really good time - something that I haven't seen much of from her in a few years. After we got back from the party and got D situated next door for the evening, S and W promptly fell asleep!

Sunday was a pretty hectic day all the way around. Our dog got something in her eye that apparently got washed out on its own but she kept her eye shut. So I rushed her to the emergency pet clinic - fortunately no corneal abrasion or anything very serious. So even though it cost us about $100 for the visit and antibiotic eye drops, W thought I did the right thing.

As it turns out, our next door neighbor needed to go there later to treat his cat for scratches that it received from their three dogs so W and I agreed to watch his two older kids. We went to see "Freaky Friday" - W and I sat on opposite ends of the group but I could see her laughing and enjoying the movie.

After the movie, we stopped by a bookstore because D had been pushing us to do so for a couple of weeks. While we were there, W and neighbor got into a conversation about camping. W made a rather pointed insult at me concerning a mistake that I had made a couple of years ago by bending one of the support poles for our new tent due to me misreading the instructions. I replied "Yes - you are right" in a very calm and neutral voice. W then decided to change the topic.

We followed that up with a Mexican dinner and next door neighbor joined us. After that, his two older kids joined us in a sleepover in our family room. While the kids watched a movie very late in the evening, W and I stayed awake upstairs. W felt like watching something different on TV so I turned on the History Channel since something caught W's curiousity. It was a show called "The X-Y Factor" and it dealt with s&x during the WWII years. Something that I would not at all expect W to want to watch with me but she did for most of it before falling asleep.

Yesterday was another busy one. After we had a pancake breakfast and saying goodbye to the neighbor kids, we took our dog for a hike around a nearby lake. We also need to build up our walking legs for our trip to NY next month and it was worth it. Our dog went into the lake but did not venture out very far - she just wasn't sure what to do once she could not touch her paws on the bottom!

We also went for a late visit to the pool since it will be closing on Friday for the year followed by a chicken and green bean stirfry in peanut sauce. W raved about it - said that I did a very good job picking out the organic green beans for it.

But it is back to the routine this morning. After I took S to his speech class and daycare, I got back home and W was still here so we did have some time alone - talked about what her work schedule was and what we had planned for the weekend. In order to keep the conversation flowing, I asked if we were still going to plan on taking the dog to a charity dog wash on Saturday. W got a bit testy and replied "Didn't I mention that to you a few days ago?"

I told W that I just wanted to make sure that we had the day right and I went inside to do some straightening up and check out a couple of job sites. W did come in a bit subdued and wanting to work on removing some mattes from behind our dog's ears. She needs my help to keep D restrained and occupied while she does this so it gave us at least an excuse for incidental touching.

Bob..glad you had an alright birthday..at least you did not build yourself up only to be let down. It's just another day..right?

You are keeping busy..when you said the new neighbor was a df..I thought"yes..a lady to maybe make your w jeaulous"(sp?)..but then you said he..not that you want to make her jeolous..but heck maybe our s need something to shake them up a little..make them stop and think about what we have...I have this single probably 50ish man behind me..I see him out in his backyard alot..have never spoken or met, but I sometimes think I should introduce myself..naw that's not me..I am not "looking" for anyone else..and I would never do that just to get back at h. Well I can dream can't I!!!???

take care

Sue

Sue - so sorry for the confusion there. I can see where my abbreviation DF (Divorced Father) could easily be confused with DF (Divorced Female).

As far as "meeting" your 50ish neighbor - the guy is your neighbor so it's probably a good idea to know his name at the very least. We don't socialize all that much with our neighbors but we know some of them fairly well.

Well - didn't want to get bumped back to Page 2 so time for another update...

W was in an extremely lousy mood Tuesday evening due to work and reports that her mom in the nursing home was not eating. So I gave her a VERY wide berth when she came home. She didn't want to have any dinner or any beer or wine so I just let her basically vege out and watch the rest of "Mouse Hunt" with S4.

Wednesday morning went quite a bit better - W did thank me for fixing her some pasta for her to take in to work. I did ask her if I could use her checkbook to pay a couple of bills and noticed that she hadn't recorded the check amount for one she wrote to a coworker for an upcoming concert. So I called up the bank's number so that I could get the amount - and found that she forgot to enter a couple of debit transactions as well. I swear - sometimes I really wonder about her...

She worked until the kids' bedtime and even brought work home with her so she was up until around midnight. After she came upstairs, our dog was making noises like she needed to go outside. W had just let her outside to squirt but our dog persisted so I got up and took her outside. Naturally, she had more to do

and then we all slept peacefully through the night.

Today W has an important all-day meeting and she is going to the nursing home to visit her mom. My week has been rather quiet but next week is going to be very busy with the DB weekend coming up. I really think the time away is going to do me some good. It could also harden W's attitude towards me even more (likely) or it could force her to do some serious reevaluation of her contribution to our sitch (unlikely but necessary).

Just a bump up from Page 2. Busy weekend and busy Monday as well - will update later.

You get up early............I am sure your w is thinking about your trip......it might be what she needs..you dedicate alot of time to your family and w knows you are always there..kinda like most r in reverse...

Have a great day

Sue

Sue - that's an interesting way to put it:

Quote:

you dedicate alot of time to your family and w knows you are always there..kinda like most r in reverse...

C mentioned something like this to me this morning at my session.

Anyway - the weekend was very busy. W had decided on Friday night to come home early since she was tired and knew that she needed to work a few hours during the weekend. I encouraged her to come home at a normal time (like 8 PM is normal!

) so that she could get a good night's sleep.

We took our dog to a charity dog wash on Saturday - got the pup clean and gave her a chance to socalize with other dogs and people. She really did well!

We also spent some time "snooping" at houses being built - something S had been eager to do for weeks. Not much open but we did go out to a good dinner afterwards.

On Sunday W decided not to go into work so we went to the planetarium to watch a film concerning DNA and celebrating the 50th anniversary of its discovery. Instead of exercising the dog, we walked over to Starbucks for coffee and treats for the kids. Mom #1 called W - wanted to know if W and D wanted to do something. We had seen a sign on campus for a puppet performance being put on by a very socially aware (meaning ultraliberal) group - W suggested that we all go to watch. Mom #1 wanted our D to have some play time with her D so we met up with them and handed our D off. On the way back home - W, S and I "snooped" around a couple of townhomes being built. The first one we saw was extremely nice - W loved the floor plan, the various upgrades (including an elevator) and the location. So when we got home, W went online to get a price estimate. It was about $950K.

No wonder W liked it so much!

Somehow, I don't think that we'll be moving there anything in this or any other lifetime!

While we were walking around, W put in a lot of "we" references and talking a lot about "our future." I took it all in - validated the heck out of her. She really didn't want any heavy talk so I didn't push.

Later in the evening we met up with Mom #1, her D and our D for the puppet theater and then some coffee afterwards. After we parked our car near the coffeeshop, D discovered in horror that she had left her coin purse with about $15 in it behind at the outdoor theater. D went into full "play acting" mode which W did not appreciate in the least. S was also acting up some so W was in a doubly foul mood.

I did my best to stay calm and keep some semblance of order.

After we got back to our car, D did another search of her contents and found the coin purse that she thought she had lost. We were relieved that she had found it but W was still ticked off at D for copping an attitude.

Today has been busy for me - C session followed by teeth cleaning at the dentist followed by grocery shopping. C session went OK - I sometimes wonder if I am detaching from our sitch as much as I think I am. I need to think on that some more...

Oh - one other thing: Last Friday I talked to another ham radio operator who was on board the Queen Mary - which is at the Long Beach, CA harbor. Had a really good conversation with the guy.

Hey there.

Stopping by to catch up on you, sending a hug.

Things sound steady -- more ups than downs --
and little disagreements are getting resolved.
It was nice your W spending Sunday time with
you instead of working.

You're a rock of steadiness -- hope you are feeling
rewarded. Do you think C is helpful?

How's the dog doing?

I'm getting into the job search now --
wish us both luck.

Cheers,

Bridget

Oh crap - something that I just thought of after W pulled away with S this morning...

As you know, I'm supposed to be going away this Friday morning for the DB get together in Virginia Beach. W mentioned something last evening about having a work line for her project of this Friday - and she's only got a portion of it done.

I was planning on leaving the house sometime mid morning. W would need to be here around 4 in the afternoon in order to meet D who comes home on the bus. I know for a fact that W will not be able to finish her deliverable by then even if she decides to work very late tonight and Thursday.

Now W agreed to let me go on this weekend several weeks ago but I'm sure that she has forgotten about it - a very annoying trait of hers. I could either be a real hard nose about it (which would be a 180 for me) and decide to keep to my plans of leaving Friday morning. Or I can compromise with W and say that I am willing to leave early on Saturday morning thereby allowing her the time to complete her deliverable - at least as complete as possible.

Although sticking to my guns would be a strong 180 for me, it would likely be very detrimental in the long run for our R. Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Quote:

Although sticking to my guns would be a strong 180 for me, it would likely be very detrimental in the long run for our R. Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

you've made life easy for her and revolved everything you do around her schedule for so long you deserve this vaca and shouldn't have to cut it short just because of her lack of attention to your life.

it's wednesday...remind her tonight about your trip and when you will be leaving...if she has a conflict with her schedule she can easily find one of her little friends that she always makes time for to meet dd at the bus.

sorry bob...your w needs a wake up call...if your pulling a 180 and standing firm with your plans becomes detrimental to the r the only way I can see it going is positive...she will either realize that bob's life means something too..or it doesn't ant therefore w's life shouldn't mean so much to you.

LL

LL - thanks for stopping by. You're right on all counts. I will treat W respectfully when discussing this. I will be calm, focused and determined.

Be bold, Bob!

Gee - where have I heard that before?

I agree with LL....I can't believe that she has forgetten your trip..you deserve the time away..don't give in to her on this one...I don't see how it could be detrimental to the r..
Be bold Bob!!!!!

Let us know how it goes..( the reminder, that is)

Sue

it seems to me bob that your w is just as inconsiderate of your time as my h is of mine...look at me here I sit dressed and ready to go visit some friends..h told me worst case scenario he'd be home by 7...now he calls and says he SHOULD be home by 7:15 and that it would be really helpful to him if dd was already set and in bed since he has to deal with son4 all this not without checking what's for dinner.

what's for dinner h??? try taking a bite of my a$$ you selfish sob!!!

I wonder what's the db teqhnique supposed to be for a waw in the making who's h had an a, left her, then returned and is still acting in the same manner that lead her to thoughts of being a waw in the first place?????

ugh!!

enjoy your trip bob! don't let us find out you caved into her!

LL

Well LL and Sue (and the rest of gang

), it turns out that my fears were not justified...

Last evening W came home around 8 for dinner and it was a good one. D needed to finish up her spelling homework so we stayed pretty much together until it was time to head upstairs for bed. W said that D wanted to get to bed earlier so that she would not be as difficult to get up in the mornings.

While we were upstairs, W mentioned that her mom wants her to visit and asked if I was planning on going to dance practice this evening. I said that since I was going to be leaving on Friday, I had no problem missing out on dance practice. W said that she was OK with that.

This morning W did complain a couple of times that she is not be able to work this weekend or can put off visiting her mom until the weekend either. I didn't rise to the bait but keep quiet while I read some of the first Harry Potter book to S in the living room. And when I saw them off this morning and hoped that both of them have good days, W gave an emphatic "NO" as a response.

So it turns out that W DID remember after all. This from a woman who was no longer concerned about keeping my schedule in mind. Good for her!

And good for me since I am not at all pressured into changing my plans for the DB weekend.

W did occupy some of her time this morning trying to identify a large spider that has made a rather large web between some bushes in front of our bay window in the living room. She was very curious since her boss received a rather bad bite on the foot last week from a brown recluse spider. Her boss is hobbling around on crutches, has been out for the past several days and will likely be out for another week - so that is adding to W's work pressure.

So today I start getting my things together for the weekend. I am really looking forward to this.

Although I do sympathize with W's work troubles and everything, I think that it's high time that she needs a sense of what it would be like not to have Bob to rely on. My prediction is that she will be decidedly glacial to me upon my return for a few days - but that will get her only farther down into the abyss that she seems willing to create for herself...

See you were worrying for nothing....boy has that happened to the best of us around here!!!

I am so happy that you get to meet some of the gang..I did check out the thread about get togethers..thing is I have not been in contact with most of them..it's you guys here that it would be neat to meet..maybe someday.."once upon a dream"(dd just had to buy Sleeping Beauty dvd)I had tears when she sang that song..and it's not pms!!!!!!!!!!!

If I don't stop back in..have a WONDERFUL weekend

Sue

Sue, you're so right on being scared of my own shadow!

I still think it would be a great idea if you were to try to get with the group that Blair is handling in your neck of the woods. You can't have too many friends in this world!

Bob,
Less than 24 hours!! Yey!! You have a safe trip okay? See you at the beach!!

I'm about ready to leave the BobCave

to head up to Virigina Beach. W was decidedly cool last night and this morning although she did apologize for not letting me know when she was going to be home from work last night. I had some stir fry that I saved for her. W didn't seem very curious about where I was going to be even though I left a printout of the beach house on the refrigerator door but she did ask when I was planning on returning. I told her that I'll be back home sometime in the afternoon on Sunday and that I'll be checking in with her and the kids tonight and tomorrow on my cell phone.

I'll miss them all - the kids, our medicated dog and even W. Monday looks like a busy day as there will be a job fair that I'll be attending but I'll do my best to check in and let you know how it all turned out.

Bob,

Great meeting you, did you arrive home safely?

Jackie

Jackie - thanks for checking up on me.

Well - the DB gathering at Virginia Beach was a blast!

I was one of the first ones there - ran into some rain (at times, bad rain) on the way but got there despite making a wrong turn and nearly going through the Midtown Tunnel in Norfolk.

When it was all said and done, here is the rest of the attendance list:

MAL (the hostess with the mostest

), Berto, DC Guy, BJean, Zero12, Acorn, Dagny, Nikatnight, MarchHare72, SteveO, EvansMom, Jorge, AlmostGone, Leenie and RJJ.

Positives from the trip:

* Both nights I drank entirely too much wine.

* But I found out that you can drink wine and do tequila shots without harming yourself too badly!

* Berto is an awesome chef. The feast we had Saturday night (BBQ pork, tuna seviche, crayfish, crabs, green beans, corn on the cob, sauteed s, tomatoes with garlic) was to die for. And the fringe benefits of being the chef are not too shabby - are they, Berto?

* Listening to everyone there just reinforced in my mind that I am still very much a work in progress. I could see parts of myself in a number of those stories - noncommunicator, etc. Believe me, it's good to see that I have made some progress but I still have a very long way to go...
* I did wear my loud Hawaiian shirt on Saturday. It was one that my mother made for dad a very long time ago. Mom made a matching one for her and she eventually gave both shirts to W and me. If things do go badly for me, I'll make sure that I claim the other shirt - someone's already interested in it...

* Only called W once on Friday night to let her know that I got there safely - talked very briefly with her before I talked to the kids. When W went on her weekend junket to DC last month, she only called once herself.

When I arrived back on Sunday, W and the kids were walking back from a nearby pond with the dog. The dog was very muddy so we took her into the backyard to rinse her off. The kids were very curious about where I went and I talked with them a lot - W's attitude conveyed that she didn't care a bit.

She was not at all hostile - just very indifferent. The evening was a very quiet one as well - W did some work on the computer that she brought home with her while I fixed dinner and got the kids to take their baths.

So things are getting back to what passes for normal back in the BobCave. Got my weekly grocery trip knocked out this morning and attended a job fair earlier in the afternoon. There are two more job fairs on Wednesday that I'll likely attend as well - maybe I'll get something positive from one of those.

Yo, Gangsta Bob!
Glad you made it back. You were the talk of the chatroom last night. We decided to call you Gangsta Bob, so that we can be your Bob Posse.

I think you need to get some gold chains to go with that shirt. --z

Glad you had a great time on your outing..sounds like it was funnnnnnnnnnnnn..you deserved a break...but your w didn't seem to care...sorry..what do you make of her or why doesn't she want to give anything a try...I should talk but my h is not here..It would be hard to live together with that coolness all the time..I know I did it for a year..hope the job fair turns something up for you..keep your hopes up.

Sue

Note to all:

At the request of W, I have asked the webmaster to delete all threads that I have initiated including this one. Please do not quote or reference my threads or information in any of your threads or read my prior threads.

Thank you.

interesting bob???

what do you make of this request of w's?

LL

Huh??? Bob, you ok?

Hey Bob,

I'm worrying about you.

I know this group has been very helpful to me...helped me become a better person.

I'm sorry your wife has issued you an ultimatum.

I'm sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

Hugs.

Bob,

I hope you are okay.

Jackie

Not sure if this is attached to good news or bad news, but it seems part of the request is not to discuss with us. Well, I hope it's good news and that you're okay. Don't forget to take care of yourself. --z

Bob........I don't know what to say.....please let us know something if you can...we care

Sue

Bob,

I can understand how your W may not want you to share personal info. I hope and pray your M will be healed! nik

Bob:

I hope you are doing okay.

take care,
Manisha

Bob,

I just saw your thread. I just want to tell you that I had an awesome weekend and it was wonderful meeting you and everyone else there. (((((Bob)))))

I hope that you and W are both doing okay. Take care. My thoughts are with you.

Bob, Don't know if you'll ever check in again, but wanted to let you know that the new chat room header has been dedicated to you.