Thanks Matt, LT , Mighty, KML, Shining, GGrass, Live Now, Wonka and anyone else for chiming in. I appreciate all of your insights and logically, I know them to be true. However, this has been a lifelong off and on battle and I don't know-I guess I hoped I didn't have to deal with this again. Wrong!!!!
And honestly, I don't know what to think of this. Hot 33 yr old guy I see occasionally in my building asked me out on a date. He is very funny. He asked if we could meet to say "hi" and he said "I was adorable when I was nervous." I told him I had to go and get my dog from the vet. He yelled across the parking deck "let me know if your heart skipped a beat when we said hi or if I''ve still got a shot!" He may be a DB-doesn't seem it but that incident made me feel giddy, embarrassed, and wonder WTf is wrong with him all at the same time. Still, I liked hearing it.
I'm still a work in progress:-)
GB! That is so cute! I knew it was a matter of time! Good for your! And pulling the hot 33-year-old! You hot momma. That is so awesome.
I can turn hot 30yo blokes heads by being me funny nice friendly.
Read my thread no Elle macp am I, but supposedly blokes are easy! So just enjoy it. It's nice to feel human and wanted. Not somebody's mum or slave or wife but you in all, your glory.
I think some of us get so caught up in change to make things better we miss being ourselves.
All but one of the men I have dated since my divorce were younger. My current serious boyfriend is only 8 years younger, but some were embarrassingly young. I couldn't figure out why the heck these adorable men wanted to hang with my middle-aged self. Eventually I figured out the following:
1) young women in their twenties can be vapid and overemotional; a secure confident intelligent woman without a lot of bs is more fun to hang out with.
2) apparently many men have grown up with fantasies about librarians, teachers, and other older women in their lives (I NEVER imagined!!! Who knew? )
3) we're trendy right now (thanks to Demi Moore I think)
Personally, I never had a thing for younger guys.....they all pursued me. But I have no regrets
GB
First off…from the male perspective….IMO, KML is spot on! Spot on. Even as a younger man (I’m old now )….i found older women fascinating. IMO, they are much more grounded, which I believe is the same reason that younger women often time prefer older men. FTR, my fiancé is 12 years younger than me.
As for the younger man asking you out for a date – my initial reaction is….what are you afraid of? That said, if you are not ready do not date.
GB, part of the process of really finding the new GB is experimenting. Trying new and different things. Some you will like, some you will not. How will you know unless you try?
There is no right or wrong here….there is what GB and GB’s morals and GB the women feel is right. Listen to your gut. Learn to trust yourself. Remember….how do we learn to get up (no pun intended)….if we never fall. Life is about learning, growing….a lot of that is achieved from mistakes.
In the spirit of Arrested Development GB, "You really need to lock that down!"
My .02...don't go into it with the expectations of a relationship. But, most definitely, enjoy the attention :-)
Thanks everyone. I'm going to wing this and just try to have fun. I'm sure nothing comes of this, however, I'll hang put with someone hot for a few hours.
Oooooweeeee
Have fun embrace the attention. Live for you!!!
Well everyone- I feel kind of ridiculous. Okay so he guy that I see in my building asked me out for Sunday night. We have been texting- all initiated by him and had a couple of face to face chats. Very brief. Told me he had been in love twice and what transpired. Sunday he asks me if we are still on and I say yes. He gives me directions and we meet somewhere.
This guy is extremely complimentary and told me he had been watching me for months. He is 9 years younger and I am very physically attracted to him. However , I also am a realist of this sitch. He is HOT. I am beyond physically attracted to him.
We go to dinner and it is surprisingly relaxing and funny. He's funny. We cover many subjects. I go back to his house to get my car and he says do you want to hang out for a bit. I said okay. We do start to kiss and without giving TMI, this turns rather steamy. Everyone's clothes stay on and I tell him that we are not going to have sex. It is not that I did not want to, and honestly, I was very tempted as I know this is not a R. I tell him I think it's best I leave, he then he kisses me passionately and does something that was very um sexy. . Clothes still on but I was dizzy. I don't know how to describe it.
As I'm going to my car he said we can go x next time. I am a doubter by nature but eh. He asks me to let him know when I get home and I do. I also said thanks for dinner and had fun. He responded. Today he sends me a text that said " hi sexy." I said. " hi " and hesitated but he did something that was very hot. I said (remember Queen Awkward and weird here) " I don't know if I should mention this although x was rather hot." He has not responded since then. Geez. I can't even flirt appropriately with a person where there no chance for a R. I feel ridiculous. He has responded to any and everything quickly but nada to this.
Now I get to pass him a few times a week and feel ridiculous. Xh has twitter breakdown and is in a R. I flirt with someone and I become stupid. Why did I send that dumb text????
Grrrrrr. Can I not do anything right??
No mindreading, GB! He sounds so into you. Don't doubt yourself. It's the confidence that's attractive. Sounds like it was fun! That is so great! OK, so you did not keep your expectations high. That's good. Have fun with it, GB!
Don't worry about why he didn't respond. He was being playful and you followed along. And really, if he is truly going to disappear after one text, its better now than later.
Who knows why he hasn't responded yet. He's thinking of ya, sexy. Ha! I love it! Don't sweat it. He'll be back. If not, someone else will. Head up, shoulders back, keep on smilin'!
Yep....what Mighty said.
I may not read this right, so my apologies in advance if I'm off....
Now I get to pass him a few times a week and feel ridiculous. Xh has twitter breakdown and is in a R. I flirt with someone and I become stupid. Why did I send that dumb text????
First, xh is not in a real R.
Spidey shirt and middle-school level tweet vomit is evidence that a real R is not possible for xh right now. Ok? So, we'll not compare the Gorgeous Georgiabelle's sexxxaaayyyy moment to that mess.
And yeah, the mindreading... No one knows why the guy didn't respond. Doubtful that after the conversations leading up, that he would run after one comment? Doesn't seem to fit, IMO.
It makes perfect sense that you're hesitant. And more perfect sense that you may not feel comfortable letting your guard down.
It seems like you may be looking super duper hard for any little sign under a microscope, that he may reject you?
GB, you are an amazing woman. Do not allow a single texting correspondence to get into your head and start thinking stinky. What someone else does or doesn't do, has zero to do with your worth. Nope. Nothing.
I'm diggin' the dizzy thing, tho.....
Oh GB, you make me laugh! Honestly, what do you care what this guy thinks? Or if he responds? When you see him as you pass by just smile and wave and carry on. You might be misreading his silence, also. Don't panic. You're just having fun anyway. Don't let this ruin it for you.
GB
Your not stupid. Period. Stop over thinking it.
Mr. Hot young stud may respond later.
As for XH….would you want to be in a R with him? Hmmmm…I think ya might want to pray for the lady (or guy) that he is with.
Okay…back to the whole flirt..date…make out session with Mr Hot Young Stud….
It was YOUR first date..since all of this crap started. Give yourself a break will ya.
DB101 – “Change how you look at things”….
Rather than looking at this as a negative…look at it as a positive…..
1- GB stepped outside of her comfort zone
2- GB went out and had a good time with a hot dude
3- GB got a little make out on…. (you go GIRL!)
4- GB is starting to see what works and what does not work for her.
5- GB just learned something…….do not put so much expectation on a date.
6- GB now knows…that she can have some level of physical with another person…
7- GB hopefully show now have eliminated any doubt that she can meet someone
A lot of positives GB….a lot.
GB darling...you're now back in training wheels...and that is just FINE! I did mine post-Ms. Wonka...flubbed a few and got myself back on my feet.
You're doing just fine and brilliant!
From where I am sitting it took a lot of courage to go on that date!
Thanks Ahoy, Shinging, Eric, Wonka, Bea, and Mighty. I appreciate the support and the smacks on the head.
I guess one thing I realize is that I'm still so freaking quirky and kind of awkward. I didn't notice that as much when I was M. Obviously it was still there, however, I feel like I'm on display now? Yikes. I think I'm still trying to figure me out. I know I'm funny, smart and society tells me that men find me attractive. I don't know why? I know confidence is sexy and some days I have it and some days I just want to close my head in the freezer door. I just feel weird-in general. Maybe some of this stems from time of year (this was the time last year when x Mr GB got new job). I assume one day I will figure this out.
I don't want anyone to miss a good laugh. When I went into guys house post date, he said "do you wanna hang out for a while?" I said, "sure." He said. ,"I'm not sure what is supposed to happen here?" I actually said," hey, we could maybe kiss if you want." Yes, I actually said that. I'm one smooth operator. I figured since I've only kissed one person in 12 1/2 years I would seize the opportunity of he hotness before me. Eric, do men find quirky, dorkiness hot?
. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm paving the way in awkwardness post D for everyone.
Hope everyone is well. Happy Friday eve:-)
He said. ,"I'm not sure what is supposed to happen here?"
I think HE takes the award for awkward dorkiness on a date, not you!
Hey Georgia,
Well, you've been busy while I was away! You go girl!! Just so you know, "dorkiness" is very "in" right now. I think they call it being "a'dork'able"! See that, you're in the "in" group and didn't even know it!
By the way as a male here on the forum I MUST know what that "hot" move was that Mr Young and Hot pulled! Sounds like it could come in very handy in my future!!
GB
Eric, do men find quirky, dorkiness hot? . I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm paving the way in awkwardness post D for everyone.
First off….. “pave the way” …go ahead girlfriend! Be YOU that is what this is about – is it not? This should be about GB really getting to know the GB that SHE has always wanted to be. Not the GB, that XH wanted, not the GB that Momma GB wanted, not the GB that GB’s boss wants, not even the GB that GB’s kids want. NO! This should be YOU finding and learning who YOU really are!
In keeping with the above…..”do men find quirky, dorkiness hot?” – Me personally, yes, it depends though. The question really should not be directed to me or to any other man, if you think about it. The question should be directed to YOU…….. “does GB like men who think she is quirky and dorky”. It is about YOU GB! Oh and before you tell me that is selfish….it is NOT. It is being true to YOURSELF.
Keep going out, keep exploring yourself. These feeling you have are IMO, the result of YOU never living your life the way YOU wanted to. This “awkwardness” is because IMO, deep down inside…you feel like you are supposed to be like THIS or THAT – BECAUSE of THIS and THAT.
I get so excited when I read posts like yours because it is sooooo much fun to watch someone grow into WHO they WANT to be.
I soooooo proud of YOU GB – You Lois, shining and a few others…are really growing and becoming who you want to be.
So when is the next date? What else beside dating is going on? How are the kiddos adapting?
Oh…one other comment…..IMO, most men (or at least secure men) like women who know who they are, know what they want, are intelligent (not defined as…”I graduated from…”), communicative….and loving.
The fact that you said….”hey maybe we could kiss”……believe it or not – says…a) you know what you want b) were secure enough to say it (even though deep downside you were probably chitting bricks)……
Your doing fine….you are doing fine….just keep being YOU.
GB,
I don't want anyone to miss a good laugh. When I went into guys house post date, he said "do you wanna hang out for a while?" I said, "sure." He said. ,"I'm not sure what is supposed to happen here?" I actually said," hey, we could maybe kiss if you want." Yes, I actually said that. I'm one smooth operator. I figured since I've only kissed one person in 12 1/2 years I would seize the opportunity of he hotness before me. Eric, do men find quirky, dorkiness hot? smile. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm paving the way in awkwardness post D for everyone.
Just be sure that your paint lines are straight when using the paint machine on your own highway to quirky happiness.
Thanks for your kind words. I feel like a mini trainwreck. S11 is with his grandparents and I have 2 kids this week. Big kids play basketball which is nice although LeBron James has no worries.
I've decided to stop obsessing about the house selling. It either will or it won't. The dog is whining. The curse is on it's way. I wonder how h just seamlessly leapt into another R. While I'm wondering if I can ever trust again? Can I ?
The date asked when we could go out again. I said we could this weekend. He said he was going to let me know what day. This sounds crazy because this is a 32 yr old man who wants to get married and have kids. I'm done having kids. I can't imagine getting married again. And yet I just want him to want me? Is that crazy? Nothing can come from this. I mean he has been telling me non stop how hot I am and how sexy I am and I've told him to please stop. I feel like I'm every articles nightmare about how to act normal or go on a second date. Why would he want to go out with such a weirdo? Better yet, why would anyone want to go out with such a weirdo? I just don't see how people do this. Good for them. I just don't see how they just mosey on and date. I really don't think I can do this. I just feel like everything is wrong with me. Xh has been in a R (no matter how crazy for months) and I'm a $h!tshow.
I'm sorry that I sound crazy. I really am. Never talk about ex on date. This guy asked about xh. I said I wished him peace but he asked me other stuff about him.
Maybe in 20 yrs I'll feel differently. Ugh.
I have a conference in NY next week. Maybe I just need a few days.
GB!! My brilliant, witty, boot-rocking friend....
Why why why why why why why??????
I, myself, lack the street cred, however, I would like to lovingly extend a fwap of stoppit sauce upside your pretty little head.
It's hard to read that you're feeling this way. I'm sorry you're struggling with all this.
I mean he has been telling me non stop how hot I am and how sexy I am and I've told him to please stop. I feel like I'm every articles nightmare about how to act normal or go on a second date. Why would he want to go out with such a weirdo? Better yet, why would anyone want to go out with such a weirdo? I just don't see how people do this. Good for them. I just don't see how they just mosey on and date. I really don't think I can do this. I just feel like everything is wrong with me. Xh has been in a R (no matter how crazy for months) and I'm a $h!tshow.
You're so hard on yourself.
Can you list the good parts? Like, a really hot 32 year old finds you sexy, and wants to spend time with you? You're a desirable and beautiful woman. Smart as $h!t.
And, hey.... Apparently, you could see my pores from there? So you've gotta be feeling pretty "up" about the fact that you don't have THAT!!
GB,
To add some perspective....
Which man would you rather date now:
-A man who wears Spiderman t-shirts?
-A man who wears normal clothes for his age?
There you go!
Wonka - what's "normal"? Please define normal attire for me. I feel a social faux paus coming on, but don't spare the details
I'm sorry that I sound crazy. I really am. Never talk about ex on date. This guy asked about xh. I said I wished him peace but he asked me other stuff about him.
Maybe in 20 yrs I'll feel differently. Ugh.
I have a conference in NY next week. Maybe I just need a few days.
I didn't read the whole post - was this a first date?
I have a friend of mine who was in a similar boat. She's a wonderful lady slightly older than I am. She gets hit on by guys all the time. For a long time after her ex left, she didn't even notice. She complained she couldn't meet a nice guy. I actually chortled at that (I know - it was the martini though). She was not ready to date.
In your case, I wonder if you are? I ask because you mentioned your ex could do it as if to say you should be able to as well. Something to think about at least, is the reason why you are dating?
You can have fun with a guy that young. I know I had fun with ladies younger than that. There was one that I hated to let go of though. She's very special to me. Very. But she's about 30 and wants a family, kids, etc. I just am not the person to do that at this point in my life. My kids are in or headed to college. She's just starting. We're friends, but I won't go past that with her. The others? No problem - I am honest and up front about who I am and what I want. They are big girls.
It's ok to have fun as long as you know why you are doing it and know when to walk away.
You're not crazy by the way. Feeling that is not abnormal. It's just new to you and he may not be the right guy to date.
As for the ex questions. I'm all for talking about it to a point. They have a right to expect you'll talk about it and it's part of the evaluation you would go through - why are you divorced? Are you a nutter? Are you mean? A man-eater? Bitter?
But I would be cautious of any man that a) asks too many questions about it or b) doesn't know how to have a conversation about anything else on a first date. Both are flags on the play and you may want to call an audible when you run across that.
A guy who is honest and interested in you for you won't be terribly interested about your ex on a first date. He will be interested in you and that's just a small part of your history.
My $0.02
AJ
I wonder how h just seamlessly leapt into another R. While I'm wondering if I can ever trust again? Can I ?
Usually it's because they have already started the detachment process from the M
LONG before BD or we even start noticing things are amiss...they are WAY ahead of the LBS there.
And also the new R is/can be a band-aid, a distraction from their inner turmoil, as my stbxw has realized and told me.
If you do the work, you will find that you can trust again because YOU trust YOURSELF to handle whatever life throws at you, and you will survive, be okay, recover and thrive again.
GB
I wonder how h just seamlessly leapt into another R.
And if YOU knew the answer – then what? Really…what does “knowing” really do for you? The answer should tell YOU something.
While I'm wondering if I can ever trust again? Can I ?
IMO, trust is the hardest thing to address coming out of this chit. I believe YOU can trust again. It will take time and a LOT of work. Think about it this way….if you do not learn how to trust….could you ever really open up again? Is that who GB wants to be?
This sounds crazy because this is a 32 yr old man who wants to get married and have kids. I'm done having kids. I can't imagine getting married again.
Ummm…..date 2 should not inspire thoughts of marriage or kids. Why not reframe how you are looking at this. Just take it for what it is – a DATE with a HOT guy. That is it. No more. No less.
And yet I just want him to want me? Is that crazy?
Not crazy at all – actually normal. Don’t we all want to be desired? Where I think this could become an issues is if YOU NEED to be desired in order to FEEL GOOD about YOURSELF. Hey everybody likes external validation – NEEDING it is NOT healthy. So…why do you really feel this way?
Nothing can come from this.
Since you are so adept at telling the future….can you let me know what my bonus will be next year? 
I mean he has been telling me non stop how hot I am and how sexy I am and I've told him to please stop.
Have you considered that 1) he may just feel that way 2) that he may be trying to get “some”.
GB, IMO, post D you are the most vulnerable you can be. You have spent time feeling like dog chit. Spent time trying to figure out why you were left. All normal. So what do you expect to happen when after feeling all of this…someone comes around and says you are wonderful. Take it slow….GB….one day at a time. It is just a date.
Why would he want to go out with such a weirdo? Better yet, why would anyone want to go out with such a weirdo?
Why do YOU feel like a weirdo? Why do YOU put YOURSELF down? Hmmm…..still have a little work to do…GB…maybe a little?
Time to start thinking about yourself in a different light.
I really don't think I can do this.
Then DON’T. IMO, what you want….is validation that you are not crazy, you want an “ok” to be GB…cause you just don’t trust or feel comfortable with yourself yet.
Well…..GB…..FWIW, be YOU! Just be YOURSELF! Look in the mirror and fall in love with the person you see. Acknowledge your fears, acknowledge your feelings….and then…..
GO LIVE A LIFE that YOU can be PROUD OF.
I have a conference in NY next week.
Shinning can give you some tips on place to see….she was…all over NYawk!
GB,
First let me say that I'm happy for you that you're even in this current situation!
I too have been without any physical affection for YEARS. Not kissed, caressed, cuddled with, or spooned with. Forget anything else.
If I didn't get hugs from friends, wonderful dances, sloppy kisses from the dogs and love from the farm animals, I'm not sure I'd be in such a good place right now.
So--heck YEAH!!!
Why not enjoy the attention and milk it for what it can do for your soul?
Young, hot guy. Sexy contact. What's not to like?
Just keep your head and guard your heart. As others have said, you're really vulnerable right now. All the more reason to beef yourself up with a little ego-stroking.
I think if you're honest and open with him, it could just be nice for a change.
Fun and invigorating.
Heck... what I wouldn't give to be in your shoes many days.
---(G)GGG
Shining, Wonka, AJM, T2, and Eric.....thanks so much for smacking me over the head. I swear to all of you I'm not crazy-I am however very hormonal. Last night I was thinking that my life is actually great! I'm healthy, smart, funny, successful, have 3 awesome kids, great friends, a fabulous dog and cat, and some wonderful family. Truly blessed in every sense of the word. Seriously, it's enviable by many. And yet, last night I thought I was going to pass the pho out. Why? I have no clue. I just feel sort of out of sorts. I know I have stuff to work through and I think I'm just tired. So tired that I said "hey ex Mr GB! I need you to take all 3 kids overnight, so I can have fun."
Look, I'm no fool. I know x Mr GB left long before BD. I saw these little subtle things but I was too distracted to really take notice. It wouldn't have changed a thing. The whys, how's, and how could he's really and truly no longer matter. I do mean that. I also know that x Mr GB felt he had to jump in a R because he cannot be alone (he even admits this) and that I wouldn't swap places with him for anything in this world. And I say that with compassion.
Eric, does this guy want some? Hails to the yes he does. That's pretty obvious. He has tried to figure out who I was for months (I had others tell me this) and he said he could never get close to "that." Is it a line? Maybe. We are a bit different so I do think there is a part of him that thinks that. And at the risk of sounding like I'm writing in that forum section of Cosmo magazine, what do I think when he says stuff like this? "Geeez, he's hot and I want to rip his clothes off." I am terribly sorry if that is TMI or offends anyone although I'm just being honest. So the freaking crazy physical attraction is mutual. I know I can't tell the future. Bad GB for insinuating that I can!!!!! I just want to have fun. I've always tried to do the right thing and I'm okay loosening the reigns on certain things for temporary fun. It's not compromising my morals-perhaps just no longer shoving stuff down. He asked me last night what I wanted from him and well, I was honest. Here is what a typical exchange between GB and hot guy (HG) is like.
HG-I babysat the 3 yr old down the street.
GB thinks "Good lord! That's so sexy!"
HG-"I got stabbed in the hand once." (Because of his job)
GB thinks-" I need a glass of cold water."
HG-" I can't believe you are talking to me."
GB thinks-" roll up, it's a hold up. Do not jump across the table!!!"
Do you notice a trend? I am doing things that make me feel uncomfortable yet don't compromise my beliefs. At least, that's what I'm experimenting with at this time. I am rarely physically attracted to people. I'm not kidding. I think 3 in my life so this is ...... unusual.
I go to NYC about 4-6 times per year. It's my favorite city! I'm excited to see my best friend Monday night (she's the spitting image of Katy Perry). We've been through a great deal together and I'm lucky to have her.
Also, the last few times I've seen h, he looks like he's been on a 3 day bender. The other day, I secretly thought I would like to give him a hug. And that's a bad idea. Maybe somewhere down the road. Maybe not. It will all be okay I'm sure though.
Thank you all. I read every word you post to me and I try to take it all in. Happy Friday, peeps! Love from the hopefully soon to be saner GB.
Thank you GGG! I just saw your post.
GB
Ya know I always enjoy reading your thread. You crack me up sometime.
GB - forum section of Cosmo magazine
Great title of your next thread.
I'm not crazy-I am however very hormonal.
A women hormonal? Nah….. 
I know I have stuff to work through and I think I'm just tired.
I totally get the feeling of exhaustion…. Maybe GB it is time for you to just sit back and chillax a bit. Take stuff one day at a time.
He asked me last night what I wanted from him and well, I was honest.
So what was the answer? Was it….
he's hot and I want to rip his clothes offOr
Something along the lines of “I just want to have fun”?
What was his response?
It's not compromising my morals-perhaps just no longer shoving stuff down.
This ^^^^ is probably why…
I am doing things that make me feel uncomfortable yet don't compromise my beliefs. At least, that's what I'm experimenting with at this time. I am rarely physically attracted to people. I'm not kidding. I think 3 in my life so this is ...... unusual.
You feel this ^^^^
GB you are on a journey to find who the REAL GB is… (at least that is my opinion)…..
Nothing should be excluded as an option.
At the end of the day, IMO, a roll in the hay…..with the understanding of where you are in your life….is not a bad thing. I am not suggesting that you “just do it” (excuse me Nikey…)…. I am saying that exploring yourself is a process and you need to just keep doing it. Chance are it will not feel comfortable – change never does. I would only caution you to be careful, to factor where you are in your life in your decision.
TRUST yourself GB……
Hormonal or NOT….Trust your inner women...
Have a great weekend!
Thanks Eric. What did I say? Honestly? I said I want to have fun and yes I do want to rip your clothes off. Probably shouldn't have said that. Think I scared the poor guy off. I can manage to scare a guy off by just wanting to have fun. Oh well. For those of you reading along, don't follow my lead. Live and learn.
I'm probably not good dating material right now. I would like to have a little fun although I struggle with finding someone to have fun with. I don't know. Maybe one day.
All 3 kids are here and off the hook. Going to watch football with a friend tomorrow. Going for a run and doing some closet organization. Maybe go ahead and pack for my trip.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
GB,
First let me say that I'm happy for you that you're even in this current situation!
I too have been without any physical affection for YEARS. Not kissed, caressed, cuddled with, or spooned with. Forget anything else.
If I didn't get hugs from friends, wonderful dances, sloppy kisses from the dogs and love from the farm animals, I'm not sure I'd be in such a good place right now.
So--heck YEAH!!!
Why not enjoy the attention and milk it for what it can do for your soul?
Young, hot guy. Sexy contact. What's not to like?
---(G)GGG
Yes, GGG... I know. I am one who thrives from physical touch... even on the shoulder or something simple. I miss it....
GB:
"Geeez, he's hot and I want to rip his clothes off." I am terribly sorry if that is TMI or offends anyone although I'm just being honest.
I get it. You aren't offending anyone (at least me), it's your feelings and, as far as I'm concerned, totally normal.
Going through this, I feel like you get a much clearer perspective of things. I see how some people jump into a r. But if you don't, you have a better view, you realize that it is getting off the exit too soon.
However, for me, I feel like I just want to try a different lifestyle. Period. For me. Not in a r, but experiencing different things. I feel so differently about life.
Last week, I was at my older brother's house at the table with him, his wife and my 67-year-old mother. My mom was raised in a Catholic school (and college!- just to give you perspective). I actually told them that I had no intention of getting into a r, but I just need to get laid! Ha! Can you believe I said that to them! And I had no shame in my game! I have always been the *outspoken* one in my family, but I wouldn't have said that. And really, they didn't seem surprised. Honestly, the seemed more to agree.
Go for whatever, girl. And don't feel bad about it. It's about finding ourselves and enjoying experiences. How are we going to do that if we don't try?
Let me be clear that I'm not out doing anything at this point. But, lets just say, as nervous as I am, and the fact that I don't know what the heck I'm doing, I have an open mind to life's experiences.
And, I like that you are paving the way. I am watching closely for when I get to that point. I will keep you posted.
Hey, GB!
GB thinks-" roll up, it's a hold up. Do not jump across the table!!!"
If the images in my mind could be put on film.... Dying.
Hope you had a great football day!
Anymore chatting with HG? (In my head, he looks like one of the property brothers...doesn't matter which. Vicariously, I'm fantasizing because, well, I have to.)
Thanks Mighty and Shining. Shout out to the fellow cool nerds!!!
I was struck by something on SS's thread and that Eric keeps asking me who I really want to be. I've been thinking about that a great deal so I'm gonna give this a stab.
I'm a 42 year old mother of 3 who never dreamed she would love being a parent so much. I hate seeing my children hurt. Some days I want to scream and cry because I see how insecure they are and it kills me. I feel so anxious watching my daughter. The rest of the world sees me as very outgoing, smart and able to negotiate multimillion dollar contracts. I still see this very shy girl who struggles so much with her body image. Although my ED is under control, it is always part of me. I was a precocious kid-started reading at 3 and always was a "good girl." I crave attention and affection. But I cannot accept it. It has been an issue in every R I've had. Even friends. They chase, pursue, and desperately try to get my attention, and I have no idea what to. By the time they give up , I'm so hurt because they no longer want me. And yet I know why. I am fiercely I dependent yet I really would like a little help. Some days I feel lost because I feeling I've lost my family. My brother is on a transplant list, my dad is gone, and I don't have a strong R with my mother. I really have tried on that one. I adore x ILs and I'm afraid I'll lose them too. I know death is part of life.
So here I am alone and yet I've always felt alone. I don't want to. I want real intimacy with someone. I want to accept attention, affection, and physical contact and enjoy it. Do I think I can trust again? I do think I can however I want more for once. But I also realize I have to be vulnerable and give. How do I do that? Isnt that interesting? I don't know if I've ever been truly vulnerable. This time is probably the most vulnerable I've ever been. I don't know. I want to be able to accept compliments. I give them-I can't accept them. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I do like me. I know that I'm overall a good person and I just want to truly connect with someone at some point. In a way I never have.
Sorry for the ramble. Hope everyone is well.
GB, you sound a lot like me, except I don't have an ED.
I have found that WRT accepting compliments, etc., you just start saying yes to everything. Yes, I'm beautiful. Yes, I deserve this compliment, thank you. I'm not comfortable with accepting this attention but yes, I'll accept it and see what happens. You fake it till it's real.
GB
I said I want to have fun and yes I do want to rip your clothes off. Probably shouldn't have said that.
“Probably shouldn’t have” – why do say this? Why not just be GB – the GB you want to be. He will accept it or he will not.
I'm probably not good dating material right now.
What is good dating material to YOU? Define it? And then explain WHY.
that Eric keeps asking me who I really want to be. I've been thinking about that a great deal so I'm gonna give this a stab.
Hey….I’m Rican….the use of the word “stab” bring back images of when I carried a knife in my sock. LOL. Just kidding…that was my attempt at humor.
GB, I am gonna pick apart your post…before I do that though I want to share something with you.
I struggle with abandonment issues – BIG TIME. I still do today. About the only difference between the old me and the new me…is that I acknowledge the issue, can see it for what it is and I have learned how to DEAL with it. Yep…I said deal with it. IMO, issues like abandonment do not “go away” – nope. You must learn how to deal with them….and call them what they are – ISSUES that YOU will NEED to learn how to deal with.
The abandonment issues, caused other issues – LACK OF TRUST, which in terms resulted in other issues namely “CONTROL”. If you have every ready all of my threads…you’ll understand why I have these issues.
Anywhooo…getting back to my point of learning to live/deal with them, I’ll share with you a story that happened about a year ago. My fiancé asked me one day out of the blue (I think she was going out with her girlfriends and was going to be home late)…..she asked…”Eric my latin lover (okay I added the latin lover part)…how after everything that you have been through do you trust me? I mean, you have been abandoned, you have been cheated on, your ex still f*cks with you every chance she get….how can you really trust me? I ponder how to answer the question and decided to do what I usually do – JUST BE ME. So I answered…..my hot blond haired goddess (okay I added that too)….actually, I do NOT
“just” TRUST YOU but not for the reasons that you think. I do not trust you blindly. Once again NOT for the reasons that you may think. Bottom line – I do not trust easly…because of MY OWN Issues. I was abandoned – that was NOT YOUR fault. I was cheated on – that was NOT YOUR fault. You know honey how I’ve said to you…..that everyone has things that they need to address…that they need to “work on”…that the work never really stops per se. She responded yes…I know you say that and I know that is what happens a lot on the boards. I smiled and then went on….well honey….my abandonment issues are NOT YOUR fault and therefore YOU should not have to deal with them, you should not have to feel “untrustworthy” because of MY issues. So every day...or every time…MY demons…try to come up and say….”you shouldn’t trust her”….”she may cheat on you”….”she may leave you”….every time those bastar*s surface….I WORK hard to KILL them and remind myself of a few things. One – These are MY issues – not YOUR. You have done nothing to warrant me not trusting you. Two – I acknowledge that I feel this way and then take a step back and DEAL with it like a man. Three – I can only control myself. I have no doubt that you love me and I know that I love you. I love our R, our communication and so guess what…..I am trying to say….is I work on it every day – no different than the work I do everyday…to be the best man I can be…cause that I can CONTROL.
She smiled, hugged me and before she left…ummm…..I better leave that part out.
My point GB….is everyone has issues. EVERYONE. YOU really can decide HOW YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM. You can let them control you, you can give yourself all the excuses you need to never have to deal with them OR YOU can CHOOSE to face them….and become what YOU really want to be.
Me – I choose to be ME. To ACCEPT who I am. To really fall in love with me (not in a selfish way). I choose to live my life, no longer wearing any masks. FTR, you may be thinking yeah…yeah…yeah….trust me…what you see is what you get with me. I wish this same gift to YOU……
I wish GB…that the really GB comes out. Not afraid…nope…that she comes out and loves herself – issues and all – she just loves herself..
Now on to your post……
I'm a 42 year old mother of 3
You may not be able to see it….but you are SO much more than a mom of three. And 42 is young. You have a whole life ahead of you.
who never dreamed she would love being a parent so much. I hate seeing my children hurt.
Yeah.. it really is cool being a parent - sometimes (I have a 13 year old daughter…oy vey). Your kids, my kids, everyones kids will hurt at somepoint and it [censored] to watch. What is worse though….is trying to fix everything for them. Teaching them about LIFE, about consequences of their actions….that is being a parent. Teach them love but love them enough to let them fail sometimes.
Some days I want to scream and cry because I see how insecure they are and it kills me.
IMO, you can hope all you want – children will become who they see and surround themselves with. I personally believe that no matter what you do, our kids, will have some baggage to deal with. Showing them how to deal with it, giving them the right tools – is the best you can do. They are after all, their own people….just like YOU GB. Your kids may choose different paths, a different life – that is their god given right – just like it is YOURS. Do the best you can and then…..trust that they will become who they choose to become.
I feel so anxious watching my daughter.
Stop looking so much at her…and stay focused on YOUR actions. For it is YOUR actions that will have the biggest impact.
The rest of the world sees me as very outgoing, smart and able to negotiate multimillion dollar contracts. I still see this very shy girl who struggles so much with her body image.
My mother did not make me feel smart. My mother made me feel like I did not need or should not expect love. That was the way my mother lived her life. It is sad. I have totally forgiven her. The image you have of yourself is probably based more on how YOU felt your MOM viewed you. Guess what GB, your mother was wrong. Period. Guess what GB….all you need to do is to choose to change that, choose to look at yourself in a different mirror – the one YOU yourself will hold up and define.
Sooooo what does that take? I can see you now…”who the heck does this Rican think he is…. Okay deal Eric…tell me how do I change this…..”
Step one – Face your fear. Yep, face the fear you have of YOURSELF. Face the fear YOU have to be YOU. Not the YOU I want you to be, nope the YOU…that YOU want to be.
Step two – Look yourself in the mirror….right in your eye and make yourself a promise. Not for your kids, not to shut me up, not to get your ex back, not to sleep with mr hot bod…no… the promise is to yourself. The promise is…to live your life as authentically as YOU can. To never lie, to your self. To be gentle on yourself. To accept that God is the only thing that is perfect.
Step three – Relax. Yep…you have a lot on your plate. Step back for a bit…and just chill. Enjoy the little things in life.
I have a few more steps…let me know when you are ready.
I crave attention and affection. But I cannot accept it
You CAN Accept it. YOU Choose NOT to. I think I understand why? What is easier….staying nice and warm in the comfortable blanket that is the life you think you need to live OR saying F it and starting to view things different? You can accept it. Next you’ll say….”I don’t know how”. Ummm….. you learned how to read at 3, you found a way to negotiate multimillion dollar contracts….I think you can figure out a way to accept attention and affection. Psst…here is a hint…..stop being scared of YOUR own success! Stop being scared to be YOU. Stop being scared to say “I need help”…stop being scared to say to some hot guy…”dude, let’s get it on”….stop being scared!
It has been an issue in every R I've had. Even friends. They chase, pursue, and desperately try to get my attention, and I have no idea what to. By the time they give up , I'm so hurt because they no longer want me. And yet I know why. I am fiercely I dependent yet I really would like a little help.
First it does not have to be an issue going forward….just change it! Fiercely independent…means what to you? What exactly is it that you would like from your friends? Really be specific. Do you want them to understand you? Have you thought that maybe some of these friends are actually not the kind of people that you really need in your life? Here is another question for you to chew on…..what does being a friend look like to YOU. Describe it in detail.
Some days I feel lost because I feeling I've lost my family. My brother is on a transplant list, my dad is gone, and I don't have a strong R with my mother. I really have tried on that one. I adore x ILs and I'm afraid I'll lose them too. I know death is part of life.
Hey GB….do you control me? Can you make my ex il’s reach out to me? Can you convince my XW to be nice and to co parent with me? I think you know where I am going with this……. You can only control you.
So…how does that help? IMO, be grateful for what you have and what you had. Sometime people are in your life for a season, sometimes for many seasons…You actually have very little control over this. Accept that.
I have more to write…I gotta run to a meeting…..
Please GB….learn to be YOURSELF…if nothing else. Learn to BE YOU and LOVE YOU.
Thanks Maybell. It's a process isn't it? Eric, I know you are engaged but "I LOVE YOU!!!" Tell your fiancé a hippie chick in the south thinks you are the prize in the piñata:-)
You are right. I can accept love. I've just chosen not to. Maybe I don't always think I'm loveable? I'm not sure. I desperately want to be authentic and to live a genuine life. In many ways, I feel like I have come so far and I know I still have work to do.
I just realized why something has been bothering me. I know I sound like a crazed 15 yr old teen at an R5 concert, but something has been bothering me and I think I've figured out what it is. HG has been behaving very strange. It's obvious since my declaration. Back up real quick. HG told me he had been in love twice and was cheated on both times. One story the gf took his dog and left a note that she had an abortion and it was his baby. I told him that sukked. At dinner he kept saying "if we were in a R" and he said the fact that I have 3 kids didn't matter to him at all. When I said I wanted to tear his clothes off (wtf do I say sometimes???) he said "is that what you want from me?" I think he's no longer interested or miffed that I didn't say I want a R? Do men bring up "if we were in a R 3 times" on a first date normally? He had been watching me for months and good lord I sound like some skeezy ho??? Ack! I actually like him and think he's funny and realized this turned sideways after this chat. Grrrrr. I actually like the guy and I feel ridiculous now. I've been eyeing him for months and I think I f'ed up after a whole week of chatting. Do I apologize? I hate that I'm attracted to him and like him.
Eric, you are so right. I can't relax about anything. Seriously, even looking at the dog makes me think "Mr. Fluffers needs a bath " and it sure as hades doesn't bother him. I feel like a giant freaking ball of anxiety!!!!
Grrrrr. Boy Scout party was tonight. Too bad the slushies weren't spiked with alcohol.
GB ,
I don't have much or any advice to offer but i just wanted you know I still am trying to keep up with your life. I still think you are a very strong wonderful mom
Maybe a rewind/do-over with HG? Anyway to just take a chill pill and let him lead the way? Who knows what will come of it but maybe just go out and have a good time without expectations - we all know about having no expectations around here lol
Chillax as they say Georgia!
I really believe you may be a bit "over thinking" this one. Sounds to me like this guy was nervous because the woman he has been "lusting after" for months agreed to go out with him. Not only that he is probably kicking himself for saying "if we were in a R..." 3 times! Try to remember back when you were dating, how hard it was just getting to know someone, not saying the wrong thing by mistake, etc. I'm willing to bet he is just as insecure about what YOU thought of HIM as you are what he thought of you! Just be yourself and stop thinking about what did or didn't happen last time. In fact if I were you, next time I saw him I would make it a point to be friendly and happy to see him! He's probably thinking you are so freaked out by him that you were scared away!
Gb a guy asked me out and I freaked and said no!
So don't think your different or special, I've got it well and truely covered. Rolls eyes. That's a joke Joyce. We do all know how you feel. Well and truely.
Thanks everyone. Happy Halloween from LaGuardia! I'm ready to see my little peeps. Freezer gave out so the X ILs very graciously dealt with that for me. I'm a lucky woman to have them and so are my kids
Had a nice week in NY. Ate well, saw Rock of Ages (I'm such a bada$$ cause I know all of the songs:) and honestly, I continue to be hit on by many cute 22-24 yr old guys. I'm perplexed but my friends and coworkers watch and say "seize this opportunity." I'm not sure what I would do with a 24 yr old but I know what they are encouraging me to do.
I never went to bed last night so I'm a little loopy. I feel like I am the poster child for women going thru a post D struggle with their sexuality. I don't want to offend anyone, although some days I just wonder if I need to get naked with someone. Yes, I just admitted that and posted it here forever. HG? Texting a bit with him. Things got a little scandalous via text (wtf am I doing? Actually I think I know exactly what in doing-sort of) the other night. I think I've quasi scared him away a bit.
Gotta rustle up costumes for 2 peeps. D9 will be easy. S11 is a headless horseman. S4 may or may not agree to wear a costume. Me? I'm going to be a 42 yr old, lustful divorce'. Some days I actually feel like I'm watching someone else. Again, the woman with the SSM marriage is freaking starved for something. I feel like a 16 yr old girl some days. I know I have to work through this. I won't lie-some days I feel on the verge of tears because of this incessant wanting to be wanted (I think??) feeling.
Anyway, hope everyone is well. Holla at my Bulldogs this week as they take on those hated Gators. Wishing everyone a great day:-)
GB
Eric, I know you are engaged but "I LOVE YOU!!!" Tell your fiancé a hippie chick in the south thinks you are the prize in the piñata:-)
Okay…I told her. She laughed and said…..well she obviously has not heard you snore (I kid you not). I love her!
You are right. I can accept love. I've just chosen not to.
Umm….who’s fault is that and what are YOU doing NOW to change it?
Maybe I don't always think I'm loveable? I'm not sure.
IMO, “I’m not sure” is the excuse we give ourselves to avoid having to face the bigger issues. Maybe….you should stop “thinking” your not lovable and you should start “ACCEPTING” that YOU are. Maybe it is that simple. You are after all (by your own admission) a hippie chink in the south….soooo….who does not find a hippie chick in the south not lovable? NO one – that who. 
Do men bring up "if we were in a R 3 times" on a first date normally?
Honestly…..IMO, no they do not. IMO, bring this up so fast and often as he did would be a red flag. To me, it screams insecurity and codependency. That said, I do not know him and I may be WAY off base.
Eric, you are so right. I can't relax about anything. Seriously, even looking at the dog makes me think "Mr. Fluffers needs a bath " and it sure as hades doesn't bother him. I feel like a giant freaking ball of anxiety!!!!
GB do you realize that all of this ^^^^ is under YOUR control? Do you realize that YOU have the POWER to change this. It really is quite simple…choose to relax. PERIOD. Do whatever you do to relax you. As for Mr. Fluffers……I just got a puppy….and I have yet to give him a bath. It really is okay.. do it when you are ready. Now…….stop for a second….do you KNOW or REALIZE WHY you are so stressed? Have you considered that maybe…just maybe…GB is a PERFECTIONIST, FEELS the NEED to NOT MAKE A MISTAKE, FEELS the NEED to CONTROL EVERYTHING?
Hmmmm…where does this come from? I think I know. Once again, GB, it is okay to change. It is OKAY to be GB. Time for that little scared girl (not the high powered exec that closes deals) to come out and face the world. Time for that little girl…not be scared anymore.
I feel like I am the poster child for women going thru a post D struggle with their sexuality. I don't want to offend anyone, although some days I just wonder if I need to get naked with someone. Yes, I just admitted that and posted it here forever.
Why are you so scared? Do you think people are going to judge you? Do you think your friends, your family are going to think you are a slut? Are you worried about your kids finding out? Are you worried about it feeling good and you getting “hooked” on some dude? Do you feel bad because maybe deep down inside you really just want sex?
Determine exactly what you are feeling.
BTW, FTR, at the end of the day if you are happy and comfortable with who YOU are – that is all that matters. From where I sit. You still do not feel confident being YOU. You are still struggling with who you really want to be. You are still being HELD back by YOUR OWN FEAR. GB, consider this…….
How do most people learn?
Trial and Error.
That is how.
You learn from your mistakes and experiences.
It is okay to make a mistake, it really is, just learn from them.
It is okay to explore yourself…emotionally, intellectually, sexually…it really is OKAY. How else are you gonna find what you are looking for…..
Which is…..
YOU.
Things got a little scandalous via text (wtf am I doing? Actually I think I know exactly what in doing-sort of) the other night. I think I've quasi scared him away a bit.
This may not come across as I would like…I’ll try….
a) If you want a booty call with a nice guy that you get along with….well then keep worrying about what he is thinking and keep doing what you are doing..
b) If you want to find a nice guy that will accept you for YOU (and then you get the booty call)….then stop over thinking everything and stop being or doing things that you may or may not want to do. Be yourself. Period. If he get’s scared because you are being yourself…then is this the type of person you would really want to be around.
I won't lie-some days I feel on the verge of tears because of this incessant wanting to be wanted (I think??) feeling.
IMO, this will stop….when……Ummm…actually…no you tell me when it will stop. I can wait to hear your response.
Safe travels back home and hope you have a wonderful Halloween with the kiddos.
I do get your delemia about the 20's they keep hitting on me too!
I old enough to be their mum, to me that feels a bit ho hum and creepy.
The point is coming when I will grab anything that floats past soonish. I was dreaming raunchy and racy dreams that left me exhausted!
If its making you freak then it's prolly too soon or not right for you in some way. Listen to your inner alarm or concerns. Often we do know what's best for us, we just need to listen.
GB
Relax spend some quite time just thinking about where you are now and what you really are feeling inside. Its hard to stop and just listen to your own thoughts, the answers will come.
Thanks Eric (I'll respond to your post later- you make some excellent points. And I still LOVE you:-), GGrass, and 2 B. You are all correct in that I need to relax in the words of Frankie Goes to Hollywood. I feel okay today. Nice Halloween with my peeps.
2 things. S4 told me I would be much prettier if I never told him no.
Second, I did something I haven't done since xh moved out. I sent him a pic of S4 (the one he has a quasi R with) with a goat. I just felting doing it and has zero expectations. He's missing out and that's his choice, however, for some reason it felt like "the right" thing to do. X Mr GB sent back some kind words about s4 being cute and I didn't respond. On a humorous, note x Mr GB and OW dressed up as horse a$$e$ for Halloween. Interesting and I'm being honest. He didn't ask about kids or ask them about Halloween and well, that's his deal.
On a positive note, I don't feel quite so anxious today. Yay!!!! I also told the children I had to check the candy for safety purposes and took the skittles and almond joys. Safety hazards!!!!
I'll skip the Go Dawgs! Xo to you all:-)
That little Halloween costume tidbit made my day! That is AWESOME.
GB, who won the GA/FL game?
Those freaking Gators!!!!! It was truly UGA-ly:-(
GB,
Did you steal candy from your own kids??!!
GB, what do you get when you cross a gator with a bulldog?
Nothing. There's just some things a bulldog won't do.
My mom was a cheerleader for the Bulldogs...many moons ago.
I must put a moratorium on eating the Halloween candy (Yes, Wonka. I have no shame:-) before my skinny jeans split. I do have some deeper thoughts to discuss although right now I'm gonna toss some stuff out.
First, tomorrow would have been my 12th anniversary. I thought 7 was a lucky number and it was.....I have 3 wonderful, crazy people to prove that it WAS a lucky day for me. More on that later.
I don't really have time to date. HG is (and I quote) looking for "his soulmate." I am always attracted to the same person. I'll skip a bunch of specifics now although never in a billion years did I think just from physically lusting (yep-that's the word) after him that he would be one of those dreamy, overly romantic types like every single other man I've liked. I think we can all agree, I couldn't be further from that. Please know I don't mean this in a defeatist way, although maybe dating is more of an option for me in a few years. Like maybe 30. In the assisted living home:-).
My anxiety is subsiding (thank you G-d and universe). A friend of mine is a pro photographer and wants to take boudoir photos of my on Saturday for their site. Sure. I have no problem stripping down ( I really don't. I have nothing that peeps haven't seen before). They said I could bring my own lingerie. Mmmmmm. Does my Matthew Stafford t count as lingerie? I'll figure something out.
This time of year (like for many) makes me feel....off. I had no idea this time last year BD was just around the corner. And, it wouldn't have mattered. Like I said, BD was just a formality as my xh was done long before then. That was such a difficult thing for me to truly process. Almost a yr later, it sounds crazy, although I think I almost get it-as best I can. Plus, I get to snuggle with the cutest 4 yr old ever. Every. Single. Day.
I'm still smart. Still hilarious (I had myself in stitches yesterday). Generous. A good friend. A kick a$$ mom. Compassionate to animals. Love kids in general. A kind person. A person who tries to do the right thing and be the best I can be. Still a work in progress. And I'm okay with that.
Hope everyone has a great day. I appreciate every single cheer, laugh, 2x4, and 4x6.... I love them all.
although maybe dating is more of an option for me in a few years. Like maybe 30. In the assisted living home:-).
Love the concept!!! All that hot dating when we are 70+
My grandmother met her second husband at a funeral. Love happens anywhere, at any age.
Not her first husband's I take it? (apologies for tasteless remark)
It's my thread- nothing can be tasteless, Bea! (said woman with super warped sense of humor).
LOL. No. Actually, the story is better than that.
My grandmother left school after 8th grade, which apparently was normal for her community (immigrants). As a teenager she was pretty hot and got serious with someone who was slightly older and ready to settle down and have a family. Apparently she wasn't. So they broke up. Years went by, she had a factory job and was really proud of herself that she lasted long enough to be promoted to forewoman (this is when women left these jobs to get married).
She started dating my grandfather in her early twenties or so, and again, he wanted to get married and start a family and she put him off and put him off till one day they were out together and got hit by a car. My grandmother was badly hurt and spent several weeks in the hospital. While she was there, my grandfather visited her every day and asked her again to marry him. She said "Of course after I got hit by that car I had to say yes." I asked her why and she said, "Oh, you know. Fish or cut bait."
So they were married for many years and had many children. MANY children. I don't know if they were happy or not; my mom doesn't seem to think they were but I don't really know.
Anyway, my grandfather passed away in his early 70's? (As I said... many children... I was way down on the totem pole in importance in that family). And my grandmother kind of just puttered around for years doing the family rounds till one of her friends called up and said "So and so died, so I know X is going to be at the funeral, will you come with me?" So my grandmother agreed to go and be her friend's wingman at the funeral.
Lo and behold, the first boyfriend was there and his wife had died a few years before too, so to the great amusement of the family, they started dating again. And then got married and EVERY ONE of us showed up for the wedding. The entire church held its breath when they kissed because we were all curious what it would look like.
They were married 12? years before he passed away too. I don't know if she was happy in that marriage either. But I'm thinking she must have been some kind of happy in both of them or she wouldn't have gone back for seconds.
My grandmothers both had a lot of spunk. I wish I had known them better.
Oh wow - that story is so wonderful!! Thanks for sharing.
Insomnia is here. What am I saying? Insomnia rarely goes away.
I had ex Mr GB take kids for 36 hours (I get them back tomorrow after school) . All 3 are very angry..... Well x Mr GB texted me this am after getting them last night they were bored and restless. Perhaps he should speak to them? Last night I went to a friend's who is a makeup artist and she made me look glam. I was the glammest person at Target last night. On an interesting note, I decided to text x Mr GB a link to a story we followed for a long time that has resolution. He immediately starts texting back all kinds of chit chat. I'm mind-reading, although i do think x Mr GB misses our *friendship*. I've thought that for a while. I didn't respond.
I took s11 to work with me on Friday. HG was there and offered to talk to him about what he does. S11 has severe anxiety and literally ran from him like 3 times. I had to go catch him. Ftr, what HG does is what s11 wants to do. He is in fact obsessed with it so it was nice that I know someone who could talk to him. He gave s11 something you can get only if you do what he does. I thanked him as it was very nice of him.
This next part.....I'm going to journal as best I can. Last week, HG asked me out for today. I wasn't sure whether or not I should go. I'll be honest, things got a little weird and I decided to push that aside. That being said, we were intimate today. I'm posting this to help me sort thru stuff and maybe it helps someone else. I've only been with a few people in my life and this was a bit of a different experience. He certainly made me feel desired (and it was light in the room) and he didn't seem to have problems with my body. He seemed really into it and I was too-I think. He asked me if we could go out again or " if I got what I wanted and was done with him." He then told me talking to me was like playing chess. He's probably right. While I admit I'm confusing to him, he is moody. While all of this is out of character for me, I don't feel ashamed or confused. Just different. I don't know. I post this for anyone wondering if you can get naked in front of someone post D. If I can, there is hope for everyone. If anyone is offended, sorry. Again, I've only been with a few people in my life.
Ran today, watched some football and played with the dog. I'm afraid the children will be super testy after school, and that makes me anxious. Particularly D9. However, they have basketball so perhaps there is a distraction. I've enjoyed having these 36 hours to myself.
Wishing everyone a good week.
You have a good week too.
Wow. Sounds like you had some grown up time.
Enjoy the good stuff - it won't last forever. Hg seems fun and as long as you are honest with him and he with you I don't see an issue
Thanks Gwen and Brooklyn....
I forgot to post that the 7th would have been my 12th wedding anniversary. It was an interesting day for me and x Mr. GB's brother who is HOT (x Mr GB and I were friends first and I used to tell him how lucky his SIL was. Laugh all you want, peeps!)texted me to tell me x Mr. GB made a mistake. Don't know about that but I appreciate the kind thoughts. It was a day filled with many emotions so I thought I would share my FB post I wrote that day with all of you.
"On November 7th, 2002, I was married in Hawaii by a man with no eyebrows and a German Shepherd as the witness. I'm very superstitious so I picked the 7th because 7 is supposedly a lucky number. 3 fantastic kids, many pets (RIP to all of those no longer with us), multiple hair colors, and one divorce later, I can honestly say it was a lucky day for me. I'm happy, healthy, have an incredible family (best X ILS in the world), the 3 best kids in the universe, a loyal and wonderful dog, a cat who brings me presents, amazing friends, and thankfully a kick a$$ sense of humor! I have a life most people dream of having and I am forever grateful to have the opportunity to live it. So, I celebrate this day with love and gratitude to all of you who share in my antics. Thanks and let's have some Almond Joys."
I read so many posts on here that literally break my heart. I don't have it figured out by any stretch, however, I know I am fortunate and grateful to experience each day. Some kinda sukk and some are filled with such joy. Please know that you are worthy of love (I gotta remind myself frequently) and just because your R failed, that doesn't mean you are a failure. Nope-just a work in progress. So cheers to being the best you and living the best life. It's okay to cry-just don't forget to laugh. It really is the best medicine.
Sending everyone positive energy!:)
Georgiabelle,
I did not know you where a fellow Almond Joy Enthusiast (I liberated all of them from my kids Halloween stashes - ah sweet tropical yumminess!).
I'm glad to read you were able to find all the positives on your anniversary - you sound like you are in a good place.
Thanks for checking in on me - I always appreciate it.
Awww....that's so sweet that your ex-BIL said that to you.
GB,
I am so happy for you. I think that is awesome that you explored new things. Good way to empower yourself.
Your bil is a smart guy.
Good for you, gb. I love watching you grow and find yourself. And realize just how amazing you are- even with your clothes off!
Go get 'em, tiger!
I don't know why this bugs me. I actually "liked" HG although things got a bit weird between us. I thought he was nice and funny. However, he has told me numerous times I frustrate and confuse him and that talking with me is like playing chess. I don't even know what he means. I admit I'm probably not the way I usually am. Whatever way that is but I've never been called confusing. I don't know-I probably am confusing.
I do know I love snuggling with my 4 yr old. He's such a cuddle bug:-)
Just because you are confusing to HIM, doesn't qualify you as confusing. From where I sit, you have been crystal clear about your needs right now--maybe they just don't jive with his?? That doesn't make you his problem or any problem.
Four-yr-olds make the bestest cuddle time :-) nothing cuter than four.
Hi Heather,
Thanks for your response. I probably wasn't as clear with him as I was here. I've done a lot of, "I want you. I don't want you. I want you but I don't want to want you." I'm a bit embarrassed to say that after we were intimate he essentially said "now that we've done x (a bit more ahem crudely), are you done with me or can we go out next weekend." And he said it at least 2 more times and I couldn't answer. Or I don't think I said anything. Because I didn't know what to say. And he has asked why is it so wrong for me to want him and it isn't. Except I'm not sure what I'm doing
4 year olds give good hugs too:-)
Hi, ummmm a ouple of things occur to me.
1. (and this is not a judgement) it is very soon aftern your life was turned upside down by your life partner. It isn't hard to figure out that maybe you are still quite emotionally vulnerable.
2. Beware anyone who tries to 'make' things your fault. You may be confused, but that isn't a crime (see 1 above!)
I have noticed that going into another relationship of any kind after a MLC fallout (and probably any other) isn't the time we make the best decisions. We just need to have our eyes wide open.
Hugs to you.
Georgia,
I agree with Bea.
In my case, the guy was a bit of a commitment-phobe. He was very clear he didn't want a relationship, just some fun. When it got to the point that I wanted more, I told him so. I was clear that I was ready for more and wouldn't "have more fun" unless he was open to a relationship.
Sounds like things are a bit reversed. You aren't ready...and, that makes all the sense in the world after what you've been through. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing what you want right now.
What made the experience work for me was HONESTY.
I was clear about my needs and feelings. In the end, there wasn't a relationship, but I learned A LOT about myself and how I relate to men.
I was very interested in why I was attracted to this guy...how I talked to him...what expectations I had, etc...I consider him, now, like a workshop in post-MLC relationships. He wasn't the real thing, but a great seminar on how to avoid the same mistake twice.
Thanks Bea and Heather. I appreciate your thoughts and you both have valid points.
Uh interesting thing. I had a dream that I kissed a guy I used to work with. He's close friends with one of my close friends. I texted the friend to tell him about the dream kissing his friend. It was so random and completely shocking that I was laughing while texting my friend. We will call my friend B. B said, "wow, GB. That's pretty freaking funny. He asks me about you all the time and says x Mr GB is a tool ( he knew him years ago). It's crazy you texted me about that as he was talking about you last night. (The friend of my friend lives 5 states away so it's all safe:-). He will be here Wednesday. Do you want me to give him your digits?"
Wth i said. Friend of friend and I are going to meet up Wednesday. I'll go have fun....whatever that means.
And I hope I don't offend anyone. I don't want to get booted off this board but I want to share something regarding my ongoing body issues. HG does think I'm hot. That I get. However, even I can't believe I was completely naked with him in bright light. 3 c sectioned stomach and juicy booty and all. Everyone that knows him agrees that physically he is hot stuff so while I may confuse him, this very fit, hot 32 yr old guy seemed okay with me. In bright light. I cannot believe I did that in broad freaking daylight on total display. No wine. Have I ever told you guys I always seem to attract the body conscious dudes? They run marathons while I run to DQ.
Kids are having a sleep over and made the toilet overflow and handcuffed S4 to a table. The fun continues! Hopefully they go to bed at some point.
Sometimes I feel strange reading other peoples threads. They speak about their spouse or even x spouse with love and honestly, I just look at x Mr GB and wonder what the hades happened. I don't really miss him. I miss having someone to share stuff with although I just look at him and see a man I wouldn't want to be with. And while I don't wish him well yet (maybe one day), I still wish him peace. I don't envy him and honestly, it doesn't matter. His life to live and I have mine.
Movie with a friend tomorrow. Hope everyone is well.
GB, look at you GO!!
I love reading your updates!! Miss, "I went to the LIFE store and got one!!" Shoot. You got a two-for-one!!!
Ok, and I don't think I'm alone when I ask you to please include more detail in your carnal experiences with HG....for no other reason than to serve my own voracious need to remember what "that" feels like. Deal? Good! I'm glad we understand each other.
And, GB, we're bringin' booty back. Wear it like a trophy. Your HG and any future HG does not play the same old movies about bodies as us. Because he's hot for you. That is a smart man right there. Bright lights, big ti++ies and all.
And if you feel strange reading my thread? Whew!!! I hope so. Cuz, well....you know. He strange.
What movie are you seeing tomorrow?
((((((Bootyhugs))))))))
Thank goodness, GB! I freaking love your thread! I am living through it. And honestly, you have given me a kick in the pants. I can't wait to update you with a hg in my scenario! GD, GB!
And Shining, you freaking crack me up!
I think you are doing amazing. I wish I had an Hg in my life. I'm sure I could find one on a dating site but that would require too much energy.
From the outside and from your post i agree with the others that hg doesn't seem like a good choice for a more real relationship.
Also why not go out with the friend of a friend sounds fun.
Agreed- 4 year olds are the best snugglers!
Thanks Shining, Mighty, and BK. You are all my peeps. FTR, I'm even more emotionally unavailable than in the past at this juncture. Please know I know that is not desirable-I'm just being honest. I still have much work to do and if anything, I'm trying to be honest.
Shining-honestly? It was straight up down and dirty. (Sorry mods). I mean I sort of felt like I was in an adult film. Gulp. I actually blushed once. It takes a great deal to make me blush. Love you. Big pores and all. Oh, and going to see that Ben Affleck movie.
Mighty-I'm happy that I provide something for someone. I have a weakness for cute boys and I feel like a 16 yr old girl some days. I'm sure I sound cray cray and I'm just trying to work through my stuff as best I can. Even if it's unconventional. You are amazing! You've been through so much and I think you are freaking fabulous. I have no idea what I'm doing. Trying to live and learn I think. Good stuff is right around the corner for you.
BK-I always appreciate your comments. You've been at this a while and have shown so much grace with your sitch and girls. The friend of friend thing made me laugh. We will see:-)
Meanwhile the children are out to get me today. It's that time of the month and they have a friend sleeping over. They've been fighting, screaming and the guest overflowed the toilet twice. Stop pooping guest!!!! Kidding. She's a sweet kid.
Go Dawgs:-). X ILs invited me to thanksgiving as did their extended family. I feel quasi popular!!! They are such kind peopl. Oh, x Mr GB is going to a sorority formal this weekend. Yes, you read that right. Better him than me.
Is he chaperoning the dance?
GB,
****sigh****
Oh. My. Yes. It is exactly as I would imagine. Umm...I mean.....for you. Yeah, not me or anything...nothing vicarious happening here. Nope. What gave you that impression??!?! Thank you for sharing that. Because I think it's nothing short of wonderful for you to have the opportunity to explore some new sides of GB that haven't come out to play before.
.
Go get it.
Enjoy your day!!
Oh I feel crazy again. Curse came. Those gosh darn hormones. X MIL told me she wants me to find someone good. I appreciate that and the always rousing pep talk she gives but I'm a shell at this point. I do want to open up and hopefully love again and even though it's unhealthy, there is a bat$h!t part of me that gives x Mr GB props for leaping into a R. FFS, perhaps we should have divorced years ago? Did I really type that???? What? I swear I'm feeling strange due to time of year and impending BD date.
Can I love someone again? I was speaking with IC the other day and I was quasi ashamed to admit that I think I've only been truly hurt once-x BF of 6 1/2 years. Any other time *I* wasn't hurt-only my ego. I don't even know if I've ever been vulnerable enough to allow myself to be hurt. Yes, same with x Mr GB. Yes, I wanted to keep my family together and I loved him. However, my ego was hurt that this person I supported launched me as soon as he got a decent job. And it's so juvenile that part of me thinks "how date this a$$w!pe do that to me??" And that thinking gets me exactly.....nowhere.
My natural inclination is just to push, push, push away. Ugh. I need my own Judy Blume book. Are you there G-d? It's me GB. Ackkkk!!!!!'
GB - I am new to the boards but have been reading your threads and journey.
You have made me laugh, you have made me cry and I am so pleased you have found a way through all of this - you are truly on one heck of an adventure !!
So Thank you, Thank you - for you have given me a shining light at the end of what seems like a very dark tunnel. There is hope for me yet :o)
Keep going, stay strong, you sound an amazing person, one who deserves a very very happy ending xx
Lou,
Oh gosh. Thanks for your kind words. I realize I sound like a lunatic at times, however it does genuinely make me smile if anything I say or do helps anyone or gives them comfort. Seriously. Some days I look in the mirror and think "WTF is wrong with you, girl???" And then, I just try to freaking carry on. Hugs to you!
Hey gb,
How bout you and I go I to adult films, my dreams are pretty bad too these days. We could make some great $ if only we could record them.
Sorry gb, but your not alone on some of those thoughts and feelings. It helps me tho to read your going along the same bloody bumpy crapola track.
Thanks GGrass. I think I can pinpoint part of my feelings. I have this overwhelming (and I mean off the freaking charts) insatiable desire/need to be wanted and in control. It's not about $ex or touch. I'm a low touch person although I'm working on that and want to change that. It is gripping me and it fuels my anxiety.
Okay. For me (at this immediate moment) I don't think it's healthy for me to attempt to date. I know I will one day, although right now it feels very...difficulty do I will leave it at that.
So let's shift that focus away from cute boys and do the following;:
Finish decorating for Chrstmas.
Finish decluttering house (maybe it will sell at some point!)
Finish Christmas shopping
Change hair color. It's time.
Restart kickboxing. Currently I run a few days a week and need to mix it up.
Here is the big one.....freaking relax, stop trying to control stuff, and just $&@8'h be and let things transpire.
I cannot be a giant planet of anxiety any longer. I can't. I must let go of shizzle and let stuff happen. Yes. Yes. Yes. I can do that.
Gb, caught up on your sitch ... I think you are doing very well ... and yeah I think when we realize we are just not ready for something its best to focus our attention on constructive things .. all those you listed could do nothing but help you ... well maybe all but the hair color thing depending on how crazy ya go here ... lol I have never understood the hair color thing .. well .. maybe I am just jealous .. us guys can not really decided to go redhead for a change up without being looked at like we are nuts hahaha.
Thanks Cali. Switch up your hair color. Be a trend setter:-)
Thanks Cali. Switch up your hair color. Be a trend setter:-)
The world would not be ready for all this jelly I am tellin you
Just caught up on today's events - omg, am I getting addicted - I really need to GAL.
Thanks CG and Lou. Lou, I've always maintained I'm the most boring woman on the planet so I laugh that people follow along with what appears to be a Lifetime Movie.
I feel kind of relaxed. Couple of updates. NC with HG since last week. I will probably see him tomorrow in passing. Will try to act normal. Whatever that is.
X Mr GB texted me at 5:20 am that his car wouldn't start (he must have been at Gf's because it's about an hour away). I'm sure some local frat brothers can help. Actually I said "oh that sukks. I'll take kids to school " I didn't really have a choice ya know????
Former co worker and friend of my good friend will not be in town tonight. Thank goodness!!!! I was afraid I may be tempted. However, he's been texting me and we will call him C. He sent me a message yesterday saying the following (keep in mind he lives states away-same state as you Shining):
"So, I'll be honest. We would have fun together. I'm seeing someone, however (I'll skip the other stuff......).
Me:" we would have fun. I hope your r is going well. I'm not doing anything to interfere with that. I just can't do that. We can talk though."
And just some funny texts transpire. I'm curious to see how I feel when I see HG. If I feel anything. I just need to relax. Om.
So, laundry as caught up as it can be with 3 kids. Hopefully hanging with best friend sat. New color sat am. Car being serviced sat am (cha-ching) and it will be just me and my boys next week. D9 goes to Grandmas.
Dare I say in look cute today in swingy, striped tunic, black leggings and black wedge boots. I can do this. Xo
We would have fun together
ERRRRRNNNTTT (sound of reject buzzer)
Forget this one. That's not a guy who would have any interest in a relationship, even if he was free - just a guy who's wondering "Hmmm, I wonder if I could get away with having a little something on the side with Georgiabelle without my girlfriend finding out?".
Move along. Don't engage in too much online chatter (AKA known as an emotional affair if it goes too far). He's not the droid you are looking for.
Can I tell all that from one sentence? Yes I can. Just trust me on this.
Thanks Kml and Heather. I worked with him for 5 years and we were friends then. I DO know exactly where he wants to go. ...horizontal. I do-trust me:-)
I'm ready to put my head in a cement mixer. S4 refused a bath. He's still up. S11 is still up. I just want the kids to do one thing that I ask. I just want them to go to bed. S4 and D9 are so afraid of me leaving that they sleep with me at 9. It's fine-I understand it. I do. I just feel so....wtf? How does x Mr GB get to go be 21? Granted I don't want to be 21-I'm just so frustrated. The kids are my tip priority and I'm grateful they are. I have them over 90%
I have friends saying you need to meet someone good. What? And what would I do with him? Seriously. $&@" my own x ILs say I need to meet someone. And do what? Invite him over so he can watch fighting between the kids and then 2 hours of bedtime drama??? I'm sorry to vent. I really am.
I miss having someone to talk to. I miss having someone tell me I look cute or smell good. Or to share funny stuff with. Ugh
GB,
Hear, hear! This soon shall pass. A temporary dark cloud that will pass on to the other direction.
You're doing so great under difficult circumstances...especially Mr. Spiderman.
I'm ready to put my head in a cement mixer. S4 refused a bath. He's still up. S11 is still up. I just want the kids to do one thing that I ask. I just want them to go to bed. S4 and D9 are so afraid of me leaving that they sleep with me at 9. It's fine-I understand it. I do. I just feel so....wtf? How does x Mr GB get to go be 21? Granted I don't want to be 21-I'm just so frustrated. The kids are my tip priority and I'm grateful they are. I have them over 90%
I'm sorry , I know this was a venting moment of frustration, but I just have to laugh because it reminds me of whats going on in my house so much. My Ds have slept with me every night since BD. I have to sleep in the middle - so that they each get a side. They then proceed to kick my kidneys and thrust their feet in my face for the rest of the night.
I'm with you, I can't really envision how any romantic partnership would work right now.
Wishing you better sleep and pleasant dreams tonight.
I have thought about this too ... I mean who knows where this all leads to and yeah .. I have thought .. ok lets say I start over ... and think about that first time I invite someone to my place ... my bed on any given night has a 100 lb dog and a 90 lb child fighting for lead position as I contort my body to fit somewhere in the middle .. its a super sexy scene ... lol
Wonka, Raliced and Cali-thanks for your input. Wonka, I'm ashamed to admit HG has the same Captain America tshirt as x Mr GB, same converse sneakers, and a tattoo of the hulk. Gulp. Raliced and Cali, I read many people saying they would "love to meet someone." I love meeting people too and I don't think it's a matter of being ready. I just don't feel like I have anything to give in a R right now-particularly time. GB-just smile and nod at the cute ones. Nothing more!!!!
Day 2 of feeling less anxious. Good day at work. 4 mile run. The kids haven't tried to poison each other that I'm aware of...yet. House is moderately clean. I wouldn't eat off the floor although the dog has no issue with that. I see no algae in the bathroom so things are looking up. X Mr GB is paying the gas bill this month and it's kind of phat. That's nice of him. I would say it's guilt although it really doesn't matter. I appreciate the gesture.
D9 goes to work with me tomorrow. She's a big hit in my building and gets free stuff in some of the shops. That is a perk of being with me:-)
Oh and I realized I look pretty gosh darn good in my skinny jeans today. Yeah, my large intestine is now in my chest, but it's all good.
Sending everyone hugs and positive vibes.
GB, you're the best. I have so much respect for you. Really. You're my chick.
My dog keeps eating my stuff, but there is no way I'm sleeping with him, he snores worse than h and kicks harder than a child.
I sleep alone, bliss and like a star fish. Nowadays I sleep flogging awesome. Wake up feeling happy and well rested best sleeps in forever.
G- that's the best! "alone, bliss and like a star fish" I love it. It's flogging awesome.
Thanks Mighty and GG-I appreciate your kind words and support. I'm not actually alone in the bed. S4, D9, 70 pound dog and 8 pound cat. S11 tries to find a space but I tell him there really is no room:-)
I have the same problem ... and I am 'this' close to writing MWD a letter concerning how the DB tactics have absolutely no effect on my 100 lb Lab .... pretty sure he too is in MLC ... coming and going as he pleases, will not listen to me, but suuuureeee when its cold outside and 2 a.m. he comes to bed and decides my face is a great spot to flop on. I am about ready to drop the rope with him
I make sure I'm alone!
other wise 5 dogs and a cat would be in here.
After bd, s17 (almost) used to Come in here unable to sleep and chat in the night. It was hell! Now the only thing keeping me awake is porno dreams!
not bad for what my h described as someone who qualifies as an emotional dessert. Cold and rude.
CaliGuy - that is flogging hilarious!