I would like to start a new topic called mixed signals.
I would like to hear what others have experienced in regard to this on a lighter note. You know, those crazy times when you think you are in the twilight zone and your Mler talks or does something that makes you do a double take.
I can start by my most recent mixed signal from my ex. I have been divorced now for 4 years as of today. My ex is still in my life and living with OW. We have 3 children together. I saw ex a couple of weeks ago and he made a point of telling me that he has just now "discovered how hard divorce is". He just found out that a mutual friend of ours is getting divorced and he has decided to "counsel him" on trying to keep the marriage together..... wtf. At the same time, he has not done too much to keep us together.
Well, I guess like many of us here [myself included] it is easier to talk the talk than walk the walk.
Having said that the idea of a MLCer giving others marriage counselling is one of the more interesting ideas of 2011.
Two recent ones for me:
Inviting me over for X-mas eve to visit with kids and go to church with them... I declined because I felt I would be uncomfortable... W then says she agrees, it probably would be...
ummm... why ask, then...?
Also, while discussing kids visits with me, W says how she's been on an emotional roller coaster from angry, to grieving, to not caring, to completely devastated... I validate and let her know that I'm open to her letting me know this stuff if she ever wants... she tells me that she would NEVER share those personal feelings and thoughts with me...
ummm... you just did...???
Oh, a third... My W has told me very often in the past that she would NOT support me nor my relationship with the kids... then, because of my current financial sitch, she is offering to send me groceries and bring the kids to me for visits, etc...
ummm... I get that the kids miss me... but what about the whole point (boundary) of my R with my kids being my responsibility...?
Oh, and fourth... the whole logistical communication thing... every time we need to discuss something, she wants to get together in person to talk about it, when email is a beautiful thing for this...
ok... I get some people prefer f2f, but... why does "you can have the kids on this day and that day" need to be discussed f2f...?
I have to admit it took me a very very long time to be able to not let the mixed signals make me absolutely crazy. I learned to stop asking questions about them, stop pointing the mixed signals out, as well as all the emotional trauma that comes along with the odditiy of all of this.
It must be so hard to be that confused that your brain states the opposite.
When MLC first started I thought my ex was purposely trying to make me insane, now I don't think that was the case in Most circumstances.
OKAY.... I'll play!
My H was asking me to help OW sell some of her furniture because her H has decided to dump her.
I was trying really hard to listen to him, and not laugh out loud. I asked him a logistical question about how her furniture was going to get to my house. (Really, does she think I'm going to let her bring her furniture over to my house? Really?!?) And then I asked him about how she was going to price it. I mean I was really letting him talk himself through this one.
AND he told me she was so upset she could barely talk or think.
My response: "I can imagine."
So.........
How can he have so much empathy for her and so little for me? He decided it was too much trouble for "US" to sell her furniture and put her stuff in our yard sale..... Good decision.
I still wonder when he will realize she was just trying to move in here?
Mixed signals? Or WTF moments? Lol, same thing I guess ... I just don't get "mixed" anymore because I have no interest in reconciling. Still funny stuff though ... here's a few ...
- early in my sitch, after BD and post OW discovery I started making physical changes, lost weight, dramatically changed my hair, started getting waxed, wearing make-up more often etc. My stbxH commented on the changes one day (we were still in the same house, separate beds and very amicable) and I said "maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis!" He looked at me dead-pan and said "It's not all it's cracked up to be!"
- in the summer we went to a family law centre for free mediation to work out a parenting agreement. We got to the point where we were discussing life insurance and custody in the event one parent died and he says that he's going to bequeath his custody and life insurance $ to OW and I'll have to ask her for his half of expenses and give my kids to her 50% of the time. Even the mediator was speechless for a moment.
- as this was happening, my stbxH, who is 36 years old, went and got his lip pierced. He is a classic avoider, and aside from a few very candid conversations (which he now forgets) he has taken zero responsibility for his life/choices/decisions etc. A few weeks ago (and we are now separated for a year and a half and he's supposedly happy in his new life with OW in the house they bought etc) he got mad at me for not agreeing to something he wanted when he spewed "you are a self serving control freak with a chip on your shoulder, you aren't fooling anyone! you need to take a look in the mirror and realize that personal growth involves more than changing your hair color!"
I actually lol'd at the first and last ones
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Peace
PEI
Okay I'll join....
A recent one for me.....
XW says to me when I ask that we keep our communication in writing.... "what you do not want to hear my sexy voice anymore" - my response - NO that's for your boyfriend.
Eric
My W informed me that she wanted to only communicate by e-mail and only involving info. about our D, unless it is an emergency.
When I texted her about an emergency involving D that was time sensitive, i got the riot act.
Now she texts and calls repeatedly asking if it is ok to talk and leaving messages crying that she misses me. The same day she invited herself over to supper at my landlord's (who I live with now) and proceeded to "scope out my room."
As I dropped off D today, she handed me my Christmas Ornaments (I did not ask for them) and a x-mas present.
I love how they can set "rules" and then not follow them. Every text or message begins with "Hey I know we agreed not to call/text unless it is an emergency, but.....
Just my 3 cents.
These are priceless and have made my day. We all have to keep reminding ourselves about the massive amount of confusion our Mlc'ers have.
I have one that happened to me right after my divorce. Ex's Christmas present to me that year was a gift bag full of sensual lotions and potions. He put on the card, "Merry Christmas from ex and the kids..... wtf
LOL, just had one Tuesday ...
Called ex to ask if he could drop S3 off on the way by (he works next to the daycare but we do our own drop off/pick ups now) ... I did the usual "I know it puts you out of your way and it's not your responsibility but since it's a family party we're rushing to, I was hoping you'd be in the Christmas spirit" thing (we had seen each other at lunch time when I picked up the kids stuff so I knew he was in a good mood and was joking with him a bit). He hmmms and haws a bit, then says "Ok, I can ... but it's all you're getting for Christmas!" I lol'd ... again ... and replied "Well ex, it's more than I was expecting!"
Peace!
PEI,
He actually got his lip pierced?
These are priceless and have made my day. We all have to keep reminding ourselves about the massive amount of confusion our Mlc'ers have.
I have one that happened to me right after my divorce. Ex's Christmas present to me that year was a gift bag full of sensual lotions and potions. He put on the card, "Merry Christmas from ex and the kids..... wtf
Lotions and Potions! Best mixed signal yet!
(I hope you found a good use for the gift ;-)
I wish I could tell you that I use them all up....
I know this is meant to be funny, but these mixed signals really bug me because while they might indicate confusion, they also indicate complete disregard for our feelings.
I'm not sure I could put up with that again.
I am starting to think I can't put up with it now.......
Last summer when h was in the heat of MLC crisis, we were driving into town and caught a glimpse of a man appearing to be in his 60's driving a sting ray. H laughed and said, "Oh man, he's got his mid life crisis car!" I tell you, I rolled with laughter, not at the old guy and his car but at H and how oblivious he was in that moment.
The night after BD and a trip to the ER to get my heart checked, since I have a heart cond. , I was still feeling upset, sitting in the bedroom crying and shaking. H came in and informed me that if I had a few glasses of wine, I might feel better and calm down. Thing is, he's known all of our lives together that I cannot drink due to the medication I take. He's known forever that it would kill me if I mixed it with alcohol. So, that was a pretty, wtf moment.
There are many more but it's just too much to list them. I know that when when they are on the MLC train, their minds are completely on themselves.
Really it is pathetic what they say. Their synapses are not connecting correctly. I really believe that most do not realize the impact that their words cause.
During my divorce trial, yes trial, ex wanted all the drama he could have and fought me for everything. In the middle of the trial he blurted out......"i hope your mother dies". I remember the bailiff saying "oh my god". My mother was dying from kidney cancer and in his sick mind he said that because he knew I would get an inheritance and then he thought he would not have to pay me child support...... wtf
Trusting, that is truly horrendous.
I'm not sure I buy this "Oh, they don't know what they are saying." I mean, I might buy this to a certain extent, esp. w/my X as he has a progressive medical condition plus a lot of drugs, but I think healing does involve them taking responsibility for their own actions.
My ex is now being treated for hormone issues. He gets injections every 4 months from a clinic to rebuild testostorone and DHEA. He is also being treated for PTSD from when his mother passed away and severe anxiety. He has a lot going on. He shared all of this with me when he came over. I had known parts of it for some time, but not the whole thing. He stated that his behavior was due to him not managing his stress and letting it get out of control. This was quite a change for him to say because it has always been my fault in the past.
Trusting,
Thank your for sharing. Your h was very forthcoming in what has been going on in his life...thank goodness he has finally sought help. Hopefully, he will settle down and begin to see what a wonderful person you are and the destruction he created during his crisis.
His talking to you is a step in the right direction. I pray that in 2012 he will continue to share things w/you.
Happy New Year!
Trusting, That is good news. It sounds as if your X is one who might come through the situation more mature and able to care for himself.
OK I got a Christmas photo from xh. Don't ask me what was in in it because I deleted it. Which bit of 'we are divorced, and you never used to do Christmas photos anyway' does he not get? Not upset about it, just bemused. For some reason my children didn't get this particular treat.
I find him a bit of an embarassment these days, if I am honest. A sort of 'OMG was I really married to this guy?' I am still fond of him, he can still irritate me, but mostly he seems a bit irrelevant.
Yes, I was heart broken, but that was in the past, and I want to enjoy my future. I suspect he is ogng to go on doing strange and idiotic things, partly because as Snodderly pointed out, these people cannot admit they made a mistake. So it is all about shoring up, in their own mysterious way, their view of the world.
Trusting,
Your EX getting treatment is wonderful news. Sounds as though that maybe the treatment is starting to take affect. I have to wonder if realizing that part of the reason he was feeling and doing as he has propelled him to get checked out?
I truly believe my H has low T levels, too. Has all the symptoms in spades. In fact I think he knows it too, but is not willing to do anything about getting it checked out. Maybe he has gotten comfortable being miserable?
I don't think that hormones are the sole cause of MLC, but I believe them being messed up could sure add to a crisis in progress.
I think you're handling everything just fine. Just keep expectation at zero and protect yourself from getting sucked in. You'll know for sure when he emerges.
I do believe you are the winner of mixed signals, Congragulations...OMG is all I have to say, from the ex and kids
PEI,
He actually got his lip pierced?
Yep, lol.
I don't want to be the winner, but yes my ex was way out there.
Even though he seems like he is improving, the bottom line is he is still with bimbo.....
Trusting,
Keep moving forward. You are doing good.
Ever
Oh and by the way ... my ex is still with the tramp too. Everytime he gets a few feet away, he gets reeled back in with gifts, her family (in which he has become overinvested) and other distractions related to her.
It is what it is and my life moves on ... yours should continue to as well. They made their beds, now lie in them. LOL
I don't want to win this contest, but here is another entry:
My H took OW and her visiting S22 sailing on our boat the other day. I watched him pack up a cooler. Then he circled around the kitchen a few times, then asked me could he take some home-made sugar cookies I had out. (I make up many, then put them in containers to give to friends and family for Christmas)
I said: "Sure, go right ahead." Inside I was thinking that would sure be a mixed-signal for OW. He reported back she and her son thought they were the best cookies ever, and the one cookie left out of 28 that were in the container is further proof.......
Anyway, as my hero Dave Barry says: I can't make this stuff up!
Wen,
OMG, you must be made of steel not to have shoved the cookies you no where....
OMG....you've got to be joking! He had the gall to ask to take some cookies???
You're way too kind... I would've said NO!
Heck Im still peeved stbx leaves tire prints in my dirt driveway....lol!
These really isn't mixed signals but show how disconnected with reality the MLCer is:
Right after H left he just couldn't understand why S24 wanted nothing to do with him. He asked me what was wrong with S. He honestly just didn't get it.
H asked me one time if I wanted a dresser ow had and was trying to get rid of.
The ones that get me the most are when H wants sympathy for something that directly have to do with the decision he made to leave his family or when he thinks I should feel sorry for the ow.
Admittedly, these types of things haven't happened in a long time, but I remember how they absolutely blew my mind.
They have this strange need to connect us to OW. My ex stated one time that he thought we should be good friends.
The ability to not see ones consequences to actions is so much a apart of the ML'er. It makes you crazy if you let it.
These stories would be quite funny if they weren't so sad. Way back in the day my x's new wifey thought it would be a great idea if he and I had a coffee date once a week to prove to the kids that we were friends. Ummm - thanks. But no.
~ swl
Lol at all of these. No one would believe it.
Here's another ... Just a month ago ex saw photo of me from a friend's party. He sent me a text that I looked great and that he would have asked me for a date if he had seen me. My reply..." um, you were married to me, you could have been with me anytime you wanted,now couldn't you have."
I was also asked to dinner but I asked him if he was still in a relationship. His reply was yes. At which point I told him that us meeting was cheating... Lol
Dead silence on the other line. Lol. So I said, aren't you happy? Silence.
Okay, okay. Not exactly the mixed signal you have all been speaking of, but definitely out there.
The OW emailed me and wanted me to feel sorry for her that her husband had cheated on her and left their marriage. Therefore, she was forced to engage in an affair with my husband.
Can't get a mixed signal from XH. He hasn't spoken to me in over a year.
Here's one that shows H is still out there.
He'd heard about my annual Christmas party that I hold every year even when we were together. His comment in anger was, "Must be nice to be partying, I have 24 solid hours of wrapping yet to do and ow has 9."
According to S27, it didn't help H's mood any when he went to work the next Monday and the people at work that attended were still talking about how good the food was and how much fun they'd had.
Come to think of it that was the Monday I received the email about the phone bill long distance charges...
Can I say that this all makes me feel like I'm not so alone in my crazy world......thank you
Not really mixed signals but eyes opener, from us to him:
5 months after bomb, XH asked the kids where and what they wanted to do. Their answer: " Lets go to matante's house and ride the 4 wheeler in her trails.( my sister's place )
A comment he made to me: " It was hard to do something with them on my own! "
I GAVE HIM A LOOK AND KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT.
I had 2 missed calls so i called him back
Me: " Did you call? "
XH: " Aaaah negative, aaaah maybe, i tought about it but, maybe? i don't remember if i did or not. I wanted to know how you were doing?
The funniest part, it wasn't him that called but one of my female friend.
He started seeing the impact of his crap in my life so he asked: " I feel bad seeing you like this. Do you want me to stop calling you? I think it is giving you hopes!
Me: " If you didn't see me or talk to me, would you feel this way?
XH without hesitation: "NO"
Me: " Than, for your own good, wouldn't it be better if you didn't talk to me?
XH: " I don't know! "
once, he stood by the counter and scrubbled on a piece of paper.
What a babe! Try,try,try, probably not for yourself!
need to let go forever.
Those were written while talking about coming home.
Wow exquisite,
that is some weird stuff...
how are your children in all of this?
Can I say that this all makes me feel like I'm not so alone in my crazy world......thank you
That is what I love about this forum. Thank you all for not letting me feel so alone in my crazy world!
Trusting,
My kids are "sane" ! Thank god!
i posted a bit more in my thread about D16.
Feel free to take a look!
I am so glad they are doing well. That is my number one worry, the impact of the ML'er craziness.....
Lol. I thought of another...
My ex recently told me that I still got it and that he wanted to lie in bed naked with me. As my eyeballs bulged outta my head... I replied that we had been married and we could have done that any time if we were still married, things were different. Especially now that he was in a relationship.
How can you ask the person that you dumped for sex?
Lol they are all bonkers.
As well as classless, crazy, and immoral.
I thought of this one last night. When ex was in the throes of his soulmate. He told me that he was going to be with her for the rest of his life, but he would SEE ME IN HEAVEN.
WOW I SAID, I DON'T THINK GOD LIKES ADULTERY AND HEAVEN MIGHT NOT BE WHERE YOU GO.
When H moved in with ow he told me she was PERFECT and that would never change...
I would love to hear the truth now.....Perfect turned into nightmare
"When H moved in with ow he told me she was PERFECT and that would never change..."
New Guy is very complimentary of me and I teased him and said he was leaving me a long way to fall. But he gets that.
I don't want to be with someone who sees me as perfect. Of course, for a lot of people it's either perfection or She-Devil.
Come to think of it, given the choice between being perfect or the She-Devil, I prefer She-Devil.
Forward,
That is a really good point. The midlifers worship us in the beginning of our relationship and then devalue us at the end.
My ex always put me on a pedestal, I loved it but always knew that there was something very dysfunctional about it. It was what he needed to see at the time. A distortion of the truth....... The distortion continues until they wake up, if they do.
Ah, a problem for the MLCer is that we remain on that pedestal, and they resent that.
Many of them continue to love us and resent us for that. They are very very mixed up people. Thank goodness my happiness does not depend on my xh!
This is interesting because when we were together my W used to tell me that I "was perfect" because I "was not perfect." I would always thank her for the compliment and let her know I loved her too, but told her that calling me "perfect" made me uncomfortable, becuase I didn't want to be the guy on the pedastal. I wanted her to see me as human, but caring.
Now she tells friends that the OM does things for her that I could never do!
I think they want to see perfection in us because if we are perfect and love them, they see themselves as better people.... Does that make sense? It has so much to do with their self esteem and their childhood issues.
Well this is no mixed signal but it's funny.
I'm with Kimmerz I don't even want him parked in front of my house.
Ex says to me, "well I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go to the movies." Please take note that the previous weekend he was so angry and told me how happy he was and that I did him a favor divorcing him.
Luv
That is funny, but also a mixed signal. I want you, I don't want you.......
Another mixed signal....
Ex lecturing my son on how to SAVE his money...omg
My xh got in a terrible tizz this autumn when my middle son broke up with gf!! Worried he wasn't good at committing!!!!!
Ex just told my oldest daughter that he has decided to start counseling men on the trauma of going through a divorce...omg
He is a financial planner by trade. Does he realize he caused this trauma?
OMG! No, he doesn't realize that he caused all of the trauma. He thinks it was the marriage and you, etc. This is absolutely too much for my little brain today.
Arrange these words in to make a sentence
Self awareness
Lacking
Totally
In
I cannot believe it. That is one of the craziest things I have ever heard. He will be teaching courses on the importance of fidelity next
That made me laugh, thank you.
I wonder if the "trauma" he would help counsel men about is actually his own way of trying to figure out what happened.
Trusting, I sense that you have had some expectations--I hope you are able to not sit back so much as move forward for yourself.
I nearly forgot, the most recent venomous email from xh sent New Year's Day, ending by wishing me a Happy New Year ????
I have no idea where that one came from.
Piecing is a minefield of mixed signals as well! I think my H is still convincing himself that he really wants this M and so I get a lot of the flak from the battle that is going on within himself. A few examples:
1. He tells me I don't take enough pics of our family events. I take pics, he tells me I take too much pics. He tells me tp post pics on FB, then he tells me I post ugly pics of him, I cbhoose them carefully, then he tells me I didn't respect his wishes. We have a huge fight about this last NYE,unresolved by bedtime, with me seething while watching him sleep, then in the morning, he wants to ML.
2. He talks about expenses. Says we have barely enough money left for luxuries. Then he buys me a nice, expensive gift for Christmas. Then he goes ahead and buys himself a nice, expensive hunting rifle (so the earrings were a setup so I wouldn't mind his big expense?)
3. My sister is undergoing a divorce. H is very critical of my BIL. My friend is also undergoing one. Again, H is critical. Doesn't he realize he almost did the same thing with our family? Although, he did say initially when I started telling him about this events that he felt I was guilting him, especially when we talked about what the kids felt like.
4. We have been attending Retrouvaille, and my H always makes it a point to go to the post sessions, even cancelling hunting trips and coming back at weird hours after business trips just to make it to the sessions. He even now wants to volunteer to support other couples. It just blows me away because he still has not apologized to me, doesn't show affection, and has not said ILY, but obviously, feels that our M is "saved".
I have never done piecing, and very well done for hanging in there.
However it does seem to me that you jump when he presses the button. Maybe I have lived alone too long, but I would take as many pictures as I felt I should.
And why is he telling you to post pictures on fb?
I think a little distance is still needed as this man is continuing to whirl.
i have noticed that people who have gone through MLC and come out are very critical of others' failures in marriage - supporting the idea that what we dislike most in other people is something we have done or know we are capable of, and do not like!
PS How do you stop yourself from laughing at this madness?
After Xh's verbal abuse and me crying in disbelief, he tells me that my reaction is affecting the kid's behavior towards him.
Maybe his way of treating us had something to do with it? Don't you think?
And I have just had a conciliatory email from xh!! After a real spew a couple of weeks ago.
They are totally nuts. He wants to be friends today. Tomorrow who knows? Time was when this would have got to me, now I just go 'ho hum' Loony toons
You have to wonder if they have some little inkling of how nuts they are? How are they with other people? Are they only that nuts around us?
Beatrice,
My H is not that FB savvy, and we use FB to communicate with his large family, who all live in different parts of the worl, so I post for him. Its fun, we all try to outdo each other on who ate what, who cooked what, everyone comments, so dropping out of FB is almost unthinkable.
Being caught in the middle of this mix up isn't too laughable though, only when you look back at it. It can be really exasperating and frustrating, to be honest!
Yes, with piecing it is almost like back to walking on eggs. But not in a negative way - I think it is just getting used to the fact that you are caring again. Making sure that your changes stick with you is hard - I find myself easily slipping back into my old ways, and being on guard makes me also unsure of what to do, so I err on avoiding confrontation.
Now that a couple of months have passed, I am getting more confident, and again it led to me going the other way (being argumentative, learning to not be afraid of conflict).
It caused us some trouble, and now I am trying to learn new ways to back off, or compromise.... am I confusing you?
I am afraid of sending out mixed signals too!!!! (yikes!)
No you are not confusing me. I think I understand what you are saying. You have good self awareness, I think that is the key in piecing. You must continually tweek and check your actions and behaviors so all your progress does not regress.
Interesting subject, Mixed Signals ..
My XH never stopped calling me on the phone during our separation, divorce and even post-divorce. Usually he was sober and would talk to me for long periods of time, saying he always loved me and regretted the sorry choices he made by walking out.
Then, there were the other phone calls when he was drunk and he would yell at me about everything from being unhappy for 20 years to never loving me.
The harrassing calls always ended abruptly with him hanging up, usually after I said something that blew a hole in his tirade.
He would ALWAYS call back within minutes to tell me I was the love of his life and would I drive down to his (new) house and join him in the hot tub? (Of course I never did).
Those conflicting phone calls were driving me crazy until I finally caught on to what was happening and later confirmed by my sister-in-law. Apparently, the OW was his audience during the drunken phone calls. She was listening in to our conversations. The OW knew that XH was calling me often. She pressured him to make these calls to appease her jealousy.
XH was weak to let the OW dictate his actions. But, really not surprising since he played a passive role during our 20 year marriage, too.
I'm glad to say that those roller-coaster phone calls are a thing of the past. XH still calls me on occasion, but he is always sober, he's always sorry for what he did and, of course, he will always love me.
I listen to him, smile, and feel relief that the crazy ride is over.
OMG....Valeria that is just insane! The OW making him call you and verbally abuse you like that to appease her own self esteem/jealousy?
Sick and wrong! Is he still with that woman?
It still blows me away over the kind of people our X's hook up with after their insane departures...hell if you can even say that...departure! With phone calls like that, how could you ever feel like he was gone?
They may be out of the house but with all the drama that goes on with an MLCer, sometimes it's like they never left! The emotional scald and overall vibe tends to linger, until we get a firm grip on detatchment.
These OW are heartless.......
Well Im getting mixed signals again, and Im really upset! Hopefully someone can identify or give me some pointers in how to look at this!
STBX has gone from NC for 4 months, to being communicative and actually working with me about visits with the kids, schedules, and now tax filing. Even friendly, like we're getting back to the good friends we used to be. As much as I want that, I don't trust him! I hate the I don't trust him.
I know back in December he was in Monster (had been for months anyway) mode and he got called on it by my attorney and his attorney as well. After that he's slowly returned to acting like the kind man I knew him to be.
As much as I prayed for this to happen, and have wanted it, well Im getting it and it's scaring me to death!
Im scared because this is how he was the first 3 months after he left. Sweet as pie, then get BAM he's snapping about something and not talking to me. Sweet as pie, acting like my best friend then BOOM I find out he's been living with OW for 2 months. I then hire and attorney and then spew and NC for another 3 months until I had to pressure him about child support. Then BAM with spew, but this time he did get talked to by my attorneys. Since then he's slowly become cooperative to being my friend again.
He has blown all his inheritence money for now. However he blamed me for him being broke. From what Im putting together, OW will not get a job. She sleeps till 11 a.m., doesn't get dressed unless they go somewhere, and stays in her PJ's all day long. She does cook, clean, and game online most of the time. STBX works and is paying most of the bills, plus child support to me. I had heard she was on extended unemployment, or some sort of compensation. When my kids are over there, she does her own thing while he and the girls spend all their time together. She doesn't join in. Which quite frankly IS OK WITH ME.
Im just scared. This is the man I miss, this is the man I remember, this is the man I still love. He's peeking out of the tunnel again? It's a farse to look good to the court and everyone around? Or has he literally snapped out of narcissist mode and joined the human race? What suprises me is that as much as I wanted this, it angers me that NOW, a month and a half before our divorce will be final, that he DECIDES TO PEEK OUT AND SAY HELLO! Jump off the mothership for a visit??
Im scared and frustrated, and my emotions want me to blow my stack and yell at him, WHY NOW.. but I of course won't do that. I will come here, because here is wher I found sanity out of the most insane situation. Is MLC like being Bi polar too?
Detach Kimmerz. I'd post on your thread but don't know where it is. You can enjoy this positive AND still not trust him. That's OK. Just don't get sucked back in.
Is MLC like being bi-polar? A little, perhaps. There's other emotional disorders like borderline, narcissistic, etc that it may closely resemble.
Your situation is very common. Their emotions fluctuate. When he is decent, notice it, relish it and compliment his choice to be this way. You are worried about not trusting him, well why should you? Trust is earned and it takes lots of time. Just when we think their behavior will be consistent, they turn again.
Kaffee, My thread is Parenting with an MLCer. On the last page.