Limbo Land III - DivorceBusting.com

This really messes with my head...

Earlier today I'm texting with new friends/girls and then I get a group text from the ex that she has a new phone number. I don't respond, no need but then I start wondering if she let me know b/c it's really a case of "don't believe anything they say and only half of what you see".

But then just a little bit ago, mutual friend who I have asked not to give me info, tells me she got the text too along with a text about how ex and OM are going out to dinner and a movie and then stopping by to see her. I told my friend again that I don't want to hear about it b/c it messes with my head and that if she is really as upset as she says she is she needs to go dark on my ex.

It messes with my PMA and detachment. It reminds me that I'm still on the roller coaster. I say to myself, "jzoom, why do you care?" and I can't answer my own question.

My friend was anxious about having to face my ex & OM so I told her that she could either try talking to my ex in private (but that it probably wouldn't do any good), could simply hide and ignore, or could text back and say that there was no reason to stop and talk b/c there was nothing to talk about.

Basically, I had told my friend that if she didn't support my exes decisions and doesn't like OM than she needs to detach herself b/c my ex is under the impression that she has full support from my friend.

Later on in the night I texted my friend and just said I don't want details but I hope everything was calm and smooth for you tonight. She told me that without giving me details she just told my ex not to stop by and she didn't

Originally Posted By: jzoom

It messes with my PMA and detachment. It reminds me that I'm still on the roller coaster. I say to myself, "jzoom, why do you care?" and I can't answer my own question.

Because you still care for her and you still want her back. You can't just turn that off like a light switch. Don't beat yourself up over it, just keep working on your GAL activities. You need time to heal, you're just now starting the process. You'll get there, just give yourself time!

Originally Posted By: AnotherStander

Originally Posted By: jzoom

It messes with my PMA and detachment. It reminds me that I'm still on the roller coaster. I say to myself, "jzoom, why do you care?" and I can't answer my own question.

Because you still care for her and you still want her back. You can't just turn that off like a light switch. Don't beat yourself up over it, just keep working on your GAL activities. You need time to heal, you're just now starting the process. You'll get there, just give yourself time!

Yes, true...and like I just told my friend, I hate that my heart and my head are still fighting.

I hate this roller-coaster stuff.... :-(

It's no fun at all!!! A book that helped me with the emotions is The Happiness Trap. It's not an easy read and I'd guess I only absorbed maybe 15% to 20%, but even that helped me a lot. It talks about how emotions ebb, flow and cycle throughout the day, and how it's better to let them flow through then to try and fight them. Let them run their course and you can keep moving forward, but fight and suppress them and they come back bigger and nastier than before. It's also helpful to not see emotions as "good" and "bad", but as just part of life. We tend to chase "good" emotions like happiness while trying to bury "bad" emotions like sadness. But that's a rat race we can never win because of the cycling nature of emotions. So see them for what they are (a necessary part of us) and let them happen.

I firmly believe that the is one of the ways that I'm feeling as good as I am. For the first time in m life I've not fought the sadness or anger. I don't act on it, I just feel it. And it's done. It's pretty sad that it's been groundbreaking...

I saw tears as weakness. Now I see them as the opposite. I cry got like a few minutes here & there, then I'm not sad anymore. Amazing!

Originally Posted By: AnotherStander

It's no fun at all!!! A book that helped me with the emotions is The Happiness Trap. It's not an easy read and I'd guess I only absorbed maybe 15% to 20%, but even that helped me a lot. It talks about how emotions ebb, flow and cycle throughout the day, and how it's better to let them flow through then to try and fight them. Let them run their course and you can keep moving forward, but fight and suppress them and they come back bigger and nastier than before. It's also helpful to not see emotions as "good" and "bad", but as just part of life. We tend to chase "good" emotions like happiness while trying to bury "bad" emotions like sadness. But that's a rat race we can never win because of the cycling nature of emotions. So see them for what they are (a necessary part of us) and let them happen.

Originally Posted By: Tallula

I firmly believe that the is one of the ways that I'm feeling as good as I am. For the first time in m life I've not fought the sadness or anger. I don't act on it, I just feel it. And it's done. It's pretty sad that it's been groundbreaking...

I saw tears as weakness. Now I see them as the opposite. I cry got like a few minutes here & there, then I'm not sad anymore. Amazing!

I was in therapy for a little while and they told me something similar. Just embrace the feeling for a little bit and then let it go. Also told me about "thought stopping" too. I think my sleep deprivation made it all the worse, I couldn't focus on much of anything.

I'm going to write this, I don't even know what I'm looking for anymore, I guess right now it's just to get this out of my system somewhere.

I'm not going to deny that I must have one of the hardest heads that ever hit these forums. I don't know when or if things will ever sink in. I wish I could see things as they come rather than in hindsight but I let my emotions take over far too often.

Feb 18th she leaves me VM about IRS refund that they messed up when she got her tax ID number.

Text exchange:

Feb 19th:
8:23am me: Got refund. Thanks.

Her: K

8:01pm her: What time will you be home tomorrow I need to get some of the kids cloths

Me: I won't be. I'll be around on Thur after 7.

Her: Ok

Feb 21st:
9:10am me: Have a piece of mail here for you from the IRS If you're coming by tonight for clothing it'll be here.

Her: Ok

*She never comes for clothing.

Feb 22nd 3:07pm her: I will leave you know when I can get over sorry things have been crazy with the kids

Her: I'm sorry I forgot to say hello

Me: Ok

Her: Hope all is well

*I should have stopped here. I see everything in hindsight.

*10. Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.)

*18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) This is important! If you do, then you have blown it.

*21. Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight. Don't take her/his bait.....leave the room or the house for a while, if you have to, in order to avoid a fight.

*26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out (or scream and yell).

*29. Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

*I snoop Facebook and find that she and him fought over the weekend, broke up, got back together on Wed, and she is listed as "In a relationship" with an anniversary date of Sept 11, 2012.

4:45pm me: Everything is good, thanks. Same to you.

Me: I find it funny how you told me you only got together with Steve after we broke up in Oct but I've heard your anniversary with him is Sept 11, 2012. Nice move there.

5pm her: Not sure what your talking about who ever is telling you stuff should get their facts right cause I we don't even have anything on fb his still says he is single. Also what does it matter were not together anymore your even seeing other people I know you went on a date. I would like to know who is telling you stuff so they can be deleted cause me and Steve is none of your concern

Me: Doesn't matter where I heard it, guess its wrong. Whatever, I thought it was funny. And it's funny how you hear about me. Been on more than one date. So yeah, things are good.

Her: Great I'm happy for you just be honest with them on what kind of person you are and no need to worry about me thanks

5:23pm me: Who said I was worried about you?

Her: Looks like you are when you come at me with stuff about me and Steve

Me: Haha ok. You lied to me and cheated on me.

Me: Best wishes and good luck to you two.

Her: Ok sure Jzoom I don't want to fight with you or argue lets please be civil thanks

Me: Yup. Later.

So, yup, I blew it as usual. I have been on dates and I really just don't even want to deal with my ex at all anymore but she keeps popping up. It's like yea, could be that me snooping on FB I shouldn't be believing what I hear/see if she's saying she hopes I am well...but when I react like that it shows her I haven't changed at all.

I'm still wondering if this is how WAS feels when they're fed up. They still love the person they FIRST met but have just gotten so sick of the crap that they say/do hurtful things, try and start fights, to distance themselves.

I just want this over with.

Does she still have the ring you gave her? I'd get that back if she does.

Oh, she never actually took the ring...I have it, too late to return it...thinking of selling it on craigslist or something.

Yup, she was texting about coming to get the rest of her crap out of my house...once that's done I can cut all contact.

Originally Posted By: jzoom

Feb 22nd 3:07pm her: I will leave you know when I can get over sorry things have been crazy with the kids

Her: I'm sorry I forgot to say hello

Me: Ok

Her: Hope all is well

I KNOW I have to get the snooping under control, there's just no point. What I am wondering though is if I had just stopped here, just not given any reply, is this the type of thing where WAS is testing the waters b/c they're unsure? Or am I just putting expectations into place again and looking for stuff that doesn't exist?

Ok, so I went back and read your first thread. IMO you should pack her stuff up, drive it to where she is living & leave it in the porch. Lose her number. Block her on FB. Move on!!!

You deserve happiness. You are 30, with no children. Work on you, find someone who will treat you well. She is 28, twice divorced with 3 kids. You've known her since may. Hands down, if my H & I werent M & had no kids, I'd be out of here. Especially after only a few months together.

Have you asked yourself why you want to be with this woman? As a mother, I have to question moving in with someone I barely know with my children...then, 7 months later moving in with a different guy?!?! RED FLAGS!!! RUN!!!

Tallula....exactly why I'm hating this. I go back through everything and other than just finding her very sexually attractive physically (and for a short while a cool person to be around) I don't know what I was thinking.

I don't have the resources to just pack up all her stuff and move it, don't have friends I can call or anything. Also, basically, she is still being civil in that regard for now and if I do that move then she's gonna call the cops and just cause me lots of headaches.

It's one of those background annoyances now. Her stuff is out of the way so it's just a matter of her getting it out for good. Only reason I'm keeping in contact and she's the one now initiating, I don't. So it just [censored] sometimes when I'm having a good day and then see her texting or calling me.

I've been out on dates, not getting exclusive with anybody, and I'm having a good time. Just throws me at times...

How could the cops even be involved? It's your house. Give her an end date or you'll charge her for storage. Or put it on the curb. Maybe she's keeping you as a backup since you said you'd always be there. Stringing you along. Who knows. Seriously, she needs to get her stuff gone or you'll never move on.

Cops aren't lawyers but they like to pretend they are. They're trained to side with females in anything remotely like a domestics call. She'll call just to cause me headaches. Tit-for-tat escalation games.

The woman I first met was nothing like this one. It's that body snatcher thing from DR. I'd work on a relationship with the woman I first met. I woke up today once again thinking of her; wondering if I just shouldn't believe what I hear and see.

I have a coffee date with a new woman today so I'll go make the best of that.

Originally Posted By: jzoom

Cops aren't lawyers but they like to pretend they are. They're trained to side with females in anything remotely like a domestics call. She'll call just to cause me headaches. Tit-for-tat escalation games.

The woman I first met was nothing like this one. It's that body snatcher thing from DR. I'd work on a relationship with the woman I first met. I woke up today once again thinking of her; wondering if I just shouldn't believe what I hear and see.

I have a coffee date with a new woman today so I'll go make the best of that.

Ok. You've known her since may 2012, correct? You started having problems sep 2012...right?

If that is correct, it IS the woman you met. In the beginning we are showing people out best side. Then the real you comes in to play. This is her. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. I've known my H for 13 years. The man he has been the past 3 months, I don't recognize. THAT is what people refer to. I don't want to be with that man. I'm seeing signs of my H, so that's a positive.

I personally believe your fear of the police is an excuse. She has no recourse. I'd simply say, I'll bring you your stuff or you can get it, but we need to close this. 2 weeks all your stuff needs to be out. End of story. This woman sounds like a mess. And IMO, you should really look inward before starting another R. How did you get pulled in so hard, so fast? Why are you still so attached to this woman when you say it's only sexual attraction you really have. Get really honest with yourself. You deserve a great R. Don't jump in so fast next time!! Work on you. Good luck.

Originally Posted By: jzoom

Feb 22nd 3:07pm her: I will leave you know when I can get over sorry things have been crazy with the kids

Her: I'm sorry I forgot to say hello

Me: Ok

Her: Hope all is well

I KNOW I have to get the snooping under control, there's just no point. What I am wondering though is if I had just stopped here, just not given any reply, is this the type of thing where WAS is testing the waters b/c they're unsure? Or am I just putting expectations into place again and looking for stuff that doesn't exist?

I'll be thinking about what you two said. I don't understand why NOW is the time to start believing what she says...but ok. I don't know what it is that draws me back in. And I'm casually dating and not making any moves for a serious R.

I HAVEN'T been initiating contact. I'm not texting her, calling her, or seeking her out. I ignore her calls and texts and wait a long while to respond if needed. That's why I was so surprise at the quoted text above.

Alright, I guess I see those glimmers of goodness...probably the same she first saw in me but then saw my "true colors".

As for the moving in together issue...it's not multiple women I've done this with...she was losing the house she was renting and was facing being homeless at the time.....not necissarily a GOOD reason but THE reason.

As far as her moving out, we are working on coordinating when I'll be home so she can come get stuff while she has off of work. I see no pint in me being an a-hole about it and other than that backslide I haven't been talking to her about anything else.

There's still part of me that wonders if she's "thinking" b/c I've heard that even though she acts super happy with OM not all is well. For her to say "Hope all is well" was just so out of nowhere with the way she's been lately it surprised me to no end.

I've been out with a group for the past 4 weeks making new friends. I've spent one-on-one time with 4 different women. I've had sex with 3 of them and fooled around with the 4th, no sex just due to time constraints. I'm not leading them on that we are exclusive or that I'm looking to be exclusive or have an R.

With that...every morning my ex is the first person on my mind. That, dear friends, confuses me greatly.

Oh, and as you guys kept asking me, she doesn't have free reign to move back in. If for SOME reason she came to me today, tomorrow, a week or a year from now, and said she wanted me back I would tell her that we can talk about it but I need some time to think.

I'd want to have a calm, non-rushed conversation and take things slow.

Wow, just wow...

Hahaha, yep, as usual I can't do anything right.....

Anyway, ex-gf texted me shortly after I got to work yesterday morning asking if I had time to talk quick. I just never responded b/c she knows I'm at work and I've already made it clear I'm not getting on the phone at work. I also was busy at work and then had plans for last night.

And I'm just casually dating and having fun and "finding myself" without jumping back into a serious R. GALing for me is making some new friends and since I have a high sex drive I want that too. Am I just supposed to go without for years on end while I GAL without sex? My ex-gf closed her legs up after a couple months and then I went nearly 6 months dry while I was clinging to her.

"...closed her legs up..."

What a quaint expression.

Hahaha, yep...I'm in a mood and sick of the B.S.

The never-ending games we all play with each other.

Sounds like you're the one who enjoys playing games with other women. So why are you on here again?

Originally Posted By: jzoom

Am I just supposed to go without for years on end while I GAL without sex?

I'm kind of scratching my head at this point. You seemed to want your GF to come back to you more than anything, but you've refused all along to DB, you've refused to change yourself, and practically the moment she's out the door you're sleeping around with as many women as you can. Then you feign indignation that someone here might suggest that maybe you shouldn't be dipping your wick in every available location. You're bound to know at some level just how wrong your behavior is. And surely you know that your GF will never want to come back after this. Because you can't keep that kind of a lifestyle a secret. Word will get around.

Quote:

My ex-gf closed her legs up after a couple months and then I went nearly 6 months dry while I was clinging to her.

Is that what your GF was to you? If so, then what do you care now? She's gone, you're getting "that" plenty of other places, problem solved as far as you're concerned, right? So I guess you've found happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction?

Post deleted.

Why? It's definitely not true.

I'm starting to believe that DB only really has a chance in a marriage, as many attempted to point out to me early on. Without that built in commitment there just isn't any leverage (for lack of a better word) with the SO. Since it was just a gf the needy/clingy behavior didn't help, but me just going dark and dating/sleeping with others doesn't phase her.

AS, you dated, you didn't sleep with any of them?

My gf was more than a vagina to me but awhile ago I became nothing more than an annoying roommate who provided a free place to live to her. I'm not attached to any of these new girls. I can have some fun, sex or not, with them. Yes, there are times there's no sex and some of them just no sex is going to happen. It's GALing but yea, I still think about my ex a lot.

I get wrapped up in the "happy" thoughts of when things were better. We had that connection and I miss her & the kids. I get on the verge of telling her I miss her and still love her, and I stop myself. I remind myself it'll do no go. I think about the "bad" stuff that happened between us so I don't end up with ros� colored glasses.

Interesting bit, for somebody who doesn't miss me & doesn't think about me at all she checks up on my Facebook and talked about me a good bit to my friend. My friend has gone dim on her, polite short responses. Friend told me that ex said wants me to see other ppl. Whatever, I'm trying not to read too much into it, it's just more a puzzlement to me why she's checking my FB and talking about me if she wants nothing to do with me.

MrBond, I'm not playing games with the girls. I've been honest with them that I'm not going to get into a serious relationship or go exclusive anytime soon. Thanks goes out to MMSL for some of this. And the article, I say it's interesting b/c of what garbage it is and how it perpetuates the divorce culture.

Maybe I am a little messed up and have more work to do on myself. I never wanted my first marriage to end. I honestly had wanted to marry my ex-gf and have it be the last marriage for both of us. What I want, or wanted, can however be a stark contrast to reality.

My ex is being a bit nicer towards me recently...it's nothing big, nothing huge, just seems the more I leave her alone and basically ignore her...the more she is polite and thanks me for little logistical things.

I haven't had an emotional click with any of the women I've been seeing. I get along with them alright, can laugh and have fun with them, have a conversation, and other stuff...but not that click like I had with my ex.

Seems my heart and my head are still at odds. My heart wants my ex back and my head knows the chances are basically nill; even if I draw her back in my head also knows it can't be the same R we had before, that both of us will have to make changes.

Serious question here, and this isn't about whether I SHOULD want to be doing this or not, it's how to do this in a DB way.

Ex-gf hasn't been living at my house, doesn't have a key, but still has stuff here to pick up. She hasn't changed her mailing address yet so her mail is still coming here. I haven't told her to get it changed yet but I also don't make a point of telling her she has mail, if she asks I tell her and work with her so she can get it. She's not going to be able to claim this is her residence anymore, I've got that covered.

So, this is the part that I don't want to debate about whether I SHOULD want this or not. Believe it or not I am working on me, it might be different than some people but I am doing it and I still want my ex-gf back; I don't want the R we had, I want a healthy R.

With that said, what do I do about the mail? Do I tell her to get the mailing address updated since she no longer wants to be with me? Do I just let it go so that I'm not further pushing her away and allowing her an opening to reconcile? Something I'm not seeing or thinking about here?

I don't get it. Did you still want to reconcile with her? When was the last time you talked to her and how did it sound?

Assuming I do my part and she does her part and she wants to reconcile I want to reconcile...past week there have been various texts between us. I'm always polite but very, very short in my responses and sometimes takes hours to days to respond. She's polite as well and has thanked me more than in recent history.

Doesn't sound like much but DB says to pay attention to the small changes. These are very small changes, but changes all the same.

So, back to the mail question, do I just leave things as are for now? or do I "set boundaries" and tell her she needs to change her address?

I would just tell her to change her address and take her stuff.

Is she still seeing the other guy and hasn't let you see the kids?

Still living with him and I haven't seen the kids in a very long time. Few days ago she texted me about something and then I said I hoped she was doing well and asked how the kids were. She told me she and them are well and I just said glad to hear it.

She then said she'd let me know when she could pick up her stuff and thanked me for holding it for her. I just didn't respond.

Then she asked if she had mail here and I said yes and left it someplace for her. She sent me a text thanking me for the mail and I didn't respond.

Came home today and two more pieces of mail. I could just do "return to sender" or "forward to xxxx" since I know where she's been living.

I just was trying to think in DB terms and if my long term goal is to reconcile then maybe I just let the mail issue go. Same with her picking stuff up, it's all in the spare room, attic, and basement, nothing I'm really having to worry about.

Put everything in a box and tell her that she has X number of days to pick it up as you're making room. Same with the mail. The only thing you haven't done is shown her you've moved on.

It's more than a box full. Her entire house got moved into mine and we've talked about her coming on a day to move everything out. There just hasn't been a good time b/c I've been GALing and won't drop my plans for her. Also, I believe dating (and sleeping) with other women (along with zero, "I miss you" or "I want you back" talk) is a fairly good indicator of me "moving on".

The article I linked to, if you noticed, I then agreed that it is garbage.

Next, I'm saying goodbye to these boards. I ask, once again, not whether I should want this or anything about her moving her stuff out. I ask a VERY TARGETED QUESTION about the MAIL and get answers for everything else.

Originally Posted By: gabbysmom23

sorry that you are getting thoughts and opinions on what you posted . And not only what you want to hear and only the specific question you wanted answered.

Goodbye and good luck.

Yep. That's why I stopped posting to him, too.

Starsky

"I ask, once again, not whether I should want this or anything about her moving her stuff out. I ask a VERY TARGETED QUESTION about the MAIL and get answers for everything else."

And you got a VERY TARGETED ANSWER even before. Everyone told you to tell her to pick up her stuff and forward her mail right after she left. HOWEVER, you didn't want to listen and continued to debate about why you "couldn't" "wouldn't" do that.

And let's get this straight. You have had outstanding help from people on the boards when you needed it the most. Everyone here does it on their own free time because they see someone in need. You DO NOT have the right to post something this rude as if we were an analyst you were paying. The reason why everyone left your post is because you started being rude and was a d*ck.

You've changed from a person who was starting to understand, into an @$$.

So I said I was saying goodbye and I did for awhile. I was being a real jerk on here for awhile and I apologize to everybody. While I haven't been perfect at DBing I've made some improvements but still just I guess I'm too impatient.

I haven't stopped seeing the other women and there is one I've been spending the most time with. She recently broke up and doesn't want a serious relationship, though we are finding the companionship of each other nice.

The last few weeks I've focused on GALing, even when it is just hitting the bar. Just haven't been talking to my ex and at the end of March finally got her stuff out of the house. I had to contact her because some mail came here and I told her that she needed to get a change of address filled out. She told me she submitted one.

So then I did backslide, and somewhat due to drinking, texted her and called her a liar and cheater. She asked why I couldn't get over everything and move on, which she thought I did with a new woman. I told her that I just wanted her to face up to what she did wrong and apologize for cheating on me. That the past year with her was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I see what kind of person she really is and how I'm better off without her.

Then I said how she could put on Facebook that she's "in a relationship" with the new guy but wouldn't do that ever while we were together. Next thing I'm telling her that I still miss her no matter how much we hurt each other.

So she had something she needed to give me and I had the mail for her. Yesterday I was busy and told her we needed to figure out a time today. She told me sometime in the evening and I told her I'd be riding motorcycle all day and let her know when I was home. Then we stop on the ride and stupid me texts her "I miss having you ride the bike with me" and she tells me to stop texting her. We stop again and I respond, "Ya know, riding with you was great. Poker run was one of the best days I've ever had. You still think I was ALL about sex and nothing else though." and get "stop texting me".

So then I don't text until I'm home and she says she was already on this side of town and can't make it back tonight. I tell her to give me her address and I'll drop of the mail and pick up my thing. She gives it to me and I head over. I see that they did indeed get a house together and it's a very quick interaction between us. I tell her it looks like a nice place and she mumbles thanks and runs off.

I get in the car and text her, "I'm glad you're happy and have a house. You look beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful life. I do love you and miss you *name* but I know that nothing I say is going to fix things between us. Take care of yourself and the kids. I love you."

She responds, "im sorry the way things turned out things dont work out between everyone. just because were not together doesnt mean we cant be friends"

I didn't respond to that. Anymore mail that comes here is getting marked "return to sender" and dropped in a mailbox. I can't just be friends with her because I'm not over her, I want more from her, and being "just friends" I can't cope with, especially while she is living with him.

At the same time, I guess it's only by remaining kind that there's any chance she'll ever come around. I mean, I've probably ruined things so badly, screwed up DBing so badly, that there is no turning this around.

I just can't see trying to be friends, just trying to chit-chat, or her asking me for help and me helping. I feel like that's me just letting her use me more and me being needy if I agree, "sure, we can be friends" and helping her. At the same time, if I'm just like "we can't be friends" (which I've already said to her) and just ignore her then I'm not leaving the door open for reconciliation if things go sour with the new guy.

So other than me continuing to get my head straight, GAL, and not contact her anymore with stupid texts I really don't know what to do. :-/

Going to the bar on the weekends isn't about banging other women, I'm actually just attempting to be social and I'm just getting to know new people and have some laughs. With warmer weather I'm going to be out on the motorcycle more. No insurance so no therapy.

I decided there was nothing I could really say to the last text so I didn't. Seems like this little shred of hope is thrown at me with the whole "we can still be friends" but I don't want to hang onto that.

Guess IF she contacts me in a friendly way or shows interest in me again I'll handle it then. No point in trying to figure it out right now.

I think you probably killed whatever tiny inclination she may have had to think about you in a positive light. If you had just kept silent and gone dark then she -might- have started wondering what you were up to and maybe even missing you a little, but going all passive/ aggressive like that is just going to confirm to her that she was right to leave you.

I agree with gabbysmom23, your actions sound very stalkerish. Keep it up and you may find yourself on the receiving end of a restraining order.

Your only play at this point is to write her off and move on with your life. You weren't married, you don't have kids together, you only dated a brief time and she clearly has a new life. You need to get a new life too.

Good luck!

Actually, prior to the past couple of days I had been very good. I hadn't contacted her and there were a couple times where contact was necessary I was polite and brief, didn't come across as needy, stalkerish, or angry. Just put my foot down about getting her stuff out of my house and while she was at my house moving the stuff I kept my emotions under control. It was just the past couple of days that I backslid bad.

I don't want to be her friend because I know I'll always want more. I told her that and I have no intention of being "friends" with her. I am making new friends and spending time with old friends.

I'll go dark and keep working on myself as best I can. I can't deny that I want her back and that if one day she contacts me about reconciliation, I'm going to consider it. For now though I'm treating her as a stranger, if I see her in public I won't bother her and if I get the urge to text her I'll go find something, anything, else to do.