The Bomb Has been Dropped - 09/07/11 09:08 PM
Hi all...
I'm new here as you can tell.
Came across this forum as I frantically searched for remedies for my situation.
I ordered Michele's book and have just started reading it, but in the meanwhile I guess I'd really like some immediate support and advice.
Here's my story:
I met my husband online, chatted for about 6 months or so then met in person while I was vacationing in his country.
Spent abut 3 months together, I then went back to England and he joined me 6 months later.
We moved in together immediately, there was practically no dating period at all. We got on well and 3 years later we married.
We have been married now for 3 years.
We're both in our late thirties and attractive, with enough separate and joint interests and hobbies.
Our marriage had its ups and downs and in the last two years we also had to deal with a major financial hardship as well as him not being really happy in his job and feeling like it's not going anywhere. He also recently started to lose his hair and that is a major concern for him.
He also likes his...ahem...ladies and he finds it hard to open up emotionally. I guess, a typical male.
I, on the other hand, can be clingy and needy from time to time though I'm trying really hard to work on that. We also had some issues with trust because of his flirting with other women.
Well, I went on vacation 3 weeks ago (for only a week and it was a family vacation with my parents), only to find him being really distant when I came back.
I asked him what was wrong and he denied anything was wrong.
I asked again the following day when his mood hasn't improved and he blurted out (all this whilst sobbing!!!) that he's unhappy and bored in marriage and that he wants to sleep with other women.
I broke down and cried, but he was adamant that that's what he wants to do and the only way he would stay in a marriage is if we have an open marriage.
That is, obviously, out of the question for me. I'm happy to experiment, but not with other people.
At first I thought that there was someone else involved, but there isn't.
Since he dropped the divorce bomb 1 and a half weeks ago, we're ignoring each other. He still lives at home (separate bedrooms) and hasn't made any attempts to move out as far as I know.
He's sitting in his room drinking beer and "liking" everything I post on the facebook. I tried to talk to him at first, but I'm not very good at controlling my emotions and start crying and he gets very uncomfortable and agitated.
He's still adamant that he wants a divorce and that he has wanted one for a while. (I have since found out that he's been telling his friends for a while that he's not happy and wants a divorce.)
So now, we just say "Hi" if we see each other in the kitchen and that's pretty much it. He sits in his room and I sit in mine.
I have booked myself an appointment with a prominent UK pro marriage counsellor and am seeing him tomorrow.
I did mention to my husband that I have booked and paid for an appointment and that I'd like him to come and that it's fine if he comes and fine if he doesn't. He immediately said he will go, but let's see...
Do you guys and girls have any other advice that I can implement in the meanwhile...
The living situation is driving me mad. I miss our chats and jokes.
I'm new here as you can tell.
Came across this forum as I frantically searched for remedies for my situation.
I ordered Michele's book and have just started reading it, but in the meanwhile I guess I'd really like some immediate support and advice.
Here's my story:
I met my husband online, chatted for about 6 months or so then met in person while I was vacationing in his country.
Spent abut 3 months together, I then went back to England and he joined me 6 months later.
We moved in together immediately, there was practically no dating period at all. We got on well and 3 years later we married.
We have been married now for 3 years.
We're both in our late thirties and attractive, with enough separate and joint interests and hobbies.
Our marriage had its ups and downs and in the last two years we also had to deal with a major financial hardship as well as him not being really happy in his job and feeling like it's not going anywhere. He also recently started to lose his hair and that is a major concern for him.
He also likes his...ahem...ladies and he finds it hard to open up emotionally. I guess, a typical male.
I, on the other hand, can be clingy and needy from time to time though I'm trying really hard to work on that. We also had some issues with trust because of his flirting with other women.
Well, I went on vacation 3 weeks ago (for only a week and it was a family vacation with my parents), only to find him being really distant when I came back.
I asked him what was wrong and he denied anything was wrong.
I asked again the following day when his mood hasn't improved and he blurted out (all this whilst sobbing!!!) that he's unhappy and bored in marriage and that he wants to sleep with other women.
I broke down and cried, but he was adamant that that's what he wants to do and the only way he would stay in a marriage is if we have an open marriage.
That is, obviously, out of the question for me. I'm happy to experiment, but not with other people.
At first I thought that there was someone else involved, but there isn't.
Since he dropped the divorce bomb 1 and a half weeks ago, we're ignoring each other. He still lives at home (separate bedrooms) and hasn't made any attempts to move out as far as I know.
He's sitting in his room drinking beer and "liking" everything I post on the facebook. I tried to talk to him at first, but I'm not very good at controlling my emotions and start crying and he gets very uncomfortable and agitated.
He's still adamant that he wants a divorce and that he has wanted one for a while. (I have since found out that he's been telling his friends for a while that he's not happy and wants a divorce.)
So now, we just say "Hi" if we see each other in the kitchen and that's pretty much it. He sits in his room and I sit in mine.
I have booked myself an appointment with a prominent UK pro marriage counsellor and am seeing him tomorrow.
I did mention to my husband that I have booked and paid for an appointment and that I'd like him to come and that it's fine if he comes and fine if he doesn't. He immediately said he will go, but let's see...
Do you guys and girls have any other advice that I can implement in the meanwhile...
The living situation is driving me mad. I miss our chats and jokes.