Time for a new thread.
Weekend is going well so far. Had dinner with my parents last night, and had coffee with a friend this morning. We have a new coffee shop in town and I hope it does welL, I like to support local businesses when possible.
It's beautiful out today. I fell asleep in the chair on the patio-oops.
Was going to go out with friends tonight, but I'm not really feeling up to it. I've got some movies to watch so tonight might be movie night.
Ok ok I'll be honest. It's season 1 of The secret life of the american teenager. I've seen a few episodes here and there and want to see it from the beginning.
I guess you could say I am embracing my inner tween.
Have fun and enjoy yourself.
Hey, anything that keeps you occupied. I've watched Season 1-4 of Boston Legal, and I'm about to start on Season 5 - not sure what to watch after that.
I also watched Eddie Murphy - Raw last night. Which is totally not my thing, but someone mentioned it, and so I caught a couple clips, and well, it was pretty funny. And they say genuine laughter boosts your serotonin levels and staves off depressions, so, basically, it was therapy.
I watched Katt Williams last night. He is hilarious.
My friend and I were just talking about going to an open mic night or something.
I love movie night!! If you have HBO I have been watching this great series Game of Thrones. The only downside lots of s*x. Not fun to watch with your H who wants to leave you. sort of awkward. But the series is great.
Glad you are still here! Don't leave us!!
No, I am not going anywhere.
Except out for a drink with friends!
Journaling---
I feel as if I have been hit by a bus.
Went out with my girls last night and got sloppy drunk. I am pretty embarrassed about it this morning. I've really got to tone down the partying.
We went to s surprise BD party for my friends' cousin, and had a good time.
I met a guy there who actually works for the same company I do only in a different department. I've seen him around but we've never spoken before. He was very nice. Both of my friends said he seemed interested in me, but at the end of the night he asked for my friends' number.
It's totally fine, but I have to admit I'm getting kind of tired of feeling rejected.
I will admit, I have hardly thought about H at all this weekend. It's been kind of nice..
"Both of my friends said he seemed interested in me, but at the end of the night he asked for my friends' number."
His loss.
That's why your my favorite
Wait, wait, wait... I thought *I* was DG's favourite
(sulks away quietly)
Kidding aside, glad you're alright TM, and I'll settle for being DG's second favourite. Maybe even third, assuming she puts herself at number one!
You guys are all my favorite. Everyone here is plain awesome.
Hey, LP...
nyah nyah nyah!
DG- sounds like you ougtta just kick back on relax and enjoy today. I agree with Telemark up above - his loss. But...Telemark said it first, so he can still be your favorite.
Now now jb....your my favorite also.
Ok, so remember last week that guy asking me to brunch and I told him I couldn't go? He asked me again today and I went.
We met at a mutual spot that we both knew, and the whole way there I am saying "WTF am I doing? WTF am I doing?" I was so nervous I was shaking.
I've only met him a few times and he is actually quite shy and me being a jibber jabber I was afraid I'd talk too much.
I didn't look at this as a date, because I really don't have any romantic intentions and I am not attracted to him in that way.
I had a pretty nice time, and so did he I think. He paid for brunch and then we chatted for a bit. We sat outside to eat because it is beautiful out.
I'm glad I went, I don't know if we'll do it again sometime or not.
I really don't want to tell him my situation. Is that wrong of me?
I don't think it's wrong to not want to tell him right away - I think it's fair to say, "I'm currently separated, but I won't bore you with the gory details just yet" or something - so he knows a) you're not divorced, b) the details are a little gory, and c) you'd be fine with talking more about it, just not yet.
Does that make sense?
It does make sense, I just figured I would wait a little bit to see what his intentions are. If I brought it up right away, then I would be assuming that he wants to date me and I'd feel like a tool for assuming something.
Do you wear your wedding ring, DG? And is it obviously a wedding ring?
Do you wear your wedding ring, DG? And is it obviously a wedding ring?
I don't have my wedding band. My ring was just a white gold band that was his Mom's. It wasn't an expensive ring at all. It got "lost" he says but I think he took it.
Hm. Then you're probably right to wait and see if he's "interested", but I still suggest easing into the "gory details".
And remember, there's nothing wrong with casually hanging out with someone if you enjoy their company - it doesn't have to be a big deal, so if you had fun today, you should do it again.
Yeah...it was kind of fun. I'll be honest though, I don't even really know how to "date" per say. I've never had long stretches of being single before, which looking back, could very well be part of the problem.
Journaling---
I feel as if I have been hit by a bus.
Went out with my girls last night and got sloppy drunk. I am pretty embarrassed about it this morning. I've really got to tone down the partying.
Sometimes, you just gotta get sloppy drunk. That's part of it.
As for your brunch today, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. You'll know if/when the time is right to share details of your situation with this guy. Trust your gut feelings.
xo, lc4
My gut is telling me that as of now I don't think it needs to be mentioned, because I do not want anything other than friendship at this point. And I was feeling guilty about going, but I don't anymore. My H has made it very clear that he does not wish to be a part of my life right now, and I am not going to sit around worrying about his feelings when he obviously isn't worrying about mine.
I have also realized that all this time that H has been gone I've been thinking about him and worrying about him when I really should be worrying about me. I have based way too much of my self worth on whether or not he will want to work on our M or not, and I don't want to do that anymore. I can't say what this revelation means to me exactly, I just know that I understand it now.
Congrats DG, you've hit the next phase of reclaiming your life! You'll still have your down times, but they should be 'shallower' downs and occur less frequently.
That's a great attitude to start your week with!
So it's good that you're reclaiming your life, but I thought dating wasn't really recommended? Not that you're dating. I'm just confused.
I have also realized that all this time that H has been gone I've been thinking about him and worrying about him when I really should be worrying about me. I have based way too much of my self worth on whether or not he will want to work on our M or not, and I don't want to do that anymore. I can't say what this revelation means to me exactly, I just know that I understand it now.
Bingo....and me, too.
Good for you, DG. It is a hard realization to have, but a very necessary one, I think. I need to come to that point myself, as this limbo is more than I can take. Cannot put your life on hold. Keep moving forward!
Hey DG...If I could give you some advice...If you do go out with men, but not as a date (or at least, not in your mind), Don't let them pick up the check all of the time. There is a good possibility THEY will think it is a date at that point.
Brian
So it's good that you're reclaiming your life, but I thought dating wasn't really recommended? Not that you're dating. I'm just confused.
It wasn't a date, nor am I going to date any time soon. I need to find me first.
Hey DG...If I could give you some advice...If you do go out with men, but not as a date (or at least, not in your mind), Don't let them pick up the check all of the time. There is a good possibility THEY will think it is a date at that point.
Brian
Good call.
I don't think it's wrong to spend time with the opposite sex so long as the boundaries are clearly established. I had dinner with a female friend the other night and she knew what I was going through and it was just a way to catch up, hang out and feel good about myself with some good compant. I did dress nicely for it because I've always enjoyed dressing up for dinners and the like. So as long as the intentions are clear from the get go, it should be fine. Just my two pennies.
- KC
I had a good session with my C today about this issue and she said that even though I didn't think of it as a date, chances are he did.
Point taken.
Interesting session with my C yesterday.
We discussed my past relationships and how they ended, which has lead me to believe that I am not good with relationships. Correction: up until this point, I have not been good with relationships. I haven't had too many relationships in general, I was with my XH since 11th grade until my mid 20's and dated someone else in between dating my H.
My C asked me to think about this. Instead of thinking that I am not good at relationships, maybe I just had bad partners?
The example she used was what if I took up tennis lessons. I practiced, learned some strokes, and then played on a doubles team. Every single match we lost, so I quit tennis because I am not good at it.
I run into my coach about 2 weeks after I quit and he asks me "Why did you stop playing?" And I say "because I wasn't good at it. I suked and we never won a match." And my coach says "No, DG. You are a good tennis player, you just had bad partners."
Does that make sense? Obviously she isn't suggesting that I have not contributed to the issues in my relationships that I have been involved in that ended, but she wanted me to look at it as I didn't have the right partners.
It really has given me something to think about.
Thoughts?
Your counselor presents an interesting point of view. I would guess that in any relationships, it takes two people to get into it, and it takes two to fall out of it as well.
I've heard the saying before - "You sure know how to pick 'em!"
I think that applies to many of us here. On a serious note, maybe some of it has to do with where you come from, where you were at the time. Just remember you are not the same DG anymore, you are new and improved.
DG, of course you can pick the wrong partners. Not all M's end because you're bad at relationships. There are lots of dynamics at play.
Going further on the tennis analogy - if your partner didn't practice as much as you did and his heart just wasn't in the game, what could you have done to motivate him? Probably not much. Sometimes, motivation has to come from within. He probably could have been the right partner for you, but partnership requires commitment, practice, work, etc.
Up until this point I haven't had healthy relationships, but going forward things will be different. The next person who is lucky enough to receive my love is going to be one lucky man.
Today was a pretty good day.
I find that my thoughts and feelings regarding my H seem to come and go. Sometimes he is all I think about, and other times he doesn't even cross my mind.
Tonight S10 had his appt with his C. I would say that dealing with this S/D is probably the hardest thing he is going through right now. He said tonight on the way home that he just wants to feel happy again. I think he went into counseling thinking it was going to fix everything for him. I can understand that, he is young, plus he's heard me talk about how much it has helped me.
I told him that the only thing that will help all of this is time. C won't fix all of your problems foe you, but it will give you tools to help deal with things in a healthy way. I know what he is feeling is normal and he needs to go through it, I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything better. I have a feeling that we all wish that sometimes.
I talked with S15 a little bit last night while S10 was at his karate lesson, and asked him how he was dealing with things. He and his brother are so different. S15 doesn't express himself the way S10 does. He says he is doing ok. He won't deny that he misses H, but it isn't affecting him like it is his brother. I can understand that. He's older and internalizes a lot. I often worry that he is trying to down play his feelings because he doesn't want me to feel bad.
I'm very blessed to have such awesome kids. We have become a lot closer in the past 6 months and one thing God has taught me is the importance of family.
2 of my best girlfriends and I are making plans to take a road trip sometime next summer, so I am going to try my hardest to start saving for it. I've never traveled much. The last time I flew I was in 2nd grade. That always floors people when I tell them that. We're thinking Chicago or someplace along the lines of that. It gives me something to look forward to.
Journaling---
I am up way earlier than I have to be, courtesy of yet another dream involving my H.
I wish they would just stop.
Feel for you DG. Same here. Up at 4AM in a mental turmoil. Need to figure out how to concentrate on ourselves and not keep slipping back into thinking about WAS. Wish I knew how to do that.
Journaling----
Took S10 to meet his teacher this morning and to drop off his school supplies. Hard to believe this will be his last year in elementary school. He seems to feel pretty good about starting school tomorrow. I hope all goes well for him.
Journaling---
I'm feeling down tonight. Texted with H a little bit, of course I initiated because he won't. I want to know what it is we should do about our M since every time I ask he ignores me.
He says he ignores me because it hurts to talk to me. That he can't do this anymore, and he can't give me what I want or need.
I don't understand how the last time I saw him was when he left my C office and said he would see me soon. Then...nothing. I don't understand what happened! No argument or disagreement or anything. He just...stopped talking to me.
I told him if it's over for him to tell me so I don't hold out hope anymore. He said quit holding out hope. So I ask him, so you want to D then? And he doesn't answer.
He still is very much acting like a victim. He said he gave me everything he had and it wasn't good enough for me and now that he's gone suddenly it's good enough? He said if he were still here I never would have went through this transformation for me. I validated his feelings and was honest. I probably wouldn't have tried as hard as I had if he were here.
I asked him to consider marriage counseling. I doubt he will.
I am so close to throwing in the towel. Why am I doing this to myself? I kept telling myself that he isn't worth my tears.....he isn't worth my tears...yet I'm crying them anyway.
Once again, I know he did the right thing by leaving the woman that I was, but he is making a big mistake if he stays away forever.
I know it would take a lot of work and a lot of faith, but we could get through this. We could. If he wanted to. I can't make him want to.
Why can't I let go????
DG, I don't think you're truly done yet. I don't think he is either. I don't know if it's that he doesn't want to work things out. It definitely doesn't seem like he's ready. TBH - I think he's got a lot of growing up to do, or at least that's my impression.
Once again, I know he did the right thing by leaving the woman that I was.
I am going to beg to differ from you on this one. He may be justified for not wanting to be there and/or be in that situation, but there is no justification in my book for just up and leaving like that. Give yourself a pat on the back. You took full advantage of the opportunity to grow into the woman you've become.
DG
I know it's hard. But you need to stop pushing him on the D question. Most WAS's when pushed, will chose D over R. It's just easier for them.
I know it feels like limbo. But a D isn't going to change what you're feeling. As much as it might seem like it.
Peace.
DG, You can’t force him to make a decision he is not willing to make, just as you can’t make him want to reconcile.
You continue to hold out hope b/c it is what you want. It is perfectly normal, and you are not alone.
So when confronted with finalizing his decision he hesitates. It sounds like he is playing the victim. It is as if he wishes you to D him, so he can continue to be the victim.
If you’re not done then don’t.
Don’t file, don’t go back to him with expectations.
Walk away and build your life. He can’t keep being your victim if you’re off doing your own thing, living your own life. Sooner or later he’ll have to confront himself doing this to him to move forward. When he finally does maybe then he’ll want to reconcile, and if you do then great. You’ll both have a new relationship to work at. If not that is great too b/c you’re doing the work. You’re getting better.
We all backslide now and then. I had a few moments today.
You are too valuable to pine for the relationship that was. You’re not ready for the relationships yet to be. You’ll get there. Time and patience.
I was watching CMT this morning and Sara Evans' "Stronger" came on. I have a love/hate relationship with that song. She is one of my favorite artists but that song makes me feel like weeping.
I'm doing ok this morning, better than I was last night. I'm just going to try to get through the day.
H sent me a text sometime last night that said "Damn you!" And that was it.
I don't know WTF that is supposed to mean but I didn't answer and I won't.
I'm going to give him what he wants and leave him alone.
"H sent me a text sometime last night that said "Damn you!" And that was it."
Nice. He's lashing out at you because he doesn't want to look at his own problems.
I agree with everything that's been said, DG. Drop the D talk and just plow ahead. You can't do anything about your H, but the more you try to get him to go one way, the more he will go the other way.
I told Another Chance: it may be the end of your marriage, but it is not the end of your life.
i dont comment too much, still dont feel solid enough in my advice, but i seem to be better at giving it than following it...
i always, always end up talking about the R with my wife, it was daily. i got it under control for 5 days straight one week... then big back slide on day 6. my wife asked me what happened?! i was doing so good! but now she felt it was even worse than before! and i had a calendar that i was keeping track of days that i brought up relationship, and the 'worse' she was seeing? was 3 out of 10 days i brought up R talk since the day i backslide pretty hard after the 5 days.
point being, the changes DO get noticed, the backslides even more, i am still struggling with not wanting to ask her about R, or OM, cause i know if i do it will just push her further away.
2 other things that stood out, i agree with you... why cant they see that we want to change and work with us and support us... so frustrating. but if you look at from their point, they might think they did try, or even are trying right now. one of the hard things is seeing results from you work, and being open to them being ANY result, and not disappointed cause it wasnt the result you were hoping for.
and the second thing, i dont text her first now. and all she texts me with is money, or kids. it [censored], but you dont want to pursue him, you have to wait and be loving and supportive when he does. so that he wants to text you more! and it might take a while, cause what he is used to now is texting you and getting R talk back, or things that make he feel guilty about what he is doing. sounds great to make him feel guilty... but all it means is he wont text you as much to avoid the guilt.
Pls-you actually have very valid points and I appreciate your advice.
What 's hard for me is we do not live together or have any interaction. I haven't seen him in over 3 months, almost 4. But I do initiate and I need to stop.
I do initiate and I need to stop.
Good to recognize this.
Not seeing him in 3 months is hard. It's something you probably never expected. I know I sure didn't. My w said we would always remain friends, we would hang out together during s. I never thought it would turn into "I don't want you in my life right now".
You backslid a little (seems to be going around this week) and it happens. It's alot to swallow and you are doing so well at handling it. Remember that every day is a battle. And just because you lose a battle hear and again.. doesn't mean you've lost the war.
((DG))
Update-----
S10 is friends with OW's S at school. I wish I could prevent it but I can't.
Today S came home from school and told me that OW's son told him that H&OW sleep in the same bed together.
To say I am devastated is an understatement.
He is not the man I thought he was. He makes me sick. Completely sick.
I always had a shred of hope that he was different. I guess not.
I am so hurt
Sorry DG. I know it hurts. Even sometimes when we already know, a dose of reality can still be painful.
Very sad that the kids are talking about this. I’m sure they are very confused. As hard as it is. Your S will look to you to try and make sense out of all this. So your strength and compassion is not for your H. It is for you and your S.
Be well.
(((DG)))
I know it really does hurt. It's indescribable. Take care of yourself. If you need anything, I'm here.
OMG, DG. I am so sorry.
((())))
Be strong for your son.
We're here for you.
((hugs for you))
You will get through this.
(((Big Hugs)))
I'm so sorry, DG.
I sent H a text letting him know what OWS had said to my S and that he wasn't the man I thought he was. I told him to come get the rest of his things and to send me what I need to sign in the mail.
His response: Ok first of all I don't sleep in the same bed nor do I sleep in the same room. And OWS wouldn't know that at all because I barely see the kid. And I just went rounds with this kid because he said such nonsense. And now my quiet existence is fricken shattered again. Oh and bye the way OWS said he told S that because he wanted to make it seem like he was cool and he thought S would like him more. And I basically yelled at the kid and told him that his lying has caused jason to be extremely hurt. But why was S even asking about me to begin with. And asking those kind of questions. He would never care normally where I was sleeping. So did you ask him to ask that or what?
For the record, I did NOT ask him to ask anything. I wouldn't do such a thing, but that doesn't matter. I told my S tonight that I know that he and OWS want to remain friends and that is fine, but they are going to have to find other things to talk about. I don't know what to think, if I should believe him or not. I guess what does it even matter at this point.
So why is it I feel like I just effed up big time?
this is a snip it from something i found about what a healthy relationship should contain.
Honesty & Trust
-Giving real compliments
-Discussing problems
-Using “I” messages to share feelings
-Asking for what we want, not expecting they owe it to us
-Admitting mistakes
-Asking (not accusing) each other about rumors
i think the last one here falls into what went wrong. i do this to with OM/baby daddy. i assume and accuse.
I feel for you DG, I really do......
However
This is what happens when you REACT FROM EMOTIONS, sorry to say it, and bloody hard not to, BUT learn from this.
I would say leave coms for some time so you are not basing things on emotions.
Just a little foo par IMHO
You have come such a long way, don't beat yourself up about it.
Just another learning curve in the opportunity of change
I did react from emotions, yes. However I did not resort back to the old person I was and I wasn't tempted to either.
I think sometimes it's impossible to not react from emotions.
DG,
So why is it I feel like I just effed up big time?
You did not eff up! You had an emotional response during a time of stress. It is very human to do so. I suspect you feel as though you effed up b/c of all the drama and what you knew, but didn’t want has been suddenly made very real. Again it is very human to do so. Please process it to negate some of the emotions. You need to feel them, but you don’t need them to control how you respond.
Please do not sign anything until you’ve carefully reviewed it and understand the entire ramifications of agreeing. Please retain a L to represent your interests and advise you. Until my drama I had a somewhat distorted view of Ls (Sorry Denver, and 25). My L has kept me from making several costly mistakes. D is not a friendly, don’t worry, I’ll watch your back action.
There is so much wrong with the way he handled this I don’t know where to begin, and my rant would probably violate the TOS. Just reading this makes me angry. I can only imagine yours. I commend your composure. Try and remain calm for you and your children’s sake.
CS and JB are right, your children will remember how you composed yourself and got on with living.
He got outed and he takes out his guilt on a child? WTF?
I know you loved the man he was.
I am wondering what the OW loves.
I am wondering what he loves about himself.
WTH, is the dynamic with the OW. If I was seeing the most devastatingly attractive to me women and she began going “rounds” with one of my kids over her guilt she’d find the door very fast.
You didn't F up. The main thing is that you notice how he shifted the conversation to it being YOUR fault? What an @$$. A real man doesn't resort to blaming his spouse for his insecurities. He's scared, he feels guilty, but rather than assuming responsibility, he says it's your fault.
I suggest you have no further contact with him. In fact, get counseling for your son ASAP. He's in a tough situation and probably feels torn over what's happening. Concentrate on him.
Your H will lash out again saying that you're trying to brainwash your son, but don't you believe it. Get a L and figure out what your rights are. You don't have to do what he wants to do. Remember, he can't control what you do any more than you can control him.
I did react from emotions, yes. However I did not resort back to the old person I was and I wasn't tempted to either.
Fair play
I think sometimes it's impossible to not react from emotions.
Amen to that.
However I wouldn't say impossible, but very hard not to, this is a VERY different situation, which we are all hoping for a different outcome
maybe we need to achieve the perceived impossibles!
I am torn whether I should believe him or not
I am torn whether I should believe him or not
What feels right?
Does it change anything either way?
I am torn whether I should believe him or not
DG...
Read Bonds and Justs posts above....
His response....his actions in his response....well....its just bad....I'll leave it at that...
So. Do you believe him?
If this is too blunt I'm sorry...but...NO....
But more importantly....after reading that response it isn't do you believe him...its should you care...
Not trying to mean....Really.
I understand how the people we loved so much. Who were so great. Can change.
The crazy thing about this. Sometimes the worst things can turn into the best opportunities.
You can use this as an opportunity.
See him for who he is NOW. Not who he WAS.
Then...
It is still OK to believe there is a chance the was becomes the now again....someday...
Don't let HIS problems be yours right now...Because these people..the WAS's.. Have LOTS of them.
Peace DG.
Mr. Bond- my S is already in counseling already for this.
And my H is not his father so I don't have to worry about anything like that.
I've been D before, I know not to be naïve.
DG, he's feeling guiltt and seeking to cast it elsewhere rather than assume responsibility. I do not know him, but I know some people lie when they have been caught and the guiltier they feel the more likely it is.
It was the OWS fault? It was your fault? Please.
The mantra we all hear believe none of what they say and half of what you see them do?
DG, Sorry if it appears we think your naive. We do not. We are circling the wagons so to speak.
Oh no, I don't think that you guys are thinking I am naive, I think that way sometimes.
My head is spinning right now. I don't know who he is. I don't know who I am.
This is the only one you need to answer.
The other.... Let him figure it out.
I'm sorry DG
Sounds like you need a glass of wine, beer, stiff drink, or hot cocoa. I'm buying.
Jokes aside. You DO know you are. What happened today blows, but do NOT give him the power to take away everything you've worked for including the new DG.
He doesn't deserve that power!
(( ))
It's hard - but I don't think about my H and OW together. The kids come home and say that OW and her D slept over - but even though I know the OW I can't imagine the two of them together - and I think that helps me a lot. I also tell myself that what he does whilst seperated and also what I do whilst seperated means nothing to our marriage. We are seperated - living seperate lives - we are free to do what we want - the same as before we met we were free to be with and to sleep with whoever we wanted to.
Julz we established early on that we wouldn't get involved with other people. Somewhere along the line the rules changed, only I wasn't informed.
Somewhere along the line the rules changed, only I wasn't informed.
YOU set YOUR rules.
He sets his. He has no power over yours.
YOU have the power DG. Remember this.
Yeah just like my husband wanted to sort out the things in head. That there was no one else, he didn't want someone else and didn't plan to be with someone else for a long time - it just happened.
DG, I am going to agree with a lot of what was said earlier. I wouldn't say you F'd up. You just responded out of emotion. You backslid, but we ALL backslide from time to time - we're human.
It's hard to know what the truth is. If he's not sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not, and if he IS sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not.
How is it going to change your strategy for what you're doing? You have come so far. How much has he grown out of this?
It's hard to know what the truth is. If he's not sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not, and if he IS sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not.
Yup Yup Yup.
Totally agree. Like when H dropped kids back last fortnight - first thing S said was H kissed OW twice today. H immediately said no I didn't. It's all out in the open and he's still lying about it!
DG, I agree. I don't think you F'd up at all. You asked a question. You didn't rant and rave. I think you did a pretty good job of maintaining your dignity. Your H has ignored you for months and that must be so hard and so hurtful. He has to know that at least.
I think he's being really heartless.
And I'm so sorry. ((()))
Good morning everyone---
I'm doing better this morning. Today is a new day.
I woke up at 5am because I was starving and it was raining softly outside.
I love listening to the rain.
Thank you to everyone who was there for me last night.
Your words of encouragement helped a lot and I am very appreciative to ALL of you.
Glad to hear your day is starting off better.
I miss rain.
People think that they would enjoy bright and sunny 70's LA everyday.. nope. You miss things like snow, rain, thunder, lighting.
Hope you continue to have a better weekend.
Valeska I don't think I could ever miss snow. I like it for Christmas and that is it. I hate driving in it also!
Spent the day at the state fair with the kids. It was extremely crowded of course but we enjoy it. I gave blood today also. So you all have to be nice to me.
. At least that is what my sticker says.
I tried a deep fried Reeses Peanut Butter cup and to say it was a religious experience is an understatement. It was so good.
Now I'm home and relaxing. It was a good day.
Once again- 4am and I can't sleep.
I miss him. :'(
Hugs. No words can replace him. What can you do for you today?
Here you go, DG...one from me, too (((DG)))
I understand the missing him part. I think we miss not so much our spouses - at least, not the crazy persons they have become - but who they used to be. I woke up around 5:00 this morning, and the shape of the pillows on the bed next to me made me think she was there, so instinctively I reached over to put my arm around her. That was difficult to deal with first damn thing in the morning.
I knew if I stayed in bed I would be overwhelmed with sorrowful thoughts so I got up, made a pot of coffee and sat outside, in the dark, with The 3 Hounds. As dogs can do, they knew I was hurting and all piled around my feet.
Don't want to make this about me, but to tell you that #1) I think of you often and understand your pain (to paraphrase Bill Clinton...) and #2) these feelings will come and go. It's not so much whether we feel them - because we will - but what we do when they hit us.
Zero in on yourself and the kids; that will help soothe some of that feeling.
And your H is acting like a first class tool. You deserve better.
I am frustrated because I had this big long post that I deleted by mistake and now I have to start over. Grrrrrr
Telemark-you are correct when you say my H is acting like a tool. I think that is why this is so hard sometimes. He was always the kindest, loving, and thoughtful man and his new attitude and behavior floors me.
Like you, I also have animals who can sense when I am down. One cat in particular adores me and always gazes up at me with this look of pure amazement on his face. I swear, if everyone loved me the way this cat does I'd be the luckiest woman in the world.
This whole situation has really turned in to a learning experience for me. For years I had walls built up around my heart and tried my best to block out any pain or sorrow that could come my way. I felt numb. I've since realized that while I may be blocking out the pain I was also blocking out the joy and love. I don't want to live that way anymore. Even though I am feeling broken hearted, the beauty of it all is that I am feeling. No it isn't the best feeling in the world but it does give me hope that if I am capable of feeling pain I am also capable of feeling positive feelings.
I try to find something to be grateful for every day. They may not be live changing things, but so what. It reminds me that I am here and I am alive and that no matter what, every day does possess positives that is up to me to discover.
Well, I've certainly rambled on more than intended, but it feels good.
Happy Sunday DB'ers.
Yes, you've come so far, DG. I can see in the way you've shared with this board. I know what you're saying - I think I had some walls built up, too, that are coming down. That's fantastic that you've grown so much through this!
Today is very fall-like weather wise and my allergies are driving me CRAZY!
My friend is in town again until tomorrow and we are meeting up tonight for dinner. I can't wait to see him!
Journaling----
Went out with my friend who was in town for the holiday weekend last night. Had a great time. He left early this morning and I'll see him again probably over Thanksgiving.
Hard to think that the holidays will be here before I know it, and I'll be spending them without my H. It makes me sad to think about so I try not to. When it gets here I'll deal.
Got home late, but feeling good this morning. I'm glad for the extra day off of work. Today I plan on relaxing and catching up on my domestic duties.
It feels like fall in the air and I love it.
DG:
Glad you had a good weekend. Enjoy your day. I am in the upper Midwest as well, and fall is definately in the air!
Journaling---
Today was uneventful for the most part. Spent a good majority of it watching TV and relaxing. I did get some domestic things done around the house and went for a walk, but that was the extent of it.
A good friend of mine and her bf have decided to break up. He started moving his stuff out today so I went over there to be with her because she was so upset. I hate this. I hate that we all have to experience such pain. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart.
On my way home, I couldn't help but think about my H. About how much I miss him. About how many times I came home from work with him waiting anxiously to see me and I blew him off. The dishes were more important. Laundry had to be done. Pretty much everything was a priority.
What I wouldn't give for the opportunity to have him be here, to come home and throw my arms around him and kiss him and tell him how much I had missed him while I was at work.
I miss so much. Lying in bed together, him walking behind me with his arms around me while I pushed the cart at the grocery store.
The crazy silly videos he would send me through out the day if I was having a bad day at work.
Yes, we had rough times. Very rough times. We also had great times. I used to say he was my one and only and he'd say I was his only and one.
As I sit here writing all of this with tears streaming down my face, all I want is one more chance. Just one more to show him how much he is loved and missed and that I will never, ever take him for granted again. All those times he professed his love for me but it was never good enough. I was in an emotional coma and I couldn't see anything but myself, and my own pain.
I was so selfish.
I know it is pointless to beat myself up over something I can't change, but I'm feeling hopeless & helpless at the same time. More than ANYTHING I just want my H to come home. To rebuild with me.
I know, I know. I want, I want, I want.
I'm feeling very broken tonight. I could use some prayers.
Hugs. I know the feeling. I too used to think the kids, the washing, meals etc were more important then H and brushed him off. I just want one more chance - here's hoping one of us will get that.
Agreed Julz and DG. Good energy and hugs to you both. I wish I could make it ok for you both. You are good women. I truly see that from your posts.
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I'm feeling very broken tonight. I could use some prayers.
DG, you're always in my prayers. I am feeling melancholy tonight, too, and I missing my W terribly. It must be something in the air.
(((DG))))
DG, your post brought me to tears.. I could have written most of it myself. No words can fix or change how we feel. I can't tell you how many times I've also wished for a second chance. I'm so sorry and I will say a prayer for you tonight.
Good morning-
I am feeling a little bit better this morning. Not much, but a little.
How I wish I could have slept in again this morning.
At least it isn't Monday.
Morning, DG,
I'm catching up on the board after not visiting for a few days. I just read your posts from last night and I'm so sorry you had a rough evening. Like jb said, it must be something in the air; I found myself walking through my empty house and breaking down, also. I thought of my W, in her new home 10 miles away, and wondered what she was doing...was she happy? Miserable? Lonely? Was she online with the OM making big plans for his eventual arrival?
You have completely reinvented yourself, DG. You have done, and are doing, everything you can to make yourself into the person you truly want to be, and you're doing it for all the right reasons. We see it, your kids see it, your friends see it...if your H can't, or doesn't want to see it, that is his problem and his loss.
DG,
I just caught up on your thread and I know exactly what you are going through. I wish with all my heart that none of us had to go through a time of life’s disappointments. You have came along way on this journey and you are currently at the next hurdle in life. Emotions are sometimes hard to control and we all must work on that every single day. I find it interesting that the WAS’s set rules and they are usually the first to break those rules. Call me crazy but when the WAS thinks they know exactly what they want, they tend to find out that it’s not even close. Reality hits back.
Live for you DG you can only control yourself and when you do control yourself emotions included, it makes the WAS wonder if they are making the best choices in life. I will say that you will come out on top no matter what if you do this for you and you alone. I know all this crap hurts and I promise you will not regret the journey the further you progress through. Time and patience are always on your side. You will come to a point where the rollercoaster is really boring and once you step off life starts falling together.
Each day can be a battle and you can win that battle by facing the fears and negative things that happen in life. Stay strong and live.