Looking for advise - 07/05/11 11:32 AM
Im new to this so bear with me. Ive been through alot in the last 7 months and I am just getting a grasp on what I should do to save my marriage. A little background:
Im 42 she is 41, I have,"had", a quick temper, but never violent. Yelling out of frustration at material things or my son but strangely enough usually not my wife, although when I yelled at my 12 yr old son or anything else she would take it personnally against her. Along with this type of issue I also have had trouble staying at a job, and she has never changed jobs. Ive been working on myself since March through counseling and God and ive never been more confident about controlling my emotions. In Jan she told me she was unhappy and didnt know if she wanted to be married anymore. To add to this I had just gone cold turkey off of lexapro, so I spent the next 3 months doing everything wrong I could. Crying 3 and 4 times a day, begging and pleading, reasoning in every way possible, and in the mean time in the state of mind I was in, I stupidly quit my job after my supervisor pushed my buttons, and of course all this just pushed her further away (imagine that) until the end of March she wanted a divorce. In March I started pulling myself together and working at home in my shop to make money, and we just argued alot. In May I caught her in an EA with a coworker through messages accidentally seen on her phone, which she says she promptly put a stop to the next day. But still my anger flared a couple of times over the next couple of weeks, which I promply regained control of. Yes, there is some verbal abuse, although not severe as some, but damaging enough to this wonderful woman.
I tried a couple of other programs that didnt really fit, and then 2 wks ago I found Michele. I ordered DR and called and talked to Chuck. What I needed to do finally clicked. I totally quit telling her ILY. No more hugs. Im still in the house and we are still functioning as a family, so after about 3 days the talking got easier and the expressions on her face were much more relaxed. No affection or hugs of course but day to day communications are much better. The first day I did get a voluntary hug and she looked very confused when I didnt chase her down for one, although I havent had one since. I havent talked about the R at all either, and have been very upbeat and happy.
One more thing about myself, I know exactly how damaging I have been to her and I take full responsibility for it, and will never discount the seriousness of my actions to anyone. She is the most wonderful woman a man could ask for and will work on myself for the rest of my life with her or without her, I pray and hope with.
Just wondering if there are any opinions about the reaction from her?? Looking for reassurance Im doing this right. Going on vacation next week with the rest of the family. Dont know if she is looking forward to it, but I see it as opprotunity for good quality time with her and my son. with these new habits Im using from DR I think we will have fun.
Im 42 she is 41, I have,"had", a quick temper, but never violent. Yelling out of frustration at material things or my son but strangely enough usually not my wife, although when I yelled at my 12 yr old son or anything else she would take it personnally against her. Along with this type of issue I also have had trouble staying at a job, and she has never changed jobs. Ive been working on myself since March through counseling and God and ive never been more confident about controlling my emotions. In Jan she told me she was unhappy and didnt know if she wanted to be married anymore. To add to this I had just gone cold turkey off of lexapro, so I spent the next 3 months doing everything wrong I could. Crying 3 and 4 times a day, begging and pleading, reasoning in every way possible, and in the mean time in the state of mind I was in, I stupidly quit my job after my supervisor pushed my buttons, and of course all this just pushed her further away (imagine that) until the end of March she wanted a divorce. In March I started pulling myself together and working at home in my shop to make money, and we just argued alot. In May I caught her in an EA with a coworker through messages accidentally seen on her phone, which she says she promptly put a stop to the next day. But still my anger flared a couple of times over the next couple of weeks, which I promply regained control of. Yes, there is some verbal abuse, although not severe as some, but damaging enough to this wonderful woman.
I tried a couple of other programs that didnt really fit, and then 2 wks ago I found Michele. I ordered DR and called and talked to Chuck. What I needed to do finally clicked. I totally quit telling her ILY. No more hugs. Im still in the house and we are still functioning as a family, so after about 3 days the talking got easier and the expressions on her face were much more relaxed. No affection or hugs of course but day to day communications are much better. The first day I did get a voluntary hug and she looked very confused when I didnt chase her down for one, although I havent had one since. I havent talked about the R at all either, and have been very upbeat and happy.
One more thing about myself, I know exactly how damaging I have been to her and I take full responsibility for it, and will never discount the seriousness of my actions to anyone. She is the most wonderful woman a man could ask for and will work on myself for the rest of my life with her or without her, I pray and hope with.
Just wondering if there are any opinions about the reaction from her?? Looking for reassurance Im doing this right. Going on vacation next week with the rest of the family. Dont know if she is looking forward to it, but I see it as opprotunity for good quality time with her and my son. with these new habits Im using from DR I think we will have fun.