Feedback on letter to H appreciated-Guys view? - 10/08/09 02:18 PM
I haven't pushed H to have an R discussion since the night of the bomb...(have come close but managed to avoid pushing him further when I realized he wasn't ready to talk)...been using the time to look at myself. H hasn't moved out yet and said he's still figuring out his "plans". Well it's been about 2 months now and I think I know enough about myself to write him a letter now. This letter might not seem very DB or 180 but really in my situation...trust me it is! (As much as I never wanted to be...have come to see I was a shrew!) I'd appreciate feedback especially from the husbands out there...I hope H will see my honesty in what I say and that this is from the heart. So what would you think guys if your wife wrote you a letter like this?
Dear H,
I've been doing a lot of thinking since the start of our separation and the conversation we had the other weekend. I thought I would try something different and write what I've learned so far in a letter because what I need to say is not easy at all for me but I need to be honest with you.
As much as it hurts me, I've come to realize that I respect your decision to ask for a separation. You absolutely did not deserve to be treated the way I treated you! I've had to take a hard look at my lack of appreciation and disrespect I've shown you in the past and it makes me cringe. I think I justified my actions because I looked around and it didn't seem like I was acting much different than all the other wives I see...but now know that is no excuse. I honestly wonder how we stayed married as long as we have.
I think you've asked me why, if we were both so unhappy and if I am sure I don't want our marriage to be the way it used to be, why I don't just accept the separation and give up...let it happen. I know you've stated that you are not asking me to change and you don't think people can change. I agree people can't change their core soul but I can change my actions and habits. There is a side of myself that I haven't even shown myself much less you...and with your firm yet loving guidance I feel I could be the type of wife that would bring you happiness.
I married you above all others not only because you're handsome, kind, thoughtful, smart, and have a sense of humor (all great qualities of course!) but also because you were the strongest, most manly man I've ever met. (I've given this tons of thought the past few months and I am very serious about the absolute truth of this statement even though my treatment of you during the marriage certainly did not show this as I should have.) This is your home, your family, your wife, and your decision. I trust and respect you to do whatever is best no matter what your decision is. Whatever happens next I leave completely and totally in your hands. Whether I like it or not, any decision you make I will follow.
Love,
Your wife
Dear H,
I've been doing a lot of thinking since the start of our separation and the conversation we had the other weekend. I thought I would try something different and write what I've learned so far in a letter because what I need to say is not easy at all for me but I need to be honest with you.
As much as it hurts me, I've come to realize that I respect your decision to ask for a separation. You absolutely did not deserve to be treated the way I treated you! I've had to take a hard look at my lack of appreciation and disrespect I've shown you in the past and it makes me cringe. I think I justified my actions because I looked around and it didn't seem like I was acting much different than all the other wives I see...but now know that is no excuse. I honestly wonder how we stayed married as long as we have.
I think you've asked me why, if we were both so unhappy and if I am sure I don't want our marriage to be the way it used to be, why I don't just accept the separation and give up...let it happen. I know you've stated that you are not asking me to change and you don't think people can change. I agree people can't change their core soul but I can change my actions and habits. There is a side of myself that I haven't even shown myself much less you...and with your firm yet loving guidance I feel I could be the type of wife that would bring you happiness.
I married you above all others not only because you're handsome, kind, thoughtful, smart, and have a sense of humor (all great qualities of course!) but also because you were the strongest, most manly man I've ever met. (I've given this tons of thought the past few months and I am very serious about the absolute truth of this statement even though my treatment of you during the marriage certainly did not show this as I should have.) This is your home, your family, your wife, and your decision. I trust and respect you to do whatever is best no matter what your decision is. Whatever happens next I leave completely and totally in your hands. Whether I like it or not, any decision you make I will follow.
Love,
Your wife