True Love or True Fog? Part III - CONTACT - 04/08/09 09:43 PM
New thread, the saga continues.
H came over today like he has been every other week or so to fill/clean his salt water aquarium while I'm at work. Only guess what? I'm at home - I see him hesitate in the driveway for maybe 5 seconds then he knocks on the door. This is the first time we've seen or talked to each other since August.
H - Well, this was completely unexpected. Why are you home?
Me - Spring Break!
H - Oh yeah, how stupid of me. Do you want to talk?
And so it begins. Thank goodness for DB'ing. I was quiet and listened and didn't interrupt. He went off on how "unfair" last week's mediation was and how "I humiliated him with the pictures of the house. I didn't know we would be in separate rooms, my L thought your L and the mediator were sleazy, the whole process was pointless, my job ends in 4 weeks, I can't possibly pay the alimony you asked for, I might have to declare bankruptcy, I know this is all my fault but we need to work on this together, blah, blah, blah".
He must have ranted for at least 10 minutes. Then he said "well, the grass needs cutting, may I?" By all means!
So he blows off some more steam in the front yard - gives me a chance at least to get my wits about me. When he comes back in I finally speak: "CONSEQUENCES - what? CONSEQUENCES - Everything that's happening are the consequences of your CHOICES (thank you Puppy). I've had no choice in this matter at all."
Of course he responded defensively - he knows he's responsible and he thinks I have all the power now - but we have the immediate problem of what to do with our debt and the house and "can't we talk about a plan without the Ls involved?"
Our house is one big, unfinished project that he left when he walked out on me 2 years ago to be with OW (aka Catbitch - she has 12 of them). He tiptoed around this white elephant today until I mentioned that his priorities were still screwed up - that all this is about his #1 priority (Catbitch) and until he recognizes this nothing else matters (his decision to be with her is why he's leaving his job, why he's spent every weekend with her (400 miles away), and why he's had "no time" to work on the house). I purposely did not say "she" or "her" or "your relationship with (OW's name) - just kept referring to his "1st priority and shouldn't your first priority move to 2nd or even 3rd behind finding a job and dealing with OUR house?"
Was this wrong? Was this bad DB'ing? I have no idea at this point. All I know is he would steer it away back to the "immediate" problem - the house. So now he as some genius idea to rent it so I can move closer to my job or would I consider other proposals that he comes up with? All I could say was I would not agree to anything but I would look at it - write it down for me and my L.
Gawd, I'm emotionally spent now.
H came over today like he has been every other week or so to fill/clean his salt water aquarium while I'm at work. Only guess what? I'm at home - I see him hesitate in the driveway for maybe 5 seconds then he knocks on the door. This is the first time we've seen or talked to each other since August.
H - Well, this was completely unexpected. Why are you home?
Me - Spring Break!
H - Oh yeah, how stupid of me. Do you want to talk?
And so it begins. Thank goodness for DB'ing. I was quiet and listened and didn't interrupt. He went off on how "unfair" last week's mediation was and how "I humiliated him with the pictures of the house. I didn't know we would be in separate rooms, my L thought your L and the mediator were sleazy, the whole process was pointless, my job ends in 4 weeks, I can't possibly pay the alimony you asked for, I might have to declare bankruptcy, I know this is all my fault but we need to work on this together, blah, blah, blah".
He must have ranted for at least 10 minutes. Then he said "well, the grass needs cutting, may I?" By all means!
So he blows off some more steam in the front yard - gives me a chance at least to get my wits about me. When he comes back in I finally speak: "CONSEQUENCES - what? CONSEQUENCES - Everything that's happening are the consequences of your CHOICES (thank you Puppy). I've had no choice in this matter at all."
Of course he responded defensively - he knows he's responsible and he thinks I have all the power now - but we have the immediate problem of what to do with our debt and the house and "can't we talk about a plan without the Ls involved?"
Our house is one big, unfinished project that he left when he walked out on me 2 years ago to be with OW (aka Catbitch - she has 12 of them). He tiptoed around this white elephant today until I mentioned that his priorities were still screwed up - that all this is about his #1 priority (Catbitch) and until he recognizes this nothing else matters (his decision to be with her is why he's leaving his job, why he's spent every weekend with her (400 miles away), and why he's had "no time" to work on the house). I purposely did not say "she" or "her" or "your relationship with (OW's name) - just kept referring to his "1st priority and shouldn't your first priority move to 2nd or even 3rd behind finding a job and dealing with OUR house?"
Was this wrong? Was this bad DB'ing? I have no idea at this point. All I know is he would steer it away back to the "immediate" problem - the house. So now he as some genius idea to rent it so I can move closer to my job or would I consider other proposals that he comes up with? All I could say was I would not agree to anything but I would look at it - write it down for me and my L.
Gawd, I'm emotionally spent now.