Playhouse - DivorceBusting.com

Just dropping by to unlock the playhouse...

I am trying desperately to stay awake. We don't get snow, but we get leaves falling throughout the winter, and then green and yellow pollen in the spring. So today, I thought I would rake some of the leaves because they are killing the lawn and threatening to clog the storm drains in the neighborhood. I raked and bagged until I couldn't take the sneezing and itchiness from the pollen anymore. Then came inside and took a benedryl for the allergy attack and a shower. But now the antihistimine is making me so sleepy.

Sara,
You could do the easy way like I do. I get on our riding mower and mulch them up. Makes it easy. It gets dusty, but it's fast! :).

hey yoyo.. how are you doing babe?

Just popped in to say hi and 'tag' your new 'house' $\:\)$

I'm checking in, too, Yoyo. How is your frame of mind today?

Good Morning Everyone,
TGIF!!!

Mattie,
I'm just taking it day to day. If I said I was fine, I would be lying. I just know that I must move on in my life. I can no longer live like I have been. It's not healthy for me or my girls. My H has shown over and over that he is a liar and a cheat. I have of course not lost all of my feelings for him, well, the person he used to be, but he has problems that I can't deal with.

How are you Mattie?

Hugs, Yoyo

Hey Yoyo, Just wondering...does he know you are going to file yet? What has his reaction been?

You can always come visit if you want a change of scenary.

kat

Kat,
Last time I talked to him, I told him that I thought we needed to go ahead with the divorce and he needed to contact his lawyer since this was his mess.

We have not filed our taxes yet, so I'm trying to keep everything calm right now. I want to get my copies of the taxes before I rock the boat.

Hi Yoyo-

Just wanted to stop by the Playhouse too.

Have your H called you at all since you told him your thoughts?

Have a great day!

SueS

He called to ask me if I had our personal tax stuff together. I told him I would call him back when I made sure it was altogether, I was in the car when he called. I called him back and told him it was ready when I got home. He said he didn't have time to take it to the accountant the next day so he would get it later. I have not talked to him since then.

Yoyo -
My C calls what your husband does (and mine!) "the hook". Just in case they "might" want to come back, they throw out this hook and reel us in just enough to keep us on the line. Once I saw what H was doing for what it really was, it lost it's effect on me. I don't want to be someone's second choice. It sounds like you are coming to that conclusion, too.

It's definitely a process and, like you, it took me a long time, too. More time than most. It's ok. We're all on different timelines and you are obviously doing what is right for you.

Take Care,
LO

Oh.. one more thing.. I agree that your H is scared to death about what you are going to get financially..

LO,
Yes, I'm a slow learner, it took me way too long. One of my dear friends called me tonight. We had not had a chance to talk for a while. We both have daughters that are seniors and have been wrapped up with their activities. I updated everything that had happened in the past month. As I told her, I thought, gee, he is really a horrible person, why have would I ever want to be with him again? I know it sounds crazy, but saying it out loud just made it sound worse than just thinking about it. It really opened my eyes to what I have put up with.

She is a wonderful friend. She is the type who listens and lets me get it out of my system. She has been here for me during this entire journey. I can remember many times her coming to my house or me going to her house when he first left. She would sit and listen while I talked and cried. She is truly an angel and I have told her that many times before.

Hi Yoyo,

I'm glad you have that friend to talk to. Sometimes we can see things so much more clearly through another person's eyes.

Even better to have a friend who knows how to let us talk so that we see things more clearly for ourselves.

(((((Hugs))))) and blessings.

Yesterday I received some of our business mail in our home mailbox. It said something about bankruptcy so of course I immediatedly opened it. It was about some company filing bankruptcy and what was owed to companies. Our company was not on it so I wasn't sure why we would get one other than just to let us know that particular company had filed bankruptcy. I called H to let him know about it. He said he had never heard of the company, but would get it later.

About an hour later I was making dinner for the girls and myself and he called. He said he was on the way over to get the letter. I told him I would just let DD bring it to him later. He said he was almost to the house.

He walked in about the time we were about to eat so you know me I'm too nice for my own good I invited him to eat. What was I supposed to do. I know some of you will have good answers for that.

DDs and I carried on a normal conversation like we always do. H was lost as usual because he doesn't know what is going on in their lives even though the oldest one lives with him. He kept asking questions.

Everyone finished and I got up and started cleaning the kitchen. I took the trash outside. He soon followed me. We talked a while but kept it very light. I can honestly say I really had no feelings about him being here one way or other. This detachment thing is going pretty good.

So this is where the story gets good....He said he was at the Tyson Chicken plant that our company does maintenance for. As he was walking through he said he felt something hit the top of his head. He looked down after it had landed on the floor and it was half of chicken fryer!

I think my guardian angel did it! $\:\/$ I've heard of pennies from heaven, but never chickens from heaven! LMAO

That is a good one! So did it not the rug off his head? That is so weird. That must have been pretty heavy hitting him in the head like that.

OMG.. That's too funny LOL... Im suprised it didn't knock him out!!

Im glad that you have someone to talk to, not to judge just to listen, its so important for your sanity.

((((((yoyo)))))

Wow, what an interesting morning I'm having...
Rumors started last night that there will be a gang retaliation at our school today. Supposedly, a boy got in a fight after school yesterday so he is bringing back up with guns today. My daughter's cell phone was going crazy last night receiving text messages from everyone about the supposedly gun shootout today. Unreal, our school district has always been Mayberry USA. Sad what today's youth have evolved into.

When I drove up today there were two police cars parked across the street and one was in the back parking lot. Keep in mind my little community has about 5,000 people so this is scary for the kids. I had a hard time convincing my daughter to come to school today. I told her that if it was true they wouldn't be advertising it. So if you hear of a school shooting in AR, it's me.

You know Yoyo that's so wierd because today one of the schools in our area also had the police in because a boy had posted on the internet last night that he was going to do something bad at school today- the police took it really seriously.....especially after the recent shooting in a German school.....and they searched this lad and found lots of flammable liquids and matches and lighters on him. They then went on and searched all the other pupils, (around 900). It is so horrid that this is what it can be like nowadays.

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

So if you hear of a school shooting in AR, it's me.

So, you better add a note SOON to let us know you're ok!

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

So if you hear of a school shooting in AR, it's me.

Yoyo,

Sorry to be the wet rag here but don't say things like this. It may be the meds but I don,t find this funny.

Here were the head lines of my local paper Wensday

Lockdown at Rancho Cotate High School in Rohnert Park..
Rohnert Park police search Rohnert Park's Rancho Cotate High School after a report of a gunman on campus.No such person was ever located nor were any weapons, police said.

Now YOU have me worried about you. what is going on?

Doc

Hi Everyone,
The police are still here today. They are taking the rumors very seriously. You can never be too cautious with all of the events that happened at other schools.

Lots of students are absent today. Spring break begins tomorrow so I guess they just decided to take it early. Students will be out tomorrow, but teachers have an inservice then we all are out next week. Hopefully, everything will die down before the students return from spring break.

Glad they are keeping a close eye on things. I had something interesting happen today. I was in my driveway raking leaves and oak pollen (just the thought makes me sneeze), and a car drove up with 2 men in it. They said they were with ABC news and they wanted someone's opinion on the new water restrictions. So they interviewed me on what I think about the fact that we are no longer allowed to run our sprinkler systems at all. I don't know if I gave them what they want. I live in a ritzy neighborhood with rules that you have to have a green lawn of a certain kind of grass. And if you don't maintain the lawn they force you to replace it with new sod. So, I think they wanted me to talk about how I have to keep my lawn up no matter what, and instead I said, "Well, it's more important to have water to drink and clean, so whatever the rules are, we will comply."

Anyway, I will watch at 5 and see if they run it. I was wearing a shirt with the logo of my astrological sign on it -- Cancer. Do you think it is bad that my shirt had a 69 symbol on it?

here's a link to the storyhttp://www.abcactionnews.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=13810@wfts.dayport.com&navCatId=3. Find the story on Lawn sprinklers banned in Tampa. click on watch video. I'm the woman in the black shirt at the end of the story.

Hi YOYO, just checking in to see if you have filed. have not checked the board lately since I away. Had a great time. Take a vacation..best thing I have done in a long time.

Hope you are doing well and it seems that you are! keep in touch. take care

Nice pic Sara,

something weird is that I thought I had the wrong like at first when he said "the bay area" that is what they call where I live but it S.F bay.

Hope things are well with you
talk to ya later
Doc

Yep, this is the Tampa Bay area. I would prefer to live in the San Francisco Bay area though.

I hope you get rain soon, Sara. $\:\)$

Yoyo...your chicken story is priceless! I hope you get to enjoy a relaxing Spring Break.

I don't know if anyone else has read the Emily Griffin books, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, Baby Proof and Love the One Your With. I've been reading them all for my book club, and I enjoy them. They are about young people in love and all the craziness of it, so it is much like these boards, but I think they all have happy endings.

ok sara... Can I now say I know a tv star $\:\)$

I don't know. I thought one needed 15 minutes of fame. I don't think I even had 15 seconds.

Hey Sara,
Can I have your autogragh? I can now say I know a celebrity!!

What?! You didn't save the Christmas card from last year?!!!

I'm greedy, I want an autographed photograph!

Oh, OK. Then I will have to send you one.

Me too!

You guys are too funny! Hope you and the boys are feeling better TAL. Strep used to be my most dreaded disease, but recently it was supplanted by bronchitis.

Is that why S6 is now coughing??? I hope not. He had a breathing treatment this morning, and I was waiting to get a phone call from the school today.. but luckily he was fine. Can't wait til it gets warmer out and all this sickness goes away!!

Good Morning All,
It's spring break here. Wouldn't you know that it is cool and rainy? Oh well, a rainy spring break is better than a week at school anytime!

I haven't really done anything this week, but it's been nice and relaxing.

Sunday DD got a call from a former classmate inviting her to go to Florida the next day. So I thought why not? I told her I didn't mind, but she better call her dad. She called him and he gave her the little speech, "You know I raised you right, so I expect you to behave yourself while you are down there." Now keep in mind this is the man who has never been much of a hands on dad and walked out on the family for OW when she was 15. I was thinking to myself, yeah right, if she followed your example she would be misbehaving! So she is in sunny Florida right now.

DD and I met H at the bank Monday morning so she could get money from him. He was friendly and asking me if I thought he was giving her enough money. I told him I thought it was more than enough. He does tend to go overboard when he gives her money, but hey I'm not complaining. I didn't have to give her a dime. DD always tells everyone, when they ask how she got the money from him, "I deserve it". H may not be there emotionally for her much, but financially she has him wrapped around her little finger.

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch which was close to the flooring store. So, yes I swung in there and picked out new ceramic tile for the bathrooms and hardwood for my room. The owner is a woman who went through a very similar situation as me. She and her husband owned the business together. He had an affair with their bookkeeper. I do think her situation was worse than mine. Her XH and the OW were involved in drugs together. She ended up with the business.

I think this lady and I are going out to dinner Friday night. It will be nice to actually go do something with someone who is not married.

Yoyo,

I didn't realize this was your spring break, You are invited to Florida too! Go ask H for money and come visit me! We can go to the beach and Disneyworld. There's still time.

Hi Yoyo, enjoy your week off. I think you should go to Florida too!

I feel the same about only going to dinner with married people. It does make it difficult sometimes. I got in a conversation with a woman at CVS that was new to the area while looking at mascara! We exchanged cell phone numbers and she called and going to meet for coffee one night. I was happy because she is on her own also. I get what you are saying.

take care.

I had a very interesting conversation last night. DD20 and a few of her friends asked if they could grill out burgers here last night. One of her friends happens to work for our company. When he walked in he asked where my H was? I said I'm sure he's with OW. He said "Oh, that makes me so mad, I thought ya'll were back together." I said, "Well, things were looking better, but you know him." He said, "Yeah. I think he's crazy and so do the rest of the guys." At this time, he paused and had a look on his face like I shouldn't have said that. I said,"Don't worry, I would never say anything to H because I would not want to jepordize any of your jobs." I said, "So what do all of the guys think of it the situation?" He said, "I don't need to say." After some coaxing, he finally opened up with my assurance that this conversation would not go any further than us. Well, of course that didn't include my DBing buddies. By the way this conversation did not take place in front of DD or any of the others.

Keep in mind that I have known this young man since he was 14 years old, now 21 years old. He went to another school than my DD but they have been friends for years and spent a lot of time at our house. He of course never knew my H very well because as you all remember he was always in the bedroom watching tv. It was me who asked H to hire him.

This is the jest of the friend's remarks. The employees think that the OW/secretart (this was a typo, but I think it's kind of fitting $\:\/$ ) is trashy and cannot understand what he sees in her. They say H is crazy because they know he is going to lose everything. He said all of the guys have even said they know that the business wouldn't haven't started without my help. I'm not sure how they know this. One of the employees that is around H's age said that H got drunk one time and told him that his lawyer said that he needed to work things out with me or be prepared to lose half of everything.

Like I said I would never betray this young man. I would not want to jepordize his job. It sure is nice to know that the our employees have some morals and think H is crazy and the OW is trashy!!! It just makes me feel better, yes, I know it's crazy to worry about what others think, but as you all know it's nice to know we are not alone thinking the WAS have lost their minds!

(((((Yoyo)))))

Quote:

it's nice to know we are not alone thinking the WAS have lost their minds!

That is it exactly -- other people's confirmations means we can be sure the situation is what it is, that we are not crazy and that our WAS's really are "gas-lighting" us.

You said: One of the employees that is around H's age said that H got drunk one time and told him that his lawyer said that he needed to work things out with me or be prepared to lose half of everything.

That steams me, and I don't even know your H. He is not moving forward on a divorce because of money? Leading you on because he doesn't want to lose half of his business? At this point I would be so afraid of getting back together with him for fear he will always "use" you, until he feels financially stable, and then what will he do?

Hang in there, yoyo.

So here I am in Retirement City. We walked for about an hour in the resistance pool, which I have to admit was pretty cool, and then we made it to dinner before 6 for the early bird special, which was an amazing meal for $10. each. But,....we also had coupons! Then we sang happy birthday and ate the apple cobbler that I made. The cobbler dough was still a little mushy in the center, I sure hope I didn't make everyone sick with it. But it tasted good, and it's 3 hours later, and I still feel fine.) Now to try to sleep on the uncomfortable bed. I may move to the sofa.

So, I guess I won't find Spring Fling here in retirement city!

Ditto what wdid said, I didn't even look at it that way...

I know it must have made you feel Validated by what he said, its amazing that he doesn't realize probably everybody is looking at him and laughing..

His loss my dear..

$\:\)$

My spring break is over. $\:\($ It was very hard to get up early this morning, I got spoiled this week!

I did manage to get a lot of accomplished this week. I'm excited my hardwood floors and ceramic tile will be laid within a week! I'm painting my bedroom tonight. I also ordered a new comforter for my bed. It has a little bit of the wild side to it. It is taupe and has some brown zebra stripe accents. I am woman, hear me roar! $\:\/$ LOL. Okay, that was very corny... Sorry.

Hooray! You are making the house your own! Gonna wash that man right out of my hair, I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair, and send him on his way!

Hi yoyo, I remember when H moved out and 2 days later I changed the comforter and sheets on the bed. The change is good.

I found it sooo tough to go back to work after vacation.

Your room sounds wild. Zebra...you are turning into a wild woman! lol

Change is good!!! I have painted the whole first floor, replaced an old patio door with beautiful french doors, new kitchen table...and much more. It feels great. Enjoy!

OK, girls, we need pictures.

Originally Posted By: hope3343

Your room sounds wild. Zebra...you are turning into a wild woman! lol

Here is my wild room:

Comforter Set : http://www.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=330823&PartnerID=EMAIL2&BannerID=240

Paint Color: http://valspar.com/painter.html?colors=2006-9B&byColors=true Click on any of the pictures and it will show you that room in the color I have chosen.

Trim is white.

I plan on using some red accents also.

Looks good. I love the bedding.

Thanks and can't beat the price. I'm always up for a sale!

I'm the same way. That was the deciding factor in choosing a vacation.

yoyo... love it!! The price is awesome!!

Fresh and new!!

Yoyo, I think the wild animal in you is coming out! I would have pictured you as country roses or victorian lace type of bedroom. Bet your WH does not know what he is messing with! The comforter set is beautiful and great price from Macys. Also liked the site for the paint.
Yes you red accents...groooowwwwwllllll

Yoyo,

Conforter set...tasteful, but erotically charged.

Boom, chaka-laka-laka, boom, chaka-laka-laka.

--Theoden

Originally Posted By: theoden

Yoyo,

Conforter set...tasteful, but erotically charged.

Boom, chaka-laka-laka, boom, chaka-laka-laka.

--Theoden

LOL Maybe my animal insticts are kicking in. $\:\/$

changing the subject back to the conversation with your H's employee (although the comforter set sounds terrific!)

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

but as you all know it's nice to know we are not alone thinking the WAS have lost their minds!

Hi Yoyo. I told my SIL I wondered if x was truly happy with ow. She replied, "We wonder, too!". You know that made me feel happy even after being divorced for a year!

<Bumping you up, lady>

Just wanted to say thanks for looking in on me.

So how are you? How was your Easter?

The bedding looks fab and you interior design skills rock. You inspire me with colors. I need to do what you do when I move.

Regarding your employees, do you think your H knows what a fool he is making himself to be? Do you think he cares or just prefers not to think about it. Or has he set up all justifications in his head already and therefore can live with himself?

PM,
Thanks! But I'm not so sure my decorating skills are that great. My floors are now complete. They finished up the ceramic tile on Tuesday and hardwood on Wed. I got the new comforter set on. My room looks so different with all of the new paint, comforter, and floors. Now, I've just got to work on getting everthing that is scattered around the house in the correct places due to the remodeling!

I don't think my H has any clue about what the employees think. I won't dare tell him because I don't want to jepordize their jobs. Honestly, though I'm not sure H would care. At this time in their life, no one can tell them anything. They think themselves and the OP are perfect. They have on heavy rose colored glasses. Well, probably more like opaque black colored glasses.

DD's senior prom is next weekend. H had indicated he wanted to help with the dinner that the parents are throwing for some of the seniors before prom. Honestly, I'm tired of acting like we are one big happy family. I don't I mentioned it to him this past Sunday and he said he wanted to help, but wish I hadn't mentioned it to him!

I DD's graduation. I'm so conflicted what to do afterwards. When older DD graduated we had a family dinner with both sides of the family. Seeing now that MIL doesn't have anything to do with me and the girls. I think I will just suggest that my side of the family goes out to dinner. If H asks about the plans I will tell him and say they can come if they would like. Dang, who says this doesn't affect the kids?

Hi Yoyo, thanks for stopping by my stich! Life is full of surprises.

So DD's big prom and graduation. I hate when the H's act like they participate in their activities. They think if they pay for it -- oh well it is ok.

As for the graduation...ask DD what she would like to do as far as dinner. She might want the other side there but let her be part of the decision making.

Speaking of decision making, how are you doing thinking about the big D and what to do with H. I have not heard anything new with my D. Hate this stuff.

So glad you decorated. That is a good sign mentally and spiritually. Taking out the old and bringing in the new, moving forward. Me thinks I have to redecorate my WHOLE house. Lol

Keep in touch. Remember you have a vacation place to run away too if you want!

Wow, just reread post. This shows why you should always proofread before you submit even when you are in a hurry. I'll try to clean it up some! Sorry!!!

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

PM,
Thanks! But I'm not so sure my decorating skills are that great. My floors are now complete. They finished up the ceramic tile on Tuesday and hardwood on Wed. I got the new comforter set on. My room looks so different with all of the new paint, comforter, and floors. Now, I've just got to work on getting everthing that is scattered around the house in the correct places due to the remodeling!

I don't think my H has any clue about what the employees think. I won't dare tell him because I don't want to jepordize their jobs. Honestly, though I'm not sure H would care. At this time in their life, no one can tell them anything. They think themselves and the OP are perfect. They have on heavy rose colored glasses. Well, probably more like opaque black colored glasses.

DD's senior prom is next weekend. H had indicated he wanted to help with the dinner that the parents are throwing for some of the seniors before prom. Honestly, I'm tired of acting like we are one big happy family. I mentioned it to him this past Sunday and he said he wanted to help, but I wish I hadn't mentioned it to him!
DD's graduation is coming up in about a month. I'm so conflicted what to do afterwards. When older DD graduated we had a family dinner with both sides of the family. Seeing now that MIL doesn't have anything to do with me and the girls. I think I will just suggest that my side of the family goes out to dinner. If H asks about the plans I will tell him and say they can come if they would like. Dang, who says this doesn't affect the kids?

Originally Posted By: hope3343

So DD's big prom and graduation. I hate when the H's act like they participate in their activities. They think if they pay for it -- oh well it is ok.

Actually, this time I'm paid for everything. Yes, he would have done it, but I just wanted to do it for my baby.

As for the graduation...ask DD what she would like to do as far as dinner. She might want the other side there but let her be part of the decision making.

Yes, I need to do that, but I know her, she will say it doesn't matter to me. H's family has had very little to do with our daughters since our separation. As a matter of fact they have not been invited to holiday celebrations for the past two years. They did show up for DD's homecoming ceremonies, but I wonder if it was because H (their son) was escorting her. DD has been on the HS stepper team all three years. In-laws did not come one time to see her dance. Believe me there were plenty of oppurtunities since she danced at football and basketball games.

Speaking of decision making, how are you doing thinking about the big D and what to do with H. I have not heard anything new with my D. Hate this stuff.

I'm putting it on the backburner right now with all of DD's stuff going on. Looks like I will have to be the one to file. I told him to, but I've yet to receive any papers.

So glad you decorated. That is a good sign mentally and spiritually. Taking out the old and bringing in the new, moving forward. Me thinks I have to redecorate my WHOLE house. Lol
It does wonders for you, go for it!

Keep in touch. Remember you have a vacation place to run away too if you want!

That would be nice!!!

yoyo,

Telling your h that they can come if they want is fair.
I know how hard these moments can be, but your a tough cookie!!

Lord, the prom... seems like decades ago, actually it probably was!!

Hi Yoyo. Let me know what you decide about the graduation dinner. I am in the same boat(being conflicted) except that it's D18's dad AND GIRLFRIEND, not the inlaws, that are my "problem". I am just not sure I am ready to do a joint dinner. I haven't asked D18 yet, because I wanted to make sure I was comfortable with the question!

Hi TAL and Mattie,
Thanks for stopping by.

Mattie, I'm not sure what will happen with graduation. Uggghhh... It stinks, doesn't it?

Well, today we had a planning meeting for next week's prom dinner. One of the dad's is in charge of the grilling of steaks and chicken. The rest there were his wife and 3 other moms. The dad was talking about his plans. He said, "I've got a couple of dads I want to help me prior to the dinner and then some for clean up. He looked at me and said, "I have your H to help cook. I said, I don't want him here. He said, "He can't make it?" I said, "I just don't want him here." I did not say anything else about it. I'm sure he knows what is going on. His wife and I are friends, not close, but friends. My really good friend sitting across from me looked at me and I told her, "I'm tired of pretending we are one happy family. He doesn't take DD out to dinner otherwise, why let him put on a show?" I didn't say it loud enough for everyone else to hear. She said, "I don't blame you, and I'm proud of you."

I do not plan on calling H and telling him anything, but if he calls and asks for a time, "I will simply tell him it's taken care of." Yes, I know this may sound a little selfish to some of you, but my H doesn't spend any one-on-one time with DD. Yes, he willing gives her money, but as far as quality father/daughter time, it does not exist.

I've learned some more of his deceptions recently and I am tired of the lies. I'm setting my boundaries, I do not wish to be around him. The kids will eat early in different clothes other than their prom clothes. Afterwards they will all go home to change into prom attire and then leave for prom. If H wants to come to the house and see her dressed before she leaves for the prom, that is fine, but I do not wish to spend 2 or 3 hours at a dinner with him.

I will not tell him he can't attend, because really that isn't my place, but I will certainly not encourage it. I hope he gets the hint!

Yoyo, I know how hard this is for you BUT I understand fully. My H like yours thinks that because he provides financially that all is fine. It's NOT.

My H missed both the sweetheart dance and homecoming dance this year. No pics with her Dad, no meeting friends, dates etc. How sad is that. I sent him a picture of her via the cell phone with instructions that he could not show the OW per D15. This is how pathetic their life has become.

You need to set your boundaries. They have set the boundaries with us...lies and broken promises. We stand true to our believes and till they come out of the fog we take care of ourselves and our families and that is what God wants us to do.

take care.

How are you doing? Is the prom Saturday? I hope it turns out well and I am sure your daughter will have a special night. Let us know what is new and how it all goes. Thinking about you.

hugs, kat

Hi Kat,
Yes, prom is Sat. night. She is very excited. Hard to believe it's her senior prom! She of course has her prom dress. She also has a cocktail dress to go out to eat in. Yes, they wear two different dresses, haven't times changed? She's already had her eyebrows waxed, gets her manicure and pedicure tomorrow, hair and make up Saturday afternoon. The dinner being thrown by the parents starts at 6:00. After dinner,they will go home and change into prom attire and then meet at one of the girl's houses to get group pics, then it's off to the actual prom at 9:00. Whew, I think prom is more preparation now than when I got married 23 years ago!

Hi Yoyo-

Have a great time this weekend. I'm sure it will be a bit emotional. My sister blubbers every time she thinks of my niece (also a Sr.) doing something for the last time. I understand though!

Thanks for the return email last week. I updated my thread yesterday and have more information today.

Take care Awesome Lady!!

SueS

Yoyo,

Hope you and your D have a great time and that it will be a wonderful memory for the both of you.

Jak

Look forward to hearing all about prom!

Hope you both had a wonderful time tonight.

Hey YoYo,

I know EVERYTHING went great last night..Listen I will have pleanty of time on my hands now do you want me to come down and kick your H's butt?Maybe pick up the OW.. take her out get her drunk and smear honey all over her and leave her next to a ant hill?

Take care girl, today is my oldests 27th b-day
Tomorrow it is back to work? well for two more months...

Doc

Hi All,

I suppose, if I looked, I could find my own thread. But, something weird happened to me yesterday, and I am going to put it on Yoyo's thread.

My feet have been hurting, so I went to a store that sells arch supports. I went in the clothes that I wear for bellydance class. Despite being a few weeks over 50 and sweaty, I was without a doubt the sexiest looking person in the store at that time. And this was my second visit, as I was happy with the first set of arch supports that I had bought, I was going to invest, yes invest is the correct word, in more.

So this handsome young man behind the counter comes right over to help me. And he brought me the cadillac of arch supports that I was looking for and a couple of pairs of shoes that I wanted to try on. He said he remembered me from my first visit, and he took a lot of interest in how the shoes fit my feet, asking to see them from the front and then the back. I felt like Charlotte in that episode of Sex and the City when she meets the man with the foot fetish. And he did manage to work the question "are you married?" into the shoe discussion. Anyway,....

So I go to check out, and the man says something that I really didn't hear. Then he say's, "I mean Sara, that's your name,Sara." And I said, "Yes, why, what did you call me?" And he said "Lisa, you remind me of an old girlfriend named Lisa." So I assured him that I was not Lisa, and I did not know him at all. And then....he blushed. And he looked confused, and was obviously having a hard time dealing with his memories of Lisa.

Just a weird thing. I know I have done that to one or two men before. It's weird to be on the receiving end of it. But the weirdest thing is, the arch supports don't feel right in my shoes. So I have to go back. And I am really hoping that he didn't give me the wrong ones on purpose to make me come back.

Sara,
Poor guy you must have looked so hot you got him all flustered!

You still have a mojo! Must be the belly dancing!

DD17's senior prom has come and gone. She had a wonderful time. She looked gorgeous. Ahhhh....youth... I can't belive my baby is a senior. Now, I just have to make it through graduation.

Well, I must say the prom dinner was a little interesting. H called DD about 1:00 and asked if the dad in charge of cooking their prom dinner needed help. She told him no, but if he wanted to come to the dinner it was at 5:30. He said he would be there. I must admit that I was disappointed. Yes, I know she's his daughter too, but I really didn't feel like seeing him for a couple of hours or more. But, it wasn't about me, it was about DD. So I sucked it up.

When H got there, I was busy doing something for the kids. I didn't even acknowledge him when he walked in. A couple of my close friends knew what is going on and knew I didn't wish to be around him. I just stayed busy and tried my best not to make contact. A couple of times he spoke to me, I wasn't rude, but I answered quickly and then walked off. Both of my friends said he kept staring at me. Once during the dinner I caught my DD looking at me and then looking across the room at her dad. I felt really bad for her. I know it has to be hard on her when all of the other parents there helping with the dinner were "together".

At one time I was talking to a friend and he came up to us. I just turned and walked away. Later, he finally more or less cornered me. He told me that he got a call that they were having a lighting problem at the prom location and they wanted to know if he would come and help. As he was explaining this he put his hand on the small of my back and the next thing I know he had his arm around my waist. Okay, so when you talk to someone you have to touch them? Luckily, someone came in the kitchen and said your DD wants you to come out and take pictures for her. I was glad to go!

Today, DD 20 and I were going to pick up something for dinner and her cell phone rang. She talked a while and then handed the phone to me and said dad wants to talk to you. He asked me if I ever got my blinds hung. I said no. He said I'll come over and hang them for you. I said well, I'm not sure where all of the brackets are for all of them, I'll have to look. He said, well, they were on top of the desk. I said not all of them, I don't want any of them hung until I can get all of them hung. I'll call you when I find them. He said, oh, okay. I think he was very surprised I turned down his offer to help. Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to come over. I didn't bite...

Well done Yoyo....and way to go Sara!!!!

Originally Posted By: Sara

Just a weird thing. I know I have done that to one or two men before.

Sara,
Being a Man if you want you can send me a piture of you in your belli dancing outfit and I will let you know what I think

I have seen Saffie in her black Bikini and I can compare.....

Kim,

If you need help hanging anything let me know also. I have had compliments that most of the stuff I have is well hung..

Doc

No, I don't want to compare my figure to Saffie's. I've seen the bikini photo too!

Yoyo, it's taken him a while to even notice that you are not interested in him anymore. Of course, that does peak his interest. At least stay hard to get for a while. Maybe you should become a virgin again, and insist on monogamy before you will have sex with him. I wonder if he would go for it again.

I don't think I looked so "smokin'hot" after bellydance class. And I do think we have to consider who walks into arch support shoe stores -- not the young, hot babes. But what I can't get out of my mind was how he almost wouldn't accept that I wasn't Lisa. How the memories of this woman overtook him. And yet, they aren't together, so something happened in the past that separated them. Boy, if he had looked like my old boyfriend, we could have had some sick relationship started there!

Originally Posted By: Dr LOve

Originally Posted By: Sara

Just a weird thing. I know I have done that to one or two men before.

Sara,
Being a Man if you want you can send me a piture of you in your belli dancing outfit and I will let you know what I think

I have seen Saffie in her black Bikini and I can compare.....

Kim,

If you need help hanging anything let me know also. I have had compliments that most of the stuff I have is well hung..

Doc

Gee, Doc, aren't we being a naughty boy today?

Originally Posted By: Sara

Maybe you should become a virgin again, and insist on monogamy before you will have sex with him. I wonder if he would go for it again.

I think I'd also have to insist that he is only allowed one family! I've finally gotten to a point that I should have gotten to long ago. Now it's my time to make to make the decisions. If he can't abide by them, then it is time for him to stay gone.

Originally Posted By: Sara

I don't think I looked so "smokin'hot" after bellydance class. And I do think we have to consider who walks into arch support shoe stores -- not the young, hot babes.

LOL

Well, when you put it that way, yes are a "smokin hot" babe. I'm sure you are quite young compared to the usual clientele.

Originally Posted By: Sara

But what I can't get out of my mind was how he almost wouldn't accept that I wasn't Lisa. How the memories of this woman overtook him. And yet, they aren't together, so something happened in the past that separated them. Boy, if he had looked like my old boyfriend, we could have had some sick relationship started there!

Hmmmm...Is that how affairs begin? Maybe you've solved part of the mystery.

Well, I settled in to watch American Idol, and ended up missing half of it! The phone rang and and lo and behold it was my H asking if I had found those brackets for the blinds yet. I told him, honestly, I had not looked. I guess those blinds not being up are bugging him a lot more than they are me!

He engaged me in conversation about myself and our daughters. I was friendly, but not overly. Honestly, never thought I would say it, but I'm having conflicting feelings about him now. Part of me says take it slow and see if he is willing to work on our relationship and the other part of me says, I've taken it slow far too long and I need to move on.

I want a man who I can talk to, someone who appreciates me, someone who wants to spend time with me, someone who only wants ONE woman in his life. I don't think that's too much to ask for. After all isn't that the way a relationship is supposed to be. I'm not sure H can give me that.

Odd thing happened today. I met a friend to go walk. When I got in the car to go home, this song was on the radio. I had never heard it before. The very end of it was on and I almost felt like it was a sign to me. Yes, it sounds very corny, but....

"Second Chance" by Shinedown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdUohtMuydQ

"Sometimes goodbye is a second chance"

Hi Yoyo,

Keep him at arm's length. That is a good idea. Life will be different for you next year. Maybe your oldest daughter will move back home with you. I can't imagine that she wants to continue rooming with her father. But you need to start getting a little wilder and go out more with people, not couples if possible.

I agree with Sara. Let him in again and you will end up repeating the same old patterns.

If he sacks the OW and drops all his demands then maybe think again......but until the pigs start flying don't let your mind wander that way. Don't let loneliness drive you back to him Yoyo- go find a better future.

Sara and Saffie,
I agree, that's why I'm staying away from him. I refuse to be in this unhealthy relationship anymore. I fell for it way too long. It's time to open my eyes.

Saffie, we know he will not fire the OW/super secretary.

I'm looking forward to a new future.

Hi Yoyo,

Shades of future past, or whatever it is, deja vue. Got a call from S25 a little while ago. "Send S20 to pick me up, I can't drive." Nice that I no longer have to do the late night pick up the drunk runs myself anymore. I think there is trouble in paradise. His girlfriend is no longer taking his temper outbursts. I guess I always knew it would end. But I did so enjoy having them out of MY house.

Boy Sara, you've still got it!! $\:\)$

Yoyo, you are doing great!! I don't think you have seen the last of your H's ditch efforts to try and wheel you back in. Stay firm, and remind yourself of what you've gone through.

I agree with Saffie, you need to get out and start doing things, Im sure you will be pleasantly suprised at what happens.

$\:\)$

Yoyo,

I liked Saffie's point...

Quote:

If he sacks the OW and drops all his demands then maybe think again......but until the pigs start flying don't let your mind wander that way. Don't let loneliness drive you back to him Yoyo-go find a better future.

He's trying to suck you in. He's pulling on the string hoping the yoyo will, yet again, recoil quickly, torque upwards. and settle in his hand.

The best thing you can do is cut the string.

It will send him and your daughters a strong message -- you are not to be taken for granted anymore. You are not a doormat. You are not the Giving Tree. You are entitled to 50% of all your common assets and, most importantly you are entitled to be respected.

It will take more than a major miracle to convince me your husband is for real. When he gives up the OW and can demonstrate that he's had no contact with her for 12 months, when gets into therapy for his anger/rage and narcisissm and can demonstrate he's a decent human being, then maybe you should give it a second thought. He then needs to bend over backwards and not make a SINGLE demand on you. Not until then.

Actually my gut says run as far from him as you can.

What Sara said about your oldest daughter is something I've been reflecting on for sometime. If you want to talk offline about it, I'm willing to. I'll say this for now....how you treat yourself/respect yourself will invite, almost enable certain responses from your husband. This is also true with your girls. Yes they think your husband is a jerk, but they are partly accepting his behavior towards you because you accept it. Not only will it shape what they accept from men, but it will also affect how they treat you.

I think your starting to feel your stength and power return. Keep moving in that direction.

I recently saw a movie called Lars and the Real Girl. A man was talking to his brother, asking how do you know you are an adult. Here is his brother's response...

Quote:

Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts...Like, you know, like, you don't jerk people around, you know, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to, anyways. That's all I can think of, you know - it sound like it's easy and for some reason it's not.

Good wisdom to live by.

--theoden

Hello Dear Friends,

Thanks for all your support and wisdom.

Oldest DD20 told me about a month ago that she wants to move back in with me. I guess part of it is that youngest DD will be going to college in the fall so she won't have to share a bathroom. LOL. She is at my house all the time except just to sleep. She said she dreads telling her dad. I didn't tell her at the time, but honestly, I think he will be relieved. Just think he will get to do whatever he wants at his house now without anyone seeing.

Last night DD20 and I were painting her bedroom at my house. It was just the two of us. She started opening up to me. She told me that when she got home Tuesday night from being at my house that he wasn't home and didn't come home the whole night. She said, "I guess he called you and you didn't let him come over, so he called her." I said, "I honestly don't care to be around him. I hated having to be around him Sat. night at the prom dinner, but it wasn't about me, it was about your sister." DD20 then said "Sister" hasn't given up on him yet, and I have." I said "What do you mean?" She said, "I don't care about him and don't need him." I said,"Don't say that you'll always need your dad." She said, " I can take care of myself. He has disrespected me too, by spending the night at her house and bringing her to the house to spend the night when I was there. I'm sick of him." She had never really told me all of this before. What kind of individual sets this kind of example for his 20 year old daughter? See she saw how he would be with OW and then turn around and call me. She just kept her mouth shut because she didn't want to get in the middle of it. How awful that he put her in that spot? How can he live with himself?

Yoyo,

I'm glad DD20 will move back home. It is amazing how scuzzy he can be. Call you, no; OK, call her. How can anyone care so little about who he is with?

yoyo,

What a sleeze ball. I cannot believe that he has no problem with doing this in front of her.. he is a jerk and 1/2.

This shows you that he wants his cake and eat it too. Run yoyo run far away as theo put it. This guy is not going to change, and for all of your sakes your are better off without him.

You have so much of offer to someone else, so much love, and he doesn't deserve any of it.

((((((hugs))))

Yoyo,

Glad to hear abour your oldest daughter.

Here's the rub....

Your husband has been having an affair with his secretary for nearly 3 years and he refuses to end it. He's broken up two families and left a young boy essentially fatherless. He's shamed his loving wife and two daughters. He's brought his mistress to spend the night and have sex with her while his daughter was sleeping in the same house. He's strung you along for three years in this yo-yo relationship where he makes miniscule overtures towards you while he keeps his mistress. When you tell you want him to break off his adulterous affair, he starts making heavy demands on you, suggesting you become a Stepford wife. He gets to do all this with no financial consequences. And he's not sorry, not one bit.

Take that paragraph and paste it on your refigerator and look at it the next time he calls and wants to come around.

--Theoden

Yoyo, just checking in and it looks like more of the same --EXCEPT with you.

Live your life, it is too short to waste one more minute on H unless he has a life awakening when he doesn't see Yoyo looking at him unless it is with a jaundiced eye.

When it comes to us -- we tend to put up with it...but when it comes to our daughters stay out of our way. NO EXAMPLE for your D20.. How hard it must have been to tell you this.

We deserve respect but we need to know that we we deserve it. I think you know this now.

You have done everything humanly possible to make your M work. EVERYTHING. Turn it over to God and live -- just live.

Hugs...

Quote:

It will take more than a major miracle to convince me your husband is for real. When he gives up the OW and can demonstrate that he's had no contact with her for 12 months, when gets into therapy for his anger/rage and narcisissm and can demonstrate he's a decent human being, then maybe you should give it a second thought. He then needs to bend over backwards and not make a SINGLE demand on you. Not until then.

I fully agree with this. xH gave me a list of demands, and only then would he come back. No thank you. He never mentioned anything HE needed to change. I fear our spouse/xspouses are similar in that aspect.

Quote:

What kind of individual sets this kind of example for his 20 year old daughter?

Shame on him. And kudos to you for being there, for your daughters, during this mess he left behind. Shame on him for being so selfish that he always (and probably will always) put himself first.

My friend said to me awhile back, "You are a treasure. You don't deserve to be put away on a shelf. You deserve true happiness with someone that appreciates you".

I think that applies to you as well, my friend. Happiness is out there. Good, solid, trustworthy men are out there.

(((((Yoyo)))))

You are going to be just fine.

Yesterday was a long day. I was up by 4:00 am. I was volunteering at a fishing tournament for the Children's Hospital. I had to be at the sign in by 5:00 am. It's put on by a organizatiion I belong to and one of the member's H who H and I have been friends with over 20 years. H and he go back even further. My H usually volunteers for it also because of his friend. Sat. morning on the way there I get phone call from H asking if I knew what time we were supposed to be there. I said I was on my way then, he said he was too. Matter of fact it ended up that we pulled up at the same time. I believe he purposely went slow so that I would catch up with him. He was a good mile of ahead of me when he called. When I got there I was cool to him again. We had to stay about 2 hours and then were free to go home again.

About 12:30 H called me and asked me what time we were supposed to be back. I got out there and it was pouring down rain and very chilly. I had a jacket on and H asked me if I needed a warmer jacket. I said I was fine. One of the other workers got there and didn't have a jacket so I gave her mine and got one of H's jackets.

Because it started storming so badly the fisherman started coming in early. Some turned in their numbers knowing they didn't have a chance of winning. One pair turned in their numbers saying they had let their fish go because they didn't think they had enough pounds to win. It appeared to be a father/son team. They kept talking to me under the pavillion even though they were free to go. The son kept hinting to the dad he was ready to go, but the dad kept talking to me. I'm sure H saw all of this because he was also under the pavillion, but on the other side of the small stage. Did I mention that I no longer wear my wedding band? Son finally talked the dad into leaving, I was a little disappointed. I was learning a lot of "about fishing", LOL.

After they left I was sitting at the table helping check in the fisherman and I shivered. H went out to his truck and brought me a heavier coat. I guess he was keeping an eye on me.

After the tournament H said he wanted to talk to me. We had a long talk. He said he was going to tell OW that it was over between them. I said are you firing her? He said no, on what grounds? I said you can find grounds. He said I believe she will quit when I tell her. I said no, she won't. She divorced her H for you. She won't stop until she gets you. With her in the picture it will never work. He tried to get defensive with me and say I had to let him do it his way for this to work. I said no, you need to see my point of view. You wouldn't want me around a man I had an affair with.

I see he hasn't changed...It looks like I will soon be a free woman. Would I like to restore my marriage? Of course. Do I see it happening? No, I really don't, but I know I am going to be fine.

Actually, it was kind of fun "learning about fishing"... $\:\)$

Good for you. He threw the same old bait out there, and the fish wouldn't bite. Hmmmm. Now what is he going to do? Keep your distance. You are getting quite good at it. So is the new fisherman a single father?

I don't even know what that fisherman's name was. I doubt I'll ever see him again. Oh well, it let me "sharpen" my conversation skills. $;\)$

Wow, your H told you he as going to break up with the OW, but still wouldn't fire her... So he knows what he really needs to do, but when he got half-way there he continued dragging his feet.

Good for you, Yoyo, standing your ground!

((((Hugs))))

Stick to your guns YoYo,

He has had plenty of time. Trust me... He can "lay her off" pretty easy. Just ask my boss..

Anyway the "fishing" is great here in Calif.....

Later
Doc

yoyo...

good for you. He is a horses azz $\:\)$

It will be interesting to see if he still tells her, and what she actually ends up doing.. but Not your drama, its his!!

((((hugs)))

Originally Posted By: fightingirish

yoyo...

good for you. He is a horses azz $\:\)$

It will be interesting to see if he still tells her, and what she actually ends up doing.. but Not your drama, its his!!

((((hugs)))

If I was a betting woman, I would bet that he wouldn't go through with it telling her. He'll change his mind and decide she's the one he wants to stay with. That's why I don't put any stock in anything he says anymore. Unless he makes some major changes, he's not what I need or want.

If I recall that had that little drama fest in front of you and he told her it was over. Must have been acting then. I would tell him words from him have very little meaning, actions speak volumes.

kat

Kat,
Yes, you recall correctly. I've heard this song and dance way too many times. Until she is gone, which I don't think will happen things will continue to head towards the big D. I just want to get DD finished with graduation and then I suspect I will be talking to my lawyer when I'm finished with the school year.

One of his friends who is also a business owner told him once, "First of all you should never cheat on your wife and secondly, especially not with your secretary. All I can tell you is that you are screwed!" Sounds like a wise man, he should have listened to the friend and got rid of her a long time ago. Sounds like the business will be jeapordized either way my H goes.

Let's hope he learns something out of all of this one way or another. Sound like you are doing good and maybe dropping some fishing lines of your own! lol

kat

yoyo,

Sounds like your H might not be getting 'screwed' quite how he wants to be anymore!!!!

BTW.....can we stop insulting horse's azz's on this thread.....I know some really nice horses with cute azz's

On a more serious note- I know this hurts Yoyo but you are doing a good job. Big pats on the back for how you are standing your ground. I am glad to see your H may be beginning to see that he actually has to show you he means things....rather than just saying them. If he does get his act together enough for you to ever reconsider being with him don't FORGET this lesson that he has taught you.

(((((((HUGS))))))) to a fine lady.

So, Yoyo, how are things? I know it's only been a couple of days now, but did your H follow through yet on his promise to fire the OW?

Hugs to you, dear friend.

NC,
He never agreed to fire her. He said he would tell her it was over and he knew she would quit on her own. I told him I knew that wouldn't happen. She divorced her H for my H, she will do whatever she has to, to get him. I told him we could never work our problems out unless she was gone. That's when he got all mad and said forget it if you won't let me do it my way. So of course he has withdrawn back into his cave. So the same ole same ole.... This time I'm not biting...

You sound strong Yoyo. Things will begin to happen I imagine.

How are you today? When is graduation?

Hope everything is going well for you! You sound as if you are staying on track.

Happy Mother's Day!! $\:\)$

kat

Yoyo,

Hmmmm....now that you are not biting, maybe we should call him Yoyo-husband.

Seriously I'm proud of you for not biting. For real.

I see...he wants to reconcile HIS way?

Even if he fires her, or she quits...keep running. It's too easy for him to run back to her when things get "real" with you.

I really don't know what he could do to earn your trust at this point.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.... YoYo

See living in Califorina ya get up before everyone else so I am "your first"

Doc

I get to be 2nd! Happy Mother's Day, Yoyo!!! Karen

Originally Posted By: Matilda2

How are you today? When is graduation?

Hi Mattie,

How are you? Please update me. You haven't filled me in for while now.

It is so dreary here. We have had so much rain lately. My yard looks like a lake. Luckily, it's not bad enough to get in my house although some around here have not been so lucky.

DD graduates May 21st. She leaves on May 22nd to go to FL with a group of friends. She turns 18 on May 23rd. She is very excited to be able to celebrate her b-day in FL. We will celebrate her b-day before she leaves. She's already picked out the restaurant. I asked her if she wanted to do a double celebration for her b-day and graduation. She said no, she just wants a small celebration for her b-day. I guess she knows she'll have a big one with her friends on the beach!

Originally Posted By: theoden

Yoyo,

Hmmmm....now that you are not biting, maybe we should call him Yoyo-husband.

Seriously I'm proud of you for not biting. For real.

I see...he wants to reconcile HIS way?

Even if he fires her, or she quits...keep running. It's too easy for him to run back to her when things get "real" with you.

I really don't know what he could do to earn your trust at this point.

Believe me Theo I've considered all of these factors. He has proven time and time again to be a very untrustworthy person. If we were to reconcile it would be like walking on eggshells all of the time. That is not something I want. He still blames me for his straying. He actually told me that!

I continue to be "selfish" and find my own happiness. I'm in charge of my own life. Yes, I would like to eventually share my life with someone, but my H continues to show me that it cannot be him. I have so many good things going on in my life and I'm very thankful for them.

How is your life Theo? Inquiring minds want to know!

Quote:

Believe me Theo I've considered all of these factors. He has proven time and time again to be a very untrustworthy person. If we were to reconcile it would be like walking on eggshells all of the time. That is not something I want. He still blames me for his straying. He actually told me that!

That says it all.

I'm focusing on actually taking care of myself. I've had one too many wake-up calls regarding my health and mental well-being.

--Theoden

So when is your DD's graduation? Right around the corner or already passed? Such a bittersweet time. I feel it even now with my s16's "teenager" switch being fully activated!!LOL

Keep staying focused and enjoy this time with your daughters.

kat

Hi Kat,

DD graduates May 21st. She leaves on May 22nd to go to FL with a group of friends. She turns 18 on May 23rd. She is very excited to be able to celebrate her b-day in FL. We will celebrate her b-day before she leaves. She's already picked out the restaurant. I asked her if she wanted to do a double celebration for her b-day and graduation. She said no, she just wants a small celebration for her b-day. I guess she knows she'll have a big one with her friends on the beach! Ahhhhh...to be young again!!!

stopping by yoyo.. how my girl??? $\:\)$

How are you missy? I know you must be going crazy with all the graduation/birthday/trip chaos. Treat yourself to some spa time while she is gone or take a little trip...I think I am only 7 hours away(hint)lol.

Let us know how you are. I miss you.

kat

Hi Kat,
Yes, I am meeting myself coming and going. I am still swamped at work, but the end is in sight. I have a week and left of school left!

Tomorrow night is DD's graduation. Hard to believe that my youngest is graduating.

I went by the pool place yesterday. I made an appointment for them to come next Tuesday to open and clean the pool. Pool party anyone next weekend? I can not wait to lie around the pool and soak up the rays, I'm ready for a little R and R. May have to have some slushy delicious beverages also! $;\)$

Happy graduation!!! My dtr's is tomorrow night, too. We are meeting at a restaurant (her dad, his gf, aunt,uncle, and me!) after graduation. Figured a neutral place was best since it's the first time we'll be public together! I'll be ready for several slushy decicious beverages by your pool after that! Can you open your pool a bit earlier for me???

Mattie

Mattie,
Congratulations to your DD. You might need to drink a couple of those slushy delicious beverages at the restaurant tonight! Then head south and we'll have some beverages together!!!!

Update...Ugggghhhhhhh!!!! Sorry this is so long.

So, just when I thought H couldn't be more of an a$$, he tops himself. Yesterday, I asked DD if she had heard from her dad as far as graduation plans go. She said she had not. About 10:30 last night she walks in the living room crying and saying "Dad is such an a$$hole. I called him to see what his plans were for my graduation". He told her had a meeting in another city at 3:00. This city is about 45 miles away. She reminded him that graduation starts at 6:00. Honestly, I'm wondering if he will be able to make it. Let's say the meeting gets out at 4:00, then he has to drive back, get to the convention center which is about an extra 15 minutes from our little suburb, find parking, most everyone gets there by 5:30 at the latest to get a seat so they can see their grad so parking will be difficult. I honestly don't know how he will make it. I think I would have had to bow of the meeting telling them that my DD was graduating, but apparently business comes first to him.

During their conversation H asked DD if she had mailed everyone a grad invitation on the list he gave her last Thurs. She told him that she had already mailed 4 of the 6 before he got the list to her. She told him that she didn't know the other people who happened to live 3,000 miles away from us and she would feel weird sending them an invitation so late. He started griping at her saying that they wanted to send her something. He told her that she had plenty of time to have sent them of course adding some "adjectives" in there that he refers to as construction language.

I went over and hugged her and told her not to worry about it. I told her it was her night and I wanted her to enjoy it. She started crying harder and said, "I guess my graduation isn't important." I said, "You know that is not true". Then DD20 told her,"I don't even know why you let him upset you". The girls then ended up getting in an argument. DD20 ended up leaving upset. So hopefully, she'll get over it enough to go to DD17's grad. Wow, and who says that separations and divorces don't affect the children?

I asked him well over a month ago to get me a list of his relatives and friends he wanted to send invitations to. The night DD was doing them she called and asked him for addresses for his sister who has recently moved and his aunt who had also moved. I had the addresses of one of the other two aunts. He had to call his mother and get the addresses. He called back and gave them to me. At this time nothing was brought up about the relatives who lived so far off. Then just last Thurs. DD20 brings his list over Thurs. night with 6 addresses of relatives in his mother's handwriting. As I said we had already sent invitations to 4 of the 6. Honestly, I thought it might be a little rude to send an invitation out a week before the ceremony to someone who I'm not sure if they had ever even laid eyes on DD. I wasn't even sure if they would get it before the ceremony.

My life is a soap opera and I'm ready to switch channels!!!!

Ok, I am officially handing you the remote! Feel free to change the channel at anytime, just don't keep flipping or I will get a headache!lol

Congrats on the graduation tonight. kat

Yoyo, I hope your H made it to graduation... Either way I hope it was a glorious celebration!!! Now both our dtrs have a new adventure! Congrats and I hope you have a chance to relax; take time for YOYO!!!

Yoyo

How did graduation go. Hope that it was a memorable time for DD and you and a good memory at that.
Hope Matilda's DD's went well for them too.( have to post here since Mat doesn't have a thread I can find.

How is life treating you in general? Summer is coming!!!!

JAK

Thinking of you, dear Yoyo. I hope everything is well with you and your DD's.

Hi Yoyo, stopping by the playhouse. Have not checked in too much but think of you all.
I will be updating my sitch also. Hope DD graduation rocked in spite of all the drama...
Prayers with you.

Hi Dear Friends,
Thanks for checking in on me. I'm doing fine. DD is now a HS graduate and 18 years old now.

My dad and stepmother came from out of state to her graduation. I took off of work that day and they got here early enough for us to go to lunch, do errands, and do a few things around the house for me.

H did make it to the graduation along with his family. They met up with us after the graduation ceremony. I was nice and took photos of them with DD. I also invited them to the graduation dinner, but my FIL wasn't feeling well. H brought them so he did not come to the dinner either.

The dinner turned out nice. We had good food and many laughs. The waitress even surprised the graduate with a cake! We didn't have the dreaded "pink elephant" in the room, so it was much more comfortable, but hey I asked.

DD left the next day for her senior trip in FL. She had a wonderful time. She was glad to get home though and I was glad for her to get home.

An update on my sitch. After 2 1/2 years I give up. I plan on trying to find time to call my attorney and make an appointment to file again. I have workshops I have to attend for school so it's going to be hard to find time. H filed in 2007, but dismissed it in 2008.

I'm tired of walking on eggshells. He still sees my faults and also finds fault with the girls. He has hurt their feelings several times too. He still doesn't see the damage he has done to our family.

Last night we talked and he told me we had been apart too long and he just didn't have any feelings left. He thought that if we had been able to get to back together sooner it might have worked. I told him, "we tried, but you were never willing to give her up". We had several near reconciliations, but after a few days, he "just couldn't do it." I never raised my voice. I just told him that we needed closure. He said then, "I think we need to divorce." I told him I agreed and said, "It will be the best for both of us." He then started smarting off. I told him I was trying to have an adult conversation and asked him why he had to be so rude. For instance, I asked him when he was going to file again and if he was using the same attorney he used previously. To which he replied very sarcastically, "I'll file when I find time and why do you want to know who my attorney is, do you want to use him now?" Which I calmly told him, "No, I was just asking a question." I also told him that if he was still with her don't expect the girls to ever like her because she will always be the woman who contributed to the breakup of their family. He then said "they will have to get over it." I said, "There you go again, it's always about you." He then became very angry. I've seen that look before and it's not good. I then left.

I talked to one of my dear friends briefly today. She was on a boat and we didn't talk long. She did however tell me the craziest thing. Our H's are business associates and friends. It was just last summer that I met them. In the meantime the wife and I have become very good friends. My H cannot stand it, he had the nerve to tell her H "As long as Yoyo and your wife are friends, I can't be friends with you." Oh my goodness how childish of him. My friend asked her H what he thought of that and he said he thought it was ridiculous, that he wasn't going to tell her who she could be friends with. Just a little background my H took the OW around them before they met me. My friend said, "I didn't even know anything about your situation, but I didn't like her at all. She is very goofy and trashy. Once your H introduced you to me, I made my choice and it was that she (OW) was never to come to my house." So I guess my H knows blames me for that. It appears that he thinks the H will forbid his wife to be friends with me and then he can take OW around again. As usual everything is my fault. I heard that MLC is alot like the spoiled teenage years, boy does that fit him to T!

I've always been told you will know when it's time to let go. Believe me the time is here. Actually, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I will no longer try to please him. I will please only me! I'm sure the divorce will not be pleasant, but at least hopefully the end will be in sight soon.

Wow, Yoyo. You sound so different. You are accepting of the situation in a way I've never heard from you before. Maybe you were just waiting for your daughter to finish high school. I still think he's in for a big surprise when he sees what divorce means to him financially. You keep taking care of yourself.

Sara,
Yes, I do feel differently. I think for so long I always had glimmer of hope. Now, that glimmer has dimmed I think I am truly letting myself see the real him. I think a lot of it stems from the past 6 months. I've seen his "ugly" side so many time not only directed at me, but the girls. When he made DD18 cry the night before graduation, it really made me mad. My girls deserve so much more. Yes, I know I do also, but what kind of mother can I be as long as I "allow" him to do these things?

Of course he still has riduculous thoughts about the settlement. That's where it will get bad, but I have to put my faith in my attorney. She came highly recommended, so I have to believe she will look out for my best interest.

By the way I was waiting for DD to graduate. I wanted her to enjoy her time.

Hi Yoyo-

Sweetie, you do sound great. I know you've been busy, but did you get a chance to read most of the book?

I'm so happy for your DD. My niece gradutated the week before your DD and it was so nice. It hit me at the ceremony just how much she's grown and how mature she is. My sister is the Mega Emotional one but even I cried seeing her make that next step.

I'll catch up with you via email soon.

Take care! SueS

Yoyo,

It's a long time coming.

Theoden

(((((Yoyo)))))

Congratulations on your DD. I am very sorry about your H -- he sounds so much like my xW : it's all about her/him. While it pains me to see another M fail, I also know that it should not come at the cost of our wonderful, dear Yoyo either. As such I am somewhat relieved that you will at the very least be saved. It is your H's loss, big time.

Hugs and prayers, dear lady.

ditto nc~

xxoo

T

YoYo,

you have mail

(((YOYO)))

Yoyo,

You sound so good and that your life is so full.

(((((HUGS)))))

Quote:

[/quote] As such I am somewhat relieved that you will at the very least be saved. It is your H's loss, big time.[quote]

I agree with this whole heartedly.

((((((Yoyo))))))
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

JAK

Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus

Quote:

As such I am somewhat relieved that you will at the very least be saved. It is your H's loss, big time.

I agree with this whole heartedly.

((((((Yoyo))))))
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

JAK

I'll say a bit more on this... If I compare what I have heard from wayward spouses, including my own, they will say they have to divorce their spouse "in order to be able to save themselves". My xW has often said this, that she had to separate from me and divorce me in order to be able to "save herself" (even saying she would have "died" if she stayed in our M.) And it disturbs me greatly to now hear my brother's W saying some of these same things as she and he prepare to end their M.

The difference here is that statement presupposes that the WAS has really and truly given themselves to their spouse and to their M -- which is a notion I would challenge. I have come to realize that my own spouse never really gave herself fully and truly to our M, so her statements about "saving herself" were just hollow platitudes. In most of these cases it stems from an all too pervasive sense of misplaced, unjustifiable entitlement.

But in your case, Yoyo, you have most certainly given your M and your family your absolute all. You have given your H and your M every reasonable chance to recover -- and some. Many could argue you have gone not only above and beyond, but too far at times.

So I think I am safe to say that yours is the exception that proves the rule, and that again while I hate it that your M is likely to be yet another casualty, your H's continual recalcitrant behavior makes it plain to all that you cannot save your M. You can't do this on your own.

As stridently pro-M as I am, it says something for me to support your decision to end your M. I think it best to cut your losses where H is concerned and save yourself -- you really and honestly do have a justification, both ethically and spiritually, for allowing your M to end.

We love you, Yoyo. You need not go down with this sinking ship. We now want you to save yourself and your DD's.

Much love to you all. You all will never realize the impact you have had on my life. I know that I can vent on here whenever I need to.

As I read your posts I teared up. Not because of my H, but because of all of the kindness you all continue to shower me with.

I called my lawyer yesterday when I got home from my workshop, but she was with a client. I had another workshop today. When I got home I had a message from her. I called and she was in court. We are basically playing phone tag. I told her paralegal that the divorce is back on again and I need to make an appointment. She said she would give her the message. So as you all can see I'm finally being proactive.

I plan on making a list of questions that I need to ask my lawyer. If anyone has any good ideas please let me know. Our state is a fault state and an equitable property state. There are no minor children in the marriage. We also own a commercial plumbing business. I haven't worked for the business, I teach. His OW is still the secretary, so you all see the mess I face.

My advice is to listen to your lawyer!!! (I didn't and gave in on too many things! Especially toward the end I just wanted a settlement so I wouldn't hate my exH. A year down the road I can see I sold myself short! However, my ex and I have a decent relationship now so maybe I did the right thing).

Hi Yoyo-

I hope you can get in touch with your lawyer soon. It stinks to play that phone tag. I'm sure she'll be able to help you out a lot on the business part of it. From what I remember, you may not have worked there, but your income helped build it. I don't recall you saying anything about OW having put any of her own pay back into the business so although she works there, she's just an employee not an investor. That's just how I see it.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I'd see the fact that your girls aren't minors as a blessing. I wouldn't think that he could really use the kids against you, other than helping to pay for college. How old are OW's kids? I say good luck to your H with all that! You know that once things are settled with you and your H

Well, again, I'll email you soon. Take care & have a great day.

Big hugs to you wonderful lady!!

SueS

(((((Hugs Honey)))))

I fell that you will know just what to do when needed. Didn't you say your A was a go getter, even better for you. H won't be able to take advantage.

Just be assured that you are a success and that your life will be filled with much happiness.

JAK

Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus

Just be assured that you are a success and that your life will be filled with much happiness. JAK

Nicely put JAK!! I couldn't agree more!!

SueS

Yoyo,

I wonder if your lawyer will even be surprised when you see her. Did you ever get all the financial info that you needed? It seems so long ago when this started. You need to take charge of your life now. sounds like you are really busy, though.

Yoyo, just stopping in the playhouse, I can see the leaps and bounds you have made.

Ask your atty how many cases has she handled going into court and her track record.

I am in a community state and it will be tough for me here even with a long term M. We are a fault state but even charging H with A is not that significant.

You need to toughen and play hard ball. I still have love for my H but I need to fight the good battle. I know any money he gets will be blown on the OW. He has put him in huge financial debt. I cannot help him but only help myself.

When it comes down to everything -- we decide and when they see we are not rolling over -- the waywards start to get surprised because they have had the upper hand for so long.

Take care.

Well, I did it. I filed for divorce today. I feel so liberated! When I went to my attorney she asked if I wanted a separate maintenance filing or go straight for divorce. I thought about it for just a second or two and told her that I had tried for two and half years and I was ready to move on. I caught her up on everything. She agreed that it would be in my best interest to do a business valuation. She agreed that the business appears to be worth much more than what H is offering me. She will contact a CPA for the case.

I'm ready to get on with my life. I tried, H didn't. He just continued to cheat with OW and lie.

The indifference is near that I'm hoping for. Right now he ticks me off more than he hurts me. I think that's a good thing.

(((((((Yoyo)))))))

There is a time to move and a time to hold. A time to take charge and a time to retreat. A time to action and a time for contemplation. I think you are finding that at this point in your life it is now the right choice to take definitive action. I am praying for you as you move forward.

Hugs and blessings.

Hey, Yoyo, I'll drink to that! What's that song, "I'm Gonna Wash that Man Right Out of My Hair"? You sound so empowered. good for you. He will get a big surprise in the mail.

(((yoyo)))) Good for you!!! I'm so proud of you!! You did it. You need to move on and find someone eventually who will appreciate all that you are!!

Cheers to my yoyo!!!

Boy H is going to be suprised!

Oh, Yoyo! (((((Yoyo))))) Wish that could be real! I know you already know this, but honestly you have DBed like a pro. Your H has had SO MANY chances and blown them all. You are such a strong and wonderful person--he's such an IDIOT!!!! Speaking of, have you told him yet??? Karen

Thinking of you, Yoyo!!! Even though you are ready I know that filing is still emotionally draining! Keep in touch and let us support you the best we can! (((YOYO)))

Yoyo

How are you.
Inquiring minds want to know here.

Are you done work for the summer yet?
JAK

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for checking in with me. What sweethearts you all are!

Actually, I have been doing quite well. I've been very busy. As matter of fact my dad tried to check on me three nights in a row last week by calling the house phone and he couldn't get me because I was out with friends and family.

My oldest DD is now 21. What happens to those cute little babies! So now my girls are 18 and 21, hard to believe they are both grown now.

As far as how I'm feeling, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. I finally dropped the rope after way too long. No more walking on egg shells. I can do whatever I want to. I no longer worry about what H will think. I know I gave my reconciliation attempt my all, I have no regrets other than it took me so long to let him "go".

I do have to share a funny exchange between my DD18 and myself today. She was off work today and had money burning a hole in her pocket, so of course we went shopping. On the way home one of my friends called and said she had run into my H and the OW at a restaurant today and it made her physically ill. DD asked me what the call was about and I saw no reason to lie to her. She knows her dad has a "girlfriend". DD said," I bet when people see Dad and her out they are thinking why in the world would he want to be with someone who looks as bad as her? At least Mom when you start dating someone new, it won't be one of your employees and he'll have his own job!" LOL, gotta love her, she is definitely a little firecracker.

Another funny note, I saw H's aunt Friday. She told me she asked her H what the OW looked like. He told her OW is so ugly, she could stop an eight day clock. The aunt said,"He only says that when someone is really ugly, so she must be really ugly."

I am enjoying my summer off. I think I'm about to head to bed. I have a long day of lounging by pool ahead of me tomorrow, life is pretty good.

Glad to hear you doing well Yoyo.

Gotta love what your children come up with.
They have a lot more intuition than we give them credit for sometimes.
Glad you are filling your life with people that love you.
Have a wonderful day.

JAK

(((((Yoyo)))))

Firecracker, yes indeed! You and your DD's are definitely that. A pack of black cats in a red paper wrapper!

You sound great -- and I know what you mean, to drop the rope can be such a relief! No more tiptoeing around the eggshells.

(Now if I can get xW to slacken up on the other rope -- the one attached to our kids. Thankfully your DD's are old enough to avoid being so used by your spouse.)

I will say that there is always going to be that twinge of regret that your efforts to preserve your M did not have the results you wanted. That's only natural. But then you were only really obligated for 50 percent of that effort anyway -- and you gave more than 110 percent of your half. The other half that your H was responsible for was left undone -- and without both parts it was never going to work.

So yes, you can walk tall in knowing you at least did your part.

I am proud of you, lady. I want you to know that.

Yoyo,

Well done. Keep moving forward.

I just booked a Florida beach trip with three of my girlfriends in July. Woohooo! How's that for GALing?!!! Maybe it will be one of those "How Yoyo Got Her Groove Back" trips, LOL.

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

JAK

Excellent!!!

Happy that you are feeling good where you are at. No one could get you here faster, only you knew when to say enough. Now go have some fun and don't forget the sunscreen!

kat

yoyo... AWESOME!! Im so happy for you!! Your going to have a great time!!

Does he even know yet??? about the papers that is??

FI,
I'm not sure. I received a copy in the mail of the filing Saturday. My attorney filed on June 11th and I asked her to send it certified mail to his PO Box as opposed to having him served. I didn't want OW to be there when he opened it. I wanted him to have time to reflect by himself without her ugly mug there! LOL

yoyo,

He might have not gotten it yet. That's good that you sent it that way, it will be interesting to see what his reaction is. I bet SUPRISED!!

It has a been a very difficult week for my DD18. Three weeks ago she and her classmates were celebrating their graduation. This week, two of her classmates suffered great losses. One her classmate's father died Thursday and another of her classmate's mother died Tuesday. Both of these wonderful people were healthy up until their deaths. The father went in the previous week for minor back surgery and had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and his heart stopped. He was without oxygen for 6 minutes which led to loss of brain function. He was on life support and the family had to make the difficult decision to take him off. The mother of the other classmate was recovering from a hysterectomy that she had two weeks ago and had a seizure and died at home. They are not sure, but believe it may been a blood clot. This has been a tremendous blow to our small close knit community. The father had been a pastor of one of our churches for 22 years and the mother was very active in community service. They were both in their 40's and wonderful people. So sad...

Just remember to love your families and let them know all the time.

I think you're right Yoyo. None of us ever know what is around the corner.

That was just awful Yoyo.

We have to appreciate those around us....and the good friends we have made on here. You guys mean more to me than you could ever know....and you know who you are.

((((HUGS)))))

(((Yoyo))) and hugs for your daughters as well! Some folks have to deal with unexpected sadness; others (like our husbands) create unnecessary sadness for others.

((((((((((Hugs))))))))

To you, your Family, friends and community.

JAK

Yoyo.. that's awful. My blessings go out to those families.

Saffie is right, we have to appreciate everday we have with eachother, time is short, and anything can happen.

Any reaction yet from your H?

Hi Mat,
How are you? All settled yet from the move? Those are so hard.

About a week ago I figured he had gotten the papers, so I called him about some tax returns. He had not gotten the papers, so I let the cat out of the bag. I was so hoping for him to find out about it by mail! Anyway he seemed a little surprised that I had filed. WTH??? I have not talked to him since then.

He and OW are still going strong.

I talked to a friend yesterday. Her husband told her that my H thinks I will get her to testify for me. Sounds like he is trying to stir things up. My friend told her H that Yoyo has never even said anything about me testifying, she hopes to settle all of this without a hearing. My friend said she was thinking to herself, with all of the info from the OW's divorce hearing that would be enough testimony. If you recall the OW's exH hired a PI and had video of their "meetings" at her house overnight.

My H earlier told this same man he didn't see any way they could remain friends as long as Yoyo and your wife are friends. He just wants to be able to bring his OW around them at their lake house. He thinks that the H will forbid his wife from being friends with me I guess. Doesn't matter, my friend can't stand the OW.

Oh well, just goes to show you how crazy the WAS are!!!! I'd say my stbxh is in a full blown MLC!!!!

I am sorry to hear that the craziness continues. I wonder if your H will be sooo attractive with only half the business? I am betting that neither one of them thinks you have the nerve to follow through(we all know better). It sounds as if you are doing well otherwise.

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I am slowly getting back to me. I really had no intention of talking to former beau about flirt guy but he was asking me where I was hoping to be, what I wanted to be doing, if I had anyone in mind sort of things and out it came. I didn't get mad at him or anything just said I felt as though there is something left undone there.

Oh and I agree your stbx and my ex are off in MLC created Lala land!

kat

(((((((Yoyo)))))))

There you are! I was beginning to wonder where you were. I am sorry that your H is being so foolish.

Quote:

He and OW are still going strong.

And that will be his ultimate undoing. I just don't get how our WAS can possibly think that they can ever trust another adulterer enough to have any sort of R with them. How can they even begin to trust each other? It's crazy.

Hi Kat and NC,

Thanks for checking in. I've been staying busy. I'm going to the lake this weekend with stbxh's cousin and wife. Weird, huh? But you just can't stop friendships, can you? The wife and I are like sisters.

In 15 days I leave to spend 5 days at the beach with a friend. It will be the first trip I've ever taken that I just had to take care of myself. Wow!!!!

I met a man and he invited me to lunch. We happened to know several people in common. I went to lunch with him. He was very nice. We agreed it was a friend thing. Although later I received an email from him telling me thinking of my beautiful lips made it hard for him to keep remembering we are just friends. LOL

Talk about me, look at you!! Kind of new territory. I will take it slow if you will. LOL Way to go Yoyo!

kat

No worries here about me taking it slow. I just dipped my pinky toe... I'm definitely not ready for a relationship now. I figure as long as I get ticked off about H and OW I'm not ready. I have to get to the indifference stage. Getting close...but not quite there. I've got take to care of my own issues without getting involved with someone new. That would be a mess!

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

I just dipped my pinky toe...

This made me smile!

I am still not ready to date and it's been 2 years since H left. Had lunch with a former male co-worker and was quite surprised that he was trying to start something (and he's married!!!--UGH!!!) Haven't moved yet.....but soon. Maybe a new environment will give me a different perspective on dating. My D18 keeps asking if I'll ever date again.

Enjoy your trip!!!

Quote:

Although later I received an email from him telling me thinking of my beautiful lips made it hard for him to keep remembering we are just friends. LOL

Yes!!! You need to be doing more of this!

Yoyo,

You seem to be revving up that va va vum!!!!!!!!!!

You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

I received an email from him telling me thinking of my beautiful lips made it hard for him to keep remembering we are just friends. LOL

Yoyo - that made me laugh. Oh.. those charming Southern men!

Take care
LO

LO,
How are you??? It's so good to hear from you! Please feel us in.

Yeah, it was charming, wasn't it? Kinda nice to be told sweet things for a change. This man is quite the charmer.

Quote:

Please feel us in.

Charming indeed. Sounds like this was a Freudian slip to me.

Yoyo,

You know you still have it, you go girl!!!!!

Have a great Vacation!!!!

JAK

Originally Posted By: NoCodeBlues

Quote:

Please feel us in.

Charming indeed. Sounds like this was a Freudian slip to me.

Oooops! Let's change that to "fill". NC, you naughty fellow. I assure you it was just a misuse of homophones. LOL Please don't tell my students.

Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus

Yoyo,

You know you still have it, you go girl!!!!!

Have a great Vacation!!!!

JAK

JAK,

Not sure about that, and certainly not sure if I'm ready to use it. LOL, but it was nice being flirted with a little.

Hope you manage to have a relaxing 4th.

Hugs, Yoyo

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

LO,
How are you??? It's so good to hear from you! Please feel us in.

Yeah, it was charming, wasn't it? Kinda nice to be told sweet things for a change. This man is quite the charmer.

Yes, definately good to have someone say nice things after all the rotten stuff we've been through.

As for me, not much is new. I'm broke from the D and still trying to sell our house in this terrible market. XH finally moved in w/ow which in a weird way is a relief since he hung around here for a bit too long after the D was final. I guess I'm just trying to enjoy the summer, hang out with my friends, and love D5 as much as I possibly can

yoyo...how sweet. Im glad it made you feel good... especially when there is no strings attached to it.

Your doing great, enjoy your vaca!!!

lo... missed you, hope your alright. Hang in there

Hi Friends,

Not much going on here. Just very hot! I took some accounting info and dropped it off at lawyer's office yesterday.

H has been going around telling some of his friends that he thinks I'll probably call their wives (whom I am friends with)as witnesses for our divorce hearing. First of all I just filed on June 11, so a hearing hasn't been set. Second, we should be able to do this through our lawyers without a hearing, no minor children involved, just division of our assets. I think he is just trying to stir things up. Perhaps he thinks that the H of my friends will tell them to stop associating with me so they won't get in the middle of our "mess".

I hope we don't have to go to trial, but I think that the OW's and her XH's court transcripts would speak volumes since she admitted to the whole sordid affair. Let's not forget the XH and the PI he hired that has video tapes of their meetings, Ugggghhhh!!!

On a much nicer note I'm going to the beach for a long weekend with a girlfriend. Yay!!!! We plan on leaving either Thurs. night or very early Fri. morning, we haven't decided yet.

Hello, Yoyo,

Have fun at the beach; you deserve it.

(Wish I could get away from it all for a bit.)

Hugs and blessings.

Hi Yoyo,

Too bad you're not coming to my section of Florida. Have a great trip!

Hi NC and Sara,

Thanks for the well wishes. Sara,I'm headed to the panhandle as usual, with you lived closer!

Have a fun and safe trip!

kat

checking in. Look forward to hearing about your trip. Any one there to flirt with???

pick me!!!!

Hey, Theo. I think she's already there. Anyone you know get arrested in the sting today?

Thinking of you, dear Yoyo.

Hope your enjoying yourself!!

Hi dear friends,

Thanks for checking in. I got back Monday evening from FL. I had a great trip. "Sheila" ( the name my DD gave the GPS lady) got us there with no problems, navigational systems are great! First time I ever had a SUV with one in it. The weather was perfect...high 80's and very low humidity. We stayed on the beach for 9 hours one day! I already had a good base tan and I used lots of sunscreeen, so no sunburn! We ate seafood at night and did a little browsing on the boardwwalk. No "what happens in Pensacola, stays in Pensacola" moments, sorry to disappoint. LOL We didn't do the bar scene.

Overall a very nice and relaxing trip....

So does that make Pensacola the new Vegas??!!

kat

I had a notable experience today.

Some history: Early in our marriage, I used to tell my husband when I bought clothes and show him what I bought. He always expressed disapproval and lectured me on spending too much money. So for the past 25 years, I have never mentioned buying any new clothes. I sneak them into my closet and just wear them. He never asks when or where I got them.

Newsflash: I have landed at least temporary work with an important agency located in Denver, and will be going there this week to get started on the project and pick up the files to work on.

The notable event: Tonight at dinner my husband asked if I was ready for the trip. I said that I had been going through my closet trying to find appropriate clothes for 4 days in the office in summer. He expressed concern, and suggested that I buy some new clothes!!! (Of course, I already have, but maybe tomorrow I will buy some more.) He then offered to let me borrow a briefcase that he had recently bought for a business trip. I told him I had bought a new briefcase for this trip, and he said, "Good."!!!

I cannot believe this is the same husband.

Originally Posted By: Sara

I cannot believe this is the same husband.

It's nice when someone here says that (to be positive rather than the usual alien
statements!)

Bumping you up, Yoyo.

How are you, dear lady?

Hello yoyo... are you back??

Sara.. that is awesome... Im happy for you!!

Hi Friends,

I'm around. I've just been busy getting DD18 ready to leave for college, less than two weeks,

. I'm excited for her, but boy, am I going to miss her. She'll only be about an hour away, so I'll get to see her often.

Hope you all are doing okay.

Hey Yoyo,

I am just back from my hols in Europe and am awaiting my eldest D's exam results - gulp. Should be packing my eldest D up to University if all goes to plan the 3rd weekend in Sept.

Let's get some emails going around and catch up. ((((HUGS)))))

Hi Saffie,

Glad to hear you are back. I just went to Denver for a week for work, but ended up not getting much work done because my boss was sick. But we did enough, and now I am back home with all my pets. I'm sure you were happy to get back to your horses too.

Hi Friends,

Just had to share this. I'm meeting a man for margaritas tonight. This is what my horoscope says today:

Aquarius, August 5
Say goodbye to the bad habits of your single life now. You have the chance to secure a romantic partnership and to enjoy the coziness of being a couple. The willingness to make compromises with another person prepares you for a deeper commitment.

Hmmmmm....Sounds interesting

The eclipse I believe is in Aquarius and Leo so must be a real bang for you today! good luck

kat

Well, I'm back. He was very nice. He is attractive, educated, and articulate. He is an accountant. It was obvious he was attracted to me. He texted me before I was a block away! Why does this scare the hell out of me?

Because your H cheated on you, you are a tad bit jaded and you must have felt a bit of a spark. Take it slow and see where this takes you.

kat

Why does it scare you? Probably because you haven't felt those dating feelings for about 25 years. And you are a lot more knowledgeable about all that can go wrong when you let a man get emotionally close to you. But I'm happy to hear about this. This is good news!

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

Why does this scare the hell out of me?

Hmmmmm... sounds veeeeerrry interesting. Maybe it's just scary because it's a new and unfamiliar experience right now.. YOU GO GIRL!

Hi Friends,
Yes, it is frightening because of all of the reasons you mentioned. Never thought I would have to enter the dating world at the age of 46. Yes, it has been over 25 years since I even thought of another man.

This past week has been interesting to say the least. I not only met the accountant, but I also met a 31 year old at a singles dance last weekend. The waitress said the gentleman in the red shirt would like to buy you a drink. He later asked me to dance and found out he was only 31! My age didn't seem to bother him as much as it did me! LOL Matter of fact he even asked me out. I politely declined.

The other man, the accountant is 52. He is the one I met for drinks. As my girls would say, he has been blowing my phone up with texts and phone calls. He makes me nervous. He is very touchy-feely. Not in a particularly bad way, but I'm not ready to be that close to another man. I told him I thought he was nice, but we would have to take it very slow. Odd, I thought I was ready for a relationship, but I'm not so sure. I certainly won't jump into anything.

Life used to be far less complicated before the "H" was abucted by the aliens!

I kept going through phases where I thought I was ready to date. I am probably there more so now. The divorce was a year ago. But I think you also have to know what you are ready for. Are you looking for someone fun to do things with or are you looking to find someone new for a serious relationship?

As my wise friend Karen told me, I don't think you are ready for the serious relationship yet. I imagine you aren't really either. I think it is time for just a fun R and not worrying about the long term yet. It is all going to come in good time. The future will get here when it will and not one moment sooner.

hugs, kat

What keeps coming to my mind is what we learned in DivorceCare, that it takes, on average, 3 to 4 months for every year of marriage to get fully healed from that relationship ending.

For me that means I have about four years of healing that I have to go through before I am truly fit to begin another serious relationship. When I related this to my IC, he said that sounds about right but he sensed that in my case it might not take quite that long and that I might be able to spring back sooner. He said it is just an average estimate after all, right?

However, I am beginning to think the statistic is right. Even if I push the starting date of my own healing to the Bomb-Day two years ago, I get the feeling that maybe it just might take another year or two to mend my shattered heart.

I have been conversing with a young divorced mother of two small children. She is 35, eleven years younger than I, but she seems undaunted by that. She's very cute, very attractive, and very spiritual. We have a lot in common, so much so it seems uncanny. And she seems genuinely interested. But I just don't think I'm ready yet, it's too soon -- and not just because of the age difference. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of the hurricane destructive forces of my D, and still in dire straits regarding custody of my S's and the expense of my legal defense. I've still got so much turmoil to get through and so much of my life I need to get back in order before I can begin to give myself to someone in a one-on-one R. Oh, I want to, believe me, but it would just not be fair to her or anyone else at this time.

I just have to be patient, and to wait on the Lord.

Sorry for the hijack, Yoyo. Just rambling a bit here.

Thanks for you insights friends.

NC you are not hijacking, "my thread, your thread" or something like that anyway, LOL. I believe we all can learn so much from each other, and not to mention that the moral support is so comforting!

NC, way to go on the younger woman, you still got it my friend!!!

Hugs to you all, Yoyo

Quote:

NC, way to go on the younger woman, you still got it my friend!!!

Thanks, Yoyo, but its still way too early. I mentioned this because it makes me realize that we really have to get through all this healing like they say. I just regret that I'm not further along, especially now that I'm finding there really are people out there that might be very compatible. I (trying to) refuse to burden someone else with my unnecessary "stuff" -- I need to get my own house back in order first.

Hi Friends,
Still talking and texting with the "new man". He makes me smile and laugh. I haven't had that feeling in a while. I told my friend about him. I told her I just didn't know. She gave me some very good advice, "You don't have to marry him, just give him a chance and have fun." I am now not stressing about a relationship, just having fun with someone.

I was rereading some of my earlier post on this thread and came across this paragraph in my post on 4/26/09. I was talking about the many reasons I would not want my H back and what I wanted in a man.

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

I want a man who I can talk to, someone who appreciates me, someone who wants to spend time with me, someone who only wants ONE woman in his life. I don't think that's too much to ask for. After all isn't that the way a relationship is supposed to be. I'm not sure H can give me that.

My new friend and I have been talking a lot on the phone getting to know each other. He texts me several times a day from work to see how my day is going. He calls me at night and we actually carry on great conversations. It is nice to be told that he finds me attractive and smart. A WAS sure does a number on your self-esteem so it's nice to hear positive things about yourself.

C'mon Yoyo. We're all sure he can't. New man sounds good. Just have fun. You can teach an old girl new tricks!

Sara,
I must admit I'm becoming a little smitten. Time will tell. I am having fun with him.

Yoyo,

I am so glad you are having fun. You deserve this. Enjoy this guy.......and if he's not the right one then enjoy the next one too!!!!!!

Originally Posted By: saffie

Yoyo,

I am so glad you are having fun. You deserve this. Enjoy this guy.......and if he's not the right one then enjoy the next one too!!!!!!

Hello Saffie my dear,
Has your DD taken the exams yet? Mine leaves Sunday for college, can you believe it? Maybe the new guy will be a good diversion. I like your way of thinking on the new guy. LOL

I have to share this, karma maybe...

I posted this in March.

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

So this is where the story gets good... H said he was at the Tyson Chicken plant that our company does maintenance for. As he was walking through he said he felt something hit the top of his head. He looked down after it had landed on the floor and it was half of chicken fryer!

I think my guardian angel did it!

I've heard of pennies from heaven, but never chickens from heaven! LMAO

Guess where new guy works at? Yep, you guessed it, he is the head accountant there. LOL A sign perhaps?

BTW new guy has a head full of hair that is all of his own!

Yoyo,

You are quite the lovely woman, and this accountant fellow is quite lucky to have your attention.

I told you that you would have to be swatting the men off like flies. But did you listen to me? No... ;-)

Makes me happy to read this.

--theoden

Theo,

Thank you so much for posting. You have been with me through this entire unpleasant journey. Your words are too kind.

Please email me sometime and fill me in on what is going on in your life. How are those wonderful children?

Hugs, Yoyo

Mr. Accountant called me on his lunch break today. He was out running errands while talking to me on his bluetooth head set. I could hear his interactions with the people he came in contact with. He was so polite to everyone he encountered. I must say he got some major brownie points for that. Kindness and manners go a long way.

I'm on my way out. We are having dinner tonight.

BTW, I start back to school tomorrow for workshops. Wow, where did the summer go?!!!

Hugs

Yoyo-

I sent you and a couple of the ladies an email last night.

As far as catching up with you here and seeing the latest....all I can say is

.

Hugs Lady!!

SueS

Way to go Yoyo. It sounds good for you right now. You sooo deserve it!

kat

yoyo... im so happy for you, you so deserve it.

In a weird way I am jealous...

love to you and the girls

Hello Friends,

Just a quick update. I am now an empty nester. I moved DD18 into her dorm Sunday. I of course cried most of the way home, but am doing much better now. It helps knowing that she is absolutely loving it. Classes don't start until tomorrow so let's hope she continues to love it. LOL

I am officially back at school today. So far so good, but it is the first day of school. Their personalities usually emerge after a few days.

I am continuing to talk to Mr. Accountant. I am really enjoying being by myself, but also knowing I have him around too. Make any sense? We talk and text several times a day. I did not see him last weekend, although we had seen each other earlier in the week. We both had lots going on. We are planning on going to the movies Friday night. We are planning on seeing Inglorious Basterds. Not my choice, but hey Brad Pitt is in it.

I think we are all jealous!
You go girl. Have a wonderfull life.

JAK

Thanks Jo! I must admit life is much better than it was on egg shells. I tried my best to restore my marriage, almost three years. H, however, chose his addiction to OW over his family.

I guess I just want everyone to know it does get better. I could not imagine it, and would not have believed it, but it does.

It was nice last night. We had open house at our school. I got a text message from Mr. A telling me to stop by his place afterwards, he had a bottle of my favorite wine chilled. It was a nice relaxing way to end the day.

Tonight we are going to the movies. I really wanted to see Time Travelers Wife, but he refused to go to a chick flick. So I guess he is flawed. LOL

Tell him it's Science Fiction.

Hey, I'd go with ya'.

Hi Yoyo,

Glad to hear things are going nicely with the new guy. Who cares what the movie is?

NC,
Drive on down and we'll go to Time Traveler's wife.

Sara,
I'm pretty much with you on the movie. He did give a me a choice of two. LOL It will be nice enjoying a night out with a nice attractive man!

Hey Yoyo, I might be in the same movie boat but with out a man friend but 3 teenage boys!! I need a nap first. lol

kat

We saw District 9. I'm not really into sci-fi, but it was pretty good. It actually did have a plot.

I'm getting more smitten with Mr. A. He looked really nice, smelled wonderful, and even opened the car door for me. Wow! A true gentleman!

Yoyo, I am so happy to hear you are happy! Just continue to have fun and enjoy the time with Mr. A!!!

Glad you enjoyed your date and the movie. The Brad Pitt one was pretty good with suspense and humor thrown in together. S16 and his friend enjoyed it because they are both taking French and German and that is what foreign languages were used in the film!

kat

Originally Posted By: Yoyowife

I'm getting more smitten with Mr. A. He looked really nice, smelled wonderful, and even opened the car door for me. Wow! A true gentleman!

So glad you're having such a great time!!! Maybe you'll have to start calling him Mr. A+????

Karen,
That's a good one!

Originally Posted By: Matilda2

Yoyo, I am so happy to hear you are happy! Just continue to have fun and enjoy the time with Mr. A!!!

Mattie,
Nice to hear from you. How are you?

Okay Friends,
I'm going to move to Surviving. Come by an visit.