Fifth thread starting and it had become abundantly clear that regardless of what method I choose I am not making any progress.
I tried to be the greener grass. H continued behind my back.
I tried to play tough. H balked and continued behind my back.
I exposed to everyone, H moved out and continues to lie and now it is because of me "always having a plan" that we are at this point....
The depth of his lies are in question, is he living with OW, maybe. Is he contacting her since he moved out - definitely. Proof of that is easy to come by he has been gone for 3 weeks today. The phone bill covered the first 11 days, in 11 days there were 13 calls. They weren't marathons, 58 minutes total for all 13, one being 13 minutes long the night that he told me he was leaving before he walked in the door of my house. Still claims she is just his friend.
He tells me he is living at a friend's house that lives less than a block from here, part of me believes him, part of me screams NO at the first part.
I try to DB, but it does not work for me. When I did question H about the # of texts to OW he said that you never reply when I text you. The days I slipped up and did reply, there were no texts to her. This does not justify his actions but it does make me wonder if the ignoring his texts is a good fix for my sitch.
I am no good at being mysterious, or maybe I don't know how to do it right. Although H is God knows where he is very concerned about what I am doing every Saturday night(which is a whole lot of nothing). Last night I had a sitter because I was supposed to go see wrestling. H must have asked 50 times if I was doing anything or who with. I said maybe I am not sure. Finally I decided to go out for a bit, I got dolled up felt good, did some drivebys of some local hangouts but didn;t see any of my friends at any so I went to BINGO. Yes BINGO a real night on the town. I was going to go to the casino after but I was too pooped.(at 9:30
) So I came home - H made the blocked call at 10:20.
Today when he came over I still had the necklace and ring I had put on last night(in place of my wedding ring which I have not worn for months(too big and not sizing it now)). H asked why I was wearing it. I tried to be mysterious.
me - Oh I put this on before I went out last night.
H - where did you go
me - just out
H - where did you go I am asking
me - no where special, nothing to worry about I was home by the time you called
H - did you have someone here?
me - no
H - are you sure it took you awhile to answer the phone
me - it was a blocked call I was considering not answering at all
H - I was driving by when I called I saw another car here(lie)
me - don't be stupid
H - where did you go tell me now
me - I don't need to I don;t know where you were
H - I have told you 100 times where I am, I am at (x's) same person he always says
H - now stop being an idiot and tell me where you were - were you at (bar)
D - chimes in - she was at Sobey's(a grocery store where I did go after BINGO)
Me - I did go to sobey's at one point
H - fine we were going to have a nice day but if you want to be this way D do you want to go out shopping with daddy?
D - No I want to go back to the park and play ball with mommy
H - D who was at the park with you playing ball,
D - no one
H- there were no other grown ups there?
D - no
Finally I gave in, as H got angrier and angrier (is this the point of being mysterious). Two hours later, H is still thinking about it "right, BINGO, nice story like I believe that."
Previous Posts
Stronger - But still confused and 3 more! Too lazy, inside that one if you really want to read them, mostly just a bunch of bunk about a very niave lady...
Oh and of course by the time H left today we were fighting again. We actually had a decent afternoon, went to pick up a new phone(on H's credit card as he broke the other) then had lunch out. Came home I took D in the back yard to play catch> H made a point of saying he wasn't coming out but showed up when no one cared.
H - you can't even catch one of my balls
Me - I guess well never know
So we played catch for about a half hour, laughed and had a good time. (we fell in love working together(like OW) and playing baseball)
Came in and tried to set up his new phone on the contract, can't do it till tomorrow morning. All of a sudden H got goofy. Did not want me to activate it(my name is one the account) because I will go looking through the texts, of course the q is why is that a concern? Oh because Bob might have sent something and you always go crazy over nothing and who knows what he said. I can see you sitting there all day at work getting all upset everytime the phone goes off.
Me - this is the problem
H - yeah you go crazy over everything
Me - secrets and lies
H - why do you ruin every good day!
So here is the kicker, I am nosey I am crazy. H took my cell phone until tomorrow morning so he could call and say good night to D and so we have a contact number for him. (if he texts her from my phone I will peak!) He just called here, to nonchalantly ask who's number is xxx? It was one of my closest friend's, oh just wondering who you were talking to for 23 mintues - well that was over a month ago so he is going through every call.
I honestly had to giggle - maybe it is more of an insane laugh. Ok mister - isn't this what you were just so hyped up about me doing? H - well there are a lot of numbers on here that are not in your address book. Yup I get a lot of people that call me and it is the wrong number.
Hmmmmm....he does NOT like not knowing where you were........he was getting jealous.............this is good....methinks he is liking his cake and eating it too. I am saying this, but I haven't read any of the other threads.
Have you every checked on him being at his "friend's house" when he says? Is that the deal breaker?
Now, you can check the cell bill whenever you want, etc. Correct? You have made a "no contact" deal with husband, right?
(((((Neecy))))). I know that there have been times I wanted to throw in the towel, we all have. I can hardly remember what I was like then. I do know I cried alot and missed H terribly.
I only found this site in February because I was looking to see if I had any say about the Divorce and how to stop it.
I don't know that I have even made a dent with him and like we get sick of everyone saying, this one isn't about the S it is about you. Trying to get ourselves to a better place mentally and emotionally. Afterall, haven't you spent months on him, trying to second guess him, where is he, what does OW do/have that I don't. None of that matters.
Neecy matters. If he doesn't see that now, maybe he will later when you have stopped giving him so much control over you. Let's starting think about you and your sweet D4. Find stuff that you can do together and stuff that you can do just for you. I promise you will start to feel so much better.
kat
Hmmmmm....he does NOT like not knowing where you were........he was getting jealous.............this is good....methinks he is liking his cake and eating it too. I am saying this, but I haven't read any of the other threads.
Have you every checked on him being at his "friend's house" when he says? Is that the deal breaker?
I have been trying not to check, for my own sanity. I think you are right, cake eating has been mentioned many time by many of the experts on here. I drove by once and saw his car. I have driven by OW's house numerous times and never seen it, she has a garage, she will be evicted if he is living there. One reason that points to him not staying there is that last Sunday morning he texted her about 20 times before he came here to spend the day, that would be odd if they were in the same house. There are things I could do to find out for sure, like go right to the apartment he is supposed to be staying at and ask the guy, but if he is staying there, it will cause a lot of issues that I did that.
Ok, then you have to trust him. BUT, he is still texting. Has he told you he would stop contact?
Now, you can check the cell bill whenever you want, etc. Correct? You have made a "no contact" deal with husband, right?
When H was still living at home when this first happened he agreed not to call her anymore but they worked together 44 hours a week. Then she was transferred and he was contacting her again, not 200 times like the month I discovered but 38 in a month. When I confronted him he said he didn;t see him stopping talking to her because she was his friend. I called this a deal breaker then didn;t back it up, a month later I got the bill and he hadn't contacted her(other than at her work number) which was a lot of progress. However, after a nasty scene the night of his birthday I asked him to leave and told his parent the whole story, he was home after one night and then picked a fight and decided to move out to clear his head a week later, the phone bill came in there were no calls to her until the day that I told his parents and the the calls and the texting started up again. More so following the night her left our house.
Ok, then you have to trust him. BUT, he is still texting. Has he told you he would stop contact?
He has told me he would "try". He told me that Tuesday night this week when he was shocked that I told he couldn't move back in if he was even still talking to her at work. So this reulted in him texting her 15 times the first day of trying anf 40 times the second and 3rd day. You see up until this month the phone bill just showed # of texts not to who. So trying means lying for my H. It was texts instead of calls.
oh man......ok, I see the situation now. So, he is "clearing his head" now, which means he is probably seeing her otherwise he would just stay home. He looks at your numbers on your phone, yet doesn't want you to see his phone.....you need to call him on that. Have you asked him to go to Pro-marriage counseling?
We did go to counselling, in January - when I first found out. Two times. He will not go back. He will not do anything and I really have no more cards up my sleeve. I have exposed, gone to see OW two times(who basically called him a stalker and denied anything else and told me all the reasons she - the 300 pound woman - was not attracted to him). Threatened to kick him out - till he did it himself. Half the town has told H he is an idiot and he denies it to everyone, Denise and I are working on it, there is nothing going on with OW, I am living with Sean.
I downloaded a separation agreement and filled it out on Satuday, he has not looked at it yet, keeps putting it off.
I think at 36 he is also have Mid life crisis problems. At marriage counselling he would start every sentance with I am 35(at the time) and...
He is claiming to live at his friends, watching hockey every night. Today he mentioned that the 4th muskateer in this group(they have all been friends since grade school) who would not be present had a wife who is ruining his life because he doesn;t get to hang out with his friends....
Neecy matters. If he doesn't see that now, maybe he will later when you have stopped giving him so much control over you.
Ditto!!!
"He who angers you controls you." (Not sure who said it, but it's true!)
Neecy, you were not being naive. For awhile there, your H's actions were showing good progress and that he was trying. Well, we now know he was continuing to be deceptive. There was no way for you or for anyone else here to know that.
It's interesting how they want their "freedom", but then they act like they don't want you to have yours.
My H was a lot like yours. He didn't like it AT ALL when I was vague with my answers about my whereabouts and such. He would pursue me, but it wasn't positive pursuit. It was
negative pursuit because it infuriated him. So I had to find a balance. There were times I'd tell him everything, and there were other times in which I'd tell him very little. Those times were usually on Friday or Saturday nights, when everyone's out doing something, like partying
. He'd ask, "What are you doing tonight?", and I'd respond with, "Going out with some friends." H - "What friends?" Me - "(I'd name one friend) and couple others. I gotta go. You have a good night!" Then I'd say bye and hang up.
When I actually started dating, a year after we S'ed, there were a couple of times I had to tell him it wasn't any of his business anymore. I certainly never asked him what his plans were. He was out of the house and living his own life. I always hoped he would come back, but I had my life to live, too.
Anyway.
Maybe you should reply to the texts. Keep that connection going and pick other ways to be mysterious with him.
What do you think?
Hi Neecy,
The next time your husband grills you about your whereabouts, simply say "You gave up your right to know where I am all the time when you decided to have an affair. Please don't ask me again -- it's disrespectful, and -- frankly -- not very attractive."
And then leave the room. (or say "goodbye" and hang up the phone).
Puppy
The next time your husband grills you about your whereabouts, simply say "You gave up your right to know where I am all the time when you decided to have an affair. Please don't ask me again -- it's disrespectful, and -- frankly -- not very attractive."
Ok, I hate to admit it, but I did get a little mean and nasty with my H during our S regarding this very subject. His obsessive need to always know my whereabouts and going-ons got to be too much for me, so I said to him, "You chose to leave, remember? What I do now is my business, and mine alone. You are not my H. On paper, yes, but in every other sense of the word, you are not."
It was terribly harsh, I know, but he backed off quite considerably. He still asked from time to time, but he no longer got angry like he had before. At least not in front of me.
H came by this morning to drop off my cell and pick up his new one. It is a 5 fave's plan. He said I will not be able to pick my 5 faves today because I don't know everyone's number. I told him his old bill was here he could use that. He grabbed it and I remembered all the highlighting. Everytime he called the OW I had highlighted it and put a note, before coming here to leave, before and after coming to see D at gym, ect. Oh well maybe he will see why I come to certain conclusions or maybe it will be added to the look how crazy denise is list.
Quotes from the lady at work - they are actually to celebrate Mexico's independence on Cinco de Mayo but fitting once again:
While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions. ~ Stephen R. Covey
Freedom is a package deal - with it comes responsibilities and consequences ~ Unknown
H just called here - he is trying to set up that phone and he can't think of 5 numbers that he can add as his faves. Of course he is not adding OW's number since it is my account, I think it really burst his bubble the other day when we realized the account had changed to show text messaging. So he listed off 4 - my cell, my house, his work, his best friend, and I can't think of any others, maybe my parents(as if). Um H, what about the "guy you live with".....
H just called here - he is trying to set up that phone and he can't think of 5 numbers that he can add as his faves. Of course he is not adding OW's number since it is my account, I think it really burst his bubble the other day when we realized the account had changed to show text messaging. So he listed off 4 - my cell, my house, his work, his best friend, and I can't think of any others, maybe my parents(as if). Um H, what about the "guy you live with".....
LOL!!!!
H called back, they wouldn't let him set up the phone - surprise I thought I said that.
He said he almost had it all set up and they asked him if he went by any names other than his because there was a different name on the account and he was going to say Dennis but he couldn't lie.
Poow babeee.....
LOL...sorry that just strikes me as funny. Mine says things like that too. "I can't lie." I always want to say....ummm, yes you can!
You are still here and still trying to DB, so give it your best sister!
(((neecy)))
So did you validate his feelings?
LOL
I said nothing which was the very best that I could do.
Well one of the homeowners went to cut OW's grass on Sunday and reported back that there is no way any car is parking in the garage because it is full of junk, but there are player's cigarette butts in there. (it is so nice and embarassing that everyone is on a mission now to see what is going on, I didn't ask for this.)
This means that if H is living with OW that he would have to be parking somewhere else and then she picks him up and brings him back to her place, that her 2 1/2 year old would have to take part in this trip at whatever time H shows up home, she would also have to be waiting by the phone for a text from H since there has not been a phone call everyday since he has been gone. Maybe this is unlikely. Maybe H really is just sick to hell of me and he isn't living with her.
He does smoke players though....but she smokes too, not sure what.
He does smoke players though....but she smokes too, not sure what.
Then assume that they are her brand as well. I know it's easier said than done, Neecy, but try not to worry about it. It will only drive you crazier. In fact, I can see that it already is. Not trying to be harsh. It's just an outside observation.
What are you doing for yourself this week? This evening?
You'd be amazed at the "gymnastics" that waywards will go thru in order to continue their affairs. NOTHING would suprise me anymore.
I remember when NOP over on the SSM board told me this story about a wayward wife meeting up in a mall PARKING LOT, for crissakes, to hop into her lover's car and drive off. I scoffed at it, saying "my wife would NEVER do that -- way too proud!!"
Then came the day when I followed her, and saw her meeting up in a department store parking lot, him getting into her car where they "talked" (????) for 45 minutes during a thunderstorm, then got out and got into HIS truck, and drove off to his house.
That was the first panic attack I ever had.
Puppy
Neecy, I want you to know I am not implying that you should completely bury your head in the sand. It IS possible that the cigarette butts are H's. It IS also possible that they are OW's. Who knows, and who cares.
If he's still seeing her, it is BEYOND your control. It always has been.
Your H is out of the house living his life as he pleases.
For your own sanity, you must start focusing on living your own.
(((Hugs)))
He does smoke players though....but she smokes too, not sure what.
Then assume that they are her brand as well. I know it's easier said than done, Neecy, but try not to worry about it. It will only drive you crazier. In fact, I can see that it already is.
You are 100% right, I was feeling calm, when I sat with the work counsellor last week she said that this was the calmest I have been since this whole thing started. I actually thought I had finally dropped the rope. And then I saw the phone bill and to me it showed that this is all about her, and I lost it completely. And you know all week I was down, and it flipped to angry.
It is making me crazy. So many people on here have spouses that say, they don't love them or never did, that they want OP, that they aren't happy or never were, that they want a separation, or want a divorce. At least they have a starting point to work with.
My H refuses to admit to any of those things. He states repeatedly he loves me, he always has, he wants the M but is having trouble with himself(which he can not explain), even Sunday when I asked now that we know that you are not coming home can you please discuss it with D, his response is I am coming home, but you make it so hard when you argue and I leave mad everytime. That is probably all about keeping his options open but it is so hard.
My H refuses to admit to any of those things. He states repeatedly he loves me, he always has, he wants the M but is having trouble with himself(which he can not explain), even Sunday when I asked now that we know that you are not coming home can you please discuss it with D, his response is I am coming home, but you make it so hard when you argue and I leave mad everytime. That is probably all about keeping his options open but it is so hard.
(((Neecy))) I know how you feel on that one, my H says stuff like that all of the time. "When" I come home, "when" we get back together in November. Its just too much. That makes it even harder because you start to question yourself.
You can't drive yourself crazy about what he may/may not be doing. As hard as it is, GAL. Do things for you and DD and let him do his thing, because he is going to anyway. You will just find things to do for yourself. It helps and as for your posts from earlier...he doesn't live in your home, you have no obligation to explain your whereabouts, period!
You can't drive yourself crazy about what he may/may not be doing. As hard as it is, GAL.
I am trying, I have committed to playing baseball this summer, I bought a new glove yesterday and the games start 2 nights a week May 21. This will be a big deal for me to get out and do this. I used to love baseball when I was younger(played from 4 till 16) and throwing the ball around yesterday with D at the park(fetching kind of like a dog :-) but she liked it) was the best I have felt in awhile and I started to get excited to play. It was even nicer throwing the ball with H but I digress because that is about us and not me. You know what it was nice for him too, he smiled and laughed and he doesn't do that anymore in my presence.
You can't drive yourself crazy about what he may/may not be doing. As hard as it is, GAL.
I am trying, I have committed to playing baseball this summer, I bought a new glove yesterday and the games start 2 nights a week May 21. This will be a big deal for me to get out and do this. I used to love baseball when I was younger(played from 4 till 16) and throwing the ball around yesterday with D at the park(fetching kind of like a dog :-) but she liked it) was the best I have felt in awhile and I started to get excited to play. It was even nicer throwing the ball with H but I digress because that is about us and not me. You know what it was nice for him too, he smiled and laughed and he doesn't do that anymore in my presence.
God, I am
SO turned out right now, LOL
Sorry, Neece . . . just thought you could use some fun. And yeah, guys LOVE it when chicks are into sports.
Puppy
Good for YOU NEECY!!!! That sounds like so much fun! I'm happy for you, this is definately a step in the right direction.
[quote=neecy22][quote=grumpyeby]
God, I am
SO turned out right now, LOL
Sorry, Neece . . . just thought you could use some fun. And yeah, guys LOVE it when chicks are into sports.
Puppy
Don't be sorry, I love to get these little boosts to my ego, God knows I need it!
Good for you neecy. Have a ball! I may be in the Galleria area on Friday evening. H is supposed to take the kids to a movie. If I am invited, I think I'm going to have a prior engagement (even if it's sitting in BORDERS reading by myself, or maybe whacking the little white ball around at the golf dome.) Think detachment!! If you have an opportunity to go out and GAL, give me a holler and we can set something up.
Sorry, Neecy -- obviously I meant "on", not "out"!
Ok these are things I know.
GAL is about me.
H is likely a cake eater.
No lectures, just appreciate the beauty of his inner turmoil. It is hard not to have a little giggle over him getting all tied up in knots.
H watches D today. For some unknown reason she told him mommy had a friend over. Which I didn't, unless he was just fishing he was very concerned.
But the funny part is when he came this morning I needed gas so I left right away, then remembered that I left my ball at home and swung back around to get it because I was going to play catch today at lunch with the guy from my work that signed me up for the team. H seems very concerned about this. Texted me a number of times earlier in the morning with inuendo about lunch hour, then finally as it got closer offered a quickie if I wanted to come home at lunch instead of playing catch....told him I needed to practice maybe some other time. He kept on it until it was lunch time back and forth. How is he going to like it when the team actually takes the field?
Hmmmm...tough choice quickie or playing catch, you made the right call. Good for you, that was DB'ing at its finest. You are getting pretty good at this. What with Puppy being turned out/on, you are the QUEEN!!!
Keep up the good work and have a blast playing ball.
Gawd, first a confident, attractive woman who plays baseball (not softball, but BASEBALL even!), and then she plays hard-to-get??
Arrrggg!!!!
Puppy
Hey puppy sorry to disappoint, it is slo-pitch so it so a big huge softball. All the rest is true though!
H is odd today. I had asked him last night if he wanted to go to the movies tonight. I did this for a couple of reasons.
One, he seems to always leave at the same time when he does come over, that small part of me that thinks he might be living with the OW wants to shake that up.
Two, if he is not invovled with OW and really does call her only to discuss our issues because she is his "friend", the phone bill actually aligns with that (even though this is not acceptable to me). He is still not welcome home while this is going on but I want him to remember that we can have a good time together and I am not just that cold person who will not respond to his texts or tell him where I was.
So, as I mentioned earlier he has been texting all day first concerned about my imaginary visitor then about me playing catch at lunch. Since I have been responding to texts he has sent me probably 50 today. He just called to tell me his phone is dead and he left his charger at work in case I texted him and he didn't respond(thoughtful?). He is at my house but it sounded like he was outside so I asked if he was and he said yes he cut the front and side grass and swept the driveway for me.
Ok and this is really odd - no one freak - he said I thought it might be nice if you wore a skirt to the movies so I layed one out on the bed.
I am not reading anything into this (other than H may actually be insane or have a brain tumor like the guy on Grey's) but it is extremely different than the person I have been dealing with recently.
Interesting. Go to the movies with him, have a good time. Be light, and winsome.
Wear jeans.
Let him know who's calling the agenda here.
Puppy
Interesting. Go to the movies with him, have a good time. Be light, and winsome.
Wear jeans.
Let him know who's calling the agenda here.
Puppy
We are going to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. On one of the other boards I saw this listed as a DB/GAL movie. Should be interesting. I think I will wear what I already have on, no need to change.
oh and thanks for not freaking, that was directed solely at you
well, I DID have to go take a cold shower . . .
Sound good and like fun! Let's hope he is not like the guy on Grey's, he doesn't need a tumor on top of all of other issues. Have a good night!
kat
I had a nice time tonight. The movie really was a good GAL movie. It wasn't as funny as I expected but there were some funny spots. It was condensed but all the rules were there.
H also had done 2 loads of laundry(his own and threw mine in the dryer). It was a good day.
I loved that movie!! Perfect, wouldn't you think?
It was perfect to see with him, I think I could feel a couple squirms from that side of me. I did find interesting also that when he told his girlfriend she never even tried (which I have been guilty of saying) she listed all the ways she did try that didn't work, made me ponder slightly.
I am finding today a little hard again, there were no expectations last night but just spending "normal" time with my H and enjoying myself set back my clock a little bit and I am missing him today. I see what everyone means about contact with the AP setting the clock back to zero, works the same for evryone.
I see what everyone means about contact with the AP setting the clock back to zero, works the same for evryone.
I never thought about that Neecy, but oh how true! lodo
Question is, did it work the same for him? Or send him running scared?
How true...
Question is, did it work the same for him? Or send him running scared?
Well H mentioned as he was leaving last night he "might" stop in tonight when he got off work. He texted me druing lunch to tell me Dora was just at his store and ask when she was coming to our town.
Then he started texting later in the afternoon, I think mostly to work in that he would not be coming over after work. Either that or he wanted some sympathy, he is feeling sick, upset stomach has the chills. Told him ok, hope he feels better. Then I guess he sent some more texts that didn;t make it because he called to see why I had stopped responding. He offered to take D to daycare Fri morning so she could sleep in. I am off so there is no need so he said ok maybe I'll just come over to visit before work then. (when they came in an hour later stuck somewhere in cyberspace after the first 2 recd no response the 3rd was asking if I was out playing catch, and then came the phone call)
I opened D's school bag and there is a note in there from her teacher saying she was having trouble focusing. I am certain she sent this only because I sent a letter telling her H and moved out and I wanted to be advised of any changes that she noticed in D. I never mentioned to H I did this.
So I just I flipped him a text to tell him about this letter.
H - I wonder what is wrong (hmmmm, I wonder)
Me - Don't know for certain
H - It is only JK, it is probably just because she has friends
Me - maybe that is what it is
H - I am not worried about her she is a smart cookie, I will talk to her after gym tomorrow.
Me - r u going?
H - I will come by after work and we can drive together.
As I mentioned before D has 35 gym lessons a year. This is her second year. This will be H's 5th time going, 3 have been in the last 3 weeks. This is the first time we will be driving together the last 2 times he met us there.
H - I am not worried about her she is a smart cookie,
He NEEDS to worry about her and what she might be going through.
My boys' teachers brought it to my attention when they were having trouble focusing in class, and this happened when?......Yep, 3 years ago, after their father moved out.
My sons are brilliant, "A" students. However, they are NOT immune to the devastating effects of separation and D.
I know he knows that is why. Of course it is why. Come on already. Even if it wasn't directly effecting her school work the fact that I cannot get her to go to sleep before 11 since he has left would effect it.
I know he knows that is why.
But he may not want to believe it. He might think coming around will be enough to make her feel that everything is ok and Daddy isn't going anywhere. Ignorant, but possible, and everything is not ok because her little world as she's always known it to be (whole and safe) has suddenly been shaken up.
(((((Neecy)))))
Last night when I went to pick her up at my BIL's, daddy had been with me when I dropped her off then left before I went to pick her up she asked where he was I said he went back to his friends house she giggled and said to Seans or Sarah's? I think she thought this would be a funny thing to say since I was so shocked the last time she said it.
I sent him a text earlier asking if maybe he can take D to meet his friend Sean and show her where he is living. Maybe it will help her understand a little what is going on, maybe it will help him understand too to actually talk to her about it.
Time for a truth dart: "Can you see what effect your decision to have an affair is having on her?"
Truth dart might be the only thing that helps.
My D6 has on and off tummy issues. While I don't completely know if its related, I won't rule it out. H was in complete denial when I first brought it up. But now (months later) he will entertain her problems might be environmental. I say nothing anymore.
I thought by telling him without specifically saying that he would think about it without thinking that the reason I said it was simply to try to make him feel guilty.
I think he was actually telling the truth about not coming over last night because he felt sick, he caled at 8 to say good night to D and said he had been sick 2 times and slept until then after work, I never believe a thing he says but then I woke up sick in the middle of the night so maybe this time I'll take his word for it.
H texted me this morning and after a few general formalities worked in that he has a meeting for his golf league at 7, gymnastics that he was picking us up to go to is from 6:30 to 7:30 in an adjacent town. People from the golf league have been calling my house every night for weeks and getting the answering machine - H was involved with running the league but the course that they play at actually colsed down this year.
Regardless it means D is going to be disappointed again. Like I said earlier it is abnormal for him to come to gym, but he told her last night he would be there. She mentioned it this morning. He could be at my house from work the earliest 5:30, we need to leave by 5:50. He said he will stop in to see her before we go and talk with her.
On a different note, I guess McDonald's really does crack the eggs on site because I had a shell in my Sausage and Egg McMuffin today, or was it a tooth?
Neecy,
As much as conflicts can happen (and your husband's is probably genuine), he needs to be VERY careful to be meeting his promises to your daughter at this delicate stage. He'd be far better off using the all-inclusive parental "We'll see" (which I use all the time, LOL) than to make promises to her that he can't keep.
I know YOU know that already, but I hope you can get that thru to him somehow.
Puppy
If only I knew the answer to that question.
H thought I had signed up for an online dating site through Facebook, because I had rec'd an email saying these are people that live near you that you might be interested in meeting(system generated).
Sadly calling me a loser, geek ect. is almost like a sign of affection for my husband. Would walk in the door, hey geek what's up.
If only I knew, that a loser was what he wanted, cause that is what he found in OW - high school drop out recovering drug addict and alcoholic(although this claim of hers comes with pictures online of her at a bar).
When I got the text and it was all in CAPS I jumped to the conclusion that he was really upset about something and I knew there was nothing there for him to see, so I thought perhaps he had been on this site. He is too lazy it is all right there in front of him if he wants to know.
So H did come over as soon as he got off work last night to visit with D until it was time for us to leave for gym, 15 minutes later. The thing is is she doesn't sit and visit, she says hi then runs off to do her own thing. He texted me from his golf meeting while she was at gym to see how she was doing, and then called after the meeting to see how she did and tell me about the meeting. He called at 6:45 this morning to see if I wanted coffee when he came over. Why he needed to be up so early, who knows? Was here by 7.
He mentioned he was watching the hockey game tonight at his friends(where he lives?) and I said I was going out for dinner then drinks. Of course the questions, where why, are you just going to pick up WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE GOING OUT? I mentioned this confused me, everytime you go out with your friends are you trying to pick up girls?? No, but you are going with 2 other girls, "should I be going with guys instead?"
Then I mentioned I was going shopping tomorrow and going to meet up with a girl I met on here. Then he went a little nuts, not yelling but more acting like I was insane, and that I am going to meet up with some internet predator who is preying on women who are upset because of their relationship problems.
So then he says, when did you talk to this person I look in your email(I know) and there was nothing. I said there is today I just talked yesterday, he said that is the first time and you are meeting her? no I talk to her online. So he pulls up the email, why did she call you Neecy - how does she know that name. Geez, and to think I was just saying yesterday afternoon I would have to change it.
So after leaving for work he sends me a text saying I am not to take my daughter. I replied have you set up a baby sitter?
H - No, I thought you were smarter than this, you are being set up and you don't even see it coming. Not everyone is nice Denise.
One more thing, H asked D about gym last night and if she went on the trampoline, she said yes but Mommy left(there is only a smal 3X10 space for people to stand 90% of the time I am the only parent there). Ears pricked again, where she she go? I don't know Alyssa's daddy left too(so did everyone else's parents D)
H is having a real hard time with wanting to be off on his own but not being able to control my every move at the same time.
Maybe it will serve as his wake up call. I guess they just don't think we are capable of GAL without them. My H has started asking me about my book club. We have only had 2 meetings, but he asks what we are reading did I have a good time, what time did I get home. Nothing to say he suspects me of anything but just sort of surprised that I am doing something for me. Also told him I was going to watch a movie Virtually with Karen and he thought it sounded kind of neat. He even brushed my cheek as he left(This was all Tuesday night before the court hearing on Wednesday).
I hope you and Barbara still meet and have a good time tomorrow. Make a good day!!
kat
ps Happy Mother's Day to you too!
We will meet - unless she changes her mind - and we WILL have a good time!
We have been invitied to my sister's annual Mother's Day breakfast that she makes for my mom and me(she has no kids) on Mother's Day. This is the first time H will be seeing my family since he moved out. I mentioned she was having it and he didn't balk at coming, he said at one point later, that will be uncomfortable.
I pointed out my mother had an affair and no one ever treated her differently, and now it is 10 years later. He said yes that lady cornered her in the bathroom of her house. I said that was one of their couple friends, where is that lady now? Oh yes, she ended up leaving her husband, and then when she wanted him back he had already moved on. No one has the right to judge.
So has your H found you on this site or just read the email Barbara sent? I admit I enjoy being able to vent on this site, it probably wouldn't be so bad for H to read what I have written about our situation and what other people have said.
kat
To my knowledge he has not yet looked on this site. He has a habit of going through the internet history but has never looked at this, I don;t think he realizes the depth of what I have written on here, just thinks I go read articles on divorce, marriage ect.
But when he found out I was talking to her on here he got more curious. I think H would be upset at how much I talk about, or maybe the planning behind things I say or do.
I know I would be in a much worse place if I hadn't found this board. I know that I am not alone and have gotten some good advice, I just don't always take direction very well (I tend to follow my heart too much).
It sounds like he is showing more interest in your relationship and anything that can help that has to be a wonderful thing, I don't think he could disagree with that.
kat
Hi just texted me again asking that I not take D to the mall tomorrow as he "has a really bad feeling"
Should I respect that he does not want me to take her out of the country to meet a stranger that I met on the internet?
Or should I tell him that he gave up his right to decide what I do when he left?
Either way I am still going.
So strage to think of the US as another country. Have you taken her to NY before? Personally, I don't see a problem with it. I have always been the adventurous type and you are going to be around alot of people.
And yes, he did give up his rights to question you all the time when he left. You go girl.
kat
I go over all the time, and I take D with me.
He of course has never been on this site so likens it to a chat room and thinks that I am being niave.
I told him I invited her cause I noticed in her signature block she was a Bills fan(how can you go wrong!) so I figured she was from around here.
I actually just phoned my mom and asked her to watch D. Although I have yet to file the separation papers it does mention in them that you need the permission of the opposite parent to take the child out of the country. I guess his concern is valid given his ignorance of the situation so I told him I would be going alone. He thanked me.
It truely is sad how much their lives (our childrens) have to change because one parent want out. I hadn't thought about permission to go across the border. Well better safe than sorry I guess.
I know you are going to have fun. I would love to live closer to some of you. Pretty much just hanging out in the middle of the USA.
kat
Good day all. Just got back from my trip to the mall to meet up with lovely Barbara66, she was very nice and nothing like the internet predator waiting to kill me H was concerned about. On the positive side, it was nice to leave my D at home and just have grown up talk so I'm glad H insisted on it.
I went out with my girlfriend last night, for a few hours. Once again pursued by H while I am out, mostly negative comments, designed to get a response or some sort of validation. I did repsond but left long spaces in between which is growth for me from the first time I went out and texted back and forth about 60 times each.
I did not respond to the first text I rec'd asking what I was wearing to pick up guys, so the second one about a half hour later said, that I always had a problem with him not responding to me when he was out(which he never did, and we aren't talking 20 min) and now that is how I act. I had D picked up and was on my way home by 10:30. H had asked me to call his cell when I got home on the way home in the car I phoned, he texted me to say that he would talk to me in the morning, he was too angry right now and he might say something he regretted??? At me??
H had to work at 8 today, when I woke up at 8:30 there were 4 texts on my phone, one asking if I had a hangover at 7:15(from 2 drinks in 4 hours?), then a few minutes later saying I missed out by sleeping in because he was going to buy coffee, then saying I see that you didn't put any air in your tire like I told you to(obviously doing a drive by) and the last send me a photo so I can put your picture on a milk carton after you leave to meet the person off the internet....
I am not sure he has read any info on detatching....
I went to the mall and had a nice chat and a nice lunch and picked up my mother's day gifts. H is starting his excuses for why he should skip mother;s day brunch tomorrow. I was shocked when he originally acted like he was coming, I did not invite just said it was happening, he assumed he was invited. Today he said he is not sure if he is going does not want to see my parents. I responded, if you really do intend for us to stay together you will have to see them at some point.
After getting off work H went shopping to buy me a monther's day gift. Earlier in the week he said he might take D to the dollar store to pick something out since he has no $.
There was about $130 in room on his credit card - I only pay a certain amount on it each month that he uses for gas because otherwise he would just run it up, he also has a set amount of "spending money" every 2 weeks and the rest of our money is in a separate account. After shopping there was $25.
After his shopping he started texting again, little jabs about must be nice how I go out 4 times a week and he can't afford to go anywhere.
I mentioned I was out once.
He said, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and this afternoon.
I responded.
Tuesday - we went to the movies together
Thursday - I took D to gym this is not going out - you went to a golf meeting at the bar
Friday - yes I went out to dinner and drinks with my friend
Today - went mother's day shopping, and look so did you! We went out the same~
Back again, you bought yourself things, I can't afford to buy myself things. Explained I spent a gift certificate from my birthday in October and an additional 84 cents, plus the gifts for our moms - his too. Still says but you got yourself clothes I have never gone shopping for clothes.
Really feeling bad for himself. Or - needs another reason to complain that I am doing things, first it was no drinking and driving, then the internet predator, now its $.
He then stopped in with my gift in a gift bag and stayed for about an hour(he is coming tomorrow morning, not sure why he brought it tonight).
At one point I mentioned something about the car dealership in town closing and he said when he went down there to look at used cars they were all gone. We have 2 leased vehicles. It was discussed if we separated that he would have to either have one transferred to hs name, or get a loan to buy it, neither of which he can afford if he had to live on his salary alone. So if he does not want to be separated why is he looking at used cars??? But he gave up the info pretty easy, playing games?
I wouldn't respond to his little jabs on the messages anymore. He seems to get enjoyment out of them. Maybe if you just ignored them, then he would stop sending them?
When I am out if ignore them he gets real uptight. When I am at home I have done that. Then when I found out he was texting his old OW from work("just his friend") and I questioned it he said you never reply when I text you. I am certain he is not sending her pain in the ass texts though.
Where is everybody - Hello out there!!!
Sorry, it took me a while to realize that you had changed your name on here. I am glad you got to meet and had a good time that is certainly the way to GAL.
I need to take my own advice sometime. Have a wonderful Mother's Day.
kat
Ok, I have been questioning for awhile whether or not H is in a MLC. He is only 36 but his actions are rather odd. Concerns about going out more, starting sentances with I am 36 years old and... even the continuance of contact with OW is through texts and it is when myself or his friends aren't bothering to text back, like some highschool kid.
But I read the MLC page and there was no wierd things with his appearance. This morning he texted me to tell me he dyed his hair. Now he has a receeding hair line but no grey. When I asked what colour he said frosted orange tips!!
My H is 37 and I am not sure if he is going through a MLC or not either. He is going through some type of crisis, that is for sure. He has sudden wanted to go back to his life before he met me. He has lost 50 pounds, dyed his hair purple (now it is blonde highlighted tips), got contacts, goes to tanned booths, works out ALL of the time... He says that he is NOT getting older, but is getting younger. He said that he liked being with the OW because she made him feel young. He is staying out all night, going to bars, etc. All of this is stuff that he did in his mid 20's right before we met.
I don't know what is going on with him. Actually labeling it a MLC or not doesn't really matter to me. As long as I just keep in mind that he is "sick" right now it doesn't really matter what you call it.
Strange though how so many guys seem to go through this bizarre behavior in their late 30's!!!
It certainly seems like your H is going through a second childhood (because he acts like such a spoiled baby-sorry!). Is second childhood part of the MLC syndrome?
Anyway, just stopped by to wish you a very happy Mother's Day. You're a great mom and I hope you have a very enjoyable day.
Love your new name. I think it's perfect.
It certainly seems like your H is going through a second childhood (because he acts like such a spoiled baby-sorry!). Is second childhood part of the MLC syndrome?
Anyway, just stopped by to wish you a very happy Mother's Day. You're a great mom and I hope you have a very enjoyable day.
Love your new name. I think it's perfect.
Thanks GPI! Don't be sorry I couldn't agree more.
I had a decent day, good by current standards with H.
As mentioned earlier he started early again texting. Today is "his day to sleep in" the only day that he doesn't work or take care of D while I work. When he was at home he would sleep if I let him till 10 sometimes later. This morning just like Friday morning he was up texting by 7.
He was here with coffee by 8. This surprised me because he had started last night with the fact that he wasn't sure he wanted to go to my sister's for breakfast.
I had texted at the time that if he was serious about wanting to stay together that he would have to see my family eventually. When I mentioned this to my sister she said oh I didn;t realize he was thinking about coming. That will be akward(thanks for the support!)
I think he is embarassed of his stupid hair, he didn;t want to take his hat off, then said it looks better wet, then after his shower said look no one will even notice.
My sister called about 8:30 to say she had just rec'd a call from my mom, my dad had gone into the hospital last night with heart problems and was still there(his heart was racing his BP was 205/180.) He is overweight, and diabetic. My mom was calling to cancel breakfast but he was having blood tests at 10 and my dad was hungry and wanted to eat so maybe we could put it off until 11 - 11:30.
Normally (even before our problems) this is the sort of inconvenience that H would complain about, ruining his day by pushing back breakfast when we were supposed to go golfing(not the dad part). He didn't say a word. He did laugh at my dad, typical having a heart attack and worried about his next meal.
H gave me my gift and a card, Card was not mushy but an interesting choice
Happy Mother's Day to My WifeFrom the guy who got you into this whole mess in the first place I'm glad he acknowledges it!!
He bought me 2 new golf shirts - girly ones - and a new black hat with pink writing and golf towel. I absolutely loved my gift. I had just mentioned when he was here the other night how none of my shirts fit(as I was trying to find something for the movies).
We went to breakfast and it really wasn't that akward, at least I didn't think so, of course most of the conversation was around my dad. It meant the world to me that he went, I did not invite him, I did not tell him that I would be disappointed if he didn't come when he said he might not.
After breakfast we went over to his parents but they weren't home so off we went golfing. It was decent for the first 9 holes. There has always been tension when we go out, H is an excellent golfer he was actually offered a scholarship to Penn state to play. I am not so good, I could be better than average, but I do not get to play enough and it takes me a bit to hit my groove.
D was less than cooperative by the time we got to the back 9, so it wasn't all that plesant. After golf we went over to his parents to visit his mom and left after D started a tantrum about her ring she thought she left in the golf cart.
H made the following statement to me(not D) "this is what I am not missing. " Well no kidding. Does he think I enjoy it?
I was actually beginning to wonder myself if this was part of the issue. My daughter is like the "little girl who had a little curl" You know that poem? When she is good she is very, very good, and when she is bad she is horrid. She is 4 and has yet to grow out of the terrible twos, she reminds me sometimes of the kids on Super Nanny. That being said, she is better when it is just her and I, well not actually, but I just put her in her room and she can scream all she wants and get no attention for it. H can't handle that.
The day he left - she started a tantrum and he got angry and yelled at her that if she didn't stop he would beat her. (never touched her). Then he went in to take a bath and when I went in there he was crying. I told him I know that we have a lot going on but he cannot talk to her like that. He said "Do you think I wanted to say that?". That was the last day he lived at home. H was beaten as a child. I am realizing now that everytime H went out and even now when he comes over he leaves at the same time - bedtime - in my everything is about the OW mindset(who I have no confirmed contact with since Dec) I used to think oh he must leave because he is going to see her and she has a child and it is after the child goes to bed. Now I am wondering if it is to avoid the 2 hours of crying, and begging and nonsense that goes on every night when OUR daughter is supposed to be going to bed. Now he goes and sits at his friends house and watches hockey while I deal with it.
Oh if you actually took the time to read this far my daughter bought me a hoola hoop, because "Mommy didn;t have one!"
That and some bright, bright red lipstick. I did wear it in highshcool back when that llok was in(remember the Simply Irresistable Video) but when I tried it on today it was like look out here comes Denise's lips.
Oh if you actually took the time to read this far my daughter bought me a hoola hoop, because "Mommy didn;t have one!"
That and some bright, bright red lipstick. I did wear it in highshcool back when that llok was in(remember the Simply Irresistable Video) but when I tried it on today it was like look out here comes Denise's lips.
LOL!!! That's funny!
And I love how D got her mommy a hoola hoop! How precious!
PS - Diggin' the name change, too.
Happy Mother's Day!
I am so glad you had a nice day! You are such a sweet and funny person. You deserve the absolute best!
kat
Thanks Kat, so are you, I hope the cardinals keep coming your way.
Not too much happened yesterday. I had mentioned to H on Sunday that they were building an Aarons close by and they were advertising that they were hiring. He asked me to send in his resume. Aarons is very similar to his store but the better souped up american version. That he asked me to send in his resume is major in that he is terrified of interviews has very little confidence in himself to do well. He knows how important it is he no longer works where he is.
He just called me to say that they called to say they got his resume and the store is still in construction but they will be inviting him for an interview in the next 3 to 4 weeks.
He is nervous because when Aarons came in to Toronto, they recruited from his stores then got rid of a lot of people following the grand opening.
I said just be honest with them and ask them about that, tell them that you have a wife and child(that you abandoned) and need to know that is not the intent.
If he could go there I think it would be very positive for him, he is very very disatisfied with his work and I think that is a factor in our problems, on top of OW being an employee there.
[quote=Snow WhiteThat and some bright, bright red lipstick. I did wear it in highshcool back when that llok was in(remember the Simply Irresistable Video) but when I tried it on today it was like look out here comes Denise's lips. [/quote]
Yeah, baby!!!
Puppy
Some good news there, Snow!
Hopefully he gets hired, and this becomes a turning point for the better.
Some good news there, Snow!
Hopefully he gets hired, and this becomes a turning point for the better.
I hope so too GF, but I tell you, I read your sitch and I see so many similarities between you and I and between our H's and I am beginning to question why I want him to come home.
He is there today watching D and complaining, first it is that that I do everything half assed because there was some jam on the outside of the jam jar(probably a month old since he was there, can't remember the last time I had jam), then it was that there were crumbs on the floor in our bedroom (where d sits to watch tv), I am not even trying to keep up the house...
Then when he went to take D to school her homework had been put back in the bag with a note on it to do the back of the page(the previous 2 weeks it was only the front). I had not even gone in her bag last night because homework comes home on Wed. I had her get out her book they sent home to read so I didn't notice. To that I got a text that said "she didn't finish her homework are you done or what because this is an f'n joke"
He obviously is in a bad mood today so it must be my fault. I want to rip a strip off him about it, but I called when i got back from my lunch and asked,"What is with you today, you seem to be going around looking for anything I might be doing wrong" He was then nice on the phone, I think he thinks he can say anything he wants by text.
My problem is if I choose not to bite my tongue I have a hard time staying in the moment, my response would be more like I am sorry the house isn't clean enough given that you walked out on your daughter and I, I have more things to worry about. So then I say nothing.
So teh he changes the subject were you out playing catch, how many times did you play this week?
Hey Snow, I'm glad you had a good Mother's Day and don't let the alien get you down.
I laughed when I read that part about the lips...I remember that commercial! You are too funny.
He seems awfully interested in your activities...keep it up and enjoy the hell out of it.
I hope so too GF, but I tell you, I read your sitch and I see so many similarities between you and I and between our H's and I am beginning to question why I want him to come home.
(((SW)))
Yes, there are similarities, but please don't get discouraged because of what's happening in my sitch. Even though your H isn't living at home, he still comes around, presenting you with the opportunities to shine by
showing him your genuine changes. I understand how angry you are with his decision to leave, but you can't show him that. You can't let him
feel it. I had to remind myself of this everyday. I had to make myself act as if I was happy, as if nothing was eating away at me. The more I just did it, the more it became easier for me to accomplish. It also made my interactions with my H a lot more pleasant.
He is there today watching D and complaining, first it is that that I do everything half assed because there was some jam on the outside of the jam jar(probably a month old since he was there, can't remember the last time I had jam), then it was that there were crumbs on the floor in our bedroom (where d sits to watch tv), I am not even trying to keep up the house...
Then when he went to take D to school her homework had been put back in the bag with a note on it to do the back of the page(the previous 2 weeks it was only the front). I had not even gone in her bag last night because homework comes home on Wed. I had her get out her book they sent home to read so I didn't notice. To that I got a text that said "she didn't finish her homework are you done or what because this is an f'n joke"
He obviously is in a bad mood today so it must be my fault.
Ok, I agree. He's in a nitpicky mood. Just looking for any kind of justification as to why he was unhappy at home, making himself feel better having made his choice. IOW, He is NOT happy with his choice to leave his family, but he will try anything to convince himself otherwise.
So how to remedy this???......DON'T give him the chance to find the justification he is scrambling for. Clean the house. I know you are a working mom, so get help if you need it. Also from now on, be sure to check D's bag every afternoon after school and/or work (I slipped up once and didn't catch a big assignment that was due the next day! H was p*ssed off more with me than he was with S12.), and oh! Try not to forget to wipe up the jam jar!
Look around the house and improve anything else you think needs it. Get to it before he does.
Tackling his gripes will show him that you are listening to him, and that you care.
I want to rip a strip off him about it, but I called when i got back from my lunch and asked,"What is with you today, you seem to be going around looking for anything I might be doing wrong" He was then nice on the phone, I think he thinks he can say anything he wants by text.
Hmmm, maybe he feels that is the only time he can say what is on his mind without it becoming a heated debate as it might if you two were face-to-face?
My problem is if I choose not to bite my tongue I have a hard time staying in the moment, my response would be more like I am sorry the house isn't clean enough given that you walked out on your daughter and I, I have more things to worry about. So then I say nothing.
Yeah, I've had those kind of moments, too.
Truth is, they do not bring us any closer to repairing the R. Instead, we end up pushing our H's further away because we haven't worked towards forgiving them for their mistakes.
The sooner we work on forgiveness, the sooner we can begin to move forward in a positive direction.
So teh he changes the subject were you out playing catch, how many times did you play this week?
He's probably thinking if you've got time to play catch, then you've got time to clean house and make sure that D gets her homework done.
[quote=Snow White]
Ok, I agree. He's in a nitpicky mood. Just looking for any kind of justification as to why he was unhappy at home, making himself feel better having made his choice. IOW, He is NOT happy with his choice to leave his family, but he will try anything to convince himself otherwise.
So how to remedy this???......DON'T give him the chance to find the justification he is scrambling for. Clean the house. I know you are a working mom, so get help if you need it. Also from now on, be sure to check D's bag every afternoon after school and/or work (I slipped up once and didn't catch a big assignment that was due the next day! H was p*ssed off more with me than he was with S12.), and oh! Try not to forget to wipe up the jam jar!
Look around the house and improve anything else you think needs it. Get to it before he does.
Tackling his gripes will show him that you are listening to him, and that you care.
Yes, GF you told me about this too--my H nitpicks constantly as well about the house not being clean enough or whatever. I am trying to make at least some progress every week on improving the house, which I think is a realistic goal. Although I have to say with pets and 2 kids and home schooling there is usually a mess somewhere left by one of them and my H really enjoys finding them I think!!
I like your interpretation, GF, that Snow's H is not happy with his choices and am wondering (hoping) that is true in my H's case also.
Karen
I like your interpretation, GF, that Snow's H is not happy with his choices and am wondering (hoping) that is true in my H's case also.
Karen
Well I will thank you on my H's behalf as this was his own interpretation.
I used to think he was so much happier when he wasn't living with us anymore, but according to my H, he wasn't
AT ALL. Even lying in bed and waking up next to someone else, he was NOT happy. All he could think about was, "WTH did I do? It should not be like this. I f'ed up my life and my family."
I'm willing to bet that the majority of WASs feel this way to some extent.
IOW, He is NOT happy with his choice to leave his family, but he will try anything to convince himself otherwise.
THis would be nice if this was the case. Too bad he is working so hard to convince himself though.
Clean the house. I know you are a working mom, so get help if you need it. Also from now on, be sure to check D's bag every afternoon after school and/or work (I slipped up once and didn't catch a big assignment that was due the next day! H was p*ssed off more with me than he was with S12.), and oh! Try not to forget to wipe up the jam jar!
I actually thought yesterday at work I am going to spend the evening cleaning, that will be an interesting 180 if H walks in and it is spotless(please now my house is not a disgusting mess, it just isn't like his mom's perfect place) But then I got home and after everything was said and done i wasn't feeling to bright and sunny so I decided to pull out my exercise bike and exercise for the first time since the bomb.
I did find that link that Karen suggested and I am going to try that out and see if I can keep up.
Its funny though
when I got home the same guy who was so concerned about the house had left the bread open on the counter and the melba toast box out, crumbs everywhere. He was in a good mood at that point and so was I so I asked where my phone was so I could send him a mean text saying close the bread! He laughed.
The sooner we work on forgiveness, the sooner we can begin to move forward in a positive direction.
I am trying, I am trying. I have been doing very well for the last week and a half and we have got along great for the most part.
So then he changes the subject were you out playing catch, how many times did you play this week?
He's probably thinking if you've got time to play catch, then you've got time to clean house and make sure that D gets her homework done.
This one is more his jealousy creeping in, catch is at lunch at work, he was so concerned last week he near begged me to come home and had nonchalantly worked it into conversation a number of times since. First scrimmage game Thursday night!
Now for tonight's journaling. Met H and D after work for chinese food. We were the only people in the restaurant until my parents came in. So much for intimate conversation. My mom walks in the restaurant do you want us to sit by you or on the other side so you don;t have to see us! I just rolled my eyes. I did ask them to sit at the table next to us as they were pulling up their chairs to our table.
We went to Walmart after dinner cause H promised D an E-pet if she was good. He took me around the store pointing out all the different things he had considered getting me for Mother's day before he picked what he picked. He was showing me a bench for the house when we saw an awesome screened gazebo with a fold out bar on the side, and he started talking about how we should get it for our yard and sitting out in it in the summer. Interesting. I kind of expected H to take off from there but he asked D who she wanted to ride with back to the house. She picked him and he came back for another hour and a half. All in all in was fairly decent.
THis would be nice if this was the case. Too bad he is working so hard to convince himself though.
My H tried VERY hard, too, SW. Almost daily.
I actually thought yesterday at work I am going to spend the evening cleaning, that will be an interesting 180 if H walks in and it is spotless(please now my house is not a disgusting mess, it just isn't like his mom's perfect place) But then I got home and after everything was said and done i wasn't feeling to bright and sunny so I decided to pull out my exercise bike and exercise for the first time since the bomb.
Exercise is always a good thing.
My house isn't a cluttered pigsty either (I've received confirmation of this from both my MIL and SIL, even way before H moved back in and was complaining about things being messy), but to let H tell it, you'd think my house was a chaotic he** of pure filth!
Its funny though
when I got home the same guy who was so concerned about the house had left the bread open on the counter and the melba toast box out, crumbs everywhere. He was in a good mood at that point and so was I so I asked where my phone was so I could send him a mean text saying close the bread! He laughed.
LOL! Touche.
Reminds me of a similar interaction with my H shortly after he moved back in. One day he was complaining about me spending money on a cup of coffee from Starbucks (I go there about twice a week). His snide remark while walking away with his back to me, "Great. I guess I should start investing in Starbucks. I could make a LOOOOOOTTA money doing that."
A few days later, H and his coworkers were here. H came inside asking me if I needed anything from the store because he was about to go on another beer run. Also said he might get a lotto ticket. "It'd be nice to win millions instantly," (or something close to that). I said, "No, we can just load up on stock in Anheiser(sp?)-Busch, Corona,.....Uhhh, what other brands do you like?" He looked puzzled at first but then caught on, smiled, and said, "Oh, yeah." He started laughing.
The sooner we work on forgiveness, the sooner we can begin to move forward in a positive direction.
I am trying, I am trying. I have been doing very well for the last week and a half and we have got along great for the most part.
That is good to hear, SW. As you know, I have been failing quite miserably in that dept lately. Gotta let go and stop rubbing his face in past comments he's made. *Whack!*
He's probably thinking if you've got time to play catch, then you've got time to clean house and make sure that D gets her homework done.
This one is more his jealousy creeping in, catch is at lunch at work, he was so concerned last week he near begged me to come home and had nonchalantly worked it into conversation a number of times since.
Ok, and I remember that post. However, I'm thinking it could be both.
He is indeed exhibiting jealous type behavior. BUT he could also be saving fuel for later down the road, for
when and if he sees anything else that is bothering him (unkempt house, D not getting her homework done, etc, etc).
I know it bothered my H whenever I went out while we were S'ed. It upset him to think and/or know that I was possibly with someone else. He was jealous. Oh well, that was HIS problem, not mine.
But it also appeared to him that I didn't care as much about the tidiness of the house or always making sure that things got done. It seemed to him that my going out or whatever was more important to me than anything else. He thought I didn't care about what mattered to him. If I could make time to do other things, I certainly should be able to make the time to do the things that really ought to be done. Even if I didn't feel like it.
Find and take care of the 'annoyances' before your H does. Save yourself from future drama.
Its funny though
when I got home the same guy who was so concerned about the house had left the bread open on the counter and the melba toast box out, crumbs everywhere. He was in a good mood at that point and so was I so I asked where my phone was so I could send him a mean text saying close the bread! He laughed.
My H is always lately very concerned or complaining about the house and he is actually the biggest slob I've ever met! He literally never throws stuff out, drops his clothes wherever, leaves every drawer and cabinet open, etc. When I just cleaned out his old car it probably took me about 10 hours or so and about 6 or 7 trash bags at least (and I'm talking the big lawn trash type). His new used car is getting to that condition as well. The funny thing is he told me he thinks he is a neat person, and I think he actually believes that!
Find and take care of the 'annoyances' before your H does. Save yourself from future drama.
The only problem I have with that is that then I think her H will just come up with some other nitpicky thing, if not the house, then homework, or something else that is not really what is bothering him. You know I've changed everything about myself as my H always said he wanted, work at least a dozen hours on the house now every week, etc. and he still finds stuff to complain about. I think the problem is not in me or what I'm doing or not doing, but in H's head. Karen
The only problem I have with that is that then I think her H will just come up with some other nitpicky thing, if not the house, then homework, or something else that is not really what is bothering him. You know I've changed everything about myself as my H always said he wanted, work at least a dozen hours on the house now every week, etc. and he still finds stuff to complain about. I think the problem is not in me or what I'm doing or not doing, but in H's head. Karen
I didn't mean to imply that if SW took care of these certain tasks, then her H wouldn't find fault anywhere else and she'd be in the clear. These are just some things she can try to tackle. It becomes less fuel for him.
And you're right. Her H, like yours and like mine, would still probably get angry and annoyed by other things, ANYthing. Doesn't matter what because it seems like most WASs tend to do nothing but focus on the 'bad' that happened in the M/R. They REFUSE to see any good that existed, or exists, for too long, again making themselves feel better about their choices of walking out on their families and/or having an A. They're very selfish, remember? Until they come out of their fog (if they ever do), they only care about their own feelings and nobody else's.
I didn't mean to imply that if SW took care of these certain tasks, then her H wouldn't find fault anywhere else and she'd be in the clear. These are just some things she can try to tackle. It becomes less fuel for him.
Yes, I didn't mean to imply one shouldn't try at all or do housework or whatever and work on improving oneself, but just that you can do that, and yes, I think some of our H's will still be unhappy and finding fault with something, anything as you suggest. I still am really working hard on cleaning and organizing the house, and will be painting this week (plan to do a couple of rooms that really need it) and I just bought new living room curtains today, etc., but I also expect that H will still be finding fault with whatever he can find in the house and with kids and pets, you can always be sure to find something!
Karen
Good afternoon all.
Karen - I downloaded my motivated mom's calendar today, gotta go home and clip my D's fingernails! We'll see how that goes. Thanks for the link.
H showed up this morning on his way to work to bring a coffee for me and a doughnut for D. Just brought it in and then was on his way. He called later from work frustrated becuase he couldn't find the files on his disk for his golf league and he is going to have to do up the handicaps from the manual records. I offered to do up the schedule for him, and worked on it quickly then sent it up. He is not that great on computers.
I have a question for everyone. When H moved out he said it would be for a "week or two" to clear his head. That first week I tried to "make him miss me" I was brief on the phone, I only answered important texts and I made myself and D very busy when he tried to set up things to do with us. It was the first week granted but things were very tense between us and it did not seem that he missed us at all, more that he was put off by my "treatment" of him.
Since then I have been more welcoming, I still am not calling or texting first but I do respond, flirt in response ect. He has been around a lot more and we have been getting along very well.
So my question is, is it good that things are going well and we are getting along because this is a way to "shine a light back to my marriage" and I should continue in this path or should I be more distant to make him want to come home because right now he has the best of both worlds?
Keep in mind I have been trying to GAL, I have gone out a few times with friends(to H's dismay) and I am starting my baseball league tomorrow night.
SW,
Keep in mind, I'm not always in the majority opinion around here.
That being said, I think "things going well" and "flirting in response to him" are good things ONLY if he's no longer in contact with the OW. If he's still in contact with her, your making those supplicating moves back towards him are only going to enable him to cake-eat, in my opinion.
Who says HE gets to have all the time he wants to "decide" if he wants you?? Go semi-dark on him, and stop being so nice. Let him miss you. DETACH!!!!
Puppy
SW,
Keep in mind, I'm not always in the majority opinion around here.
That being said, I think "things going well" and "flirting in response to him" are good things ONLY if he's no longer in contact with the OW. If he's still in contact with her, your making those supplicating moves back towards him are only going to enable him to cake-eat, in my opinion.
Who says HE gets to have all the time he wants to "decide" if he wants you?? Go semi-dark on him, and stop being so nice. Let him miss you. DETACH!!!!
Puppy
Actually Puppy I've come to appreciate & agree with most of your advice you know!!!
I actually have ?s for you about this (if you don't mind answering). Since I was depressed you know last year, I kind of think I am practicing a 180 though by acting happy and a little bit friendly for brief periods when I see H. But I basically work on avoiding him whenever possible, when he is at home I am either gone or I'll go upstairs when he's downstairs or go to bed or whatever.
I also have been better about just emailing him re: kids and things I have to (like I broke down & emailed H today his friend the contractor hasn't shown up to finish the tub yet and it's been almost a week since he's been here!). Am I doing this the right way or do you have any suggestions? The last week or 2 he started calling & emailing me more, but he was on a trip the last few days & I've had no emails or calls. (He said it was for work but the fact that I've had no contact from him makes me think OW was prob. on the trip with him).
Karen
Karen - I downloaded my motivated mom's calendar today, gotta go home and clip my D's fingernails! We'll see how that goes. Thanks for the link.
I'm so happy you're trying it out! It's really helped me out a lot esp. when I was starting out, although I've also been doing additional purging & organizing lately trying to get rid of anything I don't really love or need. Post & let me know what you think after you've been doing a bit; I'm curious if others will like it or not!
Karen
SW,
Keep in mind, I'm not always in the majority opinion around here.
That being said, I think "things going well" and "flirting in response to him" are good things ONLY if he's no longer in contact with the OW. If he's still in contact with her, your making those supplicating moves back towards him are only going to enable him to cake-eat, in my opinion.
Who says HE gets to have all the time he wants to "decide" if he wants you?? Go semi-dark on him, and stop being so nice. Let him miss you. DETACH!!!!
Puppy
Actually Puppy I've come to appreciate & agree with most of your advice you know!!!
I actually have ?s for you about this (if you don't mind answering). Since I was depressed you know last year, I kind of think I am practicing a 180 though by acting happy and a little bit friendly for brief periods when I see H. But I basically work on avoiding him whenever possible, when he is at home I am either gone or I'll go upstairs when he's downstairs or go to bed or whatever.
I also have been better about just emailing him re: kids and things I have to (like I broke down & emailed H today his friend the contractor hasn't shown up to finish the tub yet and it's been almost a week since he's been here!). Am I doing this the right way or do you have any suggestions? The last week or 2 he started calling & emailing me more, but he was on a trip the last few days & I've had no emails or calls. (He said it was for work but the fact that I've had no contact from him makes me think OW was prob. on the trip with him).
Karen
Karen,
Re-post that over on your thread, and I'll try to respond tonite. I don't want to hijack Snow White's, and I gotta scoot for my son's baseball game. I'm the COACH, ya know!!! LOL
Puppy
Thanks Puppy! Will do!
Hope your son did well at the game!
Karen
He did, but we lost, 5-4 in EIGHT innings! (our games at this age only go six innings, max). I doubt the boys will be getting up for school tomorrow morning, but we sure gave the fans a great show!!
Puppy
I know it bothered my H whenever I went out while we were S'ed. It upset him to think and/or know that I was possibly with someone else. He was jealous. Oh well, that was HIS problem, not mine.
But it also appeared to him that I didn't care as much about the tidiness of the house or always making sure that things got done. It seemed to him that my going out or whatever was more important to me than anything else. He thought I didn't care about what mattered to him. If I could make time to do other things, I certainly should be able to make the time to do the things that really ought to be done. Even if I didn't feel like it.
Are you the smartest or what? H walks in the door this morning and says, I think maybe instead of playing baseball tonight(my first game) you should cut the grass. He was in a good mood but the comment was still there.
This as last night at 11 I remember to go looking for the jam jar - that still ahd jam on the side of it and scrub it off.
This as last night at 11 I remember to go looking for the jam jar - that still ahd jam on the side of it and scrub it off.
LOL!
Good work, SW.
Just my two cents, but I say go to the game and have FUN!
If you have time, take care of the lawn beforehand. If not, do it as soon as you possibly can. Try not to let it go for more than two days. If that happens, I'm almost 100% certain that you'll hear something about it, and it won't be very pleasant.
Just my two cents, but I say go to the game and have FUN!
If you have time, take care of the lawn beforehand. If not, do it as soon as you possibly can. Try not to let it go for more than two days. If that happens, I'm almost 100% certain that you'll hear something about it, and it won't be very pleasant.
I will be going to the game, hopefully don't make too big of a fool of myself. Can't remember the last time I actually ran - I mean not a little jog but a run. But that's hoping I actually make contact - haven't swung a bat in almost 13 years either.
At least it is a practice game.
I will cut the lawn probably tomorrow after work since I am off at 3. And the start of a 3 day weekend
Go to the game, have fun and don't worry about how you look, just have fun!. Are there any neighborhood boys that want to make a quick $20.00? Maybe you could get someone to cut your lawn for you...if not does your H not know how to operate the lawnmower? I'm frustrated for you about him making comments about the state of your house...mine does it too and sometimes it takes everything I can not to just tell him to mind his own damn business. Not a very helpful thing, so I wouldn't suggest it, I'm just REALLY Grumpy today. Sorry.
Have a great day and enjoy your game!!!! GO SNOW!
I'm back from my game, I had fun, everyone was really nice. I think it will be a good summer.
Hooray! It's going to be a great summer for you!
Glad to hear that you had a good time at the game! Sounds like a great activity for you this summer.
These are quotes from the wellness lady at work that I identified with this past week.
Letting Go
Letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life. ~ Unknown
Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. ~ Sylvia Robinson
Forgiveness
A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain. ~ Rambler
When you forgive, you in no way change the past -- but you sure do change the future." ~ Bernard Meltzer
Responsibility
Look at the word RESPONSIBILITY -response-ability-the ability to choose your response.
Highly proactive people recognize that RESPONSIBILITY. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behaviour. Their behaviour is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.~ Stephen R. Covey
Letting Go
Letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life. ~ Unknown
Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. ~ Sylvia Robinson
Forgiveness
A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain. ~ Rambler
When you forgive, you in no way change the past -- but you sure do change the future." ~ Bernard Meltzer
Responsibility
Look at the word RESPONSIBILITY -response-ability-the ability to choose your response.
Highly proactive people recognize that RESPONSIBILITY. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behaviour. Their behaviour is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.~ Stephen R. Covey
I'm going to print these and hang them on my mirror at home and my desk at work.
Glad you had a good time at your game, you deserve some fun.
I have a question, I actually think it is probably a pretty stupid one, but my concern is that I am instinctually wrong for what I would do in this situation and I want to confirm that doing the opposite of what I want to do is the right choice
Ok, my H the one who moved out almost 5 weeks ago to clear his head for a week is very concerned with what it is I am doing. He doesn't have much of an imagination so he keys in on certain people that I have mentioned at one time or another. I joined a baseball team and last week played catch with a co-worker who is on the team and last night was my first game.
My H has been on this ever since day one, constantly questioning about this coworker(to be honest he is the only one here my age, however, I am not attracted to him physically or personally and would have preferred to be on a different team altogether). When he happens to see me before or after work it is did you wear that for him, ect. Last night I left my phone in the car(as I intend to do every game) and there were 4 texts when I got back about whether or not I was flirting with him and then saying he knew I was lying and had feelings for this guy. So anyways when I did speak to H I simply stated that he is just a guy I work with, nothing else (sound familiar? except its true) I don't talk to him outside of work ect.
So anyways it was this guys day off today, out of the blue he called me 3 times from his cell. I only answered the last one was busy the other 2. Just to say have a nice weekend, hope I had fun at the game, see me Tuesday ect.
So if I had never been through what I have and read as much, and listened to all of you my first instinct would be to mention this to my H out of honesty. I believe that you will all tell me not to, not his business. I also know if I do tell him it will just promote more ridiculous jealousy, but do I want that?
The simple fact of the matter is that this guy does nothing for me and I am not looking for anyone. However, when I met my H it was playing summer ball, I had a boyfriend of 3 years who had broken up with me prior (for another girl) and we had gotten back together but he didn't treat me well. I met H and thought he was the cat's meow. I did not cheat on my boyfriend but I did leave him for H. While I do not want H to believe I would pick up and leave him(as he did me) I think he should be aware that those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
SW,
I think your situation is very different from whatdidIdo's. If, if, IF you are in a committed relationship with your spouse, and neither is currently wayward and you're in the "no-contact/transparency" period, then yes, absolutely -- HARD-CORE HONESTY and I think you would have to tell him about the calls.
Your case is certainly different, and this is what I would recommend:
1) DON'T tell your husband -- he'll only use it for some false sense of moral equivalency, and the fact is that you've done nothing inappropriate anyway.
2) In fact, the next time your husband starts giving you the third degree about your comings and goings (and I believe I may have suggested this to you already?), do NOT engage him on the subject. Simply say "You have no right to expect to get my itinerary from me right now. You left me. If you need to know something about the kids, I'm happy to oblige. Now please don't interrogate me in this manner again, because it's incredibly insulting and I won't tolerate it. Besides, it's paranoid, and -- frankly -- not very attractive." (ooh, us men HATE to get that one!!!)
3) DO tell the OM, "please don't call or text me. I know you're just being nice, and it's all innocent, but I'm trying to work thru a difficult situation with my husband right now, and I just don't need for him to have anything on me that might give ANY appearance of impropriety. It's best for us to keep our communication at work only, and ABOUT work only, and I hope you can respect that."
Short version: let your husband twist in the wind a little, but DO let your friend know that he can't contact you outside of work.
Puppy
Short version: let your husband twist in the wind a little, but DO let your friend know that he can't contact you outside of work.
Puppy
Thanks Puppy, that is the advice I thought I would get so I am glad I asked, cause as I said it is the exact opposite of what I naturally would do.
I actually had to say something to another co-worker as well, this one I actually have not even seen but have emailed. He was a friend of mine when I worked in a differnet office before I moved ot the one I am in now, we had periodically emailed back and forth. At the time I worked there I was 23(and dating my H) he was in his 30's divorced, he had a major crush on me, but I always just thought of him as a friend. He has since remarried and has 2 kids, and is quite happy.
About a month ago (actually about 2 days before H moved out) a mutual friend from that office sent me a random email that cracked me up - I had not talked to her in years and it was just a few inside jokes that she had thought of that reminded her of me. So I in turn thought of him and another girlfriend from the office and send them each an email. This resulted in breif explanations of where my life was at(as really I had almost been in hiding).
Anyways what was an email every month or two to check in all of a sudden turned into 20 or more a day from this man, at first it was ok because as you can see I love to talk but then I started feeling almost uncomfortable. He said nothing inappropriate, other than very firmly believing I should get a divorce, but it kind of made me feel odd that every morning the first thing he did when he got to work was email me. And then immediately back with any response as if he was just sitting there waiting. This is how my H's EA started, concern for his coworker.
So I didn't say don't contact me because really he is just being a friend but instead I asked him if he had told his wife about my situation. He said yes that a friend at work was having trouble and that he would email me. I said ok, I'm really glad, I think maybe I am overly sensitive, because even before anything ever happened with H if I had seen that he was sending 20 or 30 emails a day to any woman I would have been concerned(I didn't even mention, one that you told half the world you were in love with at one point). Since then he has not emailed me back. He said oh she is not overly jealous - but he has not emailed again, and I am good with that.
Last night my SIL called and invited D for a sleepover, I then had time to cut the grass and went to a movie - What happens in Vegas. Is it me or can I get DB principles from every hollywood love story there is?
First time I ever went to a movie alone, it wasn't so bad. Only thing is a picked that one because I got there at 9:30 and I thought it started in 10 min but it didn't start until 10:05 so it is a long wait sitting there by yourself, particularly when you are ignoring the texts that are coming in(which I successfully did).
Responded to H's texts on the way home in the car just to let him know I was ok and home. The last text he had sent came in right before the movie was over(I wasn't looking just saw the time later) must be having a good time, can't even respond to your HUSBAND. Hmmm, is that what he calls himself? Haven't heard that in a long time.
I must have been sleeping sound this morning because he came in my room and I guess had already been here showered ect, usually I can tell if someone pulls in the driveway never mind actually comes in the house. Seems every time I go out I get fresh coffee in the morning(gotta make sure no one else is here) that is a bonus, I love my Timmie's coffee.
H told me last night that he was on vacation from June 8 - 14. and asked if that is when the golf vacations were. I don't even know what to think of that question. (I had quite a while back sent an email to myself from myself(because I know H snoops) and then deleted it and left it in the sent that said "Hey H we should do this, we really need to get away and spend some time alone" attached to the specials that I had gotten from a golf course in MI) He of course "found it" in my sent.
Sitting at home, Saturday of the long weekend, typing on the computer. Wow the life of my dreams :-)
This is all very confusing. I started thinking back over the days and realized that H has been here every single morning since Tuesday - the day he watched D. He will show up before work just to say hi, bring a coffee, and be here between 5 and 10 minutes. As cheap as coffee is H's budget is very tight(since I still am getting his pay) and he is spending this extra each day for no particular reason.
He came tonight after he got off work and stayed for dinner. He said he will be over again tomorrow morning(the only day we all spend as a family). He asked again about the golf packages and if I wanted to go on his vacation in June. Then he said maybe we can ask his parents if they want to go with us.
If they can't maybe J&L or P&J.
This is very odd since H has out right avoided everyone particularly our couple friends which are the last 2 sets.
He is noticing the difference in the house too, doesn't say much but I can tell. He said do you do this cleaning from your book? I said did you think that book was dumb? He claimed not to have looked at it....H how did you know I had a book then?
Then as he was leaving tonight he said, "Do you think you might want to play catch tomorrow?"
"Yes, that would be nice"
It is killing me not to ask any q's, but I guess those are the rules.
Yeah, them's the rules. And if it makes you feel any better, Snow White, I'm sitting here too on a Saturday night, just smoking a good cigar and enjoying a glass of Shiraz on my pool deck, on yet another sexless evening. :o(
Puppy
No that doesn't make me feel better that actually sounds wonderful.
Except for the no sex part but hey, the rest sounds fine!
So you'll come have a cigar with me then??
I'd sit by the pool, have drinks and enjoy the smell of the cigar.
What do you enjoy drinking??
My wife complains about the smell of cigars, even very good ones. Then again, she complains about a LOT of things . . .
Hi Snow White....we are here together in the same boat! Last night I went to the movies alone for the first time in my life. I saw Narnia 2. It was SOOOOO good. It just made me sad that H was'nt there to see it with me, since we both love the Narnia series. It was a little uncomfortable sitting there alone while waiting for the movie to start, I agree. I got some popcorn and didn't have to share! But once the movie started, it wasn't so bad at all. I am glad that I went.
But here I am on a Saturday night, working again on my webpage and just goofing off on the computer. I am running out of money, so can't afford to go anywhere. I get paid next week but only have enough for the things I need (food and gas) until then.
Hang in there...you are doing well.
Sara
Ahhh, a THREESOME!!! Every man's fantasy . . .
I don't sign on DB for one Sat evening and look what I'm missing
SW, Haven't commented on you sitch for a while, but I've been following along. Isn't it funny how the waywards don't want to be with you, but don't want you to be with anyone else either? In my sitch OM got insanely jealous of a couple of TM's she got from a guy she works with. He checked her cell phone bill and did some on line search and found out who it was. And OM went balastic. The friend is African-American and OM is the most racist pig around. He started calling OMW all kinds of names and was talking about her F'ing the N. You get the picture. And here's the kicker. OMW does taxes on the side and was doing this co-worker's taxes and just needed a couple of additional pieces of info. That's another thing that bothers me about the mess I'm in. Not so much anymore, but while WW was in the middle of the affair I could tell her attitude had changed some when it came to minorities. And it made me sick. We've always brought up our kids to be accepting of all races/cultures and I could see some of OM's attitudes creeping in and I wanted to puke.
What's all that mean? I get the impression that waywards think because they don't have any morals, no one else does either. I like Pup's suggestion. If your H starts getting jealous, I would just tell him that he gave up the right to be checking up on who you're talking to/spending time with when he moved out, but that YOU respect your martial vows and will continue to do so.
Ahhh, a THREESOME!!! Every man's fantasy . . .
Damn it, and to think I went to bed cause I was bored!
It was a little uncomfortable sitting there alone while waiting for the movie to start, I agree. I got some popcorn and didn't have to share! But once the movie started, it wasn't so bad at all. I am glad that I went.
Its funny you say that about the popcorn, I always get the medium bag and we bring half home, I almost ate half before the movie started because I felt like I needed to be "doing" something. I'm glad that I went too. I actually considered seeing Narina because I have been following your thread and at least I would have someone to discuss it with. It didn't start till 10:30 though so I didn't want to be driving home that late.
I don't sign on DB for one Sat evening and look what I'm missing
What's all that mean? I get the impression that waywards think because they don't have any morals, no one else does either. I like Pup's suggestion. If your H starts getting jealous, I would just tell him that he gave up the right to be checking up on who you're talking to/spending time with when he moved out, but that YOU respect your martial vows and will continue to do so.
Hey H4U can't believe it took a threesome discussion to draw you to my thread!
Thanks for the advice. I think my H has always been slightly jealous, except for I never, ever did anything on my own. Not because he wouldn't let me but because I didn't care to. Before this all went down on occasion he would bring up things from 10 years ago once when I had to stay late in a lab at school and once when I went out with my slutty SIL and that he wonders what happened. I think what you are saying about morals is correct I think he thinks since he hurt me I have the right to do the same and he is afraid of that. However, I have more respect for myself than that, and my own morals are outside of anything he does or has done.
Ahhh, a THREESOME!!! Every man's fantasy . . .
Damn it, and to think I went to bed cause I was bored!
Boy, did you miss out.... your loss!!! hahahahahah