The Mommy Madness Mistake

The Mommy Madness Mistake

Child Centric Moms and its Effect on Marriage Satisfaction

The Mommy Madness Mistake - Marriage Satisfaction and Children Centric Moms

I have specialized in work with couples teetering on the brink of divorce for nearly three decades and the vast majority of these couples suffer from “mommy madness” and the inevitable by-product, “daddy deadness”. In short, mothers- even working mothers- often devote themselves entirely to the well-being of their children. These marriages are child-centric. Although devoted motherhood is a good thing, there can be diminishing returns, if after dance class, soccer practice, gourmet dinners, homework monitoring and last minute cookie baking for the fundraiser, leaves mommy with nothing left to give her hubby. That’s when a gentle touch on her shoulder or a pat on her butt, rather than be a source of excitement or enticement, becomes a burden. “Who wants to be touched after being tugged on, held, or nursed all day long,?” seems to be The Mommy Mantra.

What happens to men when marriages are child-focused? They feel left out and begin to bail out emotionally. They immerse themselves in work. They find all-encompassing hobbies. They prefer spending time with their male buddies. They philander. And because they don’t always handle rejection maturely or directly, they act out- they become passive-aggressive about housework, they come home late for dinner without notice, they watch t.v. with no end, they stop participating as partners. Then, unfortunately and ironically, the more men withdraw, the more mommies mommy. They begin to grow apart and become two ships passing in the night until one spouse announces, “I love him/her, but I’m not in love anymore.” Surprise, surprise.

The best way to avoid the mommy madness mistake is to remember that the single best thing you can do for your children is to put your marriage first. Scheduling time together for dates, nightly conversations and time to share- regardless of your children’s demands- is one surefire way to keep the marriage strong. Keeping passion alive- flirting, making love, touching- is another important ingredient to maintaining a strong bond. Children are sponges, watching their parents’ every move. Teach the importance of love through creating a loving marriage. This, rather ballet, painting, gymnastics or guitar lessons- is the most important lesson children will ever learn.

Michele Weiner Davis is the creator of the Divorce Busting Centers, learn more on how you can solve marriage problems and stop divorce and recover from infidelity. Follow me on Twitter @divorcebusting, add my Divorce Busting Facebook Page, and subscribe to the Divorce Busting YouTube Videos for more advice and upcoming marriage saving events.

About mwd27

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together. She is the author of seven books including her best-selling books, DIVORCE BUSTING: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido. Michele's work has been featured in major newspapers such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, and magazines such as Time, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Essence, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Woman's Day, Men's Health, New Woman, and McCall's. Michele is a marriage expert on Redbook's advisory board, and She has made countless media appearances on shows such as Oprah, 48 Hours, 20/20, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, CBS Evening News, CNN, and Bill O'Reilly. Michele's Keeping Love Alive program aired on PBS stations nationwide. She recently completed a reality based show for the BBC about helping couples save their marriages. Michele maintains that her true expertise in helping couples have great relationships is derived from first-hand experience. She and her husband have been married for more than thirty years.
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  • Jennifer Ingram Hendrick

    I feel a little guilty for admitting I’m not this kind of mom. At least not from what I can tell… Maybe I was in the beginning, when they were babies and that’s what began the long process that led to his infidelity. Maybe he was ‘running from’ being a father. Children are all-consuming, that’s for sure.

  • Shane Zako


  • Jose Diaz

    I am a victim of that. I think

  • Mommy Madness Mistake : Eryn-Faye Frans | Canada’s Passion Coach

    [...] Michele Weiner Davis, an internationally renowned author and therapist, does a brilliant job summing up the perils of an all consuming focus on your children in this article. [...]

  • Anonymous

    Another stunt I love is where the wife shows up at work with the kiddies in tow, whining and causing u00a0a commotion, where she thinksu00a0everybodyu00a0is going to SWOON over the little screamers racing the halls while the workers are trying talk to clients. u00a0Way to score points with the coworkers, and appear as a work-shirker, and again, it shows she doesn’t want to truly be alone with him BUT appear like she “does”.nnA better move for the wife…show up at END of shift looking foxy, with something fun arranged and DITCH the kiddies in babysitting swap.

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