First I apologize if I seem to be rambling, but there is a bunch to type and will just type as it comes to me.
Not much change. XW continues to see OM and sleep with him.
She has seemed to be trying to be nice lately, but not sure why.
Last week, I called her phone to speak with S25. She complained and said: "oh, you'll talk to someone else on my phone, but won't talk to me."
She has complained to S17 that I ignore her.
About a week before Christmas, she sent a nasty text telling me that I was a pathetic pig and a piece of sh!t. Three days later, she made me Chrismas cookies. WTF?????? When I asked her why, she said it was a new year and she was trying to be nice. When I asked her why she would want to make cookies for a pathetic pig, she denied calling me that.
I've noticed that lately she'll use phrases like:
"I (fill in the blank) like I said I would."
I'm going to (fill in the blank) like I said I would."
We hardly talk at all.
She went ahead and blocked me on FB. She told S17 it was because she didn't want to see stuff about "my relationship." (More on that later.)
S19 has nothing to do with her at all. She posted a bunch of stuff on his FB about me and he gave it right back to her. I hate the way he feels about his mother, but really can't blame him. They are his feelings and I can't change them. He actually sent her a text a few weeks ago. It took her hours to respond. When she finally did, she sent a message to him saying: "so, how does it feel to be ignored?" I couldn't believe that she wrote that to her own son.
I get the feeling that maybe just maybe she is starting to see some of the damage she has done.
She still feels that she is entitled to everything.
She has made the comment a few times to our boys that she may have to move because she can't afford to live where she is because she has to pay support to me. (Again, this is all my fault.)
Kids still refuse to meet OM, but S25 has. He says that OM is extremely geeky. Chubby and bald....
In the past, she has accused me of brainwashing our kids against her. I have since learned that she has told our boys that she heard from numerous people that I cheated on her years ago. She says that she never mentioned it to me because she didn't have proof. She has no proof because it NEVER happened!!!!! But I ask, now who is doing the brainwashing? As God as my witness, I was always faithful to her and NEVER cheated on her. It really bothered me when I heard that.
I think she may be bi-polar. She changes from day to day.
Overall, I am happy........or atleast getting there.
I've finally moved into my new place and love it. I can decorate it how I want and do what I want to do with it. It is mine! Wow, I'm starting to sound like an MLCer!
Moving out of the house really helped me a lot. I no longer have to see her in every room.
I have a huge master bedroom and a nice fireplace. The neighborhood is nice too.
My bad days don't come as often and don't seem to be as bad as they were.
Sometimes I do still get an overwhelming feeling of disbelief.
Eric (a very wise man) told me once that I will eventually get to a point where I don't givea f*ck what she is doing. Well, I do still give a f*ck, but not as much as I did.
I think I am finally getting past the sadness. Now, it is more anger towards her and what she has done. Even that though isn't as bad as it has been.
I'm hanging onto my job by a thread. I had to take some time off to get moved and to take care of doctor's appointments. I shouldn't need anymore time off for a while though.
Things are tight money-wise, but will get better once I get caught up on things.
I don't really miss XW as much as I used to. There are times though that something will remind me of her. I'm sure she has those moments too whether she wants to admit it or not.
I broke things off with the woman I was seeing from my work but........I am dating someone. The only thing is, I'm 44. She is 25. XW has a really big problem with her age. I started seeing her in mid December. Not sure if it will get serious, but who knows. We have fun.
I can still look back over the events of the last year and see the craziness. I actually see more of it now than I did. She really is an alien.
Some may disagree with the dating thing, but I just can't wait around forever for something that may or may not happen.
Do I love XW? Yes.
Do I want her back? I don't know.
Could I take her back? Not sure about that either.
Anyways, that is pretty much it for me. I'm sure there is more, but I'm pressed for time and can't think of it all right now.
I'll try to come back and post more often now that I am moved and settled in.
Thanks for everything.
Currently: M 49 XW 50 Sons 30,26,24,22
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13