Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
explain this a little more:

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In our relationship she would often lay there and refuse me if the foreplay and the role playing wasn't just so.


what kind of roleplaying was she demanding?

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What she tells me now is that she's learned that her affair partner has some uncontrollable ethereal "something" she cant put into words that makes her crazy about him sexually.


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when she told you this what did you do?

and after she told you this. you continued to listen to "problems" with the other man?


Hi Steve, Thanks for your thoughts.

Suffice to say, she was very particular about how sex should be innitiated. She enjoyed role play, I was open minded but I didn't take it seriously enough for her I guess. Gradually, getting her in the mood became a complete mystery and she stopped being very cooperative about it. I've read SSM and I think I have a good handle on how that happened and have ideas on how to overcome this, but it would require her to compromise which is sort of moot with the current sitch. I certainly take my share of responsibility for the emotional disconnection which impacted our sex life.

When she told me that about her attraction to OM I honestly don't remember what I said. She told me that was the ONLY thing about our marriage she thought might be beyond repair. I think it was over the phone and I just sort of told her that was a horrible thing to tell me and told her I didn't believe sex was an insurmountable issue for us. But yeah that was devastating to hear. I LATER shared with her in writing that I felt she was confusing the newness of her relationship with him with something that would last. And again later in writing explained some of the issues I uncovered through reading. That time (this was more recent) she replied to say that she was glad I had worked so hard to figure out what happened and seemed to agree with me. But she didn't explicitly say whether or not she'd changed her mind about our sex potential. Not surpising because I think she's trying to keep all her cards hidden and her options open even if she's starting to see the sense I've made.

Again I think the "listening to her problems about OM" angle is getting overblown. She's only mentioned problems with him twice to me during late night hysterical phone calls, during which I had reason to believe she was a danger to herself.
_________________________
Age: 28
Wife's Age: 28
Relationship: 10 Years (dated on and off)
Married: Less than one year
Seperated: 1.75 years, finally served with D 4/30/2011