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HH sorry to hear that. It sounds like a roller coaster, lots of confusing signals.

My kneejerk reaction - it sounds like you are going in with expectations (don't have any) and that you may be pursuing. Who is scheduling the MC? What is discussed? Sounds like she has a united front around her against you and she may need space to find out what she wants. I recognize that it's been months - has she said what she really wants?

Sounds like her mother is a real piece, immediately getting into it with you and her grandson's practice. It says a lot more about her than you, kudos for being the bigger person.

I hate to hear what you are going through. You probably did it but remember to be positive in all interactions. You will be successful and happy regardless of her choice.


M(35), W(35), D(4)
M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019
W moved out Aug 13
House sold Sept 25
Papers signed Nov 15
Divorce finalized Dec 12
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Thanks Crd!

Yes it is a rollercoaster!

I am trying not to have expectations, but I am going in with what I need. When I don’t see that happening, then I’m not going anymore. Yes I do think I am pursuing and that needs to stop. It’s weird because when I stop pursuing, I don’t really thinks he knows what to do. She is always very nice to me when she thinks I’m done, which is why I said what I said and did what I did.

She found the MC and she schedules it all. With our finances split right now, she pays for the MC totally. I don’t pay anything. The doctor said he wanted her to drop the divorce and just let him work with us in our firstborn session, but she hasn’t yet. We talk about our relationship and why she is so angry at me. It’s always her feelings because she’s the one that has the issues. We very rarely talk about our son or parenting.

Yes she has a very united front. They do not and will not leave her alone. I believe that my wife might even take her mother to work with her! It’s weird. They don’t give her a chance to miss me.

What do you mean has she said what she really wants? She has told me in therapy several times that if she had to make her decision right now it would be to divorce. Then other times she will say she just doesn’t know what she wants. She also flip flops and will say in one MC session she doesn’t know if she will ever forgive me, then the next one she says she forgave me a while ago.

She just flip flops on everything. It’s very frustrating!

Her mother is very overbearing. It’s her way or the highway. I feel her parents only see things their way and won’t look at anything else.

I hope that answers your questions. I would love to get as much feedback on my questions and answers as possible. If for any other reason, maybe someone on here can continue to motivate me to want to continue to want my marriage.

Thank you! I am trying to be supporting, nice and kind.

Originally Posted by crdcheck
HH sorry to hear that. It sounds like a roller coaster, lots of confusing signals.

My kneejerk reaction - it sounds like you are going in with expectations (don't have any) and that you may be pursuing. Who is scheduling the MC? What is discussed? Sounds like she has a united front around her against you and she may need space to find out what she wants. I recognize that it's been months - has she said what she really wants?

Sounds like her mother is a real piece, immediately getting into it with you and her grandson's practice. It says a lot more about her than you, kudos for being the bigger person.

I hate to hear what you are going through. You probably did it but remember to be positive in all interactions. You will be successful and happy regardless of her choice.


Last edited by HrtHsbnd; 09/06/19 03:31 AM.
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I would love a reply.

I feel like I haven’t been getting any responses lately and I really need some help!

Last edited by HrtHsbnd; 09/06/19 11:34 AM.
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H,

You are breaking a lot of DB rules. You are pursuing, trying to have relationship talks, being passive aggressive and initiating weird behavior (shake her hand? Really). Are you a control freak? I sense that in your posts. You accuse her mother of not giving her the chance to miss you when in reality you don't give her the chance.

It's now uncommon for WW to initiate MC so they can say they tried everything. Many times they end up being about communication or coparenting. (Read Uichens thread).

What's the longest you have gone without contact?

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We have to talk every day because of webchat.

Do you think she is a WW or a WAW? Everyone that knows us says she’s not cheating, including our MC who sees her separately. They all think I’m crazy for thinking it.

I am trying not to pursue, just be done. But I don’t know what that looks like.

Can you explain to me why shaking her hand is weird behavior? It’s not like I tried to hug her, I was trying to be businesslike.

As far as MC, why is it just about coparenting and communication? I’m not interested in that at all. If it’s done, I want to be done with her and talk through the lawyers.

I never accused her mother of anything in person, just here.

Originally Posted by LH19
H,

You are breaking a lot of DB rules. You are pursuing, trying to have relationship talks, being passive aggressive and initiating weird behavior (shake her hand? Really). Are you a control freak? I sense that in your posts. You accuse her mother of not giving her the chance to miss you when in reality you don't give her the chance.

It's now uncommon for WW to initiate MC so they can say they tried everything. Many times they end up being about communication or coparenting. (Read Uichens thread).

What's the longest you have gone without contact?



New Thread:

Deciding When To Move On

Last edited by job; 09/06/19 12:36 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
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