Ladies I think in addition to the CAGD shirts we need I am an Enabler as well. These men have chose to leave us and their families. Why are we still doing stuff for them? I laughed mine right in the face when he offer me two hundred dollars to write his report. What the ever loving crap??!! Um no just no. You fired me as your wife. How dare you diminish my intelligence like that. I would have considered helping if he'd asked for HELP but he just wanted me to bail him out.
Allison I know you care about H. BUT caring about and for are two very different things. Your husband is grown. Does he take care of you when your sick? I doubt it. Mine really doesnt. I will occasionally get help if its really bad but basic cold nope mama is on her own. AND your H moved out! I don't want to beat you up about it because it over and done now but in the furure leave him to his own devices. He's sick not dying.
Dilly paying his rent is the illusion of control. I think you are ultimately hoping he'll appreciate you helping him. And you are hoping for respect. Consideration. All thats really happening is you are enabling him. HE wanted to move out right? Why are you helping him? Kids live with you right? My H lives in the "ghetto" because it's close to work and cheap. Its not terrible but not great either. I dont worry about the kids being there because my H has established his place as crazy a$$ army guy. But I am still getting the majority of the pay to support HIS family.
We deserve better behavior ladies. From them and from OURSELVES.
You are right. Writing and talking about it is getting you nowhere. That's why I'm picky about my IC sessions. I have friends to talk to that are free (I just have to rotate them so I don't overwhelm them!)
Action is what is required, and you are now fully able to stop enabling, supporting, or 'being there' for him. Right now you have it in you. It just takes you believing that GAL/GD is good for you and has nothing to do with H. Not doing it to bring him around, or back. Just doing it because YOU need too.
You sound as is you are realizing more and more about yourself. That's growth and it's great! Don't stall out now!!
x
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
