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kas99 Offline OP
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What worries me is he has no reason to come back. He left because of me. Obviously everyone says kids won't factor into his decision nor will money. I think he's just biding his time until the lease is up. My 13 year old is sick of living in limbo too. I had nothing to do with this and I just found out but she's been pushing him to get off the fence. She's like if we're moving lets move NOW before school starts. She has a point. Originally this was what I wanted too but now of course I'm staying out of it. If we move during school than that's on him. She complains that he isn't doing anything and knows if he gets a permanent place to live then we won't be in limbo anymore.

My 16 year old said the same thing that the waiting is the hardest part.

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Hi Kas,

he is as confused as you are. Don't get too worried about anything he says or does. Just stop pursuing him so the pressure is off. Take this time to make yourself a better, stronger person.

For now, the grass is just the grass. He cut it? Great. If it bothers you so much, you can always cut it yourself right?


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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kas99 Offline OP
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I stopped pursuing him within a week of him leaving. He was so mean that I lost interest in touching the hot stove again. Guess this was a blessing. I’m already struggling as a single mom so I’m grateful this is one thing off my plate. Some days I’m drowning trying to do it all by myself. Engineering project? Sure. College applications and registration. Again me. Invite all your friends over? The more the merrier. I’ll make homemade pizza because you know gotta save up for that new apartment or attorney fees.

Other than moments of sadness I am a better stronger person than I was 3 months ago. I became strong because my kids need at least one parent. I got better because you know wake up call.

My posts here reflect what I’m feeling at the moment. Today I’m ok. Staying up all night with my kids to watch the premiere of stranger things season 3. I am an awesome mom now. I wasn’t before he left. I’m proud of myself.

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Originally Posted by kas99
I stopped pursuing him within a week of him leaving. He was so mean that I lost interest in touching the hot stove again. Guess this was a blessing. I’m already struggling as a single mom so I’m grateful this is one thing off my plate. Some days I’m drowning trying to do it all by myself. Engineering project? Sure. College applications and registration. Again me. Invite all your friends over? The more the merrier. I’ll make homemade pizza because you know gotta save up for that new apartment or attorney fees.

Other than moments of sadness I am a better stronger person than I was 3 months ago. I became strong because my kids need at least one parent. I got better because you know wake up call.

My posts here reflect what I’m feeling at the moment. Today I’m ok. Staying up all night with my kids to watch the premiere of stranger things season 3. I am an awesome mom now. I wasn’t before he left. I’m proud of myself.


You should be proud of yourself. I am stronger now too, but I have setbacks every day. But everyday I keep getting stronger and stronger. I am becoming an even better person, and I am slowly learning to create my own happiness. I have focused so much of my life creating a happy family that I forgot how to make myself happy outside the family. This is a real struggle for me, but I am working on it every day.

Keep up the good work. Your kids do need a strong mom!!


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kas99 Offline OP
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Stayed up until 7am to watch an entire season of stranger things. Before he left? Would never have done this because was too focused on HIM that I forgot I was a mom too. I’ve had major setbacks but thankfully the universe stepped in before I did something incredibly stupid. There are triggers and moments when I want to text something important then I remember we aren’t together anymore. 30 years together and now I’m here where I thought I’d never be.

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kas99 Offline OP
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Strange thing is i have a 50% chance he will try again. Men come back more than women. We have 30 years of history, he will be fine financially but not for another 3 years, he loves his kids and is distraught over them. I think limbo is the hardest part. The kids have also said waiting is the worst part. Once he decides we will have to move.

I believe he is on the fence because of what the kids have told me. He can’t figure out how to cut me out and have the kids still like him. He thought they’d support his decision because I’m “crazy”. Instead they chose me.

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Hi Kas. Just wanted to reach out again to a fellow mom & say you're doing great. (I'm watching Stranger Things S3 too; no spoilers please! ..lol.. just me watching my d is 3).

Nice to find another mom on here. Unfortunately we're here. I too struggle with a H sitch. My bathroom mirror has inspirational quotes all over it to help bring me up. A lot of them I've pulled from this site.

I've always been a "live one day at a time" kind of person. Feel free to lean on another momma if you need it. This forum is the only place I truly share. What gets you through the rough moments? How is it with older kids?


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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kas99 Offline OP
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My teenagers help me get through rough spots. All three of them have taken on these roles within our new family to survive the most horrific thing any of us has been through. My 16 year old daughter has disowned him (this is killing him). She clings to me and we spend a lot of time together now. My 19 year old son is the wise one, the truth teller, keeps me grounded in the moment. My 13 year old daughter is sick of limbo so she pushes my husband daily to get off the fence by forcing him to find a permanent place. Her child logic is once he commits to that we will know what our future holds. I can’t tell her any different because it will get back to him and then he takes it out on her.

Divorce with older kids is a risk. My husband didn’t see that they would essentially disown him. 2 barely see him (their choice) and 1 won’t talk to him at all. He pursues her a lot. Yesterday he sent her this huge bouquet of flowers and a card. hey I’m sorry I walked out on you here’s some flowers. She sees him as pathetic and stupid. She’s done and he isn’t getting it. The more he pushes the further away she goes. She’s done unless he comes back.

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kas99 Offline OP
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Once he gets a permanent place we will have to move. If he goes to the trouble of splitting us all up and putting us in crappy apartments. He’s done

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Am at the hospital with my 16 year old, the one that won’t speak to my husband. This day started in the ER and she didn’t want him to know. It ended with a transfer to a children’s hospital so I told him. I told him she won’t talk to him so he waited outside. I kept him updated but he’s so angry. I don’t know him anymore. The nurses here were confused so me and my 2 daughters were talking bad about him like we always do. He honed in on mine saying he had some hope and now he has none. It’s crap though because he was pissed off before he got here. He snapped at our 13 year old.

I try so hard to stay away from him and yet this is 2nd bad thing that has thrown us together in 1.5 months. Why? Why must I be tortured like this? I have zero reasons to talk to him unless it’s an emergency. 2 emergencies? Really? Why why why. He’s so angry so very angry. Today yes I screwed up but it wouldn’t have mattered. He says he has seen no changes yet we never see each other. By changes he means our 16 year old talking to him. That’s why I say this is crap. He’s angry because we spoke the truth. By vilifying me he doesn’t have to look in the mirror. I’ve looked in the mirror and I am changing for the better. He has turned into someone I don’t know

I think we are done.

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