Fly, I think you did really well in the boiler conversation not to get defensive or reactive. I know how hard that is for me and in those circumstances I don't think I could have done it.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/11/1911:00 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
The boiler is working !!! Pressing that darn reset button managed to kick start it (who would though that would happen when a press a button marked RESET)
Very little contact with H. He turned up unexpectedly on Wednesday morning and was surprised to see me home. Apparently he came to walk our dog. I think he has made a copy of the bottom lock key (I only gave him a key for the top lock) as I accidentally left a spare set of keys out when he had the girls Tuesday. Urghhh
That's it in terms of contact. A few texts, a quick chat on the phone today about D12's counselling session.
I wonder if I have "dropped the rope". I don't think so, but my grip on it is no longer as tight. I remember writing some time back that I would know I was moving on way after I had actually moved on, and I think that is true. I don't think about him nearly as much and the lovingly detached comes naturally. I don't double and triple think every action, I text when I want to, I respond straight away if I see a text come through, and not if I don't. I call if i need something urgently. I send pics and he sends pics of the children. The thought process is gone.
Sure, it still hurts from time to time and I still very much want to reconcile, but those thoughts are in the background instead of constantly replaying in the foreground.
I have not gone on anymore dates or indeed, engaged with any of the men who have contacted me on the OLD. It is just too much effort. I am going to dinner and to a comedy club with the scientist tomorrow night (i seriously think I am at risk of falling for him) and to dinner with the single dad next week (as a way of convincing myself I am NOT falling for the scientist).
Last edited by Cadet; 06/14/1912:10 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
LOL... glad the boiler is working again! I always feel most proud of myself when I fix something or get it working without the help of my XH or any man TBH. In danger of falling for the young guy you didn’t think was viable? Hmmm...where have I heard that before? . I think maybe you and I are leading parallel lives FS. Go out with him and have fun. That’s what everyone told me to do...lol. Seems like sound advice to me. (((HUGS)))
Even if you do fall for the scientist, there are lots of ways to make a good relationship. Perhaps you'll always live apart, or have a long term casual arrangement that suits you both, or a very intense, healing and friendly fling. The world is your oyster!
P.S I think it's OUTRAGEOUS he's had a key cut. You're a very calm and patient woman.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/14/1912:27 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Getting the key cut is outrageous, if he has actually had one cut. I don't know TBH, and it is unlikely he will tell me. I am going to turn the camera on the driveway back on just to make sure. I've worked out how to turn it back on without him being on the account. If he has gotten a key cut, I will be getting a new lock put in.
Yep, definitely falling for the non-viable scientist. We had our second date last night. Dinner, live comedy followed by drinks and dancing. We ended up spending the night together - we made it through one drink after the show. It was awkward at first, seeing him again. We have only met once + shared a ton of messages so neither of us were sure what the etiquette would be when we met again. But once we'd got over the initial awkwardness, it was like catching up with an old friend who you haven't seen in a while. The words flowed. It is very strange and I had to keep reminding myself that this was only our second date.
Anyway, H was supposed to have the girls overnight at his but I got a text last night saying if I was going to be late or away then could he have the girls at the house instead. He also needed me to take D12 to her theatre group at 10 as he was taking D9 to an all day netball tournament. For many reasons it made sense for him to stay at the house, and if I had not rushed back to take D12 then she would not have been able to go, but a part of me still feels like this is him trying to control my life.
Hmmm if I were to engage in the mind reading I’m trying really hard to quit, I’d say your H was def trying to find out what you were up to. Unless this is the kind of thing you all do sometimes, that feels like might sense that you have other places to be at night and wanted to find out for sure...
Last edited by job; 08/15/1912:46 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
. I think maybe you and I are leading parallel lives FS. Go out with him and have fun. That’s what everyone told me to do...lol. Seems like sound advice to me. (((HUGS)))