Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 10 1 2 8 9 10
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 773
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by CSL
Originally Posted by AlisonUK
I think you're right - he's seeking reassurance that you still need him. He wants to know you still look to him to have your emotional needs met. I think Hurt213's suggestion is spot on - you don't have to argue the toss with him about his infidelity, but neither should you participate in a lie or enable his dishonesty. I hope you are feeling okay today.


Thank you Alison. I am doing well today. Right now I just feel done. It's such a roller coaster. One minute I want to save my marriage, the next I'm not so sure. And the truth of it is, I do still need him. But, I do not want to continue a relationship with a lying cheater.

I am not looking forward to H coming home tonight as I know it will be tense and uncomfortable. That might be good for H, I want him to wallow a bit in that uncomfortableness. I have been making it far too easy for him to eat cake.



Why do you need him? Thats codependency. You dont "need" anyone but yourself. You "want" him. Thats perfectly fine. Get yourself to the point where you want yourself to be happy and that no matter ehat, you will do what is necessary to get that. Love yourself first. Take care of yourself first. Better yourself for yourself.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 85
C
CSL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by SoTorn
Originally Posted by CSL
Originally Posted by AlisonUK
I think you're right - he's seeking reassurance that you still need him. He wants to know you still look to him to have your emotional needs met. I think Hurt213's suggestion is spot on - you don't have to argue the toss with him about his infidelity, but neither should you participate in a lie or enable his dishonesty. I hope you are feeling okay today.


Thank you Alison. I am doing well today. Right now I just feel done. It's such a roller coaster. One minute I want to save my marriage, the next I'm not so sure. And the truth of it is, I do still need him. But, I do not want to continue a relationship with a lying cheater.

I am not looking forward to H coming home tonight as I know it will be tense and uncomfortable. That might be good for H, I want him to wallow a bit in that uncomfortableness. I have been making it far too easy for him to eat cake.



Why do you need him? Thats codependency. You dont "need" anyone but yourself. You "want" him. Thats perfectly fine. Get yourself to the point where you want yourself to be happy and that no matter ehat, you will do what is necessary to get that. Love yourself first. Take care of yourself first. Better yourself for yourself.


Thank you So Torn. You are right! I don't need him. And I'm not even so sure I even want him at this point. I do want to be happy. I opened up my own bank account today. I felt empowered. I'm getting my finances in order and planning a summer vacation with my 3 grown children, alone. I've been home sick for the past 2 days, so GAL has been tricky, but I've just been keeping busy and to myself for the most part.

I am really struggling with the patience piece. When I first started to GAL, H's interest was certainly piqued, asking lots of questions, texting, calling, checking in. I immediately got my hopes up until I realized that his interest was more of him ensuring I was still his plan B. Just keeping me on the hook. I continue to let my emotions get the best of me and react. One step forward, 2 steps back (maybe more, haha).

I am concerned for him, he is spiraling. H has an addictive personality, he has struggled with addiction in the past. His behaviors- tobacco, alcohol, porn, and of course, lies- are all increasing lately. I'm sure he hides all of this from OW. But, we have been here before. It got worse before it got better. Perhaps this will be how he hits rock bottom.

Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 85
C
CSL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 85
Feeling a bit down today.

H is off for the day. He is participating in an obstacle race with several members from the gym, including OW, on Mother's Day!! Obstacle races are something he and I used to do together, so it stings even more. I'm trying not to show my H how much this is hurting me today, but he knows. When he signed up for the race he said it didn't feel right b/c it was always "our thing". Hmmmm..... that didn't stop him though. He knocked on my door to wish me a happy MD before he left, and asked me about my day. I said thank you, gave him a quick response and said goodbye. I am so hurt by his actions, I don't even want to look at him. This may be my breaking point.

Today I will visit my mom for a bit, talk to my kids, get some homework done, and have a quiet day to myself. I'm still pretty sick, but I think I will treat myself to some shopping and get out of the house.

I think maybe it is time for him to leave. Time for a physical separation. I can no longer live like this, I need to protect myself emotionally and financially. His spending habits are out of control lately. H seems perfectly happy with our current arrangement, coming and going as he pleases the last few days, checking in with me to ease his guilt so he can feel like a good guy.

At this point, do I approach him and ask him to leave? Give him a deadline? Or wait for him to bring it up again?

Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 85
C
CSL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 85

Page 10 of 10 1 2 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard